276. Of anathema, hesitation and a little bit of loss

Lilith

"Wait… what? How… could you start from the beginning? I already know that some of us were more than susceptible to Michael's proposals, but this? Why would they ransack their home?"

"I wish I knew. One of the things I intend to find out. I can tell you what I've already figured out, but it isn't much…

Darkness wasn't something to be afraid of. It could be warm, comforting, a place to hide from the world, a place where we were reduced to what truly mattered. I had always liked the dark, watching in the shadows while everyone else made fools of themselves in the light. It made me feel in control, invincible, but it also meant that I hadn't been able to make anyone listen.

Quietly I scrutinised the battered and beaten procession, proud, powerful creatures brought to their knees by their own kind. Looming, disfigured shapes, abominations, which had long ago lost their way, drove them forward, leading them to the Pearly Gates, tottering step after tottering step. I knew them all, I knew their names, their deeds. Theirs and those of their wardens. Demons forcing demons into servitude. If I hadn't been convinced something was fundamentally wrong before, every doubt would have been laid to rest, by now. 

"It's not all of them," a throaty, silky voice commented at my side. 

"Aphrodite," I acknowledged her. "Have you come to gloat?" She shrugged, her flowing, golden hair dancing around her like crystallised light.

"Lilith isn't there and even if she was, I wouldn't gloat. We both know what this means, don't we?"

"Change," I rumbled and spat on the ground. "Change for us and all of creation. A new beginning, ain't it," I added sardonically, echoing Michael's words. "All without a single drop of blood spilled. Do you know where they're being taken?" She shook her magnificent head, her deep, blue eyes narrowing.

"No and I'm not stupid enough to ask. Neither should you, unless you want to join them. Please, don't. I always liked you, Odin. It'd be a pity to see you gone."

"Are you threatening me," I asked quietly.

"Goodness gracious, no. I'm warning you. You've been away… when was the last time we saw you here? When Lucifer fell?" I nodded.

"And even that was a mistaken. I shouldn't have come. Do you regret it?"

"Regret? It's not in my nature and neither is it in yours. I'm… disappointed, maybe. I always thought, one day, if he became fed up with Aurora, I might convince him to spend a night with me, but other than that… he's gone, just like the ones he's killed."

"You really think he's dead, then?"

"If he isn't now, he soon will be. It doesn't make a difference. Why? Don't tell me you're the one missing him."

"I don't miss him," I snarled, "I fear him… I fear I might have misjudged him. Tell me honestly, do you believe in the world we're… they're trying to build? Do you believe we're better off, now?"

"I won't mind not having to look over my shoulder, every time I feel an immortal presence, but I'm not… no, Odin, I don't think this is right. We need them. We need demons, just like light needs darkness. There can't be the one without the other. I like being an angel and I'm not looking forward to the day I can't be one, anymore. Without our cousins, what even are we?'

"That's a good question. Can we even live without them is a better one. I've made up my mind. I'm leaving. I'll ask only once. Would you like to come?' She tilted her head, her feathery, white wings quivering with tension. She studied me for a moment.

"No, I won't. I'll stay here. But visit me, once you're done. Are you… will you be looking for him?"

"No. I want to know why our cousins have been brought here, why they're marched into the Silver City like cattle. It's almost… I can't shake the feeling that we're only seeing the very tip of the iceberg and I'm going to dig deep. I think I'll visit… it doesn't matter. The less anyone knows, the better. Still, would you do me a favour? You're well liked, by everyone. Ask around. Maybe someone's prepared to talk to you." 

"I don't think I will. It's dangerous enough to speak plainly with you and I only chose to risk it, because I've spent more time with you than anyone else. You've seen the changes in Thanatos and Hora… they're becoming something else, like Delilah. I'm not going to voluntarily put my head on the chopping block to satisfy your curiosity."

"Is that what we've become? Cowering children at the feet of a tyrant. Maybe Lucifer was right, after all."

"Don't say that," she hissed, "where you can be overheard, or it could be your core, next."

"Thrown into the Chasm, you mean? Bound and brutalised? What is it to you?" Without warning, she slapped me. The force knocked my head back and I felt my lips rupture under the impact.

