18. I Must Be

He dragged in a long breath as he clutched his head between his hands, his elbows resting on the steering wheel. What has he done? What was the point of coming back if he was going to fuck it up before anything ever happened? Well, Taeho wasn't exactly planning for anything to happen. Of course, he didn't nurse any sort of expectation when he arrived here. Or maybe he did because he sure wasn't expecting to be so pissed at that bag of crap named Baek Doyun.

And he was lucky. He wasn't recognised. He didn't know how much he has changed ever since he left that place but now he was glad for it. Maybe he could really stay by her side like this forever. Maybe…

Just maybe…

He can take her away. Life was much better in Seoul and if things worked out for the better— Taeho scoffed at himself, wanting to hit his own face to awaken his better senses. What sort of thought was that? He couldn't possibly be this selfish, right? Sure, he couldn't stay here any longer than he already was here for. It was already a precarious game that he was playing at and now what? Does he want to force his life on her? Uproot her entire life, destroy every sort of peace and comfort she has built here just because he wanted her by his side? He needed to sort himself out before he spiraled off even further than this. He knew the power she held over him but he didn't realize that meeting her after this long would actually drive him crazy, quite literally. Taeho let out a low groan and slammed a fist on the dashboard.

"Fuck!"

He was engaged.

He had a fucking fiancee. Back in Seoul. What is wrong with him? Sure, they weren't exactly in a relationship but they had an agreement. And he knew. He knew he would break that agreement in less than a heartbeat if Yejeong ever uttered a word for it. And they hadn't even talked properly. They barely exchanged a few words. What would he do if…

Taeho shook his head, refusing to think any further. He was glad that Doyun wasn't someone who fought back. Maybe he knew how backhanded his own comments were, maybe he felt like he deserved it. Maybe he cared about Yejeong enough not to throw hands with a random stranger but whatever the reason was, he didn't raise a fist back at Taeho. He simply cursed out a string of pretty expletives and simply walked off towards the bakery store. It was at that moment, as Taeho watched Doyun stalk off to where Yejeong was, that he realized where he stood. He really was a stranger to this place now. The very place he had spent an entire chunk of life in. Now he looked around, and the first thought was that— I don't belong here.

Maybe a part of him did but now, not so much anymore.

Now with all this whirlwind of emotions and thoughts swirling and agitating his insides, he was supposed to head to dinner at their place. At least he thought so. He didn't know whether he was 'uninvited' after what he did to his own host. Not that he gave any fuck for Doyun. The sky could come crashing down on him and Taeho wouldn't bat an eye.

His digital watch beeped with an alarm and Taeho got up, straightening himself up. It was seven pm now. He decided that he would go and drop by their place. If he was not invited after all, he can simply offer an apology. But whatever it was, something in him wanted to go. He wanted answers. And he didn't know why he bought a cheap pack of beer just so he wouldn't be empty handed. He had to do this. He wanted to go.

He wanted her.

Before he exited the car, he briefly glanced at his phone. No Network. Woosun was officially a disconnected realm he had entered and he was glad for it. It meant that she didn't know about the scandal. He was glad, he realized as a punch of breath left his chest, he was glad that she hasn't read what he wrote. It was just too bad that the whole country saw it before she ever did. Without allowing another thought to hold him back, he got out of his car and headed for the place. His stomach was churning strangely the whole time, and he wouldn't dare admit that he had fucking butterflies in his stomach. But it bothered him enough that he took a wrong turn at an alley, and he felt like the whole world was laughing at him as he retraced his steps and made sure that he went the right way this time. He was walking with sure strides when something at the corner of his eyes made him stop. He looked and stared for a moment. A large flurry of lilies reaping like a burst of beauty at the hedge of a wild garden. He turned around him and took a look. Well, it wouldn't hurt, right? He edged in tentatively and wanted to laugh at the hilarity of the situation. He was a billionaire. He owned the largest tech company in the country. And here he was, stealing flowers from someone's garden just because.

Just because.

His digital watch glowed a bright white 7:12 when he jogged up the steps to the oh-so-familiar house. He wasn't expecting that she still lived here after nobody answered him in the afternoon, maybe Doyun moved in with her. Whatever it was going on between the two. A growing dread filled his stomach as he realized that he shouldn't have punched Doyun after all. It was all a little too hasty of him to do so.

His palms itched but yet still, he reached up and rang the doorbell. He balanced the pack of beer and the rough self made bundle of lilies on one hand and waited.

He stood for a moment before he heard a flutter of footsteps behind the door. They had an intercom but he figured that they didn't even bother to use it. Heck, the door was seldom ever locked. It was just the neighborhood and anyone could just walk in. It wasn't exactly safe but it was very casual here unlike in the city. The door clicked open, and she appeared. Staring down, he suddenly realized at the moment that she appeared smaller than he had remembered. Either she shrunk or he grew.

Yejeong took a sweep of the man in front of her, deciding what she should do first. She knew. As soon as she saw Doyun's face, a lower right part of his jaw and his lip slightly red and swollen from a fresh punch, she realized immediately. Who else could have done this except him, of course. She swallowed, looking over him. God, she wished that he didn't look this good. She wanted to think that he dressed up just to come over and meet her, not that he looked like this every day. He was taller now and the suit fit on him just fine— no, wait. Too fine actually. He looked…she swallowed again with much more difficulty, what are other words for 'delectable'? He was a different sort of a man. He wasn't like the guys around here now. He was a city man. Clad in a perfect suit, with hair cropped just the right amount at his ears and clean shaven. She never saw these sorts of men except on TV. Gosh, she immediately looked away, shaking her head. She shouldn't be thinking about these things at all. What was she doing? She was a mother now.

"Mr. Lee." She said, smiling like the host she was.

"Mrs. Baek." He looked at her, eyes prodding for an answer over her face as soon as he said it.

"Miss," She whispered, slowly nodding, "Miss Bo."

They stared at each other for a beat before she sharply looked away, wiping her sweaty hands on her long skirt.

"Who is it? Is he here?" A familiar male voice carried out from inside the house and the both of them looked briefly at each other, then away.

"H-he's here!" Yejeong yelled, opening the door wider.

A looming shadow fell on her as Taeho approached close to her, making her stiffen up. She smiled tightly as he hovered near her. He gently took her hand, unfolded it and placed the stalk of the lilies in the grip of her hand. Yejeong stared at it, it was lilies. Just lilies. And they looked oddly familiar.

"I guess all this while, I have only been living for this day."

Yejeong laughed, "Do city people talk like the soap operas? Like that?"

"Only the crazy ones."

"You must be crazy then, Mr Lee Tae." She said this in a low whisper, gently pushing him away from her. She turned to close the door and when she was done, she quickly passed by him without sparing him another look. Why were her hands shaking? She quickly walked down the entrance hall, hoping that seeing her family would jumpstart the harsh awakening of reality and that the heat of his touch would go away. The lilies seemed to burn into her skin.

"I must be." Taeho mumbled, slowly following her.