258. Of heroes, growth and a little bit of guilt

Cassandra Pendragon

"No! You can't leave us again! I won't let you." For such a timid girl, Estrella could be quite the handful, when she chose to be. "Every time you're not with us, someone tries to hurt us or take us away!" She squirmed on my lap and stared me down, her eyes watering. "Promise me!" I sighed, something I had been doing quite regularly, lately. I pulled her closer, her small body nearly vanishing amidst my tails. We were sitting in the shadows of a mostly undamaged house, a couple of steps away from everyone else. Drenched and dirty as we were, I hadn't cared too much about sitting on the ground. I had just wanted to sit for a few minutes.

"I can't. I have to get them back, I've explained it twice, now. It won't take long, I'll return within a few hours. Tell you what, I'll drop by, when I'm back. You'll most likely already be in bed, but you can wait up, if you really want to."

"I don't think, that's what she's getting at," Reia whispered in my ear. After I had left Brightblaze's merry men, I had taken my time to talk to Erya and Morgan, which had gone over much more smoothly than I had feared. The both of them were spitting mad. Neither traumatised nor hurt, but infuriated, like a woman scorned. They'd do just fine. The kids on the other hand… they were grasping for anything to provide them with an illusion of safety and for Estrella, it had turned out to be me. Well, judging by how tightly Reia clung to my unoccupied tails and Archy had come as close as he could, without actually touching me, it might not have been her alone. 

I turned to face my sister, her pale complexion and red rimmed eyes made me feel guilty and angry at the same time. Without thinking, I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against me. "Pray tell, what's she getting at, then," I asked and gently nudged her closer, until her head rested against my shoulder. 

"Take us with you," she breathed, her eyes falling shut, her ears and tails twitching, as I began stroking her cheek. "She's right, you know. You're like… one of those heroes of old." She had caught me off guard and I eloquently asked her, if she could please explicate her point:

"Huh?" At least I managed to elicit a giggle from her, even though I hadn't tried to crack a joke.

"A pretty dull one, but still," she amended, snuggling deeper into my embrace. "They always pulled everyone from the fire, as well and were surprised, when the ones they saved wanted to tag along, despite the perilous journey. We know what being close to you means, even an idiot would have understood the dangers by now, but it's still better than the alternative. I… we feel safe, when you're with us and it's not just a sentiment. You've saved us, protected us… is it really that much of a surprise, that we don't won't to be without our hero, anymore?" My sighs evolved into a fully fledged groan, as I was beginning to understand, where she was going with this.

"This isn't about fetching Ahri and Lyra, is it," I asked, torn between resignation and amusement.

"No, it isn't," Archy chimed in. The boy still had trouble meeting my gaze, despite our past exploits. He really was the most introverted of the bunch, even his sister had already gotten used to me. "Not solely. We want you to take all of us with you, when you travel north, we don't want to go with Arthur." His eyes went wide and he immediately added: "of course, it'd be an honour, he's our prince! I didn't mean to insinuate…" I placated him with a gesture and a smile.

"Calm down, I didn't think you meant to insult my brother, but still… I'm actually quite curious. What are the reason, you came up with? Let's leave the whole I'm running from one hell hole to the next bit aside, for now. You're still so young… you need a place to learn, to grow, you know this." His eyes lit up, as if I had fallen into a trap, they had laid out.

"You see, you're going to take Reia with you anyways, which leaves Estrella and me. I want to become a real mage, one who's capable and powerful, someone who can… someone our people can rely upon. Our scholars, our traditions… they're gone and while Viyara, Erya you and your mother are all incredibly powerful, I highly doubt you could teach me. The magic you're using, it would devour me. I need normal teachers and you're headed to the elven capital."

"I see. What about her," I wanted to know and used my tails to squeeze Estrella gently. She squealed, as she playful pushed against the fluffy walls around her.

"Oh," she said, before her brother could react. "That's already settled. Erya promised to teach me alchemy, whenever she finds the time. You see, I have to stick close to her and that means coming with you." As if her words had settled the topic, she focused fully on catching one of my tails. She became completely immersed in her game, while I looked from one to the other.

"You're really determined, aren't you," I asked rhetorically. "Let's assume for a minute, I'm willing to entertain the idea, which doesn't mean, I'm saying yes. Everyone else is going to make themselves a home, built a new world. Are you sure, you'd rather be running around with me?"

