223. Of items, fey and a little bit of arrogance

Cassandra Pendragon

The rest of the night passed, without any major surprises. We still talked for over an hour, but at the end of the day, there wasn't much we could, except for being vigilant. The guards on deck were doubled, told to continuously wear their runic armour and Xorlosh made sure that every last one of his lads knew what we might be up against and what to look out for. Escaping Captains or priests, for example. He even ordered some of them to keep an eye on the more decadent vessels, marking the ones they thought most likely to be used as a way to escape. The marks, as I now found out, were nothing more than an imperceptibly small set of runes that could be attached with a stencil. One quick stumble, a loud curse as a distraction and the marked object could be followed, without anybody being the wiser. In the meantime, I retreated to my cabin and took stock of every little gizmo I had stuffed into my stamp, ever since I had learned how to use it.

From Viyara's hoard, I still retained the dagger that could return to its sheath, the fan, a large circlet and the artefacts to collect and transform energy. The latter still held some appeal to me, since I could use them to create pretty much everything I needed, but the chest Mephisto had enchanted and I had stuffed in there as well, made even these things more or less obsolete. I'd probably be much better served, if I handed most of it over to someone who could actually use it. For the weapons, it was most likely going to be my sister. If the little vixen was truly dead set on accompanying us, enchanted weapons might just give her an edge, if she should ever be in need of one.

As for me… I was quite content with the cloak and once I had a chance to go through with the ritual, Mephisto had left instructions for in one of the myriad of memory crystals I was carrying around, I wouldn't need another weapon. Now that I had the opportunity, I did store away the letter Aurora had sent me and the little doll I had saved from Boseiju, though. They didn't hold any real value, but I couldn't bear the thought of losing either.

Including Shassa's gem, the poor, still frozen snake, the veritable heap of memory crystals, Zara's book, the emblem, that contained the fractured pieces of my spear and Isis' effigy, which Mephisto had sealed off and retreated into to undergo his transformation, I still had quite a bit of space left. Originally, I had always planned to stuff it full of food and beverages, but since my body didn't require sustenance anymore, the thought struck me as a bit of a waste. I'd probably be much better served with things, I might actually need. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that easy to come up with a wide array of useful tools, tailored to almost every situations. Most of those only became glaringly obvious, once you needed them and they weren't on hand. Still, I probably couldn't go wrong with a few gallons of water, some bread, a couple of metres of rope and a collection of communication crystals, which I unfortunately didn't possess, yet.

Maybe there were some on sale around here, but I highly doubted that they'd either be affordable, even though that was more reluctance on my part to overpay than an actual hurdle, or of a high enough quality to matter. No, those things were most likely better bought on the Emerald Island. For now, I'd have to make do with the stuff I already had and everything I came across on the markets that caught my fancy. Not having to worry about money was truly luxurious. A few sets of spare clothes would also come in handy, considering how often I destroyed the ones I wore. If I never had to run around naked again, it would still be too soon.

A short but heated discussion with the quartermaster later, I had gotten my paws on everything I wanted, except for my armour, which wasn't finished, yet. It wouldn't take more than another day or two, or at least that's what I had been promised, but until then, I wasn't even allowed to go near the forge. Apparently the dwarfs had similar superstitions concerning personalised items as we held for weddings. Seeing the bride before the ceremony was bad luck and the dwarfs steadfastly believed the same held true for their precious craftsmanship. I didn't quite get it, since I had already seen and even worn the thing, but who was I to complain? I didn't pay a measly dime for it, to begin with. Which was probably also the reason why Krack didn't like me very much. Either that or my outrageous demand for clothes. According to him, Ahri and I had already gone through more of his supply than the rest of the crew, combined, an egregious exaggeration. What had it been? Like five or ten sets? At the very most.

Since I was already there and had forgotten to ask Xorlosh before, I also tried wheedling some information about gunpowder from the bad tempered, under appreciated dwarf but to my surprise, he willingly shared everything he knew. Apparently, gunpowder wasn't unheard of but highly dangerous to either transport or use. His explanation, as to why, didn't make much sense to me, but it was enough to trigger a few memories. The potential energy of a volatile substances, like gunpowder or any other kind of explosive, could, depending on the magical laws of the world, attract a myriad of problems. On Gaya, it supposedly allowed minor elements to manifest, expressions of the latent energy within the substance. Simply put, if you were to store gunpowder anywhere, it would most likely blow up within a few hours, or days, at the most, since fiery sparks would manifest and ignite the whole thing.

