Chapter twenty-three

Nichole

The minute I heard the sound of Drego's car, I ran down the stairs to the living room.

Thank God Reid had given me a heads up. He'd narrated what happened at Drego's office this afternoon, and hearing it, it didn't sit well with me to let things just be. I thought it would be best to clear the air before things escalated further.

"We need to talk."

"Not right now." The irritation on his face was upsetting. If any one should be pissed right now, it should be me. He'd lied to me. I thought we had something, but he'd been sleeping with Toni. And who knows how many other women.

"It's never a good time to talk to you. If not now, when then?"

"You wanna talk, fine. Let's talk. You went behind my back. You lied to me. You were fucking telling Reid everything about us. Everything we talked about, everything…"

I'd never seen Drego so angry. He'd yelled at me only once. The night of the gala. But tonight, his anger seemed different. It was on another level.

"Lied to you? That's rich coming from you. I have never lied. Yes, I confided in Reid. You wanna know why? Because he could tell that I knew things about you. He asked, and I told him about the drunken night four years ago. There. That's what happened."

"If there were things you wanted to know about me you should have just asked."

"Asked who? You? You don't talk to me. You never do. You never want to talk about anything I want to talk about. How convenient that you remember our kiss but not the conversation about your late wife."

"You still had no right."

"What exactly are you angry about? At least I didn't cheat on you. I'm not the one who lied through his teeth." I glared.

He'd been standing behind the huge grey couch and I in front of it. He paced as he spoke, my guess, his way to calm himself.

"We'd have to be together to call it cheating. And I didn't lie to you."

We'd been yelling at each other throughout our conversation. Our voices rising with every word. The silence that followed his last statement would have been nice, if it didn't hurt so much. 

My biggest fear had been realized. I'd always wondered what we were doing. What this was. And now I had my answer. 

So what if it wasn't what I'd expected. It's not like this was his fault. He never led me on.

That's facts.

Then why did I feel like my heart had just been ripped out? Why did hearing him say we weren't together hurt like hell?

"Nichole, that's not what…"

Even though I was hurt, even though I knew I'd be a fool to believe anything he said now, I still waited. Like I'd always done. Waited for him to explain. Still waiting for him to love me. But he didn't. He didn't explain any further, just stopped there.

And my sad reality was, he didn't love me. Probably never did. I was simply a distraction.

"I've been delusional enough."

The tears I'd been holding for minutes now came streaming down. Ordinarily, I would have fought them to stay back. But fighting was exhausting. Especially when it had gone on for too long.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm done, Drego. I can't keep fighting, especially when my competition is a dead person. Someone who chose to end her life like a coward rather than fight by your side."

"Don't talk about her like that. You don't know what you're talking about." There was warning in his tone. And on a normal day I'd have adhered. But I was done tip toeing around him. 

"I would have fought for you." I said, my voice begging for recognition from him.

Couldn't he see me? Couldn't he see the love I had for him?

He said nothing.

"Didn't you hear me… I would have fought you. I wouldn't have left you hanging like that."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He was back to warning. "Please Nichole, please. Anything. We can talk about anything, just not Avril. Huh, Nichole?" Now he was pleading.

"Why? Why won't you talk about Avril. Why can't anybody talk about your dead wife? The one who you so easily forgave even though she caused the death of your parents."

Drego stayed mute. His countenance changing from anger to hurt. Even now, seeing him like that caused me pain.

"Say something, god damn it. For fucks sake, say something. What was so special about Avril? Why would you give up on your life for someone who betrayed you. Who took from you. And then left you. Why?… huh… why? Make me understand why?" My voice broke and I struggled to get out the words. My heart was heavy, but for whom? 

For me? Because I now realize that he would never be mine? Or for him, because he would never be able to leave outside the memories of his haunted house?

I fell to the couch and began to cry like a child. My desperation to understand him all this while was so strong that I'd neglected my own feelings. And now I was paying the price. A broken heart.

Tell me you'll work on yourself. Tell me you'll forget about Avril. Give me hope, even if it's false, don't let me cry alone. Please, Drego, please.

"I think you should leave."

The last piece of hope I'd held on to finally shattered. His words had pierced me like a knife. Still I clung to him. But asking me to leave his house…

"Leave?" I wanted to ask, not because I'd failed to hear, but I hoped that if I reiterated his words, he would take them back. 

His face now took on a stern look. He looked at me like he was disgusted with me. Like we hadn't spent last week all over each other. I could still clearly remember how he called me beautiful. How he kissed me. How he adored me. 

How he never said he loved me.

"Okay."

With tears still streaming endlessly down my face, I ran to my room and began packing my bags.