LUKE: The Reunion

It was a lazy, sunny Saturday and I was sitting in our living room, sipping a really cold Coke and surfing through the channels in search of the perfect action flick. From where I was, the aroma of the food my mom was preparing for lunch drifted to my nostrils. It smelled like Adobo and I smiled in anticipation. Lunch was going to be delicious!

My mom came out from the kitchen to prepare the dining table. As she laid the spoons and forks in place, she said in a casual tone, “We’re having a guest for lunch today.”

“Yeah?” came my nonchalant reply. “Who?”

“Your Ex.”

I choked on the glass of Coke I was drinking. Seriously, just what exactly is going on with Mace’s re-entry back into my life?

I felt my mom’s gaze, eyeing my reaction carefully. “You seem to be shocked.”

As expected, she was her usual calm self despite my flustered reaction. Standing 5 feet tall, my mom is a petite woman of cheerful disposition. At the age of 50, her hair was starting to turn a silver color and her once youthful appearance had aged gracefully to reveal a face that always wears a warm, welcoming smile.

So, that explains the Adobo lunch, I thought ruefully. Recovering my composure, I answered my mom in what I hoped to be a normal voice. “I’m okay Ma,” then clearing my throat, I asked innocently, “Why is she going to be here?”

“Mace and Kate went out this morning to buy stuff they need for this trip.” She continued with her preparation of the dining table, this time, bringing the glasses out. I hurriedly got up to help her. “Since they’ll be done around noon, Kate suggested she have lunch here with us.”

“Oh, I see,” I said weakly.

Mom looked at me still trying to gauge my reaction. “It’s been awhile since Mace has been here. I hope it won’t be awkward for you.”

I went over and put my arm around her shoulder to give her assurance. “I’m fine Ma,” I said. “Like what I told Kate, I’m more worried if she would be awkward around me.”

My mom’s smile looked relieved. “I’m glad to know that then. Mace and your sister are incredibly excited about this trip. It would be really nice to see you both in good terms.”

“Don’t worry Ma, I believe we’re both mature enough to handle such a situation.”

Mom gave me a hug. “My son’s already a man,” she said in a proud voice. “Why don’t you get dressed now while I finish up here?” She gave me a wink. “I think you would want to look good and presentable for this 'reunion' with Mace.”

I laughed out loud. “You’re so corny Ma!” I continued to laugh until I was out from her sight. Then I paused to lean on the wall. The pounding of my heart was back again and I wiped an imaginary sweat off my forehead. Am I really in too deep to be this pitiful nervous wreck at the thought of seeing her again?

Taking a deep breath, I headed towards my room and paused to look at my reflection. Noting my ordinary clothes, I scanned my closet for a more presentable ensemble of slim cut jeans and polo shirt with blue stripes. After combing my hair, I gave a satisfied nod at the man who stood in front of me. If anything, my reflection showed me as calm, cool and confident.

It was the complete opposite of what I truly felt.

My thoughts drifted to a memory of an unexpected confrontation. We were at our house and Mace was different that day. She was not smiling, and even when I pulled her to wrap my arms around her waist, she didn’t melt in my embrace. She resisted and sensing she meant business, I dropped my arms and waited for her to say what she wanted to tell me.

“I’m tired of this game we’re playing,” she said seriously. “I feel like I’m just your flavor of the month.” She paced the floor of our living room and ran her hands through her hair. “For two years now, we are a normal couple every time we’re on semester break or on Christmas and summer vacation but when classes start, we’re back to zero.”

I opened my mouth to interrupt but she cut me off.

“Please let me finish, I need to get this off my chest.”

I kept quiet and she took a deep breath before continuing. “I know you have a girlfriend at your school,” she said her voice strangled. “I have seen the pictures and you have your arms around her so don’t bother denying it.”

I opened my mouth to defend myself but seeing her sad brown eyes, all lame reasons I had instantly thought of scattered. If anything, I really couldn’t bear it seeing her sad.

“I don’t want to play games anymore. I want our relationship to be serious just as it should be.” She looked at me straight in the eye. “I want exclusivity Luke --- me as your only girlfriend and you as my only boyfriend. I want you to look at me, only me, and damn those other girls! I want you visit me at home, fetch me at school, go out on dates and watch movies. Isn’t that what a normal couple does?”

She stopped to catch her breath then looking at me with pleading eyes, she asked softly, “Can we do that Luke? Can we be a normal couple? Can you be serious with me?”

Everything she said was right. Everything she said was true. And I was stricken to know that she was actually aware of the fling in between. I wanted to tell her that the other girl didn’t mean anything to me. That she was just there to occupy the space when we couldn’t see each other because we were busy with school. That she couldn’t even begin compare with her in any way.

I wanted to tell her that I want to do all those things that she said. How I wanted to fetch her at school, go on dates and hold her hand as we watch movies. But how could I begin to do so when she didn’t know that I didn’t feel worthy to do any of these things, especially with her friends around?

