Haze

Kai

“You’re back!” Clyde greeted me enthusiastically without bothering to look away from whatever video game he was playing this time. “How was your weekend?” I nearly rolled my eyes. It was already Sunday evening and instead of studying, like he probably should have been doing, he was lazily sprawled across his bed and entirely focused on his mission or quest or whatever he was involved in.

Knowing that he wouldn't actually listen to anything I had to say on the matter, or any matter really, I grabbed a set of clothes I had folded and stacked from my top drawer. I tended to make sure that I had outfits put together and ready to grab whenever I did laundry. It made life easier, especially in those moments I was too tired to think, like tonight. A hot shower followed by a good pair of sweats and my favorite hoodie sounded like the best possible plan right now.

Though the hot water did wonders for my sore muscles, being in the shower gave my mind far too much time to itself and kept me relaxed enough that I couldn’t block out the irritatingly intrusive thoughts no matter how hard I tried. It was almost frustrating enough to have me in tears.

I had only five days until I would have to return “home”. I so wish I could stay at the university instead. I could deal with Clyde and all his sexual escapades, the sneers and judgmental looks from both peers and teachers, anything and everything. It would be so much better than returning to that hell. But if I did stay here . . . no. I had learned my lesson once. Being allowed to attend college was plenty.

I sat at the desk on my side of the room heavily enough to almost be considered a plop. The shower had been nice, but I still had homework and class assignments that I needed to get done. The sooner, the better, as I knew that during the week I would likely be rather exhausted. Every week was exhausting. I tended to have very little down time aside from the community band practice. And that was fun only because of Angela and Katie’s enthusiasm, though Rachel seemed to have just as much excitement in her little body as the twins combined.

Being pulled from the sweet darkness of sleep was not what I had been expecting around midnight that night, but I was still grateful to Clyde for it. I hadn’t realized how tired I really was until my groggy brain was trying to understand why I was sleeping on top of all my homework. I managed to mumble out a “thanks” before collapsing onto my bed.

My alarm jerked me from the blissful oblivion the next morning. I just barely missed my phone on my first attempt to stop the insanely loud device. It tumbled to the ground with me following as I lost whatever semblance of balance I thought I had. I felt absolutely horrible, not that I was at all surprised. Thankfully, none of my aches and pains seemed to come from sleeping on the desk. Instead, they were the usual: pounding headaches, persistent ringing, exhaustive fatigue, and blurry eyesight. But I would have to survive this, just as I did every Monday. Besides, I should be used to this by now.

I was thrown for a loop as I once again realized that I was not very aware of myself today. A classmate snapped their fingers in front of my face, waking me at the end of my class. The entire class was gone, including the professor. I had managed to completely miss everyone leaving and on top of that, this peer had managed to get into my personal space without me realizing. I tried to focus on their face, or anything just to ground myself, but the effort proved to have the opposite affect. The dizziness and nausea I was fighting only continued to rise, coming very close to completely overwhelming me. When had it gotten so close to the surface?

It took me far too long to come back to my senses. I had known this morning that I was close to the edge, the edge that told me to skip classes in favor of recovering from the past weekend, but I thought I could handle it. In fact, I was sure I could. Or at the very least, I would be able to slow my descent on the cliff ledges, those moments when I was able to focus. This cliff, though, had very few ledges, and it scared me.

I blinked as much of the haze from my sight as possible, only to wish that it would return. I must have blacked out, as my brain registered the blinding lights and burning smell of antiseptic. Never would I allow myself to be taken anywhere near a medical facility. I had never even seen a hospital, let alone been in one. I only recognized the nurse’s office because he had insisted on taking me to that school’s nurse’s office once when I had a sprained wrist. He had understood, or at least accepted my aversion to medical personal, just as he had respected my refusal to be near cops.

If I hadn’t been so out of it, I probably would have started to panic. I had no clue if someone would attempt to contact home about what was obviously a serious concussion. If my parents found out that I was here . . . I feared it would be the end of the little freedom I had.

What really set me on edge, though, was the fact that someone had been able to bring me here without my knowledge. And not only that, but I could hardly move. A fuzz had settled over my motor skills, like cotton clogging the gears of a cotton picker. Who had brought me here? I knew that even unconscious I shied away from other people, so who had managed to bring me without my realizing?