Tranquility

Carver had insisted on coming along for this rescue mission. He also called Marian an idiot for involving herself with a mage escaping the templars when she herself was an apostate, but she decided to ignore that part. They rounded up Varric from the Hanged Man and made their way up to Hightown, fighting a couple small groups of ne'er-do-wells along the way. Anders was waiting outside the Chantry for them.

"Karl just went inside a few minutes ago, no signs of any templars yet. If we hurry we may all be able to get out of here without incident."

"Love the confidence, Blondie." Varric chuckled to lighten the mood, but Anders just hardened his expression as he led them inside.

They made their way quietly through the Chantry, looking around until they spotted Karl. Anders ran up the stairs to get to him, while the rest walked at a normal pace, allowing him to have a private moment with his friend. When they caught up to him it was clear that things were not as they should be.

"Karl, what's going on? Why are you talking like that?" Anders asked desperately, putting a hand on Karl's shoulder to force him to turn around and face him. Karl's expression was lifeless, his newly branded forehead still blistered and raw. "No!"

"I was too rebellious, like you. The templars knew I had to be made an example of." There was a rush of clanking armor behind them, coming out from a side door nearby. "This is the apostate."

"No!!" Anders cried in anguish, dropping to his knees momentarily, before standing back up again with a harsh and unnatural jerk, his eyes glowing blue, his skin crackling with that same light. "YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER MAGE AS YOU TOOK HIM." He declared in a deep, inhumane voice before setting upon the templars.

Carver, Varric, and Marian joined into the fray as well, felling templars while trying to stay out of the glowing blue path of destruction. Marian suddenly remembered Gamlen's fearful ramblings about Anders being some kind of demon with glowing eyes. Now she wondered if she didn't owe him an apology. When the last Templar fell and things went quiet, Karl spoke again.

"Anders, what did you do?" He sounded genuinely confused if not also a little awestruck, and the sudden change in his demeanor pulled Anders from whatever fit of rage he had been in.

"Karl! You were made tranquil, how are you...?"

"I don't know. Whatever you did it's like it pulled a piece of the fade into this world. I had already forgotten what that felt like." Karl was staring at Anders with wide eyes, not even glancing to the rest of them.

"I'm curious about that too. I've never seen magic like that before." Marian added quietly, her gaze also fixed on Anders.

"I have some unique circumstances, yes. But, Karl, how did they get you? You've passed your harrowing, this is illegal!"

"Not in Kirkwall it isn't. The templars here are much more diligent than in Ferelden. They found me writing a letter to you, and talking about escaping is a slippery slope to becoming maleficarum in the Knight Commander's eyes. If you'd been at the Gallows instead of Kinloch Hold, they would have made you tranquil before you even came of age."

"I am so, so sorry Karl. I should've come for you sooner."

"This isn't your fault Anders. Please, kill me before I forget again. I can already feel it slipping. You have no idea what it's like to live without color, without joy. Please..."

"Karl, you can't ask me to do that!" Anders pleaded, tears in his eyes.

"Tranquility is a fate worse than death, Anders. He'll continue being abused, but he won't even have the freedom of his mind to escape to." Marian added gently, putting a hand on Anders' feathered shoulder.

He sighed and lunged forward to hug his friend. "I will never forget you, Karl Thekla."

"I always loved you, Anders. Please, I can feel it fading, you have to do it now! I don't want-... Why are you holding me? Are you well, serah?"

Anders shook with silent sobs as he pulled his dagger off his belt and plunged it into Karl's back, holding him as he died, he gently lowered him to the floor and crossed his arms across his chest. "Let's go, there's nothing here now..."

The walk back to Lowtown was silent. Carver chose to join Varric in the Hanged Man, wanting to be away from the somber atmosphere the mages were stewing in.

Anders and Marian continued on towards Gamlen's house in silence. Once Marian got to the door, Anders turned to leave.

"Anders, wait!"

"Yes? Is there something you need of me?" He asked tiredly, his eyes red and puffy as he looked up at her.

"Please come inside. Cuddle your daughter, have some tea. We don't have to speak."

"Alright." He came up the stairs and followed her inside. It was the middle of the night, Gamlen was gone doing Maker-knows-what, and Leandra was asleep in her chair by the fire, Elizabeth sleeping soundly on her chest, secured to her grandmother with a blanket wrap that Marian hadn't seen her mother don since the twins were new. It brought a tear to her eye to see the new Bethy snuggled on her chest the same way the original Bethy had been, so many years ago.

"I don't think I'll be cuddling anyone tonight, Marian. I would hate to wake the both of them. I should just go home..."

"You can cuddle with me." Marian blurted out before thinking about it. "I-I mean... We've done far worse together. I'd enjoy cuddling. And then if she wakes up to feed, you can be here with us."

Anders stared at her for a moment, before averting his gaze, shifting uncomfortably.

"Even after everything that you saw tonight? I'm not the man I was when we were together. I can't be that man ever again."

"I'll admit I have questions, but I'm not turning my back on you. I just need to know that Elizabeth will be safe, first and foremost."

