Chapter 8

Freya's Point Of View. 

Austin ran towards me as Paul left to look for Yizell.

"Where's Yizell?" He inquired about Yizell in the same way Paul did.

I shook my head and massaged my temple. "I have no idea where she's heading to."

"And how about Paul?"

"He was searching for Yizell. He said they needed to talk," I pointed out. "Can you tell me what's happening, Ton?"

"I… I can't. I don't think I have the right to tell you. You'll find out everything soon, Freya," he said sadly.

What will I know? What should I be aware of?

"How come you can't tell me? I would like to know the reason why you're all acting this way! I feel out of place because I'm the only one who doesn't know anything!"

"Because you will blame yourself for why Yizell ignores you! Freya, I know you far too well. You're a selfless person. Your heart is warm. Once you find out Yizell's reason, you will doubtlessly believe it's your fault. I don't want you to be a part of it."

His response astounded me even more. Who is to blame? Who is at fault? What is the reason for this? What exactly is the issue? What is really going on confuses my brain!

"H-Huh? Ton, I don't understand. Please let me know! Who is to blame? What exactly did I do?" I asked several questions. 

"Come on, let's find Paul and Yizell…" He changed the subject rather than responding.

I just followed him after gasping. Perhaps our search for Yizell and Paul will shed some light on what is really the matter.

***

We only ran a few times and have no idea where they went. Austin and I stopped near the garden to catch our breath because we were out of air.

"Where else can they go? It's as if we've already toured the entire West University," Austin said breathlessly.

I was flabbergasted by what I saw in the nearby garden. Shoot! I spotted Paul and Yizell. But why do they seem to be fighting?

"Ton…" I called him.

"Hmm?" He continued to look around.

"Aren't they Paul and Yizell?" I pointed a finger in their direction.

"All right, let's go!"

He dragged me behind a tree near them, and we hid. We eavesdropped in their conversation to see if they are fighting, but we can't hear much from where we are.

Austin and I were about to approach the two of them when Yizell said something that made me hesitate from taking a step closer.

"Why did you have to like Freya!? Why, of all people, her!?"

She erupted in rage. Paul was about to speak when I interrupted him.

"W-Wait, what do you mean?"

As they looked at me, their eyes grew bigger. They must have been surprised to see me behind them, as if they were keeping something from me.

"W-What did I hear again?"

"F-Freya…" Yizell stammered.

"Tell me it's a joke. Tell me I was just… mistaken," I begged.

"Freya, come on. Let's get out of here," Austin said, holding my hand, but I let go.

"Why can't you tell me? Guys, tell me, was it true?" I repeated. They all bowed down in shame and guilt. "Oh, that's why? That's why Yizell ignores me as if I'm a mere stranger who doesn't exist in her world."

"It's not like that, Freya…"

"It's not like that? Then, explain why." She was unable to respond. "You ignore me because you're annoyed with me. It annoys you because every time you see me, you remember Paul likes me, right?"

"It's not like that, Freya! Listen to me first!" Yizell grumbled, raising her voice. In annoyance, I shook my head.

"That's it!" They were caught off guard when I shouted. "That's your reason! Deny it if you can. Listen to you first? I'm giving you the chance to explain, but what else could you say, Yizell? Would it even make sense if I knew the truth you were keeping from me? I feel foolish and betrayed for knowing nothing!" 

I'm not a shouting person. As long as I can control myself, I will calm down and won't get angry easily. I was the most modest of the four of us, and I had the most patience. I'm not easily angered, but now? Because of Yizell's shallow reasoning, it was difficult to keep my annoyance at bay. She was being selfish.

"You're fighting because of me? Will our friendship be ruined because of me? What does this friendship mean to you? I can't believe you! Guys, you're so immature!" Then, I walked away from there.

"Freya, wait!" Paul called, but I ignored him. I had no idea he was following me.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks. It was entirely my fault. My best friend is getting worse because of me. They fight because of me.