Which made me wonder how I had been able to come across the smell in the harbour. Shouldn't, whoever was transporting the stuff, have turned into a fireworks display within hours, days at the most? Or maybe they had found a way to suppress the manifestations, one clever rune or the other. In that case, it might turn out to be rather profitable to have a quick word with them, if I ever were to find out, who it actually was.

When I finally made my way along the wooden walkways again, I wasn't alone. Auguros had been easy enough to convince to come along, since he wasn't keen on spending much more time with Erya and Morgan. The growing familial ties between them made him feel left out and everybody else already had plans for the night or was deeply asleep. And while he was technically human, he still had trouble sleeping soundly, which meant his alternatives were either to come with me or to awkwardly hang around everyone who was willing to spend a few minutes with him. Honestly, considering what he had done for Morgan and thus Erya, I would have expected them to show a tad more gratitude, but then again, the two had to make up for lost time, ages, in their case.

"How's life as human treating you," I asked, while we approached the closest ladder that would take us to the uppermost level, from where we could exit the harbour. I was still sniffing the air from time to time, but the acrid scent of gunpowder didn't reach me, again. A few other, rather distasteful, smells were present, but nothing that caught my attention.

He shrugged disinterestedly, but his response carried quite a bit of frustration, even though he tried to hide it. "It's not that bad. Mostly, the lack of magic gets to me. It's an unbelievable nuisance to not be able to cast even the most minor spells, without external aide. Admittedly, the dwarfs and the two elven ladies were tremendously helpful, they gave me two pure gems, Astra had filled with her mana for me to use, but it's still… tedious. Not too long ago, I could have made a forest grow with nothing but my will and a bit of time, but now…" he shook his head and chuckled quietly.

"No, I shouldn't be ungrateful. Considering what I've risked, on the off chance that I'd be able to protect Morgan for a while longer… it actually turned out far better than I had ever expected. But I have to ask, once, you said you'd help us regain our magic. Did you truly mean it?"

"Of course, ever since I've awoken my own, I've felt terrible every time I remembered what has been taken from you. I… if I weren't so damned insecure when it comes to my own powers, I would already have tried. But as it stands, chances are, that I'd kill you both instead of making it better. No… I guess there'll be an opportunity somewhere down the road, most likely when we're going to deal with the dragons, but until then…. I might have already missed the best chance the two of you had."

"What do you mean," he quickly asked and turned to fully face me, even stopping in the middle of the walkway.

"When Mephisto took in a spark of my sister's power, he definitely would have been strong and knowledgable enough to cure your wounds, but I fear none of us thought much about anything but our most pressing issues, at that time. I'm sorry," I added subduedly.

"I see… truth be told, I didn't think of it, either and I'm the one who should have. No need to apologise. For what it's worth, you just assured me that we'll have to wait until he returns, at the very most and that's something I can live with. And Morgan… she doesn't even seem to miss it much. Truth be told, once she's dealt with her trauma, she might even be happier as a human."

"What makes you say that? Has she… this is not her, blaming her race for what has happened to the two of you, is it? Because that won't actually mean she's happier… just hurt." We resumed our slow walk and climbed up the ladder, while he struggled to order his thoughts.

"No… that's surely a part of it, but not all," he finally replied, when we had reached the top most platform, which had already become much more lively since I had passed by, an hour or two earlier. It was close to dawn and most crews, who were going to leave come sunup, were busily carrying cargo towards the escalators. Burly seamen, bored private guards and an astounding variety of stray dogs cluttered the harbour. Humans, beast kin and even a few elves could be seen and especially heard, cursing, shouting and even sometimes haggling. The stalls were still closed down for the night, but some of the more entrepreneurial captains sold a few bits and pieces directly from the soon to be loaded chests. Pelts and spices were greatly in demand, a few returning traders buying something for the misses, last minute, while others tried to make a quick coin or two, before the sun had even risen.

"How much do you know about our race? Has Erya told you a bit about herself?"