"Oh Maker, the fact that that could even be a question disturbs me. While I was in Amaranthine, during my time as a Grey Warden, I became friends with a spirit of Justice who had gotten trapped outside of the fade. He was haunting a corpse against his will, and had no way to return home. I thought that a willing host, a friend, would be a better option than playing the demon and inhabiting a corpse. We had plans to deliver justice unto the circles, to free the mages, to right the wrongs of the Chantry and its Templars. But... I guess there was too much anger inside me. Now whenever I see things that have always angered me, he comes out, and he is no longer my friend Justice, but a spirit of vengeance, and he does not show mercy."

"I see... Well, that explains your new sexy-tortured look." She smiled, stepping closer to him. His jaw dropped as he looked back at her.

"I...Wow. Perhaps I should check a looking glass more often..." He smiled softly and took her hands in his own. "I had never thought to find someone who could look past that, let alone someone who knew me before and can make comparisons."

"I'm a very understanding individual, Anders. I do have a question about you and Karl though. I'm fine with you two being together, you needn't worry about that. I'm simply curious if you were cheating on him when you laid with me."

"No, he was taken to the Gallows a few years before the Blight, our relationship had never been exclusive, but he was my first, and my dearest friend. We had no means of staying in contact, and with life in the circle you can never commit to just one person. The templars use it against you if you have someone you can't bear to lose. So, no, I wasn't cheating on him. Our love was never exclusive to only eachother, if he had been able to come home, I'm sure he would've been happy to get to know you and Elizabeth."

"Well, I'm glad to know you weren't betraying anyone by sleeping with me. Now that that's out of the way, shall we?" She led him back into the bedroom and had him join her on her cot. It was cramped, having never been meant for two people, but that just gave all the more excuse to tangle her limbs with his and snuggle her head into his chest.

"Marian I want to stand by you. I can never give you a normal life, but I want to be here for you, to protect you and our daughter. I want to give you comfort and happiness for as long as you'll have me."

"You're so sweet, Anders." She hummed happily.

"Marian, I'm serious. Whatever this is between us can't last. We either commit to eachother, or commit to not have one another."

"Well... If those are my only options, I'd much rather have you with me. I still quite enjoy your company, and as the father of our child, it's only right that you be able to fully be her father."

Anders let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in, and hugged Marian tightly.

"I believe these sorts of arrangements are usually sealed with a kiss." Marian spoke into his chest, unable to pull away from his hug.

Anders let go of her and cupped her face with one hand, leaning his head down to meet hers, kissing her tenderly. After a few moments of kissing they returned to their previous cuddling position.

"So, what am I then? Your girlfriend? Are you courting me?" She asked with a lightly teasing tone.

"You're my partner. If you want an official title you'll have to find a ship captain because I am not going back to the Chantry ever again after today."

"Fair enough." They stayed cuddling for a while longer until the telltale cries of their hungry baby pulled them from their quiet intimacy.

They exited the bedroom to find Leandra pacing with the little girl. "I'm sure Mama will be back soon, dearest. She knows you need- Marian! And Anders? When did you sneak in?" She jolted, startled, putting her arms protectively around the baby before recognizing her daughter.

"We've been home for a while, actually. We were discussing things and didn't want to wake you, so we tucked away into the bedroom. It's a good thing we have a mabari guarding the door, or I'd have been worried about how easy it was to sneak in here."

Leandra flushed lightly and quickly untied her blanket wrap to hand the fussing baby to Marian. "Yes, well, if you could do the mothering for a while, I'd like to go back to sleep."

Marian chuckled and waved her mother off before going to take her seat by the fire, opening her robes as she went. Once settled in the chair she put Elizabeth to her breast, stroking her daughters fine black hair as she drank. Once she was sated she opened her eyes and gave her Mother a big, toothless smile.

"You know, Anders, I didn't think anything of her having brown eyes at first, my father and Bethany have brown eyes after all, but now that I'm having a chance to look at her and compare her to you, she very clearly has your eyes."

"Does she now?" He smiled and knelt down next to the chair so he could get a better look at his daughter.

"Yes, Hawkes have rich, dark brown eyes, like chocolate. But your eyes are more of a honey color. So are hers, four months old and her eyes haven't darkened. If they haven't by now I don't think they're ever going to."

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered, or concerned about that sweet tooth of yours." He teased quietly.

"I could compare them to non-food things, but any insult I throw at you is also thrown at Elizabeth, so it's only flattery today." She replied back with mock propriety, then grinned and handed the little girl to her Dada. Watching Anders soothe her to sleep made her heart swell.

"We are both very lucky to have you, Anders."

"No, you've got it backwards. I'm very lucky to have the both of you." His tone was sad, even as he smiled and placed a kiss on Elizabeth's forehead, the sadness lingered in his eyes. "I will drown the city in blood before I ever let a templar hurt either of you."

"Blood drownings shouldn't be your first step, but I would fight for you as well." She leaned down and kissed him softly.