When it was all said and done the Trial wasn't as bad as I was thinking it might end up being; somewhere in the middle I found my groove again, the familiar rush of adrenaline and joy from seeing something have its limbs chopped off filling my veins once more as I killed and killed.
It wasn't to the same degree that I had once enjoyed, nor was it something that I entirely understood, but I was beginning to make a little sense of it and I thought I might have narrowed down the reason to something that could actually be what had happened to me.
I was just... 'evolving' from these simple yet fun kills that had a little bit of substance to them - where I extracted some pleasure from the suffering of a stupid monster - to enjoying the far more complex and rewarding thrill that came from real people.