131. Of angels, demons and a little wisdom

Cassandra Pendragon

A wave of relief washed over the assembled group. That my family and my friends were more than glad I hadn't gone mad, I understood. That Ignus' visibly relaxed when we reappeared was somewhat of a surprise. He didn't care for anyone around here, except for Viyara, after all. But then again, the deep cuts along his snout and his magic, that had crashed against mine impotently, had probably taught him how much fun he had been looking forward to in case I would have continued my frenzy.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Viyara was much less hesitant, waddling forwards like a puppy as soon as my wings had fallen away, her telepathic question the first words I heard. She didn't transform into her human form, though, either because she was still worried I might attack her if she got too close or because she had destroyed the garments she had put on before and didn't want to appear naked in front of everyone. Probably a bit of both.

"We are fine," I answered out loud. "I… Shassa's death coaxed a memory from my past and I didn't know what was real and what wasn't for a moment. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"But you did mean to pin me to the ground and put a dagger to my neck?" Ahri asked whisper quiet but with a smile in her eyes.

"Don't tempt me, I'm not going to use a weapon but the pinning part seems rather enticing," I answered with a grin.

"Well, yah did a darn fine job of frightening me beard off of me, anyways," Xorlosh exclaimed as he left the line of dwarfs and came closer, his brows drawn together into a single line. "Is that something that happens to yah regularly, lass?"

"No, usually I'm asleep when I'm dreaming, but you might remember the chaos I caused in my cabin back aboard your ship. If the memory is strong enough, my body reacts. Like the fits during an abnormally vivid nightmare. This time… I thought I was still there for a few moments."

"What did you see?" Mephisto didn't raise his voice but it still easily reached me across the distance.

"My last death," I replied. Phantom pains raced along my spine as the memory threatened to rise again but I pushed it down. "Nothing I want to talk about," I added defensively.

"Understandable," he muttered. "Well, ladies and gents," he said with a flourish while he walked closer, "I think I can calm some of your worries. Our little princess seems to be getting closer to her next transformation. It's not dangerous for her, but you saw what can happen to her surroundings. Unfortunately it's neigh impossible to tell what might trigger another memory, now. She… you should be careful, I don't think it can get much worse than this, but still…" while he talked, my mom was strolling over to us, her nose twitching as if she was searching for a scent. Erya was only a step behind her, the spell she was holding had disappeared.

"How long will I be like this?" I asked Mephisto while we became gradually surrounded by a small crowd of people.

"No clue. Usually I'd say months, if not years, but… I've never been right before when it comes to your development now, have I? You shouldn't be this far along, though. Unless…" his gaze turned inquisitive before he continued: "Tell me, did the spider kill you?" What? The spider? No, but… right, he didn't know. None of them knew what had happened the first time we had descended into the tomb. None but Ahri, and my family whom I had told when I had woken up. Crap, I had to come up with an answer, the way Viyara was staring at me didn't bode well for my future. If I couldn't convince her that I hadn't died, while I had been alone, she wouldn't willingly let me out of her sight again, not if her sparkling eyes and protective stance were any indication. Sweet but a bloody nuisance and I somehow had a feeling that the truth wouldn't help, not one bit.

"Killed me? No, I don't think so, but there was… while I was fighting for control over my magic down there, I felt my body shift and change, as if it was being rebuild to accommodate my energy more efficiently, to allow me to reach out through the statue and take back what's mine. Could that be an explanation?"

"Possibly. I've never heard of something alike, though. But then again, I've never met an immortal who was close to gaining control of her energy at the tender age of 7, never mind manipulating it outside of her body. Do you, by any chance, remember if you grew just as quickly the last time around? Did your last incarnation develop the same way?"

"No, I don't. I've zero recollection of my last youth. I don't even know how old I was."

"I can help you there," Ahri interjected cheerfully. She knew exactly why I had lied and obviously enjoyed my troubles. Her eyes travelled mirthfully from Viyara to Mephisto as she continued:

"I don't know anything about your youth but you're last incarnation lived for over 33 million years."

The ensuing silence was deafening. Everybody who had heard her turned pale, even Mephisto seemed shocked.