"No, I can't say she has. A few things I've figured out on my own, though. Are all of you that… carnal, or is it just her?" He chuckled while we dodged two humans, who were carrying a load of southern timbers towards their ship.

"Some more than others, but we're much more… open minded. I've always wondered why other races actually tend to make a fuss. Even your own kin are rather prude and yet you're living in tune with your instincts, at least as far as I've heard."

"That's not entirely true. Most of who we are is based on the past, isn't it? After the cataclysm, my race was almost extinct, like so many others. Food was sparse, water even more so and children were a luxury you had to be able to afford, otherwise you'd watch them starve the very same year. For most of us, and I don't mean kitsune, but the races who've suffered through that time, abstinence and control, be it over your mind or your body, became cherished traits and just as much as an ascetic life became the ideal to strive for, the baser nature of our being became something almost… shunned. Sex has to be linked to love, otherwise it's crude. I don't think there's a similar period for the fey. You've always had everything you needed and lived freely."

"So… you deny yourselves because it has been considered…. sophisticated to do so, hundreds of years ago? That's just plain stupid, if you ask me."

"Never said it wasn't, but I still think that's the reason. Ideas develop a life of their own. For me… while I grew up, everything that had to do with sex was talked about behind closed doors, if at all. It's not really surprising that I'm uncomfortable with the topic, is it? But I have to admit, ever since meeting Erya I'm getting much more relaxed. Even this little chat would have had me blushing, two weeks ago. I'm not going to change, though. By now, it has much less to do with being shamed and much more with Ahri. I know how I'd feel if I knew she desired someone else. That's enough of a reason for me to stay well away from temptation. If it wasn't for her, though, I'm quite sure I'd be living differently by now. Sensuality is nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary, actually."

"Wise words… but they make me wonder… monogamous and lasting relationships are much more sparse among the fey and dragons, than they are among the other races. Now, this might have something to do with our life expectancy, but I'm not so sure, anymore. The elves, dwarfs, even your people, they all can become nearly as old as us, some even older, and yet… maybe that's the price we pay for following our every desire. Oh well, nothing's free, is it?"

"Quite so. But now, that were already on topic, what about you? Do you have someone to return to?" He shrugged.

"Not really. If anything, I was married to power and my drive to protect our world. Still am. At least in this regard, I'm quite faithful. You've lived it yourself, for the last few weeks, haven't you? If you hadn't already had someone to begin with, you wouldn't have had the chance for more than a casual fling, here and there. Deep connections require time and that's a luxury, once you head down the path we have chosen. But what's another sacrifice, eh?" Rationally, I understood him, but at the same time, I truly pitied him. Fighting for a life without love just seemed miserable to me. I wasn't sure if it made things easier or not, but at least I knew what I was suffering for.

"I… how did you even find the strength to stand up for Morgan? Why did you bother?"

Again he was silent for a while, while I led him down one of the main streets and hid my face under the hood of my cloak. The taverns were starting to empty out and I wasn't keen on being ambushed by the last drunk stragglers, who were still looking for a soft body to warm their beds tonight. Rather ironic, considering what we had been talking about.

"You know, we all have different reasons why we manage to move our sad, tired bones out of bed in the morning. For you, it quite obviously is a future with your lover, a bit of revenge and a deep grudge against your family, even though I'm willing to bet you're not so sure about that one, anymore. For me… it's simply trying to do what I think is right, twisted as my version of right and wrong might be. In the end, we all die, maybe even you. And when that time comes, I want to look back and know that I have done something, that I've mattered. Now, I fully understand everyone who thinks this means having a family, maybe raising a few kids, being remembered by those close to you, those you love. I… that's not enough for me. I've seen so much already… I've been humbled. Happiness is overrated. I've been given the chance to save or doom our world, at least to play a part in it, however small it might be. I'll be damned, if I waste it." I only sighed.

"That's not humble, that's arrogant. Everything you said, orbits around your own convictions. Not that I mind, but my friend, without another soul to keep you balanced, you're embarking on a perilous journey. Who will tell you when you're wrong? Who will tell you when to stop? If you're so convinced of what you think you can and should do, I fail to see where you actually accept that you're not the centre of the universe."