51 Waiting For the Dawn
Rafał smiled pale and touched his body, first his lower abdomen, then his penis and finally the hollow between his buttocks. He hissed in pain and trembled. His own touch was nothing compared to the touch of another man. Compared to Damian's touch.
Brylski tightened his eyelids. He did it so hard that he felt pain in his eyes. He himself didn't know what was trembling inside him more, his body or his heart.
When Damian fondled him and then took him, for some reason all the natural reflexes of resistance to approach turned off in Rafał. He eagerly opened his arms, flexed his buttocks himself, and waited in tense anticipation for the pleasure he had so far only heard about and seen in secretly watched movies. Damian's arms, hot, strong but also tender, enveloped him, possessed him, giving him a hitherto unknown sense of security, not fear.
They gave him exactly what Rafał had dreamed of all his life.
Rafał laughed nervously in the silence of his hotel room. He did it quietly so that the man occupying the next room wouldn't even accidentally hear him. The man who had taken possession of him today and given him his tenderness in return.
The nervous giggles and tears gave away clearly how much emotional chaos Rafał was in now, lost between the experience of his first ecstasy, the desire to experience it again, and the fear...
Fear of what?
Rafał rubbed his eyes and tear-stained cheeks. However, he could not control his trembling.
He had received so much from Damian today that greed had awakened in him. Rafał just wanted more of this warmth, this closeness and this physical pleasure that he was experiencing for the first time in his twenty-five year life. Dazzled by this wonderful and unexpected experience, he greedily wanted more and more but...
But Damian Radosz was a man who had no interest in other men. Today... Today, under the adrenaline and electricity hanging in the air, they both succumbed to the sinful temptation and even Damian offered more, but with the end of this day and the arrival of a new dawn, when emotions had subsided and reason had awakened, wouldn't Radosz regret tonight and the crazy experience of having a man?
Rafał looked at the window. His body trembled, but his heart trembled even more.
It was getting brighter outside the window, but Brylski's heart was sinking deeper and deeper into sadness.
The night brought him unimaginable pleasure as if from a fantastic dream, but the day would confront him with the greyness of reality.
***
"What have I done?" wondered Damian Radosz, feeling the panic gripping him. "What have I done, how could I?"
Damian was already in his room and his heart was pounding as hard as if someone was doing the demolition of an old building with heavy hammers in it.
Rafał had ended up in his arms that night not times, but twice!
Meanwhile, even once was one time too many!
But the past day, evening and night, had been some kind of unbelievable madness that had caused Damian to completely lose his mind and succumb to... well, what exactly?
Shame flooded Radosz's mind and his heart.
Shame and guilt.
Damian wasn't going to go to Brylski's room, he wanted to talk to him through the balcony, so he put his phone down on the night table. When he returned to his room after the intoxicating moments, he reflexively checked his phone and saw that someone had tried to contact him.
And it wasn't anyone. It was Justyna, his fiancée!
Damian, the biggest moron and scoundrel in the world, had a fiancée and slept with a guy! And not once, but twice in one night!
He is a horrible pig to do something like that to Justyna!
And Rafał too.
Ba bum, ba bum, ba bum...
At the mention of Rafał, the heart in Radosz's chest palpitated restlessly, but it was not an unpleasant anxiety. At the very thought of Brylski a spring meadow full of white daisies, golden marsh marigolds and blue forget-me-nots bloomed in Damian's heart. Larks and swallows were flying over the meadow with their sweet singing announcing spring. The bees were busily gathering nectar for the first honey of the year...
Damian, wringing his hands, sat down on his bed. He lowered his head.
Justyna...
He met Justyna in college and after their freshman year they started dating. For two years of their sophomore year they were a couple and he trusted her to the point that he confessed to her that he made a living from writing. Radosz fascinated her with his way of life and for the next few years Justyna helped him as an editor. It was she who was by his side in the difficult times of doubt and those when his mother's illness took a turn for the worse.
They were comfortable together, Damian and Justyna, in all aspects of life. They were fine and comfortable, but...
Radosz groaned in helplessness combing his hair.
Damian had always been a good, honest, trustworthy and hard working man. He had always used reason in making his decisions. So why today, so completely without thinking, completely giving in to the temptation of the moment, he with Rafał...?
Damn! Fuck! Fuck!
More curses ran through Radosz's head as he realized once again that he had betrayed the woman who was supposed to be his wife. The woman he loved after all!
Something rasped in his brain, as if something had entered between the cog teeth of his mind and disrupted their free operation.
Did he love her?
The cogs stopped and a void appeared in Damian's mind.
Did he?
The stoppage lasted a few heartbeats, as if a black hole had appeared in Radosz's brain, slowing down the flow of time. As if the mechanism of his mind had stopped forever.
Did he love?
Did he love Justyna?
The cogs rubbed and finally their teeth crushed the obstacle with a clatter and began to work driving his thoughts.
Of course Damian loves her! How could he even doubt that?
Justyna is a wonderful girl with whom they matched in interests, work and even erotic preferences (which were not crazy by the way) so why would he doubt his feelings for Justyna? He spent five years of his life with her and wanted to spend the rest and now he doubts his feelings? Idiot! Idiot! Moron!
With Rafał, it was...
Ba bam, ba bum, ba bum...
With Rafał...
On a blooming spring meadow, a gentle spring wind swayed the stems of the flowers. Two golden butterflies soared into the sky. The air smelled so pleasant that you could lose yourself in its fragrance. The gentle rays of the sun gently caressed his face...
Damian swallowed hard.
With Justyna, his heart never turned into a blossoming meadow. With Justyna...
For God's sake!
Damian nervously started walking around the room cursing himself and his cursed organ that couldn't sit down in its pants and looked for someone else in the absence of his fiancée. But after all, Radosz could not blame only his masculine appendage, because it was not the only one who wanted to be with Rafał. Maybe lust was the least of the factors that led to tonight, because it was Damian's heart that desired him just as much as his body, or maybe even more strongly.
For fuck's sake!
Radosz stopped suddenly. He stood still as if struck by thunder with his face turned towards the window behind which the day was waking up.
It had happened, he had betrayed Justyna. He had committed that sin and now he had to...
Well, exactly what?
The sky outside the window brightened slowly and the gray began to give way to red and gold.
Rafał had asked that this night remain their secret, that no one would ever know about it. So respecting his request, Damian should also keep quiet in front of Justyna. So should he lie to her for the rest of his life? Should he build their future together on lies? Should he fear for the rest of his life that the lie will come out and that in a year, two years, ten years, when Justyna finds out the truth, she will suffer not only from the betrayal but also from the fact that Damian lied to her?