FALLING IN LOVE

After a long single life,I decided to find my rib,the love of my life.

Overwhelming bliss and a feverish state of trepidation. This is what we all experience when we 'fall in love'.

And it's certainly one of the aspects of a life worth living.

It's hardly comparable to any other emotional state, for its unique ability to influence the way we perceive the world, ourselves, and the object of our desire.

But does it really have to be a 'fall'?

We all have our own ways to express these feelings with words and body language. Most of us experience similar sentiments, yet each individual perceives and manifests love with his or her own colorful nuances.

Looking back at my own experience as well as listening to people that talk to me about their love-life, I see common threads around this phase of a relationship.

Among the feelings and perceptions that "falling in love" typically brings, there's one that has been puzzling me for long: a growing sense of entitlement towards the other person. Something that most of us develop as a natural part of the process.

I get it. We want to spend as much time as possible with our sweethearts. We continuously think of them, we can even crave them. At some point though, one expectation seems to emerge: the idea that our partner is… well, OURS.

This pattern entails that, in a relationship, we have the right to heavily influence what our partners do, how and whom they spend their time with, and the likes.

This takes me to the importance of establishing boundaries and clarifying expectations, in any relationship. Very often when we enter a new relationship, such dialogues don't take place, leaving these important tenets unquestioned and unclarified.

As a kisii man, I don't recall having been taught much in this respect.

My generation had models that one would absorb by osmosis from family and community, and from the templates offered by the media (predominantly music and television).

The problem with the narrative of romantic love we've grown up with in the 2000 era is that it creates a number of unrealistic expectations. But I won't go that deep now.

Let's simply look at the "language of love".

The romantic ideal of relationships that is still deeply rooted in our culture is a motif that carries several elements of negativity.

In this inspiring talk, Mandy Len Catron explains the concept perfectly.

So, in love, we fall. We're struck. We are crushed. We swoon. We burn with passion. Love makes us crazy, and it makes us sick. Our hearts ache, and then they break. So our metaphors equate the experience of loving someone to extreme violence or illness.

[…]

The history of Western culture is full of language that equates love to mental illness.

Yes! That's exactly it!

Does this language help in any way? No. It actually makes things much harder than they already are. It paints the picture of human relationship with the dark color of drama. And we don't need more of that.

understanding all this I decided to fall in love, luckily I found a pretty lady who made my body freeze that I lucked words to say.what I recall saying was,

"I guess…" I paused. "I guess I'm falling in love with you".

"Oh" — she looked puzzled.

"God! Is that all you can say?" — I thought.

"Take my hand" — She said.

I complied. Her hand was warm. Her grip was firm but gentle.

"I don't want you to fall. You might get hurt"

I was confused. The one second between this sentence and the following was the longest of my life.

"I don't want you to get hurt. Come and fly in love with me"

She pulled me towards her and kissed me. Peacefully confident and passionately gentle. She was right. There was no need to fall.

That was the day I learned to fly

"Flying in love" is an amazing gift that life offers us. This period, with its blooming burst of emotions, energies and vibrations allows humans to tap into the healing power of unconditional love.

Because when we're in this state something magical happens: we are naturally able to overlook the flaws of a fellow human being.

We are willing to look at another person as inherently beautiful.

We can forgive their past. Sometimes, we don't even wanna know about it. In fact, it's irrelevant: we are willing to look at our partners as they are, in the present moment.

We are willing to embrace their vulnerabilities and imperfections instead of judging them. We're getting to a place where union wins over separateness.

Here's an opportunity to make a leap of consciousness.

If we can do all the things above with one person, why couldn't we be kinder, less judgmental, more prone to forgiveness and acceptance… with anybody?

Seeing the beauty in others, refraining from judgement, forgiving without giving others a free-pass to repeat wrongdoings… these are attitudes, behaviors, mental habits.

With the appropriate education, perspective, practice, they can become the fabrics of our emotional life.

They can help us experience the world differently and transform it from the inside-out.

This is what flying in love can teach us.

We can rewire the "Falling in love" narrative. We can make it a catalyst to break the chains of separateness, to experience the completeness of being at peace with our fellow human beings by means of seeing them as inherently worthy of love, respect and compassion.

"I guess…" — I paused.

"I guess I'm ready. To rise in love. Fly in love. Play in love. Dance in love. Yes, I'm ready to fall too. But the fall won't be the protagonist of our movie. Thanks for opening that door, for me to see all of this. I love you."