Middle finger {4}

My dear Cole,

Beatrix adverted me to be careful with men, she said that the more we show how much we love them. The more they take you for granted and they fell out of love.

Cole, if that is true then you must have already drained out of love.

Maybe I should stop writing those letters, I don't want you to take me for granted, to eventually fall out of love.

I doubt I would survive that.

Well, I am doing it again.

Let me try again.

..

Dear Cole,

I am awake in the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep. It's raining and I don't like the noise of the rain hitting the ground and tapping on the windows' surface at the night. I like it during the day, as I like the smell the air takes. But not at the night. So I barely sleep when it rains.

I am writing to you this letter because I want to confess something.

I often dream of the first day we met.

Do you remember it?

This summer was the first summer I spent in the countryside, I went here with Beatrix but then she had a family issue and had to come back home.

So I was sad to spend my summer alone in a place I didn't know.

I doubt meetings are casual, I mean we are more than 7 billion people in the entire world I cannot believe we are not supposed to meet only certain people out of 7 billion.

The neighbor next to Beatrix's house was selling his cottage and Beatrix was very attached to that place. She recommended I try my best to impede the selling of that place.

When I saw your luxurious car stopping by I thought to myself: "Here he is, some random wealthy man buying propriety because he can. He will eventually end up forgetting about it after one week."

I rolled my eyes when I saw you walking out of the car as if you owed the place already and with it the entire world.

I firstly thought: 'Do people like you even have to try in their life? Do they even have to put effort to achieve things? Or their money and their appearance are enough convincing already?'

You stayed there visiting the house for one hour and 46 minutes. I checked the time you went in and when you went out.

My second thought was: 'he has a lot of time to waste.'

I ran out of Beatrix's cottage, the place where I was staying at.

And once I reached the neighborhood I screamed at you: "don't buy it!"

You barely heard me, you kept walking to your car. Maybe the gold earrings were obstructing the sound of my voice.

So I ran closer to you and right before you got inside. Out of breath for the run, I put my body between you and the door and said: "don't buy it."

You raised an eyebrow, probably thinking I was pathetic.

Maybe you were right.

That was when I first saw you, through the window, you seemed already handsome, but that close, your beauty was breathtaking.

"Why not? Give me three reasons."

So breathtaking that I could barely speak. I remained there staring at you and cursing life. Now I was sure people like you wouldn't have to ask twice in their lives. If your money couldn't buy it, your looks could.

I swallowed down, you scrutinized me from head to toe a few times. God only knew how much I was struggling not to look at you as intensely as you were looking at me.

But my pride allowed me to depart from that stare and finally answer.

"Because my friend is very attached to that place."

"Alright, first one, then? I need two more reasons."

You stared at me for a few more seconds, waiting for me to fill your mind with reasons. But I didn't know what else to say, wasn't that reason enough? Why did you even need a new house if you looked like the kind of man who has way too many houses that they end up losing the track of the number?

"I- I - I don't know."

You just like a real asshole turned around and gestured with your hand to the realtor.

"I'll send you a check for the payment."

I widened my eyes. Frustration and anger escalated quickly in my veins and my blood turned cold. Why would you do that?? Just on purpose to annoy me?

"Asshole."

I whispered pointing my finger and narrowing my eyes.

You ignored my insult and got back in that car. You gestured to the driver to go before you looked at me through the window. The car took off and I am sure I showed you my middle finger right then. You and your driver in that wealthy car passed by me. And I felt stupid, I didn't even give you more than one reason not to buy that house and there I was showing you a middle finger.

To justify my immature behavior I'll tell you that I had a really bad day. I had received the news from Beatrix that she couldn't come to spend the holiday with me and I was very sad.

Now that we are together I find myself wondering very often what you had thought of me that day, did you think I was just a psycho girl who had anger problems? If you did, once again you probably were right.

Anyways, for some weird reason my psychopathic behavior didn't make you run away, contrary it made you come back.

Three days later, I recognized the car and your particular - I am rich and successful - kind of walk.

I peeked through the window wondering why in the hell you come back. Did you need to see the car again?

You looked up to me at that exact second and just like a teenager who got caught spying on her secret crush I immediately retreated and pushed the curtain to cover my face. You saw me, I wasn't fast enough. A few seconds later I was dying of curiosity and I slowly moved the curtain to peek again hopeful you wouldn't catch me again.

You were looking at me, waiting for me to appear, you smiled mischievously and as if I didn't show you my middle finger two days ago you waved at me.

I rolled my eyes and kept watching you as you walked to the neighbor's house.

You stayed inside only twenty minutes or so and then you rang my doorbell.

I remembered so well the panic arising in my chest, I was still in pajamas, as lazy as always. My make-up wasn't made and I didn't even have my hair down. So I quickly went to the bathroom to wash my face and put mascara on and hastily brushed my hair down.

I took a deep breath.

why was I freaking out that much for a stranger?

I cursed myself mentally and I opened the door.

I remember that day so well, love.

What a crazy love story we had since that awful first meeting.'

Cole slid the letter inside the box, he smiled placed the box back in its place and sighed staring at the pile of letters that Claire used to write to him.

'I wonder if you will ever write me a letter again.' He whispered.