If there was something I loved most about Mace, it was her simplicity in everything she did. I wasted no time in courting her after the presidential election that summer of 1995 and I was thrilled when she gave her sweet yes after just a couple of weeks. Wait, thrilled is an understatement. I was literally above cloud 9 that day and when I got to lace my fingers around hers for the second time, I felt everything in my life was indeed perfect.

But reality dangled its head when June, start of classes came. Aside from not being able to spend much time together as we were busy with assignments and subjects to study for, I began to understand just how exclusive Mace’s school really was.

It was easy to forget that she belonged to one of the most classy and expensive schools in our city during vacation because Mace acted just like any normal middle-class girl would. But when I first came to her school with the intention of fetching her, I realized that students there had boyfriends who fetched them in cars. And when I saw her outside talking with her friends, she was standing with beautiful, sophisticated girls sporting designer bags and branded shoes. Even Mace, who I knew never owned branded bags, looked the part – rich, class and exclusive.

The bubble I was in burst as I stood there taking in everything that was in her world. I realized just how opposite our backgrounds were, at least where our schools were concerned. So, to make the long story short, that was the first and only time I dared to fetch her from school. I remembered how her eyes lit up when she saw me. She waved, ran toward me and dragged me to meet her sophisticated friends, introducing me as her boyfriend.

I remembered receiving a chorus of “Hi’s” and “It’s nice to meet you” but I barely looked at them in the eye. I was uncomfortable and really wanted to get out of there but knowing that these were Mace’s friends, I didn’t forget my manners. Giving a smile through the blur of faces, I managed to say “Hello” and nodded with feigned interest at what they were talking about as they included me in their conversation.

Thankfully, Mace said her goodbyes soon after and we left, her hands circling my arm. She was still talking as we continued to walk away but my head was down, all too aware of the other girls being fetched by cars while my girlfriend was going home with no car and worse, walking on foot towards the jeepney stop. I had never felt so small in my entire life.

I didn’t tell Mace how I felt but it was the beginning of our fights. She noticed I never went to fetch her at school again nor did I go with her when she went out with her friends. She repeatedly asked me what the problem was but to be honest, I didn’t know how to make her understand how I felt. As the fights continued, we drifted apart slowly until she finally stopped trying.

And that’s how the unspoken, unconfirmed arrangement started. We were literally apart during school but I lived for Christmas and summer vacations as these were the times I get to be with her again. Completely with her, away from her exclusive school and rich, sophisticated friends. At these times, she was simply Mace, my girl and my only favorite in this world.

Evidently, she didn’t feel the same way I did; otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this confrontation.

“Luke,” she whispered. “Don’t you want to be with me?”

I tried to speak but no words came out of my mouth.

She continued to hold my gaze then said in a very sad voice, “You don’t even know what you feel for me, do you?” Then giving me a forced smile, she said the words that stopped my heartbeat. “We’re over Luke. I don’t want to be in this kind of relationship anymore.” And with that, she stood up and left.

I wanted to run after her and tell her, No, I don’t want to break up! I want you, not her! I want to be with you! But I kept quiet and let the greatest love of my life walk away.

The sound of the gate opening snapped me out of my reverie. I heard voices and cautiously started descending the stairs. Making sure I was out of sight, I took a peak at the girl who had turned my world upside down four years ago.

Mace’s hair was longer now, past her shoulders and dyed a golden brown. She had filled out a little since I last saw her but I have to admit, the curves were still in the right places. She was wearing a peasant blouse over a denim skirt that fell above her knees and dainty nude sandals.

My eyes travelled upward to her face and I had to admire the fact that she hadn’t aged a bit. If she traded her semi casual attire to the shirts and jeans I was used to, she could still pass as a college student. If anything, she still looked younger than me.

She was now taking the hand of my mom, smiling and kissing her on the cheek. Mom was grinning as she looked at her and gave her a big hug. Kate was beside her, clearly thrilled with the reunion. It was indeed a good scene happening in front of me. Would I ruin it if I come out of my hiding place?

Then I noticed her looking around and threw mom a questioning look. She asked where I was and my heart literally began racing. She’s looking for me, I thought. Wow, she’s really looking for me. Mom gestured towards the stairs and told her I was upstairs in my room.

Kate ushered her into the living room where they all sat down on the couch and started talking almost immediately. I stood rooted on the spot wondering if I should stay where I was or join them. I knew I should do the latter but for some reason, my feet wouldn’t move. They were just literally glued to the floor.

After a few minutes, Kate called my name and I knew I had to make my appearance. Miraculously, my feet began moving forward and I descended the stairs slowly. Presenting what I hoped was a calm and confident face, I stood in front of her after two years of not seeing each other ---- Mace, my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first love, my first everything.