245. Of memories, devastation and a little bit of mirrors

Cassandra Pendragon 

Somehow, I had expected more resistance, a first hurdle to overcome, but getting out was pitifully easy. The polished crystals didn't resist my wings anymore than butter would a hot knife. I flexed my will and with the sound of shattering glass, the walls around me crumbled, torn to pieces. A satisfied smile played around my lips, despite the desolate circumstances I had found myself in. It felt good to finally be in control of my own powers again, but my smile vanished just as quickly as it had formed.

Instead of a verdant island or even a shimmering, blue ocean, I found myself amidst a destroyed and ravaged plains with nothing around me but the jagged craters of long extinguished volcanoes under a dying sun. Not a living thing was in sight and when I tried to draw breath, the air felt like acid in my throat. I coughed involuntarily, as my body began counteracting the poisons I had inhaled. More tears streamed from my eyes, the putrid steam, which laid like a smothering, greenish blanket over the land, burning my skin. Whatever I had expected, this was not it. Overwhelmed, I slowly spun on the spot, searching for something, anything, living, but I only saw broken rocks and harsh, mangled lines, running off towards the horizon.

"What the hell," I whispered. Hell… it truly looked like hell, an extinguished hell, lifeless and barren. Not that my memories had ever shown me anything I'd have called beautiful, but this… this was actually worse than the fiery pit I had seen. There, at least, something had moved and here, here everything was gone… just like the ties I had formed. Was I really alone?

The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed. All of this… it didn't make sense. I'd have been the first to believe, that breaking a curse, like the one I had suffered from, wasn't easy and might have repercussion, far more severe, than anyone could have predicted, but this… a world dying, my friends and family gone and all that was left, a token from a life, I had lived, what felt like minutes ago? No. Way. Something was rotten in the state of Denmark, and I was going to find out what.

I fanned out my wings and rose into the putrid air, the bracelets still clutched to my chest. Without thinking, I poured enough energy into my eyes to render the world silver and the very same moment, I knew where I had to go. Beyond the horizon, I saw the flickering of power, silver and blue it flared, an echo of my own core. Far away, beyond decayed mountains and dried up rivers, something existed, something that seemed awfully similar to myself.

I bit back a curse, when another explanation came to mind. What if, I hadn't woken, yet? What if, this was still a dream, a real one, not a memory I had already lived through? What if, the curse hadn't been broken, yet? What if, all my friends had managed to do, was give me a fighting chance?

I knew a bit about my strength by now and I could just about imagine, that a hastily created summoning circle might have been enough to sever my consciousness from the curse, without erasing it. In that case, the barren wastes around me, would be a mirror of what I had lost, the destroyed parts of my soul, already burned beyond recognition and the flames on the horizon might represent the source of all my troubles. A source I had to find and annihilate, once and for all. Either way, I knew where I had to go and the mere possibility, that this was all just a nightmare gave me hope. A hope that might just as easily turn out to be false, but it gave me strength.

I wiped my tears away decisively. Whatever was going on, I wouldn't manage to do shit, if I clung onto my fears. Whether it was the curse, some kind of monster, or even another immortal, who awaited me at the end of the path, I, at least, had a direction and that was a million times better than wallowing in darkness and despair. With a quick flick of my wrist, I pushed the bracelets up my arm and angled my body towards the scintillating source of light on the horizon.

Faster than a thought, I soared through the thick, acidic smoke, blind to the desolation below me. All that mattered was the pulsing light, somewhere ahead, the continuous, smooth stream of energy form my core and the mesmerising dance of my wings, while I accelerated even further, until the scorched earth turned into blurry patches of grey and black. Only once had I moved this fast, when I had awoken my magic, but this time, I wasn't surrounded by a thin, flimsy atmosphere, but thick, poisonous clouds of smoke. Barely a moment after I had taken off, the dense air ignite around me and sparked along my wings, turning me into a streak of fire and flame. Like a descending star, I thundered past unimaginably deep crevices, their bottom hidden from even my sight and towering mountains, their summits reaching far above the acrid soup, I was stuck in. Plains and hills, valleys and river beds flew by, but wherever I looked, I never saw a single living thing, not even ruins. I was truly alone and it looked like I had always been.

