166. Of regrets, undead and a little bit of family

Cassandra Pendragon

"I'm so sorry, I should have been there," I whispered.

"And what good would that have done? No, it was a blessing you stayed behind, otherwise… he knew, Cassy. He already knew… he knew that there are three of you and that Arthur was beyond his grasp for the moment. The only reason he kept us in the city and alive was to lure you in. He wanted us all… every last member of our family. Everyone he knew about, at least. Fortunately, he thought he would be dealing with just another kitsune… his last mistake, from what I've heard. I'm just sorry I couldn't rip his heart out myself." I sighed.

"Why was he even so fixated on us? Were you… had you anything to do with his punishment?"

"No, not directly. But he was one of ours, one of our nobles. We didn't protect him, your father even lobbied for a harsher punishment… in the end, I think it wouldn't have mattered. He was deranged, broken beyond repair, he always had been. Revenge and ambition fuelled him, even back home and afterwards it only became worse. From what I've seen…you did a good thing, when you ended him."

"I… I didn't simply kill him. I… took his soul," I said quietly. "I don't think anyone deserves that."

"You weren't there… trust me, if you were, you wouldn't be doubting yourself. I'm not trying to tell you that what you did is a good thing, I wouldn't even have believed it was possible, if I hadn't watched you grow up, but don't beat yourself up because you went overboard. It's not worth it."

"You're much more detached than I expected. Back home I'd have been put on trial and probably sentenced for destroying a soul, if they hadn't killed me outright."

"Maybe, but we aren't back home and you did something similar when you were barely 2 years old. You aren't… mortal. Cassy, look at your life, look at the past weeks alone. I don't think you, any of us, can be judged by civilised standards anymore. We're fighting for our survival, nearly every day. We change, we develop, faster and more throughly than even the heroes of old. Was it wrong? Sure, we don't have the right to interfere with anyone's soul, it is simply wrong, but by the Great Fox, you torment a snake and you get bitten. That's the way it goes and you, honey, you're more dangerous than any snake I've ever seen."

"Might makes right, is that what you're telling me?" She growled and bit my ear, just as she had pinched them when I had been younger. "Ouch," I complained. "What was that for?"

"I'll assume you're still a little drowsy. Of course not, power is never an excuse. But you don't have to hide it, either. He challenged you, threatened you, anyone who had been given the opportunity would have fought back with everything they had… in your case, the result is just a tad more drastic than anything I've ever heard about. You made a mistake and you know it. Now, relativising what you did isn't possible, but I surely hope that you won't hesitate to defend yourself or us in the future, the consequences be damned. And if an evil bastard loses his soul along the way… well, he shouldn't have tickled the dragon, should he? But if I ever catch you trying to pull a stunt like that when your back isn't against the wall and you're thinking straight, I'll rip your ears off cleanly." "Thanks," I replied dryly. "That's making me feel so much better."

"You're welcome. What else are parents for? Now, tell me about your engagement. I knew what the vixen was up to, but I thought she would at least wait until we could be there. What have I missed?" A crooked smile formed on my face at her miffed tone.

"Fireworks, a lot of fireworks. Ahri transformed that night, did she tell you? No, of course she wouldn't… it didn't go over smoothly so I spent most of the night trying to keep her alive and from burning the dwarven ships. But aside from that…"

"If your goofy smile is any indication, it wasn't all bad. I'm happy for you, I truly am. Even though I still think you should have waited…" I understood what she wasn't saying out loud and I didn't like it, not one bit.

"I'm not a trophy to use as a price in politics," I snarled. "I wouldn't have minded, if there had been no repercussions, but I'm not going to sacrifice my own happiness to play make believe." She shrugged and yawned openly.

"I know, I know. Don't get your tails in a knot. I gave my permission, didn't I? There's no reason to argue, but I still have to ask: are you sure that was the right call? I mean, you know her for how long now, a few…"

"Thousands of years. Trust me, this isn't half as hurried as it must seem to you. You only glimpse my changes form the outside, but by now, I think I remember more of my last life than I have lived years in this body. True, my memories form the past seem more distant, less real than what I experience in person, but still, if there's anything I'm sure of, it's her. I love her and I always will."

