New Me

The first time I've had that feeling is when I was in university working at a local restaurant, it was decent to be honest, the people were nice, the chef was talented and he helped me a lot when I was new in this city.

In a blinking of an eye, three years have passed and I'm still working there, more or less nothing has changed. Still the same routine, waking up. Going to university, working out, and then going back to work.

The work was fun and a new experience for me, the one who spent his whole life living on my parent's money it was kinda fun to start leaning on and taking care of myself, and the thing that I've learned at the university were useless for the present me, but the fact I went to a different city was refreshing.

Meeting new people from different backgrounds thought the young me something about the bigger world, and staying away from family just made me appreciate them, love them, and cherish them more.

You could say that I was happy. I had good friends, a nice loving family, I was in a respected university, and a good part-time job that keeps me alive, nothing could go wrong, but that was on the outside.

The thing is, those years that I've spent in this city, changed something in me, compare it to the country life that I've had for my whole life, it was just like day and night, I wasn't safe at all, every day I wake up at a new thing happening, today was a murder, yesterday was a police chase out, the day before was a fire.

This city felt really alive, every day something new, I remember the time when I and my friends were trying to predict what will happen the next day.

When I realize that I've already been influenced by this city, I needed to change, every time I look at the future and see myself doing the same thing over and over my chest tightens.

I didn't want to live as I lived before, I need to do something else, something fresh, so I did, I dropped out of university without telling my parents. Seeking a new career that seems to be more fun and something new to me I tried to be a cop.

Moving twenty years late, it's still me, the same person, nothing has changed, the new thing was that now I have a wife and a son, don't get me wrong, I love them both, they were the best thing that could happen to me, I would go further and say that I will kill for them...

...However, something still feels wrong inside me. After settling down with my life, the things that I thought I have fulfilled still hunt me down, every now and then I still get this storm of feelings that I still didn't do anything in my life, and deep down I knew that very well.

I am a cop, but that is the end of it, the life that I had hoped for didn't come. The new journey that I was taking led me to the same thing, I failed, and that was all to it.

Sealing my desires is the thing I did, I got my chance to live as I wanted but I didn't, and now I'm at the end of my life, I got responsibilities to take care of, I have a family to feed, a kid to raise, and a wife to spend the rest of my life with.

However back in my mind I still want something new, I still won't change, I want to chase that thing that I always dreamed of, something new, something exciting, something different, something that can save me from this routine that I've always wanted to get rid of...

...And now, in the front of my eyes was the thing that changed my life, I didn't want it to be like this, It was by a chance, but nonetheless, I accepted it...

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Something is vibrating, a ringtone covering that deadly scene, a cheerful melody flying through the ears of the listeners, in the middle of the silence that took before, those tones mixed with the smell of the blood are making a creepy scenery, like something pulled out from a horror movie.

It was a phone ringing, seeking for someone to answer it, that phone was in the middle of someone's hand, those hands were shaking, so the phone was about to drop to the ground, on its screen there was a name written 'Ethan', he was the caller, he was the one who broke the silence, he was the one who led to those two men to look at each other deep in the eyes.

He forgot to breathe, he forgot to blink, his eyes were focused on the person that was in front of him. He lost his sense of the time, it was a mere second but, he felt like he was staring into those two eyes for ages.

"W-who are you?" as he said that the man beside the two bodies that were lying on the ground dropped his gun, hitting the ground and making a huge splash of blood, his eyes were still focused on the man facing him, he saw everything so he needs to die.

The man was Edward, after murdering those two bodyguards he discovered that what he did was seen by the man that was in front of him, he thought that he was done killing, but it doesn't seem like it.

Thinking back at those moments from before, those moments that he went berserk and killed both men, he starts getting all sort of thought, the idea that butchering them because he was afraid of what will happen to his boss family was stupid.

If those two already know that, then their boss won't let this weak point without any use, and not only their boss, something this big will shake the whole city, if they knew then it's safe to assume that all the other gangs are aware of this.

So killing them was meaningless, it was only a reason for him to fulfill his desires, knowing that he starts thinking about what to do for the man that was facing him.

Coming to the conclusion that what he did was for nothing, killing this man will only stack up the number of the bodies, however, there is another thing, he witnessed this incident, he heard what about what they were talking about, killing him is justified this time.

Arriving at that thought Edward starts to calm down a little, after dropping his gun that was out of ammo, he reached for the other small gun, the one he used back at the gang's base. He confirmed that he was going to do it again...

"Just one more time..."

Facing the fact that he was about to die, Allen's body stopped responding for a moment, what he had witnessed was something he couldn't handle, he knew he was about to die.

What has confirmed that was seeing Edward garbing a second gun, he knew if he didn't move he will get killed, he need to flee out of this situation, but how?

The man has already seen his face, and he is from the Fang company, the one that controls this city, so it's just a matter of time before they will know his identity and come after him and his family, his only option is to fight back and kill the man.

That thought was dumb, having both a gun and a knife, fighting him will be just a suicide mission, maybe with Allen's strength he can put on a fight, but regardless of his skills he just won't win against him.

Although calling the cops was his second option and the one he was about to do, they will take time to come, so what he was supposed to do in the meantime?

Thinking one more time Allen just decided to run away, save his skin for the moment, and then reach for help, he could make the cop protect his family while trying to catch him and reveling everything about Fang.

-- That's my only option.

Edward's leg was hurt, it was wounded, so if Allen runs he won't be able to catch him, this will make it much easier for him.

Taking a last look at the monster trying to memorize his devilish face, Allen didn't wait for anything, he gathered his strength and just charged, running away from this scene, reaching into his pocket so he could call the police.

He was breathing heavily, he is in his forties so its only natural that his body can't keep up with this, he was dashing forward using all his energy. Allen felt that he was doing something new once again...

Edward was left shocked, "Of course he would run away!", the idea of running away didn't come to Edward's head at all, he failed before he could act, all that thinking and searching for a reason to kill didn't matter, he didn't even get the chance to fire his gun.

Holding his wounded leg, he was unable to go after him, his way of thinking left Edward ashamed of himself, all that came to his mind was killing and murdering, he didn't think logically so he left a witness to run away so easily.

Edward starts giggling to himself thinking about what happened today, how he took the wrong choices in anything he faced. He ruined a deal, burned the drugs that he came with, failed to get the money, killed two people for nothing, and let a witness flee.

All the things that he promised his boss, all the time he took to try and fix himself were in vain, he didn't change, he was still the angry man that he was before, no, he was worst. When he didn't try to control himself at least he did his job and succeeded with every mission that was given to him, and now what?

Even though he tried to change, letting his old self die, and start new and fresh, today he faced the reality, it was funny that he thought he could do something like that. People don't wake up one day and change to another perosn that easily.

Bitting his lips, he took a moment to let his thoughts sink in, he decided to just leave the area, try to hid from the gang, and now add to them the police that will start search for him thanks to the witness.

Now he can't go back to the company, not before he get rid to the ones that will start looking for his neck.

"Time to go home then!", letting out a sigh he grabbed the bloody money case that was next to his feet, it will only be more clues for the cops to follow, he start heading out to his home.

Moving slowly, dragin his leg, he looked at the two bodies on the ground, he remembered the things that he felt during the time that he was out of his mind, so he was angry, but more important... how good he felt when he was crushing that body.

Edward starts walking away, leaving those bodies behind to hunt him in his dreams.