Breakdown: Cyrus POV

***WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of rape, torture, and self-harm. Read at your own discretion.***

I woke up in a cold sweat wrapped in Leo's arms and scent. Unfortunately, neither calmed my buzzing mind. I was drowning in memories and flashbacks as tears streamed down my face. I eased out of Leo's hold and got up, barely holding back a sob as another wave of memories drowned my mind. My arms wrapped tightly around my body, I silently shuffled into the bathroom. I couldn't be any more of a burden to Leo than I had been the last few days. As the door closed behind me, I locked it and slid down the wall, letting my tears fall freely while my hand kept my sobs from bouncing off the bathroom walls.

Memory after memory assaulted my brain. I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in unwanted touch and violent assaults. Choking on hate-filled glares and spiteful words. I can't take this. I pulled at my hair, trying, and failing, to push the images away to the back of my mind. Instead, they became more intense. More clear. I tore off my shirt as I tried to rip imaginary hands from my skin. My, now fully extended, claws carelessly tore into my skin, bringing to mind the only thing I knew would stop the onslaught. I dug into my right arm with my clawed left hand. I left dozens upon dozens of open horizontal cuts across my skin, the blood on my arm falling to my thigh as I continued to drag my claws against the scarred and healing skin. There was a knock on the door, but I didn't stop. I kept going as my mate's voice slipped past the wooden barrier,

"Baby? Open the door. Please...I smell blood, love. Open the door...Cy? Don't shut me out...please...open the door..."

As he pleaded, I lost interest in the action of wounding myself. Lost interest in focusing on the pain and healing scars. I stood, on autopilot, and unlocked the door, tears starting to once again fall from my face. My eyes rested on the worried face of the person I'd been both clinging to and pushing away. He took in my face, my bloodied arm and hand, and looked at me with nothing but care in his eyes. Not pity or disgust or anger. Just care and love. All of which directed at me. I collapsed into his chest, clinging to his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around me and picked me up, carrying me to the edge of the bed where he sat down and held me close. Leo pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead,

"It's okay, love...I've got you now and I will never let go...I've got you, Cyrus."

Those words shattered every wall I'd ever built to try and forcibly keep myself together. They broke the dam. And I cried. Not from frustration or disgust or guilt or physical pain. I cried for the family I never got to mourn, the innocence I'd lost, the lives I took, and the life I'd never had the choice to lead. I let out years of pain, years of sorrow, all of which I kept to myself because there had never been room for them while focusing on my survival.

Now, in the arms of a person who, I was realizing, loved me unconditionally, I had the freedom to do so. And I let it all out as I sobbed loudly, clutching his muscular frame like the lifeline it was as he held me, rubbing my back and whispering comforts. I don't know how long I cried, but once I'd finished, it felt like a fair amount of the weight on my shoulders had lifted. I felt slightly more..free. We sat together in silence, listening to the sound of each other's breaths. Once I was sure my voice wouldn't falter, I broke the silence,

"I'm sorry that I haven't been leaning on you like I should. It's hard...to rely on someone when I'm used to relying on myself only."

"I know. That's why I didn't push it. I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible."

"You deserve to know."

I felt him start to speak again, but I touched his chest, causing him to stop. I took deep breaths as I came to a solid decision. I couldn't let his comforting words give me a reason to stop what I was about to do. I looked up at the two silver orbs watching me carefully,

"When I was 9, I watched my brother and mother die in front of me. Our pack was attacked by a pack of rogues. Our pack was small and intimate, only consisting of about 20 members. The attackers were double that. It was a bloodbath. It took me years to get over the sounds of my pack mates being slaughtered. I was too young to fight and hadn't gotten my wolf. The attack was so sudden, there was no time to make it to the safe room. Instead, my mother and older brother barricaded us in my father's office and we waited. They tore through our pack like paper through a shredder, killing mercilessly and without remorse..."

I shuddered as the high-pitched cries to a dead mother played through my head briefly. Leo rubbed my back slowly as I continued,

"They easily broke through our barricade, ripping out my mother's throat out and tearing my brother's head clean off his shoulders. I prayed and hoped that they wouldn't find me. I tried to make myself as small as possible under my daddy's desk. All of this was futile. They found me and showed me to their leader. Surprisingly, he spared my life...sometimes, I wish he hadn't. I wish he'd killed me...because the life that lay ahead was worse than death. I was beaten senseless nearly every day for three years...On my twelfth birthday, he decided to change things up."

