The Invincible War

"TAKE! THAT! AND! THAT! AND! THAT!" Kate yelled as the Black Blade of Baghdad hacked into an alternate Mark's head and neck.

"Jesus girl." I sighed, "Just because the nanites can put his head back together doesn't mean we have to give them such a hard time of it."

"Let her get her licks in." Hela commented, "You have a terrible habit of leaving a woman with nothing but the option to join you on whatever mad quest you have chosen to undertake in the heat of the moment or a fever dream. It's not your most endearing trait, and can leave a body quite stressed."

Kate stopped and turned her black helmet clad head to look at me, "This isn't even that satisfying."

With one fully empowered strike she finished the job decapitating her victim and brought his head over to me where we dropped it into a black box nano forge and a minute later pulled out an Uru Vibranium gilded skull which she hung from her hip via a nanite chain.

Kate happily patted her new addition - having finally won a game of Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock - which joined the two hanging off of Hela and the three hanging off the Fanny Pack of Infinite Capacity. Let's see anyone make fun of its manliness with the skulls of myself adorning it. That's some next level hardcore.

"Who the hell are you people?" shouted a vaguely familiar guy in a red and yellow hooded and goggled jumpsuit.

"...Rex Splode?" I asked, "Is that you bro? I almost didn't recognize you, man. It's been like… three thousand years since we last hung out!"

"Woah woah woah! Back it up guy. I do not know you." Rex raised his hands and backstepped.

"We know you." Kate said as her helmet pulled back.

"Kate? What the fuck!" Rex shrieked as he looked at my Kate and this world's Kate.

"They're Alters!" The Immortal shouted having never dropped his guard after we arrived on scene and saved them.

"Very good, Abe." I chuckled, the sound morphing as my own helmet receded.

"Who are you!" Rex shouted and pointed at me.

"I'm Mark, dude." I sighed.

"No way, you are way too handsome to be Mark. And built, bro. Your biceps are way too on point to be Mark." Rex accused.

"Thanks, bro." I smiled, "I really try hard to not be anything like the other Marks, but sometimes I worry. That means a lot, man."

"Anytime, bro… Ah hell nah! I did not just Bro-Synthesize with an evil Invincible! Oh God, I can taste the evil in my mouth!" Rex shrieked.

I laughed at Rex's outburst, even wiped a tear from my eye, "You really need to stop it with the mouth stuff, bro. It makes me laugh, but makes you look like an idiot."

"Anyway…" I segued and smirked, "We are going to get back to our quest of hunting and killing other Marks."

"You're not going anywhere!" The Immortal shouted with his fists raised.

This caused me to laugh again even louder and Kate to join in.

"So how's Mark in the sack?" this world's Dupli-Kate asked my Alter, further breaking the tension as Abe pulled a face of complete betrayal.

"Fucking invincible." black Kate answered.

"Daaaammmmn." purple Kate chuckled.

"The fight!" the Immortal's eye twitched as he indicated between them and us.

"Forget about it." purple Kate told her man, "They just toyed with the guys who were taking us apart. We can't waste our lives fighting pointless battles when the whole world needs us right now."

"I agree. And totally not because I am scared or Bro-Brainwashed!" Rex shouted.

The Immortal found himself alone in the desire to die in battle against us and relented. The Guardians of the Globe joined the world wide emergency relief effort as we traveled on our hunt, saving the best for last as we came upon a battle of two Marks.

"Stop this!" Mark Prime shouted as he punched Alter Mark Mohawk in the wreckage of a building, "We're too evenly matched - - Just stop! This could go on forever!"

"I think I can help with that." I interrupted and with a snap of my fingers the eye sockets of the fifteen Invincible Skulls we gathered glowed with blue arc reactor light and they detached from us to float in the air silently until their mouths opened and nano forged magic repulsor cannons extended from their gaping maws.

"You!" Mohawk Mark managed to yell before the staccato of perfectly timed repulsor reports sounded and the floating skulls circled over the pair raining down attacks that beat them into the floor.

"That really looks like it hurts." I commented on the pair who looked like they were in the middle of a pack of muggers taking them for everything they have, "Let me know when you are ready for level 2."

