CHAPTER 15

It happened so sudden, like a dream that comes for a while and passed by quickly. Sometimes the memory remain but sometimes you never remember how it happened. This was what he wanted, for all that happened to become a dream, a dream that he would wake to forget how it occurred. He wants to wake up seeing his father and brother, mother and sister around him, giving each other hope for a better future, believing their meager living will yield success. He wants to wake up seeing Omar by his side, ruffling his hair like he use to.

But as he opened his eyes slowly, into the world of reality, he was convinced that all that happened wasn't a dream. A tear drop down his cheek, he wished it was. The brutal way Omar was killed came back to his mind and like a violent storm, he felt a sudden burn inside. It's been two weeks after Omar's death but he remembered everything  vividly like it all happened the previous day.

Defaming, torture, hope and finally death, that was what his brother was made to go through. "Why didn't they believe him? " why did they have to kill him for what he did not do? " he whined. Each time he asked himself these questions his mind hit a blank wall and he stops thinking, but filled with anger and shame for his color.

He tried not to blame himself, he tried not to hate the race that executed his brother. But he was weak in controlling his feelings. If only they were not colored skin, if only they had fine hair and white skin, maybe they would have had mercy for his brother. But seeing his color commit a crime and knowing the faith he belonged to, the best they believe suit his kind, was death.

Hassan felt an urgent need to hide his hysteria; he had to get rid of it or else he would succumb to it.  He longed for a stimulus power enough to focus his attention and drain off his worries away. He wanted to run, but who would accept him, he wanted to laugh and cry no more; but the only person that made jokes for him is gone. He thought death will cure his present pain but if he dies he will never see his mother and sister again.

All that morning he had sat at the entrance door indifferent, with eyes more closed than open. He has lost trust to himself and to everyone else, the love he had for the people seize at once, for he does not even love himself now. These were the rhythms of the life of blacks; Bigotry and injustice. A rhythm they force them to accept, he knew they had little chance of winning, not when it is the superior race against an inferior. He knew they were going to hurt his brother but never Thought he will go through a brutal execution.

He felt like a strange plant, that bloomed days before and now whittling slowly to it ruin. The sun that made it bloom was gone and the cold darkness that makes it whittle overpowers him. He was bitterly ashamed, but he feared most, he was scared not for his present day, but what the future holds for them again. Should they prepare for more days of suffering or redemption.

" no cry no more " hauwa said patting his back " you small to worry so much"

"There is no Omar again"

" maa sha Allah(what God wills)"

He shakes his refusing to accept what his mother said.

" that is not what Allah(God) will, it is what the better race wills"

" no speak with hate Hassan, they all no bad"

He shrugged " I don' know "

" why say like dis? Some help, like 'em micol and mother "

" yes they try, but my brother still die because all of them want him to"

" Hassan,"

" ummi(mother),we can not help ourselves, they control our living, it's no fair"

She pulled him closer to herself and held both his hands, she stared at his brown eyes covered in long lashes and kissed his forehead wetting his hair with her tears.

" me kno' what you feel, but me dear if you hait 'em you be like 'em. Remember you say Hassan, we show 'em good we hav' in heart"

" you want me to like those who killed my brother? For what he did not do?"

" no, me won' you to make you family proud "

" how?"

" show 'em you can be like 'em"

" how ummi(mother)? "

She smiled, drying her tears with her shawl.

"They tink 'em better because 'em learned, so show 'em and be learned like 'em. only you like school Hassan, the only way we win is to show 'em what 'em tink we can't be."

He looked away from his mother and nodded.

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She repressed a smile, that was unseemly because she was all alone. She nodded to the sound of the music, her favorite. She sipped her wine, still maintaining the smile marred on her face. "Victory!" She yelled at the empty house. She heard footsteps approaching behind her, that took her smile off her face immediately.

" how can I help you!?"

" A man is here to see you "

" what race ?"

"White "

" what he call himself?"

"Bernard"

She made a face, she doesn't know anyone of that name. She felt disturbed, the case has been finalised, the culprit has been killed. She wished not to receive visitors that are not friends or relatives anymore.

"I'm not interested in receiving any guest "

"But ma'am, he said there is something he knows "

" and what did he know?" She asked with a sneer

" that's all he told me ma'am, he said just in case you refuse to see him, then I should tell you this "

" bring him in"

She continued sipping her drink, not listening to her music anymore but perplexed over what the strange man knows. She saw a man behind the gate man, he was of average height, holding some notes. He looked familiar but she couldn't remember where they met before.

" who are you?" She asked briskly 

"My name is Bernard, I'm a reporter. I came here before with my partner Helen, for the murder case of your husband, Dr Christopher."

" the case has been judged, the murderer has been executed, there is no case anymore"

" actually ma'am, unclarified cases could be brought back anytime, I did some research and I found out that there is more to this family, hidden occurrence, that the public don't know much about ''

" Do you expect us to share our every activities with the public?"

" No ma'am," he smirked " but are you really the woman of Dr Christopher, lady Morgana?"

She gaped at him and glared with furious eyes

" what insolence! How dare you speak so of me! "

"It's just a question ma'am "

" Get the hell outta my house!"

Bernard quietly got up from the couch and made a smirk again " this case is not finished ma'am, do have a good day"

" you take your stinky self out now !!" She screamed louder

        **********************

He stretched his arms above his head and yawned; it was past three and they haven't even had breakfast. His eyes moistened, he couldn't tell his mother how he felt, of course she knows that he was hungry but what could a poor widow do. He felt very bitter, the sharp precision of the world of steel and stone dissolved into blurred waves. He blinked and the world grew hard again. A weaving motion in the sky made him turn his eyes upward; he saw a slender streak of billowing white blooming against the deep blue. A plane was writing high up in the air. He shrugged and looked away, knowing well that only whites are fit to have those.

Suddenly the words his mother said few hours before occupied his thought. He returned his gaze to the sky, starring at the plane as it plays with the wind. He wonders how he could do it, how he could make his family proud? Education, that was what his mother said. If they could be as educated as the whites to a level that their intelligence would be admired, then that way, their race would win. But he feared that this beautiful wining may not come true.

Christopher had been sponsoring his education, when schools wouldn't give him a chance, now he is gone and so would be his education. He hissed out to himself, angry, he looked at the sky again "if I have chance to school, I will no be a doctor anymore" he said loud, thinking he whispered.

" what would you be ? " a familiar voice asked, Helen's.

He turned beside and saw her with micheal and his mother.

" please tell me Hassan"

" I will be a lawyer"

Helen knows why, she felt ashamed to the promises she made that she couldn't fulfill, tears formed in her eyes but she struggled not to let them fall.

"Why?" She asked in shaky voice

" people like us (blacks) don't need a doctor. We suffering from a serious illness that medicine is not cure, we are oppressed because of our color, we have few happy times because our minds prepare for dangers in the future. We no need doctor ma'am, we need justice."

She dropped a tear that she wiped off quickly

" you are right child, you are. I want to start by saying I'm very sorry, I am so sorry. " she couldn't hold back her tears anymore, she let them roll." I wish it didn't turn this way, I wish I could have saved Omar. I won't blame you if you hate me but please I want you to forgive me"

"No," he shakes his head " I don't hate you"

" I promise to take care of your studies, this time i will fulfill it, if you let me?"

He looked at his mother who was crying behind, she gave him a warm smile and nodded.

" please Hassan, I know I can't be like your big brother but we can be best brothers" micheal said.

"Okay" he replied nodding his head "okay."