I felt tears start to run down my cheeks as I looked away from Leo briefly,

"He was bored with beating me since I'd stopped begging by that point. I took every hit silently, which, to him, was no fun at all. So...he decided to see if I could offer him a different type of entertainment...he ripped my clothes off of me and, after toying with me for a while, he raped me...repeatedly. Until my voice was hoarse from screaming and the tears and sweat had drenched my face...I couldn't move out of the small puddle of my blood and his...fluids, which caused him to laugh as he left me there."

I remember being both numb and in excruciating pain....

"Eventually, my body grew used to it as it became part of an almost daily routine. Beatings became occasional and rape daily...I was everyone's favorite toy. After I got my wolf they became more violent and aggressive, since my body could heal faster and was more resilient...he started to train me to be one of his killers when I was 13. I tried to resist, but he threatened to kill me. Not saying that I didn't wish for death at that point, but I knew he'd make it as slow and painful as possible. So I did as I was told. I trained, and I trained hard. If I didn't produce outstanding results, my beatings later that day would start with wolf's bane injections, which only added to the pain. I became very skilled and efficient to the point that I was chained to the walls when not being...used or trained so I wouldn't get any ideas. At 15, he decided to put his tool to use and sent me out on my first job. I was sent with 5 other wolves to kill an Alpha. When I got there...and I saw his family...I couldn't do it. I refused and was dragged back to the leader in chains. He wasn't too pleased and after refusing him to his face he became so a-angry...I don't regret what I did."

I stopped, my voice getting shaky as memories of that week-long hell attempted to take me over. I focused on my mate's scent and my determination to open up to him. If not for my sake, then for his.

*2 years ago*

I opened my eyes to a blurry figure and burning wrists. My feet weren't touching the ground, which only increased the pain in my wrists as my weight bared down on the restraints. I blinked, attempting to clear my vision, as I struggled to look around me. My eyes landed on what looked like three IV bags, all of which had leads connected to my arm. One was dark red, it smelled metallic, so it must be blood. Another had a bright red hue, almost glowing, its scent was calming and unlike anything I'd smelled before. The last was clear and gave off a mixed scent. It smelled faintly like the sickly sweet smell of wolf's bane, but at the same time, it burned my nose and throat.

"So, my rebellious pet awakens."

I turn slowly towards the voice that's been the main contributor to this never-ending nightmare that's become my life. Marren slowly comes into focus and he looks none too happy. His usually cold green eyes now swirl with anger and a strange hunger. His blood lust is coming off of him in such heavy waves I feel nothing but fear. Suffocating fear. I want to pass out from the nerves but, for some reason, my mind is buzzing.

He stalks towards me, and a glint of metal by his leg catches my eye. I look down and see that he's holding a blade in his hand. As he twirls it lazily, I notice a range of other instruments behind him. My body begins to shake as the fear takes over my bodily functions. He smiles cruelly and slices across my chest. The pain is excruciating, but I bite my tongue. He stabs into my stomach, leaning in with his weight as he speaks next to my ear,

"After sparing your life and giving you a home, you repay me with disobedience. Don't worry though, I'll make sure you never make such a mistake again, my precious pet."

He twists the blade sharply, causing me to gasp. My head falls forward and I watch as he slowly pulls the blade from my body. My blood pouring out like a small waterfall. That's when I realize that I'm completely naked. My body a blank canvas for whatever the hell he has planned. I pray I bleed out before he can slowly torture me, but instead I watch in semi-horror as my wounds close quickly. Too quickly. Even for a werewolf, I shouldn't be healing this fast. Spine chilling laughter rings out from in front of me and I meet the sickly amused eyes of Marren. He smiles coldly at me as if I'm an ignorant child,

"You didn't really think I wouldn't take precautions against breaking my favorite toy, did you?"

He steps closer to the IV bags and gently grazes his blade across them,

"I'm quite sure you've already figured that this one is blood."

He states, pointing towards the crimson fluid. He then gestures towards the bright red fluid,

"This here, though, is what's helping your body heal so quickly. It's wolfberry essence. A very potent medication that can increase a wolf's healing ability. The only downside is how expensive it can get due to the manufacturing process. So, you can consider it another example of my care for you."

He presses the tip of the blade to my throat. I began to feel my mouth fill with blood as he pushes the blade in and squeezes the bag with clear liquid,

"But this here. This is more precious than even you, my pet. A special blend of grade-A cocaine and just the right amount of wolf's bane. Not enough to kill, just enough to make it...potent. This way we can have a wonderful time without worrying about you passing out from the pleasure."

