Green: Stephen

I wanted to ask him.

My breath hitched as I fasten my pace. His scent getting weaker, his distance farther. I grit my canines as I hurried down the grass plains.

I wanted to know.

Right now my mind is filled with too much questions, I can literally blow my own mind. This could fog my judgment, this could destroy my rationality. And the Goddess knows, I need to keep a cool head right now.

I could feel the earth beneath my paws shake and quiver at every step. The wind against my fur, the blades of grass bending against my body. It was a blur as my focus was all trained at the wolf before me.

When he actually held me in his arms, I froze. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hold him back. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do so many things but I somehow can't. It must be the fear, the foreign feeling I had for a father. But even with my stoic reaction, dad smiled. Through his clouded eyes he tried to convey that he was happy to finally be holding me, talking to me.

His eyes.

Those were eyes of someone going rogue. Eventhough I don't have any experience dealing with a person going through the loss of his sanity, I can clearly see it was nothing to be taken lightly for. There's so many things I wanted to know. So much to ask him. There's something building inside me that I can't clearly explain.

I shook my head as I tried to clear my thoughts. This is not the time to be confused. I pushed my legs further as I try to catch up with him, feeling every muscle in my body ache at the force I'm exerting. My father's wolf is one of the most majestic wolves I've ever seen, well except for Blake's that is. I chuckled at myself as I remembered that brawnhead at a time like this.

I soon caught up to him and tried to catch his attention by barking towards him but he didn't even turned to look at me or even slow down. I narrowed my eyes at him and growled.

"Will you stop?!" I mentally try to nudge him and he snorted as he started to run faster making me look at him quite surprised. I rolled my eyes and pushed myself to catch up to him.

We were running for quite sometime when I decided that I need to stop this chase. I gave all my strength on my legs and dashed infront of him causing him to stop in his tracks. His eyes shot wide at surprise at me as I glared at him while catching my breath. He quickly masked his surprise by looking pensive at me and started to circle around me but I wasn't having him run again and leave without explaining. So, I snapped at him and he quickly backed off looking much surprised as before.

"Stop running and talk!" I growled in his mind, not knowing if I ever penetrated his thoughts or not. "I'm tired of this. Aren't you?!" He blinked as he looked to his side dejected. "Can we just talk?" I whispered, almost to myself. I could feel my chest tighten from the pain but I need to endure it or we won't get anything done here. "Please."

My father looked backed at me and shifted causing me to blink at surprise. He took a deep breath and started to open his mouth before closing them back. I shifted back and looked straight at him, my face unknown to me. But as he turned to look at me he bit his lower lip and brought his hands over his face before running his right arm over his eyes. He looked at me again and tried to smile.

"Son." He started, his voice unsure once again, not quite the Alpha I envisioned my father to be. It was filled with so much pain and longing that I had to clench my fists to prevent myself from running to him and wrap my arms around him. "Please... Don't make this harder than it already is..." He croaked and I immediately scowled as tears started to well up in my eyes.

"No!" I screamed. Silence then followed afterwards as my father looked at me. "I don't know what all has happened before and I don't care if I'm being selfish! I just want you to talk... It's clear to me that you and Lance have a lot of things going on and it's clearly that it was something very serious. But I don't fucking care!" I yelled at him as I glared at him. My feet started to stride towards my father. "All I know that you're here and alive! All this lies. All this about leaving us, leaving your mate... About leaving me again! Have you ever thought about what we ever thought about you?! About how Lance have thought about you?! The pack?! Mom?!" I growled once I was just infront of him and grabbed his neck in a tight grasp as my father didn't even back off or fought at my grip. "About what I wanted?!" I started to tear up and my father reached out with trembling hands and placed his hand at my nape.

"Aries. Son, I-" He started and slowly brought my head at the crook of his neck causing my face bury in his warm skin. "I'm sorry... I know it's not enough for all the things I've d-"

I wrapped my arms around his back and started to shake as my tears flowed endlessly from my eyes. My father's hand shook at my back. His voiced hitched as a broken gasp escaped his lips.

"Please... Don't leave me alone." I cried as I tighten my hold on him as I feared he would vanish like smoke if I didn't. "Dad. Please." I cracked as I felt an embrace wrap around me. My father didn't reply for awhile but I felt something wet hit my skin as my father hugged me back. I etched this feeling in the fabric in my mind.

"Let's talk." My father spoke once we pulled apart. He jerked his head towards a large boulder near a small pond just a few feet away from where we are standing. I smiled and followed him from behind.

I never noticed this but my father had a ton of scars behind his back. It saddens me that he had to live all by himself all this years alone. Without his pack, without his family, without his mate. He struggled to find a remedy for what seems to be a incurable ailment in our world with the thought of getting well. But all these years brought only despair as they come by as my father started to lose every hope he had in him. We finally, arrived at the giant boulder and my father sat down. I followed suit and leaned back at the cold, smooth surface with an arms length away from my father. There was a long pause before we started to talk with each other.