"Level 2?" Mark gasped.

"Level 2 it is." I chuckled as the output on the repulsors doubled and now began splitting the skin and inflicting deep bruises, "I personally think Level 3 will turn you both to paste, but I am inclined to discover if Level 2 will get the job done, albeit very slowly."

"Stop…" Mark Prime barked when he got a breath in, "Please… Stop…"

I raised a hand and the repulsor canons ceased.

"You craven…" Mohawk Mark growled between ragged breaths, "Begging… for mercy… is beneath the… dignity… of a… Prince of Viltrum!"

He yelped in surprise when I telekinetically dragged him to me and put my hands on his head before delivering an almighty yank while holding his torso down with my mind.

"I agree." I told him as I looked at his battered and terrified face.

"Oh God!" Mark Prime squealed as I lowered the severed head into my Black Box.

A minute later another Invincible Skull completed the set of sixteen from the Cabal of Evil Marks.

"Those are all…" Mark gasped.

"Our skulls." I finished for him.

"Oh no no no!" Mark gave in to despair and tried to lift himself off the ground, but I hammered him back down with my mind.

"Oh yes." I delivered through the filter of my enclosed helmet.

"Why?" he groaned.

"You see, Mark, there are three kinds of people: dicks, pussies and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while because, pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes! And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!" I informed him.

"What? That doesn't… that doesn't make any sense." Mark moaned in pain.

"We're dicks! And you are an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes — assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. We live in a crazy, crazy world, sometimes things don't make sense, but I do know that if you don't fuck assholes, everyone is going to have their dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"

"Why are you… saying all this crazy… shit!" Mark Prime whimpered.

"Jesus Christ, are you incapable of learning at all… who the fuck am I kidding I've seen his fucking life play out, I know he can't learn." I grumbled, "Okay… just fucking listen. Obviously brilliant imagery is well beyond your comprehension. You are not a hero. You are an arrogant, entitled, upjumped sack of shit who thinks he is a moral authority just because he puts on a costume to fight crime and has some super powers. You have the philosophical complexity of a middle schooler and the communication skills to boot. You blunder from one fucking disaster to the next - often self caused - because you have never once engaged fully with the responsibility of superheroism. You have never taken the time to learn how to truly differentiate right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, or what truly serves the greater good of the people you are supposed to protect every time you put on that costume.

And now, right now, you are paying the piper for it. Angstrom Levy was a good man with a plan to benefit the Omniverse by building a perspective of thousands of different versions of himself, and with that knowledge and his capacity to create interdimensional portals he would have served the greater human collective by cross solving problems with proven solutions.

You destroyed this man and this plan because you have never once taken the time to ever actually learn the truth of a situation, you just run right up and shit on everything. You think you are a dick, Mark. But you are an asshole. Do you understand now?"

"You're in league with Angstrom!" Mark screamed after getting his second wind during my monologue and charged with his fist cocked back.

He looked down to his chest in horror as his charge ran him right onto my sword.

"Too slow." I told him as I twisted the blade and kicked him off it.

Mark Prime clutched his bleeding wound closed from the front in agony rather than self preservation.

"Mark!" Atom Eve screamed as she arrived on the scene.

The human Philosopher's Stone in pink spandex landed next to the battered and broken man and with a flex of her impressive powers had him stitched up and bandaged tightly in just a moment.

"Such an impressive ability." I commented as I leaned over her and examined her work, "It truly is a stretch of the imagination to believe that you are some government experiment, that a man in a lab coat created a goddess powerful enough to remake creation in her image, and then shackled her so easily."

"You'll pay for this." Eve threatened through grit teeth.

I grabbed her head between my hands and laughed.

"Do you feel like that is still true?" I asked the shaking woman.

"Mark. Don't." Kate growled from nearby.

"Please." I scoffed as I dropped, "Like I would ever sour our relationship over such a toothless threat." then I turned my head to one of Angstrom's spy bots, "Have we reached satisfaction?"

"The matter is settled." Angstrom answered.

"We're done here." I stated as I opened a portal to my earth, "I've had enough of this universe."