120. Of identities, roles and a little bit of fate

Cassandra Pendragon

He snorted and took a sip of whiskey. "Probably both. You can't be the most pitiful, overburdened bastard for long without becoming a little nuts. But that's not what I meant. What do you think my goals are? Or plainly speaking, do you think I'm an evil manipulator who relishes in the suffering of others?" That was an interesting question. The simple answer would be no, but as always, things aren't just black and white. I downed my glass in one go, tasting a hint of vanilla but mainly burned socks and tar. I still liked the brew, ashes to ashes. It was kind of fitting, considering that I was, in a way, a dead angel, at least as far as this conversation went.

"You're the pinnacle of utilitarianism. I don't think your personal preferences have any impact on how you behave. If you think your actions will benefit the whole in the long run, you won't give a rat's ass about who has to suffer by your hand. Funnily enough that makes you as much of a hero as it does a villain, but it sure as hell doesn't make you a good person. Are you evil, though? I highly doubt it. In the end, your intentions define you. None of us, not even you, know everything and the universe might as well go down the drain due to an act of kindness as it might because somebody wants to watch it burn. The highest benefits for the largest number isn't a maxim I'd want to live by, but I can't crucify you for it, either." He refilled my glass and raised his.

"Well said. Sometimes you gotta cut off a branch to save the tree. The bird nesting on it might call you spiteful, cruel, evil but the ones everywhere else can live on in peace. If they had known you even existed they would have called you saviour. Interestingly, both of them are right. Depravity and kindness, good and evil, it's always a question of perspective, isn't it? Which leads me to my next question. What do you think I'm trying to accomplish? Over all, I mean. Everybody knows that you're fighting for what you think is freedom, Michael wants order, Mephisto is simply too absorbed in fooling around to care. What do you think I want?"

"Does it matter? I honestly don't know and there's nothing you can tell me that couldn't just as well be a lie. I think we can skip this part."

"Au contraire. Look at me. Truly look at me. I know what you can see, if you choose to. Tell me."

That took me by surprise. I usually didn't use my wings on other immortals, not unless I was fighting to the death. There were secrets I didn't want to know and it was easy enough to block me unless I used quite a lot energy. When I had been younger, there had been a few fights I could have avoided if I just hadn't pried. Most people didn't take too kindly to an invasion of their privacy. I would never have expected his invitation and I couldn't help but wonder what could be so important that he'd allow me access. If I wanted to or if I didn't like what I was going to find, I could dissect him from the inside with so little as a thought. He had to be desperate for my approval.

My wings flared brightly and danced around him like rays of moonlight, liquid silver manifested in a display of power. Curious and anxious what I might find, I allowed my sense to spread out, subconsciously expecting to run into a wall of transcendent energy but there was no resistance. Just like that, the different layers of his being opened up before me, his thoughts, his convictions, his strengths and his weaknesses.

Tempting as it was to leisurely stroll through this brave new world, I wasn't going to betray his trust like that. He had asked me a simple question and I would look for the answer, nothing else.

Who are you, rang through my mind while I dove ever deeper, past memories and emotions, hope and promises until I saw the very seat of his power. A glaring maelstrom of near infinite possibilities circled around a spark of light, his core. I changed my perception, filtering out everything that was somehow connected to the mortal realms, until I saw the truth, the very thing that defined him as an immortal, unobstructed by aeons of lies and prejudice. I nearly had a stroke right then and there.

"You're an angel," I mouthed. "The fallen angel of valour. But how, why?"

My awareness was shoved away and impenetrable gates closed around his core. If I had wanted to know more, I would have had to rip through his defences and take the answers by force. But I wasn't going to. I stared at him wide eyed, my expression mirrored Greta's when we had first arrived here perfectly.

"That is not you concern. I wanted you to know who I am, not why I became what I am. You haven't answered my question, though. Tell me, who am I?" I took a moment to sort through my thoughts and wait for the world to stop spinning. As much as I had experienced in the countless years I had wandered through the universe, this revelation was just a tiny bit too much. It shouldn't be possible, there was a fixed number of us, angels and demons alike.

By the father, what had he done? What had happened? The sealed memories form the first war instantly came to mind but I knew that he wouldn't tell me. If I wanted to know, I'd have to go looking for answers on my own, as unlikely as it was that I'd find any. Damn, what had he asked again?

