I'm a monster

I heaved up the broken glass aiming for Brittany's chest, but I suddenly paused halfway through, when I looked straight into my sister's beautiful aqua blue eyes. I saw something enthralling that pulled me out of the dark place I am trapped in. I snapped back into reality.

I gasped in horror dropping the broken glass to the floor as I realized what I was about to do, kill my sister.

I fell to my knees and brought my knees to my chest, curling my body into a ball. I violently thrust my fingers through my hair as I rock back and forth.

"I am sorry, Brittany, I am so. Sorry. I am a monster I hurt you.!" I kept saying like I am reciting a mantra.

"Oh, God! I wanted to stab my sister. I am a monster!" I sob loudly.

Brittany rushed to me and hauled me against her chest. "Calm down, Adeline. You are not a Monster." She said calmly in a soothing tender tone.

I turned and buried my face in her chest. She hovered me with her arms, comforting me.

I cry harder against her chest.

"No I am a monster, I could have killed you, Brittany! You shouldn't be comforting me. Stay away from me. I could have hurt you. You should let go of me." I lift my face from her chest and tried pushing her away but she didn't budge. She held me tighter.

"No, you need me, Adeline. I will never let you go, especially when you need me the most." She patted my hair softly, hugging me tightly.

I flinched my eyes closed when the vivid image of me holding the broken glass ready to stab Brittany flooded through my mind.

I shake my head rapidly. "I am crazy, an evil person. I wanted to kill you. You should hate me, Brittany"

"Look at me Adeline," Brittany cupped my face. I raised my head and look into her beautiful aqua blue eyes. There was no glint of hatred for me in them. "I love you Adeline, and there is nothing you will do to change that" She smiled and her love for me reflected in her beautiful eyes.

It made me feel guilty. I don't deserve to be her sister. I don't deserve to call her my sister. I strongly loath myself inside. Wishing I was never born. Wishing I don't exist because I am a terrible person.

"Never say that Adeline, that you are a monster and you deserve to be hated. You are not a monster" She strongly said.

" Look at me, I am alive," She said.

I stared at her, and she smiled widely.

"See, I am unscathed. You are not a monster. You can't hurt anybody, not even a fly." She said lightly. I wanted to believe her but I don't.

I shake my head." Look" I pointed at the bruises on her chest. "I did that with the broken glass" Tears stung my eyes and it hurt.

"It's just a scratch, you got careless with the glass and it's accidentally bruised me. " She says trying to convince me.

"No, stop it, Brittany! I hurt you! You would have been dead by now Why can't you see that! I am crazy!" I screamed at her but it didn't draw any reaction from her. She just had a calm face on.

"No, you are not crazy, you are just…." She paused.

"I am sick" I laughed bitterly." I am sick in the head, that shouldn't be hard for you to say, Brittany. Why are you fucking kind?" I ask, wondering why she isn't loathing me for trying to kill her.

"Remember when you were 16 and I was 17. We had a big fight and you got uncontrollably angry. We were having a heated argument near the stairs. I pushed you first. Judging from the rage I saw in your eyes. You could have retaliated and pushed me down the stairs but you didn't because no matter how mad and upset you were with me, you will never hurt me, Adeline" She took me on a trip down memory lane. The memory of that day played on my mind.

I remember that big fight. It happened the day after she brought Adam, my first love home. That was my first heartbreak.

The next day she said something that triggered me. So I unleashed my anger on her brand new sports car my dad bought for her as her seventeenth birthday present.

I used a hammer to wreck her new car. I destroyed and shattered the car's windscreen. Hammered the headlights, taillights, deteriorated the car completely making sure it ended up as a piece of junk in the backyard of a mechanic shop.

Brittany was so mad about it. She cried over it for a week. She didn't even get to take the car for a ride before I destroyed it.

That was the reason we argued but she never realized the reason why I destroyed her car so will she never realize why I trashed up her room.

I was out of control that day. I even ended up cutting myself with the pieces of broken glass from the shattered car windscreen.

That made my parents realize they got a crazy daughter.

They knew I needed help immediately.

So they got me into psychotherapy to help me with my anger management issues and also help me overcome my delusional crazy dark episodes.

Psychotherapy did help keep my crazy self at bay but it didn't make me less crazy. From time to time. I flare up and act impulsively, and recklessly, breaking stuff like I did today.

"Miss Pierce" A knock came at the door.

We both panicked.