"I guess I should start explaining..." My father started as he kept his eyes on the clear water right in front of us. I looked down and sighed before looking at the pond before me.

"I'm listening." I replied.

"Aries, son, I -" He started before pausing. "... I guess I said this already but I would like to apologize for leaving you. Leaving the responsibility of handling a pack at a very young age must be so cruel that I don't blame you for hating me for that." He spoke but I remained silent. "It doesn't justify my actions but I know I am to blame to mosy of it." He continued. "What a lousy father I came out to be." He chuckled coldly at his own joke.

"I don't hate you for leaving the pack." I started as he stopped to allow me to reply. "Everyone was helpful. I didn't mind the extra load I had to carry at a young age because everything was worth it. The pack was family..."

"I know." He murmured beneath his breath.

"What I am mad about is you lying when you left not just to your mate but to your pack! Not even to mom..." I gritted as I clenched my fists. "Making everyone think your dead! Making everyone feel the pain of..."

"I had to." He cuts me off as I snap my head to glare at him. "I had to." He continued as he clenched his teeth while clenching his fist. "I don't want them to feel a slow anguish and pain of knowing I had to go through. I cared enough to not let them suffer as I grow out of my sanity. I don't want them to be hurt by my very own hands when I get blanked out." He growls as he looked distraught at his own reflection. "I cared enough that I was dead in everyone's mind. I don't want anyone to suffer... So, I pulled the plug myself."

I looked at my father then turned my vision towards the water once again. Unable to know what to feel about it. I felt concern, I felt rage. It was a torrent of emotions altogether that I had to take a few minutes to see the bigger picture and calm myself down.

"I like to say that..." I stopped before I could utter something I would later regret. "...I can't say that I approved on what you did because I already thought about it and I supposed that I would also do what you just did... Spare the ones you loved for a slow painful goodbye than a swift one." I started, looking passed the horizon of swaying grass. "But I also don't approve on what you did as well. From the perspective of a person who thought you were dead, I... I feel cheated and it hurts." I grimaced.

"I'm sorry." My father started as he looked down dejected. "Sorry that you had to feel that way. I guess growing up without a father was hard on you. Specially, the responsibility of an Alpha given at you at such a age." I shook my head at his words.

"I guess there were days, I asked myself that maybe my dad left was because of me even with mom's constant reminder that it wasn't so." I smile at the thought as I looked up at the drifting clouds. "But mom was there. Zephyr and the pack was there. I had tons of support a kid would want and I was content with that. For the lack of love from a father seems to be filled by their love for me."

My father smiled sadly at my every word as if he knew that was the case. He leaned against his arms as he buried his face over them.

"How are they?" He asked.

"The pack's fine. I guess with everyone's support, we managed to survive this long with a young Alpha." I smirked as I looked down at him. "You don't need to worry."

"That's good to hear." He replied.

"They still missed you, you know." I added and he stiffened.

"They'll hate me when they know what I did." He snorted.

"Maybe." I affirmed. "But if I know our pack as you do, you know that they'll forgive you nonetheless. We are a family remember."

"A family." He croaked. "Never had that in years." He whispered lowly but I managed to hear his words and that caused my heart to clenched painfully tight.

"You know it would be nice if you could ..." I trail off as i rubbed the back of my head whilst looking over. "... You know. Visit the pack sometime. See what's everyone been doing all this years. I mean. You're technically still an Alpha of our pack."

"That would be nice." My father looked out from his arms, eyes filled with mirth, even from their cloudiness. "I would like that." I smiled back upon seeing him look at me and an explainable emotion filled my chest.

"Maybe you should." I smirked as I slowly sat down besides him. "And you could teach me about being an Alpha over dinner." He smiled at that before looking down at the dirt.

"That's a warm thought, son." He spoke. "I would love to see that through. But let's be real. I'm going rogue and we won't know when will I lose my sanity. I don't want to hurt our pack, our family."

"You won't." I clasped his shoulder and looked at him reassuringly.

"You don't know that." He looked at me with eyes filled with pain. "I can't remember how often I wake up with blood covering my body when I come to or how my body started to enjoy the feeling of killing for no reason. I fear that someday, I could hurt you. I could..." He looked down as his eyes shook while tears started to stream down his cheeks. "...hurt Lance. I'd rather..."

"No, you won't." I yelled as his face turns to look at me. "No, you won't hurt anyone. You're the kindest, strongest Alpha everyone has been talking about ever since I could remember. Not me. Not your mate! You'll never hurt us." I scolded him as I felt tears welling up and streaming down my cheeks. "So, please..."

"Son..." My father soft voice broke my train of thought. He was now holding my hands in his as he tried to look reassuring.

"Please." I plead as I looked down beaten. My tears started to pour like a waterfall over my cheeks as the dam I kept strongly to keep my emotions at bay was easily torn down. My father, out of my own inhibitions, wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. I bawled like the child I was and cried like I never cried before.