"Are you sure?" He inquired.

"Very, I remember a conversation we had. Lucifer told me, not his exact age but he said that he was more than ten times older than me. Aurora… I could do the math. Why? Is that so surprising?"

"Quite. Living is exhausting and often times corruptive. A fresh start from time to time keeps us sane, functioning… like a spring cleaning. There are a few exceptions, Amazeroth for example, but he isn't exactly what I'd call balanced. I knew that Lucifer had been around the block for a while but I never knew how ancient he truly was. That's something you can look forward to, Cassandra. Normally your past is served to you on a silver platter, nicely parcelled into processed spans of a few hundred thousand, maybe a million years. You'll have to deal with more than thirty times that much. Even for you that's going to take a while. I wouldn't expect you to know your way around your memories for the better part of your first millennium."

Franky, I didn't give a damn. Of course I was curious and there were a couple of things I had to know, why I had sent myself a ring that was feared or coveted by all demons for example and why Chaleb had helped me get it. But aside from whatever was directly impacting my life, the past could stay dead and buried, for all I cared. I wanted to live my own life, make my own mistakes and celebrate my own victories. My attack on Ahri had only served to strengthen that belief.

"What's your point? That I might have been a lunatic or that I might yet turn into one?" It came out a little harsher and more pressed than I had intended, but I wasn't at all comfortable with the way the conversation was going. I wouldn't have minded if we had been somewhere private but I wasn't keen on dissecting my past with pretty much everyone I knew in this world present.

"No, not at all. I'm just wondering, you didn't meet Aurora until much later. Why did you cling on for so long? What secrets were you guarding, that couldn't be handed down? Never mind, half the fun is in finding out, isn't it? Since it seems like you're stable for the moment, shouldn't we take our meeting somewhere else? Preferably with less guts and more food around."

"A marvellous idea. Despite the unquenchable thirst of you and that dragon, we still have a barrel or two left. Me and me lads will prepare a bite. It's all been hectic enough up until now, but I'm sure most of us would now like to hear what happened to you, Cassandra. And someone can maybe explain to me why there's another dragon here, me and the lads have to be chummy with. One is already bad enough, but the lass is at least pretty. Patience is one of me virtues, but I'm running low at the moment. There's only so much chaos a dwarf can handle." I felt immensely grateful to Xorlosh, since he had put an end to any further questions and was about to disperse the growing throng of people around us.

He didn't even wait for a reply and shooed the dwarfs and children along. Reia and Estrella lingered for a moment longer, clearly torn between wanting to talk to me and their reluctance to approach what remained of Shassa. I winked at them and mouthed the word "later" before I lost sight of them as they were pulled away by their friends. The dragons, Mephisto, Erya and my family stayed behind, all of them apparently brimming with questions.

As soon as everybody else was out of earshot Erya immediately demanded: "spill it. What, in mother magic's name, is going on here? First the dragon, then this… Xorlosh had a point, there is only so much chaos one can handle. What happened down there and why did you attack Ahri?"

I grudgingly gave them an abbreviated version of what I had told my family this morning, fully prepared to retell the tale a third time over lunch. I glanced over the part where I had nearly died and been brought back by a mixture of stubbornness and Mephisto's meddling. I didn't expect the demon himself to buy it, but the dragons and the fey appeared to accept my explanation.

I told them, why I thought we still needed Shassa and why I had wanted to keep her around in one form or the other. At this point, I handed the dagger over to Mephisto, asking whether everything had worked out the way we had planned. After a quick inspection he passed it over to Ignus with the words:

"She's in there all right. You're sure you're an angel? That jewel looks more like a demonic artefact than anything else, if you ask me." I must've turned pale because he immediately added: "I'm not serious. You're reasoning is sound, you didn't do anything deplorable." But it hadn't been the moral implications I had just realised, I had had my bout of self hatred before I had killed the spider. No, his words had sparked another thought. I knew Amazeroth was an angel turned demon and I knew, almost for certain, that angels and demons came into existence in equal numbers. The easiest explanation would be a demon turned angel, to uphold the balance. Now, which angel could possibly be a little different from the rest and just so happened to be somehow tied to the corruptive force that started all of this? Honestly, I didn't think it would make much of a difference, decisions defining who you are and all that, but the implications were tremendous. For if it wasn't me, it would be someone else.