"That's was uncalled for," I apologised, while the wound sealed itself. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry. I'll return, Aphrodite. I'll return, once I know what's going on. I won't forget you, either. Just… try to stay away from Michael until then. I don't trust him." 

"Neither do I. The best of luck, Odin. You'll need it… we'll need it." A moment later, my form disintegrated and collapsed into pitch black sparks, dispersing through the void, faster than a thought. There was only one place for me to go: hell.

"When I arrived," Odin continued his story, "I felt the emptiness call out to me. There's nothing here, no traces, no power, no purpose. After all the aeons you and your ilk have spent here, the plane should be brimming with transcendent powers, but it's empty. As if someone had not only taken your family but also scraped the place clean of any speck of energy tied to an immortal."

"What if they have," I asked quietly. "Cassandra told me… she thinks what's happening to our people, what's corrupting them is a mixture of our powers. If she's right, Michael would need an almost infinite supply of demonic energy. What if he not only took the… the batteries, but also the place they've already charged?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"What for? Are you saying he's transforming angels by injecting them with demonic essences and vice versa? Don't be absurd, no one would survive."

"Or, someone already has. Two someone's, to be precise."

"Lucifer, Aurora," he hissed. "But they… they never seemed…"

"Any different? No they didn't, did they? But trust me, Lucifer, at the very least, is partly demon. He… he can be summoned." His eye lit up with a predatory sheen, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Shit, maybe I should have kept my oversized mouth shut.

"Can you call him," he rasped. "Right here and now?"

"I…possibly," I replied carefully, "but I'm not going to. He's safe, for now and I won't endanger him. If you want to meet him… her, you'll have to come with me."

"Come where? Where is he, Lilith?"

"I'm not telling. It'll be her choice what to do with you, once you've met."

"Her choice? Do you really think a newborn has the power to subjugate me, to decide my fate?"

"Probably not, but she wouldn't be alone. Also, I'm fairly convinced you wouldn't fight her in the first place. She's… I trust her, Odin, and I think you know how hard it is to win my trust." He breathed out deeply and buried his head in his hands, a surprisingly exhausted and mortal gesture. Right now, he truly appeared like an old man who carried the weight of too many winters.

"I do know that, better than almost anyone. What made you believe in her? Her prowess? The fight you've shown me? I'm not buying it, there's got to be more."

"There is, but I'm not telling. It's her life, her story and if you want to know the truth, you'll have to meet her. Incidentally, why are you refusing so adamantly?"

"Because I never planned on getting involved," he suddenly spat. "I want, no, I have to know, but I never wanted to join the fight, any fight for that matter. As much as I'm unwilling to bow to Michael and his schemes, I'm just as reluctant to join forces with an angel, who, for all we know, is the very fulcrum this whole mess revolves around. Don't be daft, Lilith. You know the path you walk on will lead to either victory or death. Not the form of bargain you can profit from, is it?"

"Sometimes, it doesn't matter. I can't believe I'm saying this, but there are some thing which are inherently wrong and it's worth trying to change them. Even if the price is higher than we'd like."

"Listen to you. You sound like… like a mortal. That's not us! Right, wrong, good, evil… since when do you care? And why, by the Abyss, should I?"

"Because you want answers, just as much as she does. Because we've tried for countless aeons and look where it has gotten us. I'm fed up with running in circles. If living means believing in something bigger than ourselves, I'm ready to give it a try. I don't have much to lose, either way. I'm hunted, shunned and probably as good as dead, should our sibling ever find me. Dead or even worse. My life's on the line and I'm not going to spend, what could very well turn out to be my last days, hiding. That's why he fought, you know. He never really believed he'd win, I'm quite sure he knew he'd fail before he even started." I wasn't quite sure, I was certain. Lucifer had given the ring to Cassandra, which meant he had met her. He had met his future and consequentially seen his death. "But he still tried. It's probably stupid, shortsighted and… very mortal but he didn't regret it. Not even for a second. Is that something you can say, Odin? Looking back on your life, do you honestly feel no regret, no remorse? I do."

"You can't," he scoffed. "You're not able to really regret. You can't shed tears, you can't love, you can't hate, why would you feel regret?"

