Can't escape the way, I love you.

"You didn't forget me, did you?" I heard Sia asking when I and Levin entered the living room of my house. She stood from where she had been laying on the couch, walking towards us. her shoulder-length brown hair is a little bit of a mess, probably because of laying there, she is dressed in a sweatshirt, an oversized one, which must be Levin's. Pair with some shorts.

I gazed at Levin, my forefinger pointing towards her as I asked him- "This is?" he pressed his lips together in an attempt to shut his mouth, not wanting the laughter bubbling in his throat to escape in any way, shrugging. I saw him walking over to the table, he pressed a hand over the top, shifting his body weight on it.

I swiveled my head to face her, her mouth a bit open, brows hunched downwards in offense. laughing, I threw my hands around her shoulder as I side-hugged her. I felt her arms locking over my torso, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I missed you, though." she says. "I didn't though"-

"Brats always will be brats," she said, breaking away from my hold. she spanks my shoulder before making her way toward her partner. I watched as Levin reached out a hand to hold her waist, dragging her closer. she ran a hand through his dark locks, kissing him on his lips. I pried my eyes off of them-

"Well then, I'm going to change, will be down in thirty minutes."

"Kay" it was Levin. must have missed her so much.

...

The glass walls are foggy, just like my mind, covered with steam, water droplets trickling down the surface of the glass. Hot water ran down my body, making it less stiffen, filling my senses with the relief, that my body yearned for, even though I noticed it now.

There's this desperation in me, which I couldn't control, I needed the release. I tossed my head back, shower water kissing my face perfectly, I dragged my fingers through my torso, over my ribs, to the expanse of my chest, to my throat, and it stayed there. Fingers dipping on the skin, scratching it a bit as the thumb grazed the bone of my jaw.

It didn't stop there, wandering more down south, my fingers inching closer and closer to wrap around something, that has been aching—

"Aren't you done yet?" Sia's booming voice from downstairs stilled the movement of my hand.

I cradled my fingers desperately through my face before I turn the shower off. stepping out, I rolled a towel low over my hip.

...

When I came downstairs Levin was sitting on the kitchen island chatting with Sia who's currently serving the dishes on the plates, there's a lovesick smile playing on his face, eyes following every movement of her.

They've been together for more than three years now, Lev is four years younger than her, so am I. It was at Deik's place they met each other for the first time. She's one of Deik's cousins. The one he loved dearly. And she always defended him from everything, literally everything, even from his untold departure.

I know she knows the reason behind his parting, but she kept her mouth shut. I didn't want to force anything out of her, so I remained voiceless.

"How disgustingly whipped can you be, Lev?" I asked playfully. The loudness of my voice break him from his trance. He whipped his head to the way where he heard my sound. Gaze settling on me. Sia laughed while turning sideways to face me.

"Oh, I've seen you being it a lot, though." you have, I've been a lovesick person, who's now sick without the love, though. Funny how things changes.

I miss the way I'd been. I miss the time when all I've been was joyous, I miss the man I was.

"Keyword- seen," I murmured already waddling to them. I saw Sia glaring at him for a moment, he just looked down. he didn't actually intend to say that, I can tell.

"Dinner is ready, let's eat, yea?" Sia asked, a blinding smile adorning her flawless, bare face. she always knows how to handle the situation.

"I heard you saw him" it's Sia again. I didn't look up from my plate as I hummed. there was a moment of silence, it was as if she has something to ask me but was hesitant to do so.

"Did he tell you anything like you know, explaining anything?"

"We didn't talk much."

"So you did talk," she stated.

"That we did," I said, already wanting this conversation to end, but it seems like it had just begun. she doesn't look like stopping anytime soon. I can read in her voice that she has some things to say. "You know, maybe—"

I cut her off by saying "You knew he was coming, didn't you?"

"No! I didn't." the denial was quick.

"How am I supposed to trust you?" shit- I didn't mean it to come out as it did. There was a surprise in her features when I looked up to meet her eyes. then I heard a whisper of my name from Levin.

I felt a palm on the little of my back, which almost made me flinch away, it ran up and down my back in a reassuring manner, calming my nerves. it was him.

"You know, Inn, maybe he has his reason to do what he did at that time. I'm not protecting him, no. but I know him, how much he loved you—" she tried again, but I don't want to hear her bullshits again.

"He wouldn't have gone if the love you're saying is true." I spat, then I heard her sigh followed by Levin's voice saying-

"Leave it there Sia" there's a warning in it. he not so often call her by her name, so it really weirds me out when he does. after that, it was silence throughout the dinner.

...

"I think it's time for me to go see Elvin." Levin took the cigarette from my hand, helping himself with it.

"When was the last time you saw him?" he asked glancing at me.

"you mean?"

"yea."

"umm, maybe five weeks ago?" I said, unsure.

"I've been pushing my limits, I guess. when I saw you two, I felt envious, which I hate. that's when I know how frustrated I actually am."

This is all a put-up show, isn't it Zian? which nerve you actually wanna calm? your fucking loneliness by doing deeds?

A throaty chuckle leaves his slightly chapped rosy lips. looking up at the starry night sky. my eyes roamed over the darkness above my head, lingering over each of the stars. then I heard him talking-

"We haven't done anything in a while, she's been busy with her work you know? too exhausted to do things when she'll finally get home. so I'm kind of deprived too." a chuckle escaped past his lips again.

"What did he tell you?" I stilled, are we talking about him again? I didn't tell him anything about how I felt when I saw him nor about the whole occurrence. Now I can feel this urge, a voice saying in the back of my mind to let everything go, to let whatever the shit I hold there out. So I did. 'cause I needed someone to hold me through this.

"I can't believe I saw him, Lev. it's unimaginable, I- he looked at me in a way which screamed he was longing for this, for that moment. it really caught me off guard. And his eyes were glossy, tears! Lev, there were fucking tears in his eyes." I sputtered over my own words in the rush to let it all out in a single breath. But what I let out was far from this 'all' in my mind. my hands running through my hair like a mad man. I find my vision blurry, a lone drop of a tear sliding over my cheeks to the slope of my chin. I rubbed my face on my shoulder to get rid of it.

"I want him, Lev. I want us to be like how we have been. I want my Deik back. but how am I supposed to forgive him that quickly? if I do, it's gonna be a sin I do to myself!" my voice is rising, making my ears ache.

when I rolled my head to look at him, even though his lips have a smile on it, his eyes were glassy. He was already walking toward me. flailing an arm over my shoulder to bring me close. I reflected the gesture quicker than I thought I would. circling his torso with both my arms.

"Just don't be affected. you've merely become lively again and I don't want him to ruin it for you." I heard him say. nosing over my hair, his arms around my torso tightening.

"No," I whispered, face buried into his shoulder.

"I won't."