I wanted to talk to Ahri, alone. I wasn't willing to include Mephisto, his snark was not something I wanted to deal with and the others wouldn't be of much help. Consequentially I jumped at the first chance I got to let the dragons do the talking. When the conversation had turned to why Ignus was here, I excused myself since I still had to scrub a new layer of gore off of me before we sat down to eat.

Ahri was quick to join me, equally unwilling to spend another thirty minutes going over the same story once again and in equal need of a bath. I didn't even have to edge her on.

"So, what did you want to talk about," she said while we rose into the sky, headed for the dwarven ship and its ingenious bathing room. I took a moment to answer, savouring the sight of the cloudless sky above and the endless ocean below me while the first fresh air I had breathed in over an hour played around my nose and ears. I could smell the salt of the sea and the smoke from the furnaces that powered up the ships, the tantalising fragrances of the wild flowers further inland and a static charge in the air. It would rain, later today.

"What makes you say that?" She huffed derisively.

"I know you, Cassy and I stood by your side when you realised that what you were going to do to the spider might be on the dark side of things. It couldn't have come as a surprise when Mephisto mentioned it, yet you became pale like a sheet and hurried through every sentence afterwards. Trust me, I'm not the only one who picked up on it."

"You're right, of course. When Mephisto… when he said my behaviour was demonic… what if it is? Think about it, we know there is an angel turned demon. Doesn't that mean that there's probably a demon turned angel." She immediately reached out and grabbed my hand, but she didn't reply. She stayed quiet for a while before she spoke again, her voice so low, that, even with my hearing, I had trouble understanding her.

"It isn't you. I know for sure it isn't you."

"But you think I'm right? You think there is someone?"

"No, Cassy," she sighed. "I know…" she was cut short when I whirled around midair to face her.

"And you didn't think that'd be worth mentioning?"

"Please, let me finish. I only put it together just now. Like I said, I saw the same scene you did earlier, but from my, or rather Aurora's perspective. When you collapsed, my vision didn't end immediately, there were a few more images, blurry glimpses of what happened but I thought they were just random noise, you know, my mind dealing with two different realities at once. It seems like I was wrong… there was, it's hard to describe. There was… light and chaotic structures… Remember, Mephisto told us that I had somehow found out that Michael was or is the one who surrendered to Corruption. I think I saw what convinced me back then, I think I saw what remained of the angel Michael used to curse the knights of hell. And I don't think it was an angel at all." She closed her eyes as if she was trying to picture what she had seen.

"There were wings, tarnished and damaged, like a discarded piece of burned out trash and there was a trace of bluish fire at his centre that was still consuming the last sparks of his essence and then… there was crown. A many horned crown on his head, hidden and invisible except for that last moment when everything turned into dust and memories. A crown the likes of which I had seen before, a demon's crown, filled with the last embers of hellish fire before they too blew out, consumed by the cancer that was spreading from his core."

I squeezed her hand and we continued on silently, the rush of our beating wings the only sound.

"There might be more, you know," I finally said when we were close to the ship. "But why?"

"I can't answer that, but it's easy to tell since when."

"The first war… where something might have happened to my core as well. Tell me, do you believe in destiny?" She laughed at that.

"No, you taught me to believe in freedom. Why? Are you having doubts?"

"No… but I can't help but wonder… you and me, my death, Amazeroth, your family… what if… what if there is a reason for all of it? What if we are just living through the consequences of what once was, unable to choose a different path? Wouldn't that just be the same thing?"

"No, there's a difference between responsibility and destiny. You're not forced to go down that road Cassandra, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. We all want to change the world, some of us are lucky enough to have the chance but that also means we'll have to fight for it. We don't know why or how things came to be as they are and maybe it's inevitable that we're the ones who have to deal with it, but that's because neither you, nor me, would be content with sitting back, not because of something you or I did in the past. That's not destiny… that's just living."