Reia wiggled for a second, until she managed to produce the cherry stone, I had given her. "This will be our home," she whispered reverently. "I'm not going to accept anything else. Wherever you decide to plant it, that's where we'll be. A new world for us… what about the one, we've lost? I don't want to live anywhere else, if there's a chance for us to revive our legacy. This… it has survived, just like us and I'm not going to give it up for a bit of comfort. I'm not saying the others shouldn't pounce on the chance they're offered, but I'm not going to. None of us will."

"Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the adult or if you are…"

"I'm older, aren't I," she giggled. "But don't worry, you'll soon become just as wise as me. Just keep trying and listen, whenever your big sister explains, how the world works." I tickled her side, which shut her up effectively, since she began struggling against my grip.

"Fine. I'm much too tired to make any decision, right now, but I will think about it. Incidentally, between being kidnapped and subjected to a heinous ritual, when did you even have the time to come up with your plan?" I was truly curious. Half an hour ago, they hadn't been able to move and now, they were back to making my life miserable. No, actually, they made it much more bearable, but also a goddamned mess. 

Archy rolled his eyes and took it upon himself to answer, since he was the only one, who wasn't distracted: "that's what Reia has been trying to explain. Don't you see, because all of this is happening, we don't want to be left behind. You're… Ahri and you were the ones, who came after us in the first place and this time, she allowed herself to be hurt for our sake and you saved us. We… we still need you, Cassy. You're… you're our princess and if we're really lucky, maybe our queen, one day. You shouldn't abandon us and neither should we abandon you." If he hadn't been fidgeting the entire time, I'd have been impressed. Still was, truth be told. The little rascal was backhandedly telling me, that I was responsible for them, in more ways than one. 

I absentmindedly allowed Estrella to finally take ahold of the tail, she had been chasing and took my frustration out on Reia, the culprit, who had probably been sowing the seeds of manipulation, which had bloomed so magnificently before my eyes. I'd have loved to be, at least, slightly mad at her, but I simply couldn't and I even felt my smile widen. The girl was trouble with a capital T, but I couldn't imagine a world, where she wasn't close to me, barely two weeks after we had met.

"I assume you've already told them, what they can expect?" I asked the meddlesome vixen.

"That we'll have to follow your orders," Reia panted between bursts of laughter. "That we'll have to be good little soldiers? They know. Cassy, I don't know if you've realised, but all of us are doing what you want us to. Mostly. Even among the grownups, you usually have the last word. We trust you. Don't worry, should you take us along, I promise, we won't become a burden."

"You're never a burden," I immediately stated. "A nuisance, perhaps, but…" a few seconds later, both girls were doing their best to strangle me, while Archy was watching, his expression somewhere between longing and embarrassment. The boy really had a chip on his shoulder.

"I give, I give," I mumbled hoarsely, a few minutes later, one of Reia's tails nearly strangling me. The girl herself was pinning me down expertly, her face flushed, her eyes sparkling. She was looking much better by now, almost like the unstoppable whirlwind, I had come to know her as. 

"Does that mean, we can come with," she inquired.

"That's not a price you can win and the answer is not now. I'll have to get there and back again, as fast as possible. I have no idea how the magic I'm going to use might affect you. As for the rest… we'll see. I'm not going to promise you anything, tonight."

"Doesn't that mean you'll be stuck, once there," Archy piped up. "I mean, I'm sure Ahri wouldn't have any problems, but didn't you mention an elf? What about her? Won't she be in just as much danger as us?" An inconveniently astute observation.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "Maybe I'll be forced to fly all the way back here. Which is another reason, why I can't bring you along. Between Ahri and myself, we should be able to carry one person, but definitely not four. Even though you're still rather tiny," I added with a grin.

"Fine, we'll let you go, this once," Reia decided. "But you better tell us, when you're back. I don't want to spend another night worrying about you. It should be the other way around."

"Another night," I asked, perplexed. She rolled her eyes at me.

"I was there, when you were cursed, remember?" She suddenly wrapped her arm around my neck and hugged me tightly. "I never thought, I'd have to fret over you," she whispered chokingly. "Don't… just don't scare me like that, ever again. Please?" Somewhat dumbfounded, I pulled her closer, wrestling with my own thoughts. I couldn't promise, it would be the last time, I'd get hurt. Hell, judging from my record, it'd be a miracle if I managed a whole month, without suffering through something similar. If she, or the whole trio, for that matter, wanted to stay close, they'd have to get used to it, eventually. They might even be forced to let me go. I wasn't particularly happy at the prospect, but I couldn't deny the facts. I was leading a dangerous life. I had been lucky, more often than not, but that could change over night. One of the reasons, why I was so hesitant to let them come. They'd be much better of with someone more stable as a surrogate parent, but… there had been this song on earth: "you can't always get want you want, but if you try, you might get what you need." I wasn't even sure, whether they needed me or if I needed them, but the more time I spent with them, the more I realised, that I wouldn't deny their pleas. Tragedy had brought us together, but loyalty had turned us into a family.