By this point, the wound on my neck has healed, and he's moved to dissecting my thigh with slight curiosity. Before it can heal completely, he moves his hand in a quick slicing motion. I scream as I watch most of my leg fall to the ground, leaving me with a, blindingly painful, bleeding stump. Biting my tongue hard, I forcibly cut my scream off as I watch in slight disgust as my leg regenerates quickly. Marren huffs,

"That wolfberry really is a wonder, isn't it. I wonder how well it does with silver."

I look towards the voice to see that he has his back to me and stands in front of the instruments. After running his hands across them carefully, he pulls up a silver dagger. He spins on his heel and walks towards me, caressing the blade lovingly,

"Have I have ever hurt you with a silver weapon. It's a very special sort of pain. Here..let me show you."

He sliced across my throat and I try to scream, only to have blood overflow from my lips. I know it's only my throat, but my entire body burns and stings just under the surface of my skin. My eyes are starting to roll to the back of my head because I can't breathe through the metallic-tasting fluid. Just as dark dots start to cloud my vision, I'm able to cough up the remaining blood and take a much-needed breath. As I try to catch my breath with my freshly healed but still stinging throat, I hear Marren hum,

"Slightly slower healing, but quick enough to make a fatal wound survivable. You've also got a nice souvenir to always remember our time together."

A tear escapes my eye as I pray for death. All I get in return is the opportunity to see my insides as he slices my torso open. I'm in too much shock to react to the pain as I watch him lightly trace my intestinal track with the blade. The faint touch is enough to cause a line of burns along the organs. I look at Marren, almost begging with my eyes. Pleading for him to stop. Instead, he looks bored. Apparently slicing me to pieces and watching me choke on my own blood is not entertaining enough. He drops the dagger and walks out of the room absent-mindedly. I watch my chest close while debating whether or not this was some sort of twisted nightmare.

Unfortunately, the long scar that now trailed the length of my torso gave further proof that this hell was reality. I closed my eyes and hoped that he was bored enough to stop. As the room remained quiet, I thought, for the first time, luck was on my side. That was short-lived. Footsteps bounced off the walls accompanied by the sound of sloshing liquid and the intoxicating smell of gasoline. I open my eyes, ready to accept my fate, until gasoline started to pour down my body. I tried not to hyperventilate as the scent surrounded me and drowned my senses. My tears blended with the liquid as I looked at amused green eyes. He struck a match with a smile,

"Don't worry. With all of the wolfberry in your system, you won't die...but you'll wish you did."

He threw the match on me, and I ignited instantly. The flames engulfed me as I screamed. My tears evaporated instantly in the heat, and I felt nothing but indescribable, inescapable pain. My rapidly healing body only serving as endless fuel for the flames. I felt my skin burn away, only to regenerate and burn again. All of this played out to the seemingly endless laughter of Marren. I continued to scream and beg until my voice broke and still I tried, my mouth thrown open in silent screams. I wanna die! Just let me die...please.

**

Tears streamed down my face as I saw anger and shock in Leo's eyes. I absently wiped them,

"I almost lost my mind. Marren eventually put me out after letting me burn for about a day and a half. He allowed me to finally pass out after that. I thought he'd be done but-...But when I-...Whe-"

My voice kept breaking as I tried to get it out, but I was determined to keep going. I took a deep breath,

"But when I woke up....there was an entirely different pain. He was...using me...violently. He'd raped me before, but it had never been that painful. His lust seemed endless and whenever he wanted to take a break, he let his wolf take over, who was somehow more violent. I passed out multiple times...I lost count after 12...by the time I was able to awaken to an empty room, I couldn't really feel my legs. I was allowed to sleep for a day and then I was dragged back in front of the targeted Alpha and his son, who'd apparently been captured and held there since the first day...I did my best to give the quickest death possible. I was so scared and broken...I just didn't want to hurt anymore. During my twelfth job, I escaped after causing the car we were in to crash and killing the survivors in the chaos. I ran and kept running. I only stopped once...but the place I chose to rest in...I stayed too long. They found me and tried to take me back, but I killed that group as well and ran again. I wasn't planning on stopping anymore until I reached the council. But...then I found you...I don't want to put you or this pack in danger, but I don't think I'll be able to hold it together without you. I'm falling apart...still...I'll leave if it would keep you safe."