I came to a halt and turned around to face Paul. He was surprised by the look of my eyes right now. It could have been his first time seeing a cheerful girl like me cry in public.

"Paul, of all people, why me? Why does it have to be me?" My unexpected question startled him even more.

"W-Why are you asking? This is not your fault. It's not your fault if I have feelings for you."

"Why do you have to like me!? Why not Yizell? She likes you, Paul! She likes you!" I sobbed even harder. His reaction was different. He appeared to be hurt by what I said.

"What can I do if she isn't the one I want?" I felt pain in my chest when his voice cracked. "Freya, I like you. But you know what hurts the most? It's that you're pushing me to go to Yizell despite the fact that you know you're the only path I'll ever be willing to take…"

His words took me by surprise. It made a loud bang and struck my heart. My rage had carried me away, and I didn't realize I was hurting him.

I hate myself… 

"It's fine if you don't like me, however, at least respect my feelings. Even though you don't reciprocate it, at least consider it. Don't push me away and force me to like someone else because it hurts." It was almost a whisper. "I'm sorry, this surprised me as well. I had no idea I'd fall in love with you in this way, so don't hold it against yourself. It's not your fault, and it's not because of you. If any of us was to blame, it was me. Because I allowed my feelings for you to grow…" 

He then left me, and I was left speechless. I sat on the bench and sobbed uncontrollably. It was difficult for me to process everything that had happened today. I still don't get it. I can't believe I just broke three people's hearts and hurt three people who mean a lot to me.

Austin, who didn't do anything but secretly love Yizell. I hurt him in the same way he felt when he saw Yizell in pain. I felt guilty because I was the cause of her attitude.

To Yizell, who nearly kneeled down to Rafael in order for him to love her. I hurt her and made her feel betrayed when she discovered that I was the girl Paul likes, which is her best friend.

Paul, who holds romantic feelings for me. My selfishness and insensitive words hurt him. They are correct; words have the power to kill. Not physically, but more painful than it. I hurt him by pushing him for Yizell even though I knew I was who he liked. I disregarded his feelings.

***

I wasn't in my right state of mind when I drove home. Mom greeted me right away when I walked in. 

"Oh, honey? What happened to you? Are you alright? Is everything good?"

"It's nothing, Mom. I'm just tired," I lied.

"Your lie won't work on me, Freya. I know you well because you're my daughter. I'm aware you have a problem. Come on, tell me. What is it?" 

"It's about Yizell, Mom…" I began.

"What about Yizell? Did you two have a fight?"

"The thing is she has someone she likes. That person is Paul, our friend. Then, she confessed her feelings for him, but she knew she had no chance with him because he is in love with someone else…" 

"I feel sorry for Yizell. But then again, we can't get mad at Paul since it's his heart, it's his feelings. We have no control over whether he likes Yizell or not. It's his decision. But I would like to know who your friend's lucky girl is. I'm feeling curious."

"It was me…" Mom was shaken up by what I said. "I am the girl he likes, Mom. I only recently learned about it. I hurt Yizell and Paul's feelings. Not only do I hurt them, but I also hurt Austin because he likes Yizell, and it hurts him to see the girl he likes in pain. It's amusing to think that all my friends will only fall in love once, but it will be a one sided love. Austin likes Yizell, who likes Paul, who likes me. I'm at a loss for what to do, Mom. I'm stuck in the middle," I sobbed.

"I know you're having a hard time with your situation because I know you don't want your friends to fight, but it's not your fault if Paul likes you, sweetie. I told you it was his decision. It was his choice to like you, and I don't think you can stop him. So, don't hold it against yourself, Freya. It's a tragic fate for your friends to have feelings for someone who is in love with someone else."

I ran to Mom and hugged her. The feeling of relief you get when you can talk to your parents about your sadness, worry, and difficult circumstances. I was relieved in some ways.

"But, may I ask, honey, don't you personally like Paul?" Mom asked, which made my heart race.

Do I like him?