Awkwardness

I searched for his name in the university's group chat. I had never used it before. With sweaty hands I texted him.

Hey… :Melissa

It did not take long before he responded.

Dean: 😉

A wink? What was that supposed to mean?! I took in a deep breath and thought of something to type. Maybe I should just act like the awkwardness never happened, and act confident. Yes, that would probably be the best way to go.

Do you want to get together again tonight? :Melissa

Dean: to do what?

What did he mean by; to do what. Wasn't it obvious that I wanted to spend the night together with him again. Or at least, that I wanted to spend some time with him, not perse the night.

The kids were supposed to be with their father tonight, so I had a free pass. I cracked my head to find the right words. I overthought every word and finally went with the only thing I could think of.

Enjoy each other. :Melissa

Would that be too bold? I mean.. that was literally what we did, did we not? I did not know how this dating thing worked. I could not take it back now… so…

I was now in the end of my twenties, but I had never really dated before. I was clueless.

Dean send me a picture of a monkey eating a banana. I stared at my screen. Was he implying what I thought he was? I raised an eyebrow. He hadn't really touched me inappropriately at all last night. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted more than cuddling.

Strange as it was, I had wanted him to touch me.

It was not like I was looking for a fling last night. I wasn't like that, at all. I mean, I was married at a very young age. I was definitely not someone who would ever sleep around.

But I had always been drawn to him, and the way he had looked at me last night… It felt like I was the only one in the world he had eyes for.

It wasn't only the way he looked at me, but it was also the way he cradled me in his arms, cupping my face in his hands. The way he kissed my skin, sending electric shock waves through my body.

If that is what you want, I could give you that. :Melissa

Dean: Why would you assume that is what I want?

I felt my throat close down on me, and it felt kind of hard to breathe all of a sudden. Be bold, I thought again. It is too late to back down now.

Because, it is what we both want. :Melissa

He did not answer that. The minutes went by ever slowly, as I stood in the hall before the auditorium. Shoot… this was not the way it was supposed to happen. I could not leave it like that. What would he think of me now? What did he want from me? Did he want anything from me at all? Maybe he did not want me to kiss him, because he was not that into me. I did not like my train of thoughts, but it could very well be true for all I knew.

He had never persuid me sober.

Shoot, I needed to correct the situation.

I did not mean it like that :Melissa

This time, Dean replied pretty fast.

Dean: Then what did you mean?

I meant that we could enjoy spending time with each other after class. :Melissa

Again, he did not answer for a while, and I felt so insecure, that it gave me a sense of urgency to know if he felt the same about me as well. I gathered all my nerves and just asked him again. Maybe I just needed to be more explicit.

Do you want to spend some time after class? :Melissa

Dean: I will see you in a bit.

What the heck was that supposed to mean? I sat there… staring at my screen for the longest time. After a while students started dripping in.

Some of them talked to me, but I was not able to hold a conversation, because I was too busy keeping an eye on the door. It was almost time. Maybe he would not show. A pang of sadness overwhelmed me by the thought of that.

Dani was going on and on about the guy she had been with this last year. I started to join the conversation as the time slipped by, not expecting Dean to show anymore. Dani's ex was a first-class douchebag, and I told her that, as much as I could. Dani deserved so much better than him.

She was always so self-conscious and insecure. Always letting me read the messages between her and her dates, asking if she said the right thing. Before today, I could never really relate to her.

I jumped when I felt a strong arm around my waist. My senses were filled with a woody fragrance, with a hint of cinnamon. Dani's eyes flew to mine.

"Hi," said Macy, greeting Dean. "Good morning ladies," chuckled Dean. Still standing behind me, he planted a kiss on the temple of my face. I froze in place. "If you will excuse us," I heard him say, and he pulled me away from the group.

"So," whispered Dean as he intently looked into my eyes. I bit my lip and swallowed visibly. Unlike me, he had changed into another outfit. He wore a white blouse, dark blue pants and cognac colored shoes and belt. I had a hard time looking away from him.

His blond hair seemed still wet from a shower.

He looked incredibly edible.

"I have brought you something," announced Dean, as he pulled something out of a leather bag. It was a notebook and a fancy looking pen. I could not help but smile.

"That is very thoughtful of you," I offered. Dean gave me a crooked half-smile and handed it over to me. He seemed to contemplate something, like he was inwardly arguing with himself whether or not to do, or say something.

Without any warning, he drew me close to him. I pressed my cheek against his chest and allowed him to hold me in his embrace. I deeply inhaled his scent.

This felt better than anything I had every felt before. I slowly looked up at him. He was much taller than I was. It was not the best discission, as I had a hard time breathing when I looked into his deep pale blue eyes. It was almost like you could see through them.

"You should come sit next to me," muttered Dean as he looked around him. I followed his gaze and saw that we were almost alone.

"No," I blurted out. Dean looked taken aback and let me go. I nervously smiled at him and he led the way into class.

I went to sit with my friends. Dani and Macy had already taken a seat. Even though they were give or take, ten years younger than I was, we got along great. In all honesty, I did not expect to make any friends when I went back to college. I just came here to get my degree and that was it. But I was glad I did.

Over the last two years, I had enjoyed all their stories, about parties and dating. Since I had never been in the situation to be the typical student, it felt like a window through which I could watch what it would be like, if I would of had that chance.

"Did you sleep with him?" mouthed Dani with big eyes, eyeing the same pair of clothing she had seen me in last night. I bit my lip.

"Nothing happened," I whispered. Dani's eyebrow raised suspiciously. She did not seem to believe me in the slightest. "Really!" I declared.

"Uh huuhh…" replied Dani. I scratched my head in frustration. "He is looking at you, you know," announced Macy. "He is incredibly hot," uttered Dani while fanning her hands across her face, like she felt warm.

I rolled my eyes at her. I fought the urge to look at him, and opened the slides of the lecture on my phone. It did not take long before my phone alarmed me that I had a message. I had forgot to turn my sound off. How embarrassing, if I could sink through the floor in shame, I would.

Everyone looked at me, and I felt my cheeks burn when I caught a glimpse of him. He was staring at me, with a hint of a smile.

I opened the black notebook he gave me and closely looked at the silver pen. The professor had started to talk, but I had not heard a word he said. The pen felt cold to my fingers, as I turned it around.

His name was inscribed. It said 'Dean Manhill'. It was probably pretty expensive. I touched the screen of my phone, and felt a lump in my throat as I opened the message. It was from him.