Real living together
Yesterday
Yesterday was a happy and painful day for me.
Why? Because I got married, I was so happy. But after that it was over.
What did I get? A comfortable first night? No. First night of sex? Even though we did it, or were legally married, unfortunately not. What I got was, of course, a total beatdown by my wife.
How long did it take you know? 13 hours, 13 hours I was beaten to the point where I might have died. I'm not kidding.
I'm bleeding profusely here. And I was hoping for some comfort or caresses from her afterwards, but I was afraid of being beaten again. And stupidly I always wanted to challenge death. When she was done beating me, I dared to tease her sexually.
of course I was beaten again but worse than before. even her own hands bled from beating me. oh please even though my body is carved like a god and my strength is 1.5 times stronger. I can still feel pain.
It hurts, it really hurts
after she was satisfied with beating me all night. she went to take a shower to clean herself up.
while I was lying in a pool of my own blood.
You think it's funny? It is because I'm stupid enough to try to die here. Maybe trying that on her would be fun.
I'm not a clown but the whole circus.
And I was the clown in that circus.
Enough self-loathing. Now let's think about what to do in the future.
Even if we get married, things may not go as smoothly as my wife's thighs, shit I'm thinking about that right now.
The needs for a family in my opinion are a comfortable home, sufficient food needs, a partner who understands each other.
That's enough.
Why do you ask?
try to live in this society, be grateful if your parents are alive and allow you to live in the same house with them. but many people also want to be independent from their parents. like me for example. trying to survive on my own, but all I got was loneliness, I'm grateful the system exists. if not then my life would be bored and worthless, but don't imitate my mindset. live the way you want but know remember your limits, don't overdo it. just enjoy what you have and what you choose. you are happy or sad for everything that is what we know after trying or having gone through.
Simply enjoy the process, the final result is not everything.
Next is food. to fill our stomachs we are willing to do anything for it, like the example of a little boy I met a long time ago. he was willing to sleep near the garbage just to eat the remains of people's food.
I miss him, hopefully I'll meet him in parliament later. I don't intend to be that corrupt politician. but maybe Camilla will get 1-2 acquaintances there.
food is our form of energy to live. that's why in the past when Camilla threw away my food, I was really angry because I thought about the life of the child who slept in the garbage and the life of Rithya who was malnourished by food. while Camilla can eat whatever she asks for as long as it's in the kitchen or sold on the street. Even if you give me one spoonful of food for myself, I will thank you and remember you until I leave this world.
And then a partner.
A spouse is the thing that will fill your time and lack in this world, in my opinion. look at me, I didn't ask for a wife from anyone or even the system, but the system and fate gave me one without my permission. I even want to be like other people, who can choose their life partner. even if it doesn't reach the symbol of 'marriage' they are free from the name of household responsibilities.
Please differentiate between a company and a companion.
If accompanying me is like friends, buddies, lovers, and people who might be close to you, then it's a different story.
But for a companion is another story. they know everything about you and are willing to feel everything with you.
that's why many people are sad if their companion leaves not as sad as the person who accompanies them. it all depends on each view.
What I want to convey is of course only one my friend, Enjoy and be grateful for what you have. Sad or happy affairs later.
talking about life problems, why that damn woman hasn't come out of the bathroom yet. I've been bleeding heavily here for 30 minutes. I'm thinking about how to live in the future while she casually takes a shower.
It's hard if everything I think about is always kept to myself, for me to learn. like the president said. if every politics is from the people, by the people, for the people.
Then my life is from me, by me, for me.
Seems selfish doesn't it, certainly not if I live my own way.
I'm getting mentally ill apparently because I've been beaten up by Camilla too many times. I've also thought about getting back at her. But why? Why? I'm asking to be beaten up again.
If I beat Camilla up, I might look like an abusive husband, but if the situation is reversed, it's self-protection, or I'm considered a weak man.
We live in a society. Whether your opinion is right or wrong doesn't matter.
No, don't think about it anymore. I want to sleep.
.
.
.
.
.
.
After sleeping contentedly, it seems that I was treated by Camilla, I see the bandages around my body, again.
