Chapter 8

Something made me wake up. As i opened my eyes i was laying on my side facing the window, i could see it was now dark out. Damn jet lag, well its a good thing i'm still sleepy. I yawned and turned on my other side, i didn't expect to see what i did. Sean was sleeping next to me. He didn't have a shirt on, i could feel my eyes trailing down checking him out, i never saw him without a shirt on. He wasn't built witch you could tell with his clothing on but you could see the outlines off his muscles, but not the rock kind he was always so squishy when i would hug him. I started to reach my hand out to feel his bear chest, but i couldn't bring my hand to actually touch him so my hand was kind of just hovering a few inches from him. I dont know why this is bothering me so much, when i would sleep over at his house before i moved in with him i slept with him in his bed since nether one of us wanted the other to sleep on the floor or the couch. I think it bothers me now since before i couldn't be in a relationship with him even if he wanted to so i knew nothing would happen then. But now i'm old enough that i could be with him like that, but i know he dont want to. He never said that he didn't like me that way or anything, i just know because hes just so perfect and hot and sexy and just all of the above that he wouldn't want someone so under his level like me.

"did you have a good nap?" I jumped a little from Sean asking that i thought he was sleeping "i hope you dont end up staying up all night because of it though, we have a big day, tomorrow is the start of Pax" He continued to talk with his eyes closed.

"ya i slept good, and no i wont be up all night, im still sleepy" I looked up at his face as i said that. He looked so cute like that i wish i could just be his girlfriend instead of his best friend that happens to be a girl. I let out a sigh as i wished that, Sean opened his eyes.

"what's wrong y/n" he said with a concerned look on his face.

"nothing Sean" and i closed my eyes to try to get back to sleep and not think about it.

"y/n i can tell when your lieing, please just tell me" he said as he started to brush my check with his figures. I let out another sigh and opened my eyes but didn't make eye contact with him.

"Sean i cant tell you, i dont want you to treat me differently" well bad differently that is but i couldn't tell him that or he will find out how i feel for him. Hes smart and i dont know what i would do if he pushed me away.

"nothing would make me feel or treat you differently then i do now" he said with a smile as he pushed my hair back comfortingly. I guess i could tell him a little about how i feel, i hang out with a few people from my work now so hopefully he wont know i'm talking about him. I sighed again, i know i'm nerves but damn i need to stop sighing i'm annoying myself.

"ok, i really like this one guy and i really want a relationship with him, but i dont want to lose his friendship by asking him if he feels the same way in case he dont feel the same way about me that i do about him. I really dont know what to do, every time i'm around him i want to kiss him and tell him but i know hes to good for me and he wont feel the same way. I never felt this way about someone before and i dont want to fuck something up." I was looking at my pillow the hole time i as telling him this. He stopped rubbing my face and i was to scared to look at him.

"whats his name?" he said that sounding, angry. Why would he be angry?

"i cant tell you"

"please y/n"

"no Sean"

"y/n tell me"

"no, you'll be upset with me" we started to wispier yell at each other since it was night and everyone would be sleeping. I turned to face away from him hoping this would stop. I shouldn't have told him, and i could feel tears going down my face. Calm down you didn't say it was him. I kept telling myself that. Then i felt Sean put his arm around me and pull me to him. Then he started to wispier in my ear, he still sounded angry.

"i need you to tell me who it is, i need to know what kind of a person they are, i need to know y/n, you mean so much to me i just need to know who stole your heart...." he mumbled the last part but i couldn't hear what it was. He sounded like he was getting sad as he continued to talk, but why? I could feel my hair getting wet, was he crying? I didn't say anything. I covered my mouth with my hand so he couldn't hear me cry. He kept hes arm around me for a wile. Then he sighed "fine, dont fucking tell me, i dont care who you fucking fuck with" he said with a cracking voice, he was crying. Then he turned to face away from me. After some time i heard his voice change from the crying mad one to his sleeping one, he snored a little.

"goodnight Sean, i love you so much, that person i care about so much is you, i have since i was 13, i love you so much" i whispered knowing he wouldn't hear me since he was sleeping. "please dont be mad at me since i'm to scared to tell you its you, i'm only saying it cuz i know your sleeping" and i drifted off to sleep.