"You're the sacrificial lamb, taking it upon yourself to protect us from the ugly truths behind the veil. You fight when everything seems lost, you're a shield. But a shield against what or whom?"

"Again, that's not for you to know. At least not yet. One last question, do you think I would sacrifice so much in a fight against something that could be stopped any other way?"

"Of course not. That would be contradictory. Doesn't mean you're right, though. It all comes down to this: fuelled by arrogance or wisdom you take it upon yourself to make decisions for others. You have to be damned sure that you're right, heck, even infallible, to justify your actions. Again., like a hero… or a villain, depending on your point of view."

"Damn my dame, maybe I should have spent more time with you in the past. That's almost wise."

"You're not my type, I like redheads. And what do you mean by almost? I'd like to think that that was one of my brighter moments." I raised my glass at him and took another swig. That stuff was seriously growing on me. Like crisps with vinegar. Terrible at first but highly addictive.

A light squeeze made me look down. Large puppy dog eyes were staring at me with an intensity that shouldn't be present in a child's gaze. I focused on her until I felt the quiet whispers of her thoughts on the edge of my perception.

"He's talking to me, but I can't understand him. I see… pictures, no, thoughts? I can't make any sense of the, but they scare me. What should I do?"

"Nothing," I said out loud. "Stop messing with the kid. Right now."

"I'm not messing with her. I'm messaging you. There's a difference. Shush now. It's not going to hurt, well, not much at least." We would see about that.

It's the arm, I thought, when I heard a loud crack. Amazeroth was on the floor, bound by my wings, silvery light and blue sparks danced across his body while I raised him high into the air again and slammed him back on the ground. Head first, this time.

"You still think spending time with me is such a good idea?" I muttered over his spluttering. I hadn't hurt him, not too much at least, but if I was to take care of the girl, I would start now. And as her guardian I wasn't going to stand by and let her be harmed. Not much, my ass.

I held him down, Greta pulling at my hand, tears flowing from her eyes. Unfortunately I didn't know if they were born form whatever Amazeroth had done or if she was scared of me. I knew how I appeared when I was angry and right now, my heart was sending burning pulses of fury through my body with every beat. Power crackled in the air around me and I imagined my expression was just like death's, uncaring, distant, the expression of a god staring down at its people without a spark of pity.

My voice was cold like the farthest reaches of the universe when I said: "do with me whatever you want, touch her again and you'll be the first immortal to die a permanent death." His reaction was a surprise. Without even struggling against me, he rolled onto his back and laughed, gurglingly at first but clearly and honestly after he had spit out the broken teeth and his face had regenerated.

"Right, the first one… you're funny, you know that? I wasn't sure, but now… let me up? I'm not mad and I swear, I won't touch or manipulate either of you against your will. For as long as we are here, that is." Lovely. Well, it was still as much as I was going to get.

Carefully I retracted my wings and offered him a hand. He took it and came to his feet with a flourish, his eyes searching for Greta's. "Don't fear him, child. He's somewhat rough around the edges but his heart is in the right place, always has been. Anyways…" he gestured towards the broken furniture which rose and repaired itself before sinking back down, restored. He slumped back down into his chair and rubbed his eyes, as if he suddenly had become tired. I squeezed Greta's hand and settled back down as well. She seemed unsure what to do, her eyes darting from him to me before she reached a decision. She deliberately snuggled up against me and rested he head on my shoulder. Weird girl. If I had been in her shoes, I would probably have fled the room by now, but then again, I wouldn't have had the courage to ask a magical creature to bring me along in the first place.

Amazeroth sighed, his hands began forming complex sigils in the air. I tensed but I didn't feel threatened, some of the formations I recognised. He was unsealing one of his vaults and while he undoubtedly could call forth weapons or artefacts that could endanger us, he was conjuring something living. A moment later, two small, dark brown seeds appeared in his hand.

He brought them close to his face, his breath gently blowing over them and for the fracture of a second, complex runes shone on their surface before they sunk through the seeds' shell and vanished. A soft glow pulsed once and then they were back to normal.