"I'll try my best," I reassured her, burying my face in her hair to hide the tears in my eyes. For a few minutes, we simply sat there, taking comfort in each other's presence. After a while, even Archy found the courage to timidly cling onto me. It'd have been a beautiful, peaceful moment, if not for the pouring rain, the corpses being collected just a few metres away and Reia's whisper, just loud enough for all of us to hear:

"Told you she's sappy like that." I stiffened, but when I heard Estrella's clear and carefree laughter, hopeful and free despite the ordeal she had been through, I couldn't help myself, I joined in. 

"Maybe I am," I finally pressed out and began disentangling myself from the heap of tails and limbs. "But I've been told, it's one of my more endearing qualities. Alright then, I'll have to talk to Viyara and Aurelia, before I'm off. Don't do anything foolish or dangerous or… you know, if you want to do me a favour, you'll simply do as you're told, at least for the night." Reia yawned and stretched like a cat.

"Don't worry, I'm much too drained for anything exciting, tonight. Tomorrow, though, if you're not back…" she shrugged and grinned mischievously.

"Point taken," I replied and got to my feet, wringing water for the frayed hem of my shirt. The poor garment hadn't endured the last hour nearly as easily as I had. "I'll make sure to look in on you, once I'm back. Until then, stay close to mom or Viyara, would you?" 

"Will do. Take care, Cassy. Every time I let you out of my sight, something happens," she said with a smile and scrambled to her feet, pulling her friends along. "Come on, then. Let's leave our princess to her own devices. We still have to find out, where we're going to sleep, tonight."

"The ship," I answered, while I was already striding towards the gleaming hill of gold, not too far away. "So will Layla and her mother. I imagine Alassara will be busy. Why don't you look after the little vampire? I'm sure she'd love to not sleep alone, tonight." Archy frowned and the last thing I heard was his halfhearted complain:

"But she snores! Even worse than you, Reia." Chuckling quietly, I left them behind. I wasn't sure if the three of them, four, if I was willing to count Layla, were in any way representative, but they were much tougher, than I had ever imagined a child to be. Or, the hour they had spent as hostages, however cruel and intimidating it had been, simply paled in comparison to the long days without hope, they had already survived. By the Great Fox, I really had to make sure, their life wouldn't become one gruelling experience after the other. I owed them at least that much.

I shook my head, my wet tresses sending water flying everywhere. It'd be a pain to get them untangled, tomorrow, but I was planning on spending a few hours in a bath, anyways. Preferably a private one, where I wouldn't be alone. I had told Ahri I'd take her out and I meant to, even if I was a little late. Breakfast in bed, a bath and then, I'd take her flying. It had been too long, since either of us had had the chance to spend a few hours in nature and the island was large enough for bits and pieces of untouched wilderness to survive.

Caught up in my own thoughts, I almost walked straight into Alassara. The vampire still had her daughter on her arm, the little devil snoring happily, her hands buried in her mother's golden hair. I stumbled and when she caught me, our eyes met. I felt hot and cold, anxious and a worried. She had lost most of her family, tonight, and I had really hoped, that I'd be able to postpone our meeting until the next day. I simply didn't know, what to say. Her people had payed the bloodiest price and there was nothing I could do to help. They were gone, the souls, which hadn't been devoured in the ritual, had already fled, their vessels dying a final death, when the delicate balance of energies, keeping them alive, had been destroyed. 

As I stared into her deep, blue eyes, I felt guilty, even though it wasn't my fault. I knew that much, but I couldn't ignore the lump in my throat, as I imagined, what she and her daughter would be forced to go through. They weren't alone, just yet, but practically everyone of their bloodline had died. I knew the feeling. Forcefully, I unclenched my teeth and took her delicate hand in mine.

"I'm sorry," we both said at the same time. My surprise was mirrored in her eyes as we quickly asked: "whatever are you sorry for?" Despite my gnawing unease, I managed a crooked smile and she even laughed. Gesticulating for me to continue, she said: "you first." I took a deep breath and hurriedly uttered:

"I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess and vanishing, when you needed me the most. I'm sorry, that your daughter has to grow up, without a home. I'm just… sorry."