"I'm not going to insult either of you and ask if you're sure she feels the same way, even a blind human could see it, but… never mind, it's your life, your decision and I can see it in your eyes that you have no doubts. Like I said, I'm happy for you, I mean it. Not many people are lucky enough to…" she stopped mid sentence, her nose twitching while she slowly rose from her haunches with the silky sound of her fur rustling against linen and stared out the window.

I followed her line of sight and strained my ears but with how impaired my senses were, I couldn't see nor hear a thing aside from the glare, when a ray of sunlight hit a reflective surface on the roofs. "What is it," I asked, my voice taut with a sudden flash of fear. Someone had been there and I had sent Ahri out after him, what if…

"Nothing, I think. Give me a moment. You stay here, don't get up." With a single, elegant jump, she reached the windowsill and perched down, her tails fanned out to keep her balanced. A second later she relaxed and my own tension drained away when I saw a shock of platinum, red hair appear on the other side of the street. Ahri waved and I had a feeling she was talking to my mother, but without my wings or second sight, I couldn't be sure. Fortunately, I didn't have to.

"She's coming back. Someone was there and it was his smell that surprised me. Almost… rotten, or decayed, like rancid meat. It wafted through the window but over there it's much more pronounced, at least she told me that. Have you… she asked… do you remember anything about higher undead?"

"Where did that come from? You're joking, right?" She slowly shook her head.

"Afraid not, at least that's the term your fiancée used and it would explain the stench. I always thought they were a myth. A soul can't cling to a dead body, can it?"

"I… I don't know. I think they're real, somewhere at least… but here? The magic involved in creating one is… I think it's even more complex than the thralls Amon made on Boseiju. You don't think it could be him, again?" Suddenly my eyes went wide as a quiver of panic iced through me. "Please tell me the kids aren't strolling around the city alone, they have an escort, right?"

"Relax, we wouldn't have let them out of our sight without someone to hold their hands and keep them away from the slaves. They got 4 dwarfs with them, a fey and a dragoness. They're as safe as they can be. Neither Xorlosh nor your friends would allow them to go on their own, so they now have a pretty impressive entourage. Seriously, did you think I would have let them go if they hadn't been guarded? They're children for crying out loud and…". She sighed, a very human gesture. "And I very well know what Reia means to you, to us. I'm neither deaf nor blind…"

"How, when…?" I stammered, hidden, undead threats forgotten in a heartbeat.

"For quite a while… ever since I transformed. It doesn't matter, if you hadn't found out by yourself, I would have told you. I… I just don't know how to deal with her, not yet anyways." That was a weight off my mind. I had dreaded telling her ever since I had found out and now, I would at least be spared one hell of an awkward conversation. On the other hand…

"I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel." I whispered softly.

"No, you can't and considering how moonstruck the both of you are, you never will. But that's not important. Whatever your father did or didn't do, she's still your sister. Maybe the four of us, her, your brother, you and me can go out for dinner one of these days. But first we should find out who or rather what has been spying on you. It looks like it wasn't just your imagination, after all."

Reluctantly, I let it go. "I suppose it wasn't. If we're getting dragged into the mess around here, I should probably know what has been happening. Ahri didn't share many details…"

She made her way back to the bed and curled up on one of my pillows. "Since the captains never truly cared for what's happening to the city itself, as long as the money keeps flowing, guilds play an important part in making sure everything runs smoothly. There's your normal variety of blacksmiths, carpenters and shipbuilders, but also thieves, assassins, procurers… the things that normally stay in the shadows are openly organised around here. As far as I know, the Mask, or rather Nero, to use his proper name, killed, tortured and threatened his way to the top, subjugating everything that wasn't directly tied to one of the captains. Now that he's gone, the different guilds are struggling for supremacy and some… well, some are out for revenge."

"Why would they bother? Why seek revenge for someone who kept you in chains?"

"Power, I imagine. Some where much better served with an organisation that allowed them to keep their monopolies and conduct their business uninterruptedly. Whoever took you out would also immediately jump to the top of the pecking order, plus, it's also a question of credibility. It wouldn't bode well for the next one in line, should they not at least try to punish you. But I don't think they know who killed him, not yet anyways."

"Shouldn't we just pack our things and go, then? There isn't much keeping us here, is there? We can be back onboard within a couple of hours and far away from here before anyone would know. They couldn't dream of catching us again."