Which lightened my mood considerably. If I had still been on Gaya, there would have been traces of civilisation. No matter how dilapidated, I would have seen something, the foundations of a tower or the remains of a crumbled wall, but the absence of anything manmade was complete. Which meant, nobody had ever set foot on this godforsaken piece of rock and the chances of me, being trapped within my own reality were increasing by the second. Now, I wouldn't usually call that a cause for celebration, but compared to the alternative, it sure as hell seemed like on.

On and on I flew, the storm on the horizon refusing to come closer. I pushed and toiled, wishing, longing for a change, for reassurance, that I wasn't mistaken, for my hope to turn into conviction. I wanted, no, I needed to know. Mouthing a silent prayer to whomever might be listening, I squeezed yet even more energy from my core, until it felt like the world around me was about to break apart. It warped and bent, like a wounded animal, trying to keep me away, but I didn't care. On the contrary, the more resistance I felt, the more determined I became. If I was right, it was my own subconsciousness, twisted into something, that'd keep me away from where I had to go, but I had no intention of being bested. This was my life, my world, and I wouldn't be denied.

A reverberating groan escaped me, the sheer amount of power it carried spread outwards, like ripples in a pond and the next second, my surroundings changed. For the fraction of a second, I celebrated. I'd see them again, all of them. They weren't gone or lost, it had simply been my fear of being left behind, of being alone, manifested as something tangible. A token from a life I thought I had lost, left there to keep me paralysed, but it had failed. I wasn't beaten, yet.

My self assured grin froze, when the world became whole and stable, once again. Above a chasm, wider and deeper than the ones I had seen before, a motionless figure hovered. Long, straight, black hair flowed over his broad, sculpted shoulders. Between his shoulder blades, surrounded by twitching muscles, silvery blue torrents of energy, 25 of them, slithered and danced in the dim light. They were my wings and even before he turned around, I knew, whom I was facing. 

"You've come," a deep sonorous voice boomed out, as he gracefully turned on the spot. Silver eyes, my eyes, bore into me with a cold determination I couldn't match. "I wish you hadn't," he added, almost wistfully. His full lips twisted into a sneer, revealing long, pointy canines. "It would have been better, if you had stayed. Why don't you crawl back into your grave and wait for the end, like the weak little girl you are? There is no point in suffering even more is there?" His wings flared, burning brighter by the second until each and everyone had become a star in its own right, a hissing, crackling reminder of the uncontrollable forces under his command. His eyes had turned into molten pits of liquid light, reflecting the strength of aeons, just below their surface. The very fabric of this world trembled around him, whenever he moved and whatever little sanity I had left, screamed at me to turn tails and run. Run and hide from those predatory eyes.

He expected me to quiver. His regal posture, his certainty, the power of eternity, shining through his eyes, everything about him was meant to scare me, to show me, how far I still had to go, but it only served to make the ember of hope in my chest explode into a bonfire of fury. Was that really me? Was that, how others saw me? Was this… self serving piece of shit really the angel I had seen in my dreams, sacrificing everything he had had? Everything and more? Hell no! This was neither my past, nor my future. I was. And I'd prove it today.

"Coward," I said, my voice steady and calm. "I'm not going to hide from pain, I never have and I'm not going to run from you. You're but a nightmare and I'm not a child anymore. It's time to wake up." His sneer tuned into an eerie laugh, grating at the very foundation of existence.

"Easier said than done. I am your way out and I have no intention of letting you pass. Or do you really imagine, you're ready to face me? Me? Oh, Cassandra, I've killed immortals and I've waged wars you can't even comprehend, but yet you think you can overcome, what I am? Don't be a fool. Die here, this very instant, or limp back, the way you came. I'll be free, sooner or later, whatever you choose."

Sighing, I allowed my wings to grow, to swell with power until they matched his. Wherever they touched, lightning struck and reality withered, as forces, too great for any form of existence, took hold of the world, my feverish mind had created. He only smiled, victory etched across his beautiful face. With an effort, I reigned my energy back in.

"You won't goad me into killing my family. They're around me, aren't they?" He inclined his head.

"Perceptive. They are and you just scared the shit out of them, not to mention nearly slicing your sister in half. How did you know?"

"I didn't know, I felt it," I replied, my fingers brushing over my tattoo. When I had prepared to fight, I had felt a tiny spark of fear, for the first time since I had woken in my grave. 

"It doesn't matter," he stated, his eyes following every movement of my shrinking wings. "You might have saved your heart, but I'm still going to take your life. And you can't even fight back."