"Here, a small compensation, I didn't mean to frighten you," he said and extended his hand but not in my direction. He was offering them to Greta who was looking at me for confirmation. I nodded and she took the small orbs. "They're hot to the touch," she exclaimed.

"Give it a minute, they'll cool down quickly enough. I placed a couple of enchantments on them. What you're feeling is the residual energy of my spells. Don't worry, nothing malicious," he added for me. "Some minor protective properties and… ah well, you'll find out soon enough." He smiled again. "Probably as soon as you're going to wake up."

"I'm still here, you know?" I might have sounded a little more aggressive than I intended to, but him talking to my next incarnation through me was unsettling. And honestly rude.

"In more ways than one." Something in my expression must have changed because he continued: "What? Don't tell me the mighty Lucifer is afraid of change? Isn't that you're mantra? Everything changes since we have the freedom to choose, to walk down new paths with every step?"

"I've much to lose. Maybe even more now, thanks to your meddling. Which brings me to a question I wanted to ask you from the start: what are you doing here? Why rain down hell on backwater planet where the inhabitants didn't even know that they aren't alone in the universe?"

"That's easily answered. They, or rather one of them challenged me. Someone was meddling with my domain and not in a good way. The paths of fate are mine and I'll defend them until my last breath, that's one door I can't allow anyone to step through. Speaking of which, you won't lose her, this much I can tell you. It might appear differently in days to come but know this: as long as you don't betray what you think is right, she'll come back to you. As for your new acquaintance… time will tell. Just… don't throw away the present because you fear the future."

"I didn't run, yet, did I? But frankly, I've had enough of this. Tell me what you need me to know and we'll be off. My head already hurts." Under my breath I added "At least I've got a scolding to look forward to. There's always a silver lining…"

"As you wish. I hope that by this point we have established that I'm not a raving lunatic. There are three things I want you to remember. First, go north, visit the other tribe, ask them about their past. Second, plant the seed. It doesn't matter where, as long as their is a strong source of power nearby while it grows. If you have the time, you can do it yourself. Sleep beside it, that should do the trick. Third, you need allies. Unite the scattered people of your home, the war will come, you can't stop it. Use the time you have left, prepare. Don't expect more, the rest is up to you."

Perfect. If I had truly wanted to, I might have been able to puzzle out some meaning from his gibberish, starting with the seeds he had just handed over, but there was no point. I'd probably be far better off if I shoved this episode to the back of my mind and didn't bother thinking about it anymore. I got to my feet.

"Are we done?"

"Nearly. I'd like to have a word with little Greta here. In private. Give us us a few minutes. She'll be perfectly safe with me, it might even do her some good." I turned to the little vixen.

"What do you say? Can you stomach being alone with the creepy uncle for a while? If you don't want to, just say the word." She thought for a moment, as her eye traveled across Amazeroth.

"I'll listen to him. But don't go away without me. Promise?"

"I won't leave this tower without you, that I can promise." I had long ago found out how to break transcendent oaths, but it was painful and frankly messy. It was much easier to simply stick to your word. Somewhere in there was a lesson but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"I'll be at the bottom of the stairs. Come find me when you're done or call for me. I'll hear you. Amazeroth, it has been… disturbing. But I've met worse people than you." I offered my hand and we shook.

Before I left, I squeezed Greta's shoulder one more time and doubled the power of the spell I had placed on her. It didn't expect it to be necessary, nor did I think that it'd make much of a difference, considering he had simply ignored my wards the first time, but I at least wanted to try.

A few seconds later I stepped outside, the howling winds tussled my hair and the smell of ozone had become thick enough to drown out the seaweed and salt smell of the sea. The raging energies had reached their climax, colours danced across the sky and the earth shook as if in the grip of an oversized giant. Far to the East, along the horizon, flames consumed the coast while larger and larger pieces of the landmass broke off and vanished into the frothing ocean.

Creatures of the depths, some large enough to pose threats to entire cities, rose from the darkness, their silhouettes illuminated by the hungry inferno. My eyes weren't sharp enough to make out details but when they struck, I imagined that hundreds, the ones who had fled to the coast in desperation, died in an instant, swallowed or squashed by the behemoths. A part of me whispered, pleaded for me to help, to save as many as I could, but I didn't. Fate was a fickle mistress and even I dreaded what a mortal could have wrought if he had gained her favour.