"You're right, but… it's also a chance. We know Amon is tied to the pirates. For one, having the captains of Free Land on our side could turn out to be invaluable and two, he's bound to have spies around here. He, at the very least, will know exactly who killed Nero. If we leave now, we'll have to fight for every mile we want to fly."

"We'll have to, anyways," Ahri interjected while she entered the room. "But I'd much rather have you hearty and whole before we set sails. No matter what the guilds and the captains come up with, we'll be better off dealing with whatever they decide to throw our way. Once you've recuperated, we can try to weather the wrath of the emperor, once again, but until then, I think we should stay."

"That sounded much different, not 15 minutes ago. What changed your mind," I asked while she sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"I just had a reeking reminder of what magic can accomplish. I don't even want to imagine what he came up with while we were stuck here. As much as this city spells trouble, it's still some kind of protection, unless Amon is planing a full scale invasion and after his recent defeats, I don't think he has the power, not at the moment, at least. Besides, most of the undead can be lit up like matches," she added while tiny flames appeared between her fingers and a nasty smile spread across her face. "Should they try to bother us, I'll finally have a reason to show off a little."

"If we stay, what will happen to the kids? Has the other ship already reached Arthur?" My mum shook her head slowly, anxiety sparkling in her large, silver eyes.

"No… not yet. Xorlosh is in contact with them, but they'll still need a couple of days to reach your brother. I… I don't think they're in any real danger, but we can't do much for them either way at the moment. Maybe you, Ahri, or Viyara could get there quickly enough, but otherwise they're beyond our reach. We'll have to hope that Amon doesn't know where they're going or if he does, that he won't be able to catch up to them. I don't quite like it, neither that they are on their own, nor that they'll be taken to your brother's village without us, but I don't think we can do much about it and it's still a hundred times better than having to worry about them getting entangled in this mess. Reia… your sister and her posse are enough trouble as it is." Ahri's gaze traveled from me to my mother and back again, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"I didn't tell her," I quickly explained. "I didn't have to. She figured it out on her own, even before we did, I might add. Turns out she's a bit more perceptive than us."

"And a good thing that is, who knows how long the two of you would have kept me in the dark. You don't need to explain," she added when she saw me gathering my breath. "I do understand why you didn't want to tell me, but… we are family, all of us, by now. We have to trust each other, which includes trusting in the other's ability to…"

"That would be a nice change, wouldn't it," a new, soft voice rang out from the door. I didn't have to turn around to know who'd be standing there. "I've always thought you could rely on me a little more than you do."

"Spying on us sure as all hells will make us trust you more. How long have you been listening," I asked, exasperatedly. I didn't even wonder why neither my mom nor Ahri had heard her, the little vixen was far too sneaky for her own good.

"Long enough," Reia answered, while she came closer, her anxiety hidden behind a mask of bravado that fooled none of us. "That's not exactly how I pictured introducing myself. Oh well… I guess, since I can skip all the explanations I prepared, I can ask directly: will you have me?" She had stopped a few steps away from the bed, unsure if she should come any closer. Her eyes were darting nervously from my mother to me and back again, her tail flinching from left to right insecurely.

I spread my arms wide and answered for the both of us. "That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Come here!" She didn't have to be told twice. A flurry of movement was followed by a heavy weight that crashed onto my stomach and when my mom decided to join in as well, I could have sworn I felt my ribs creak in protest. I chose to ignore them, the warmth that spread from my stomach easily outweighing my discomfort as we became one entangled mess of arms and tails.

"I guess I'll give you a moment," Ahri mumbled.

"No you won't," I replied, while my eyes began brimming with tears. Damn it, I hadn't even known how much I had wanted this, ever since I had found out and judging from the strangled sniffs I heard, I hadn't been the only one. "Those two are your problem, just as much as they are mine. You knew I come with a lot of baggage. Don't just stand there, join us." A warm smile spread across her face and with a few steps, she was suddenly at my side, her tails wrapping around me.

"Thank you," she whispered through our tattoo. "I… you don't know what it means to me, that you're willing to share even this part of your life." I couldn't stop grinning, as I pulled her down for a kiss. For the moment at least, I was happier than I had ever been, in this life or the last.