Disappointment and Guilt

"Aunt Suzy. There is a telephone in the house right? I need to make a call, I ran out of mobile balance," Yvette asked, while chewing on the fruit cake from this morning. She was planning to call Summer after a while later when she went up to her room, but found out her mobile balance had run out.

"Certainly! It's just there in the living room," Aunt Suzy pointed at the living room with her left hand, while tasting the food being cooked with a spoon on her right.

"Thank you!" Yvette quickly went to the living room, and found a black telephone sitting on one of the tables in a corner of the large sofa. She took the phone, and carefully dialed Summer's number. Yvette got lots to tell her, and right now would be the perfect time to do so.

The phone rang for a while, and only when it was about to get disconnected, it was picked up by the other end. "Hello, Summer Barnhill speaking."

"Summer, it's me, Yvette." Yvette responded in a meek voice. For some reason, the guilt of not telling her about these things happening for the past few days got her tongue tied.

"Yvette! Hi girl! What's with this number of yours? From where you are calling?" Summer took her phone in front of her eyes, and indeed it was an unknown number. "You got a new phone or number or something?"

"No, it's just a house number," Yvette responded, cautiously and praying that she doesn't ask more about this. Indeed, she called her best friend to let her know all about things happening these days, but not like this. Not like a police interrogating a thief and getting all the information out of the stomach. So before the overly curious nature of Summer could ask any other question, Yvette immediately changed the topic. "Anyway, I have a lot of things to tell you. Think we can meet somewhere? We can get lunch, or dinner, whatever you like."

"Dang, guess what girl? Same pinch. I have something banging to tell you as well," Summer's eyes glimmered in excitement. It was rare of her studious friend Yve to actually ask anyone out on an outing. And she was thinking of making a call to her too, as she has really great news to share with Yvette.

"Sounds like good news," Yvette smiled, hearing the excitement coming through the phone call.

"You bet, girl!" with a grin, Summer replied. "Let's meet up then. Today's not good though. How does tomorrow sound?"

"Hum…," Yvette pondered for a while if she had any classes tomorrow. As far as she can recall, her schedule is free from lunchtime, so she can easily meet up with her over lunch. But just to tease her a little bit, she decided to put on an act. "I think I have class tomorrow all day. And it's a really important class, you know? Gosh, how am I supposed to make it through all these hectic schedules…"

"Oh c'mon, bestie. I know you have the least packed schedule on monday. Who are you kiddin'?" Summer saw right through her. "Then let's meet up at the cafe in front of your college, deal?"

"Yeah, deal." Yvette had a smile on her face while responding to her. Sure enough, only Summer is the one who can make her feel better no matter how sour her mood becomes, and make her smile through any pain. Now that she knows Summer has something really exciting news to share, which is making her beaming with joy, Yvette felt even more guilty that she would be telling her something that might make her so upset. Maybe even disappointed at her childhood best friend.

"But that is why Summer needs to know this as soon as possible," Yvette let out a sigh, while putting the phone back on its rightful place.

"Going to tell your friend about your marriage to the young master?" Yvette looked up by the sudden voice of aunt Suzy. Without her knowing, she was there, standing with two glasses of juice placed in a tray in her hands.

"Yeah…," Yvette shifted a little from her position, making space for Aunt Suzy to sit down. And when she settled down, and put the tray on the large tea table in front of them, Yvette spoke up again. "Summer is the most important person in my life. She is more than what a family could ever be to anyone. She has been by my side for a really long time, you know?"

"Really?" Aunt Suzy seemed really interested, as she closed in towards Yvette, and gave her a curious look.

"Yeah," Yvette continued. "But she is the only one who still doesn't know about all these. My sudden change of status, my marriage with Mr. Collins, my involvement with a family which I definitely wouldn't want to even face, not even in my dreams. Or nightmares. My moving in here, leaving everything I had behind. And these debts I had on me, all resolving within minutes which had been eating me up for so so many years." Thinking about all this right now felt so surreal, she wondered if all this happening to her was just a big bad dream or a cruel reality she is still unwilling to admit.

"Then you really should tell her these things. After all, sometimes sharing things makes those feelings feel a lot lighter than they actually are, and you can get rid of these guilty feelings you are having, yes?" Aunt Suzy indeed caught on to the words, where Yvette said she wanted to avoid being involved with Collins family. She wondered what was that about, and how her involvement is related to the young master, which she wanted to desperately avoid. But now was not the right time to ask these questions. Maybe later, when Yvette can place her trust more onto the people she is going to have by her side from now on.

"But… I am scared to do so," Yvette placed her palm over her chest, where she could feel her heart thumping with a strange uneasiness, clenching beneath the ribs tightly, making her feel suffocated a little. "Scared to face her with these truths with me. What if she gets upset? What if she feels disappointed in me? What if she feels so hurt that she starts hating me? Those questions kept bugging her, and by each passing time, those suffocation and uneasiness kept on increasing.