Listen Closely

Kai

“Hi Kai!” the twins chirped from behind me. I rotated my body so my knees faced the empty audience while my torso twisted enough that I could see both of the girls. I pretended I hadn't noticed them and put on a pleasantly surprised face, though it wasn't a complete mask. I loved every moment with these girls.

“Oh! Why hello Katie and Angela. I did not see you there. How are you ladies doing today?” They giggled as I grinned at them. They were young enough that they didn't let looks influence their opinions of people too much, though I sincerely hoped that they would continue to hold to their rather welcoming and accepting nature, even through adulthood.

They were the first in this community band to speak with me, and that had been to awe after they heard me warming up. Some times we would stay late so I could help them with their own playing ability. They both are quite talented considering how short of a time they have been playing.

“We’re doing great!” Katie exclaimed, though she looked at her twin and they both saddened. They were always so sweet and caring, always worrying about others. Their open and so unbelievably honest emotions showed everyone they met that they truly care for even the most distant stranger, no matter the circumstances. I wished people would be more like them.

“But our friend isn’t,” Angela said quietly. They were naturally very happy, optimistic girls, so seeing their golden hearts bleed so kindly was also so upsetting. They were curious, almost to the point of being nosy, but it was always with pure intentions. Not a day went by when they weren't doing their best to try to help someone or attempt to cheer someone up.

“What’s wrong?” I paused as I opened the case that held the saxophone I borrow from Dr. Stevens, the band director.

“She has to have surgery,” Angela started this time.

“There’s something wrong with her heart,” Katie said sadly. I could tell that there was still more to their sadness.

“That is good news, is it not? That means she’s getting the help she needs.”

“We suppose…” Katie glanced at her twin, who again picked up where the other left off, knowing that I would ask if they didn’t continue.

“...but she has to go through that while…”

“...while you are sitting here having fun without her?” I finished for them. They nodded, hanging their heads while sneaking glances at each other and myself.

“What does she want you to do?” They gave me confused looks, likely wondering what in the world I was talking about. A small smile made its way to my face, the girls breaking through any barriers I have about keeping my face neutral. I continued, elaborating on the point I was trying to make, “Does she want you to sit and worry with her or does she want you to continue on, believing that she is going to get better?”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“...we should probably believe in her.”

I gave the girls a full smile, trying to lighten their mood. They were such sweethearts. “Can I tell you a secret?” I leaned towards them, letting a bit of mischief play in my smile. Their eyes grew wide as they leaned towards me, almost falling off their chairs as they nodded vehemently. They didn't even bother to look at each other in confirmation as they normally would. They were totally unreserved with me.

“The best music comes from your emotions and your feelings. It is something that you play not because the page tells you to, but because there is a purpose to play. Every time you open your mouth, fidget your hands, or move your body, it will be art so long as there is a reason for doing it.”

I knew they would be able to understand; they were smart girls. What I was uncertain about was whether they would be able to see how they could apply to the moment, to the situation and setting. I carefully watched their faces as they thought about my words, all the while busying my hands by finally putting my sax together and sticking my reed in my mouth. It could soak while they thought.

As one, they tilted their heads. The action brought them closer together, enough for a private conversation. They whispered for a bit, eventually coming to a conclusion that they liked. The final nod they gave, the one that indicated that they had just found something they were determined to accomplish, made me give a huge grin. They understood, and they would test it out, even though they knew that I was right. They had come to realize that I was very rarely wrong.

Now that the girls were happy once again and spreading their newest little gem to Rachel, the girl that always sat near Rob the Tuba player, I turned to warming up. I began quietly, having noticed that as I played, I often drew either awed silence or joyous expectation.

It was fun when people felt that it was expected of them to let loose a little and join in. Music was supposed to be a way of gathering people together, each with their own unique perspective and personality, not a single person showing off what they had practiced, but instead everyone showing who they really are.

The awed silence, however, always bugged me. They would simply sit and stare at me like I was some miracle or amazing musician. I wasn't. I simply let all my worries and pain, joys and happiness flow out of me and into the waves caused by the vibrations that quickly translated to sound. Playing was supposed to be for the soul.

Finally, I gave a content sigh and went for a chromatic scale, letting my control disappear just enough that the usual silence spread. What I did wasn't unusual or special, yet for some reason people seemed to find that it was something worthy of simply listening.