I look at the clock, 1:00 am
Good midnight I turned my head to see Camilla sleeping next to me with her back to me.
I got up and went to the bathroom. I had been holding back from relieving myself. After I was satisfied, I went to the kitchen to cook.
After I finished cooking and eating, I went to sit on the balcony and look at the sky.
I took my necklace and saw the pattern as usual, galaxy and a little reddish color. I see there is a purple color there. I don't know what can make this necklace bring out other colors besides galaxy white.
"Rithya my child, I miss you. I miss your laughter here" I gripped the necklace tightly and kissed it.
I looked back at the sky full of stars.
If all the stars up there are my wishes, can I ask for one for my daughter.
Please don't grant it, system.
I'm afraid you'll drop a meteor on this city.
That's not funny.
I started humming in this dark night. only accompanied by moonlight and stars, because of moments like this I can enjoy this world.
Some night birds approached me and leaned on the metal of my balcony. I went in to get some bread and meat.
and fed them.
Some of the birds stayed with me this night until morning, while I just hummed until morning in their company. after the sun came up, I started cooking breakfast. after cooking I took a shower and changed my clothes, I only wore bandages all this time. fortunately no one saw me.
I look at myself in the mirror always mesmerized, I might be a little narcissistic, no matter. As long as my appearance and perfection don't threaten the lives of my wife and my best friend, I don't mind.
I have to ask my wife for her future life, because she will be with me in the future.
.
.
.
.
She came out of my room and took a shower, I just sat at the dining table waiting for her.
After she finished bathing, she changed her clothes and ate with me.
After she finished, for some reason she tidied up the table and plates.
You're finally behaving like a wife, I'm proud of you, a little tearful.
After she finished, I told her to sit on the sofa and I sat in front of her.
"So you see my wife, I"
"Camilla" she cut me off, I wanted to talk seriously she cut me off
"Please listen to me..."
"Camilla" I sighed and gave in to her behavior.
"Camilla, I want to talk to you seriously about our life in the city." I looked at her seriously and she also looked at me seriously.
"If we live in a big city, I'll probably pay the full cost of the house including the taxes, but what I'm thinking about is what about our jobs, I might be able to find a job there. I don't know about you so let's negotiate" I rubbed my hands so as not to look tense, she looked at me funny.
"I've found a job as a branch director of my father's company for $5,000,000 a year. So you don't have to leave the house, I'll take care of all your needs" she smiled.
I think that's good, even very good. I don't need to go out, I just need to take care of the house and can take care of my horticulture plants. the perfect stay-at-home dad.
But my soul is heavy with it, I look at it another way, that is, if my wife is working until she's exhausted and under a lot of pressure, and I'm at home enjoying the fruits of my wife's labor alone, I don't want to. Unless I have children, that might be a very attractive offer.
Even if I have children, I don't want to relax at home either. I have to ease the burden on our family.
"No, I'll keep working, I'll find a job that is enough for us to live on" She looked at me gently and smiled
"Stay at home, I'll pay for everything" She gently gripped my arm.
"I'll keep looking for a job, because I'm a husband who has to be responsible for my wife" I stroked her hand.
"Stay at home, I'll do the work" she gripped my hand tightly this time.
"No, I will work with you" I looked at her with a smile.
"Stay at home, I'm working" this time she gripped my hand with her full strength.
"No, you work, I work"
"Stay, I work"
"No, I work too"
"Stay, I'm working"
"No, I work"
She jumped on me and tried to slap my face but I held her hands back.
"Listen Raylo, if you work weird jobs just for quick money and lots of it, I'll lock you up in the house and tie you up in the basement" she gripped my hands tightly and looked at me angrily.
"Reckless, why do you always determine everything I do, I am your husband not your butler, you should listen to me" I returned her grip and looked at her angrily
"I'm afraid you'll run away again and get hurt again. You know nothing of how I feel" She cried, oh god woman please don't touch my tender heart.
I released my grip and wiped away her tears.
Then I hugged her tightly and stroked her back.
"Beg for me" I whispered in her ear, and I was slammed on the floor.
Of course I was slapped by her.
I saw her expression before slapping me, it was worth it.