"No, I probably can't. But I'm still going to try." Besides, he hadn't moved, either. If he truly was, whom he claimed to be, there'd be nothing stopping him from tearing me apart. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance and the kaleidoscopic mirage, his power had turned the world into, shuddered. I had no warning, no time to react, but the countless times, I had almost lost my life, hadn't been in vain. Reflexively, I willed my perception to expand and exploded into a shower of silvery sparks. His wings flashed and ripped through nothing, but air.

I was in deep shit. If my conjecture was right, he was the embodiment of the curse, a manifestation of the hijacked part of myself, which tried to keep me imprisoned here. The face didn't matter, it was just a mask, my mind had slapped onto the enchantment, but it was telling, that I imagined the parts of my heritage I feared as Lucifer. Then again, after nearly having lost myself to him, only a few hours prior, it might not have been that much of a surprise. Abstract musings aside, I didn't have the faintest idea of what to do. Should I fight back, I was probably going to do exactly the same, in the real world, endangering everyone around me. Not to mention, that I couldn't kill something, my subconsciousness had come up with. He wasn't really here and hurting him would probably simply result in hurting myself. There had to be another way, but when I reappeared above him, his wings already a suffocating cage around me, I just couldn't think of one and I didn't have the time to ponder, either.

The smell of ozone burned my nostrils and I heard a deep, rising hum. Just before his wings would have ripped me apart, I vanished again. This time, I didn't simply change my position but tried to get as far away from him as possible. Lightning struck the side of the cliff and when the surge of silvery blue light receded, I stared at him from across the gaping chasm. He shook his head, a cruel, derogatory grin on his face.

"Is that all you got? A little girl running away? I should have known… aren't you ashamed?" Hot anger bubbled and frothed in my chest, my vision flickered and it took more than I wanted to admit to keep myself from rushing him, but I remained rooted to the spot. Why wasn't he coming closer? All the time, he hadn't moved an inch, as if he couldn't leave the infinite abyss, he was hovering above.

"If you're too old and slow to keep up, it's not my fault. That's why the past should stay where it belongs. It'll never catch the future." 

"But I'm already here and your future is oblivion. What do you think will happen, when I open my eyes in your body? Do you think your lover will know the difference? I wouldn't mind tasting her, one last time, before I finally pay her back, for what she's done." He really knew, which buttons to push, but I wasn't going to play by his rules, not if I could help it. Swallowing my first response, which would have sent me straight back into his waiting wings, I managed a wry smile.

"Don't bother. She'll know. You aren't me and you never will be. You can't… I'm just more. I possess every second you've lived, every breath you've ever taken, but you can't even fathom, how much I have changed, since then." He chuckled coldly.

"Don't fool yourself. You're just like me, only younger and far less powerful. You're an empty, vessel, filled with a life, you have yet to make your own. But why even try? There's nothing waiting for you… you've already experienced everything you've got to look forward to… there's only darkness left, darkness and bloodshed. Quit while you're ahead, let me take over and weather the wars, that are to come."

"You've had your chance and you failed, miserably." Insulting myself was probably one of the more severe signs of schizophrenia, but I couldn't stop myself from adding: "you've already been beaten. What makes you think, it'd be any different, this time around? You're still just… you." If he was able to, he would surely attack me, now. I couldn't remember a single instance, when Lucifer had allowed anyone to belittle him, but he simply stared. Maybe he really couldn't leave. Which meant… I had not even the faintest idea. Was he guarding whatever was at the bottom of the crevice? Was he bound to my actions, could he only move, when I did? 

From one moment to the next, he turned into a streak of light, a silvery spear of undiluted energy, headed my way. Space itself blurred and twisted around him, like water, as he thundered forward, a trail of broken, distorted fragments of this reality in his wake. There was no time to think, I could only act. I wouldn't be fast enough to dodge, the split second I'd need to envision my path, much too long to get out of the way. I raised my wings, a slithering, gleaming curtain of power, and pushed every last ounce of strength from my core. I couldn't see, nothing but the dancing, silver torrents around me, I couldn't hear, nothing but the deafening, hissing song of transcendent forces, while I tasted the swelling echoes of eternity. My breath caught in my throat and I waited.

An unstoppable force met an immovable object and the word shuddered and groaned. The impact didn't blow me away, but I felt the calamitous consequences as light exploded outwards, a surge of power, that put a dying star to shame.