"Because I choose to. That's what he always meant. Choice and change… they're within us."

"Now you sound like a fortune cookie. A cheap one. What's that even supposed to mean?"

"It means," a deep, rumbling voice answered while the shadows coalesced into a tangible form. Fenrir had rejoined us. "It's time to grow up, old friend."

"Grow up? I've been old before the first of your race was born…"

"And still, you're a child, most immortals are. Why do you think I've chosen to protect you? Age has nothing to do with it. Growth means understanding. Understanding who you are and what you believe in, what's worth fighting for. You're still searching, Odin. That's why I like you. You're always pretending to be a detached prick, but deep down, you're longing for something more." Odin snorted, his fingers flexing on his staff.

"If you're so convinced, why don't you meet with her?"

"Maybe I will," the pitch black mass growled. "Don't tempt me."

"Or you could just get down from your high horse," I interjected, "clench your butt cheeks and get on with it. You said you don't want to become involved? Tough luck, you already are. Let's speak plainly. What do you fear, Odin?"

"Fear? I'm an immortal. I don't…"

"Cut the crap. You've been playing coy, ever since we met. It's almost as if you're desperately grasping for reasons to stay where you are, cozy, safe and irrelevant. If that's not fear, I don't know what is."

"Careful, Lilith," he snapped. "Antagonising me won't yield the result you're aiming for, but you're right. You want to know what I fear? Waking up and realising that we've been misled and used for the better part of existence. I fear the doubts that will haunt me, should Lucifer have been right."

The large wolf erupted in a hackling cough, a dark, twisted version of a laugh. "That's a mortal sentiment, if I've ever seen one," he explained. "Hiding until it's too late only because you fear failure. I thought you were above these things."

"So did I, but apparently I'm still learning. Alright, I'll go. But first, I'll finish up, here,"

"And why exactly are you trying to do? You aren't searching for transcendent traces, the spell is much too complex," I asked.

"You're right. I'm trying to weave an illusion, which should show me the last few years. Whatever transpired, we'll be able to watch. You're, of course, very welcome to stay. At the very least it should show us why this plane is emptier than the void. After that… well, it sure seems like we're going on a road trip to wherever Lucifer is hiding."

"Cassandra," I corrected him, almost instinctively. "I wouldn't call her Lucifer. None of us want the Lightbringer to return. We're much better off as it is."

"Are we," he mumbled, while he turned back to the pulsing web of energies. "He might have been an arrogant jerk, but I'm starting to believe we might soon come to miss him. Attitude, wings and warts and all. At least he put the fear of god in Michael."

"The fear of god," I echoed. "I don't think there's a deity under any sun Michael fears."

"It's a figure of speech," he said and rolled his eyes. "One mortals use to indicate something above them, something that can pass judgement, when all else fails. In that regard, I think the shoe fits, doesn't it?"

"Probably. Which reminds me. Before you become entranced by your magic again, do you know why Michael fears him so much? I know how powerful he is, but a lonely angel can't be a threat to the heavenly host." A bark like laughter made my hair bristle.

"A lonely angel… hah. You've what? Spent close to an hour in her company and you're already willing to march wherever she points you. If Michael hadn't put in the work beforehand, quite a few of us wouldn't have joined his crusade. Lucifer has always been able to ignite something within the people he met. Hatred, love, fear, trust… I've never met anyone who simply didn't care. No, Lilith, he wouldn't have been lonely, if he had just bothered to explain himself, but I imagine his magnificence never even considered the possibility he might need help."

"She does know. Another reason why you should meet her."

"I've already agreed, haven't I? Incidentally, whom am I going to meet? You said she wouldn't be alone. Who's with her?"

"I am, for example, but there are a few more. Aurora and Mephisto and… well, the rest you'll have to figure out by yourself."

"Thought so. Can you at least tell me how many immortals are close to her?"

"I could, but why does it matter?"

"I want to know if everyone who's gone missing is tied to her or if some have simply disappeared."

"Six, including her, at least as far as I know. How many vanished?" He sighed.

"More, many more. Close to fifty. I wonder where they are… and if we'll ever know."