Eight

I skip the next couple days of school, not being able to face Avery after the new found feelings I have discovered. I have typed out and deleted so many messages, wanting to tell her how I feel.

Through text is probably the worst way, but then again, every other way I have thought about isn't good enough either. I want it to ne special, or at least meaningful, so she can really see how much I care about her, and how she doesn't have to be afraid to trust me.

My mother has given me a much better insight to how Avery is feeling, realizing it might be a lot more similar to how I feel then I thought. Though our situations are different, we aren't.

I wracked my brain every day and night, until I finally came up with the perfect idea Friday night. I had to get out of the house to clear my mind, and that's when I saw it.

The abandoned lot near the end of my road. There is a marsh behind the property, making the earth unstable and hard to build on, anything built there basically sinks over time. To walk on, it's perfectly fine, and the land has grown an abundance of grass and bushes, making it the perfect place to stargaze.

My parents and I used to go down there on days like Independence Day and other holidays, when the city put on fireworks for everyone. You have a perfect view of them from there, and when the night is clear, it's the best place to see the stars without light pollution blocking them.

I look at the forecast for Saturday night, and see a clear sky with a slight chilly temperature, since we're heading into November now. As I run around the house and make sure I have all the supplies needed for my plan, I send a quick, hopeful text to Avery.

I'm sorry for what happened, I regret the way I acted. Please, if you can forgive me and let me have the chance to prove it, meet me at my house when the sun goes down.

My finger hovers over the send button, praying to god that she comes. Once it's sent, I shove my phone back in my pocket and continue busying myself with rushing around the house.

My father eventually comes out of his room, giving me a quizzical look.

"What's with all the stomping around?" he asks, then notices the bundle of blankets and pillows in my hands. "Are you going camping?"

I roll my eyes. "No, dad, I'm not going camping. When have I ever liked camping?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, things might have changed. What's all this, then?" he asks and tugs at the wool blanket. I pull away from him and back towards my room.

"Nothing, just doing a little project with a friend," I say and dart into my room, slamming the door. I don't want my dad to start asking questions, and I tell him I'm trying to win a girl over. He knows my player past, and he is well aware that I don't ever do anything above and beyond for any girl.

I will never hear the end of it, if he finds this out. I can see him turning into my mother, and I will never allow that to happen.

Once I think I have enough pillows and blankets, I find a duffel bag and shove what I can of the blankets inside, then check my phone. It's almost 6 o'clock, I can see the sun setting through my bedroom window, creating a beautiful pink sunset.

I wrap everything up as best I can and walk outside, walking on the porch to hopefully see her walk from the direction of the bus stop. A few minutes pass by and nothing, my nerves growing. I finally see a bus pass by my house, and my stomach leaps into my throat when she walks around the corner, nervously bunching her hands together.

"You came," I whisper when she's within distance. She gives me a timid smile and wave, clutching her oversized sweater closer to her.

"I didn't really like how things went down either, and I do feel like I at least owe you an explanation," she says, kicking the ground.

"Do you mind if we go somewhere?" I ask, gauging her reaction. She doesn't look as scared as I thought, but still looks hesitant. "It's just at the end of my street, we can walk there."

With that said, she nods. I hold out a pillow to her, the duffel bag on my shoulder and the other two pillows under my arm. She gives me a curious look, but I just turn my phones flashlight on and lead her down the street.

I explain about the abandoned lot while we walk there, to ease her nerves a little, if she is freaking out. It can seem a little odd, a guy asking a girl to meet him after dark, then takes her to a secluded area. I hope she will let me explain why I'm taking her there, before her mind makes her think crazy things.

"What are we going to do here?" she asks instead, stopping with me as I survey a small tree at the end of the lot, making sure there aren't any bugs or mud, before I finally set the duffel bag down and open it, revealing the blankets.

"I thought, since we aren't going to get many more nights like this soon, that we could take advantage of the clear sky," I say and pause to point up at the sky, where you can already see a stream of stars poking through, "and maybe stargaze for a bit."

I try and look like I'm struggling with the blankets, but I glance at her through my lashes, waiting to see how she responds.

She looks up at the sky, squinting her eyes a little, as a smile slowly spreads across her face. The moon is almost high in the sky now, illuminating her pale complexion and brightening her gorgeous hazel eyes, making the soft specks of gray spark like ice.

I find myself studying her eyes, quickly getting lost in their striking beauty. I have always noticed their attraction before, but after realizing how I really feel about her, I notice how one look also makes my pulse race and my palms sweat.

I tear my eyes away from her, before I find even more reasons to continue ogling her. Instead, I lay out the thickest blanket I could find; an old comforter, and start placing the pillows along the tree for support, then place another fuzzy blanket on top. I grabbed a third one, for us to use in case it gets too cold, which it's already starting too.

Smoothing out the blanket, I plop down and pat the spot next to, smiling up at Avery. She bites her lip but takes a seat just a few inches away from me, her heat already washing over me, causing my heart to quicken more at our sudden closeness. The urge to wrap my arms around her and pull her against me crash through me like tidal waves, and it makes me realize another interesting fact.

The urges I had the other night were all because of her. Just her. I've had plenty of chances to go out and get laid, by literally any girl I run into. As cocky as it sounds, the offer has come up a few times at school, before I blurted my secret to everyone.

But I always turned them down, without even thinking about it. If my urges really were just because I hadn't had sex in how long, why would I throw away every chance, and not even have to think about it?

Because I don't need it, or anyone else. I just need Avery.

I just want Avery.

My eyes slide over to her in that thought, once again admiring her breathtaking beauty. I can't help it, every time I look at her, I find something new to admire.

"What's wrong?" she asks, and I realize then that she's staring at me, having caught me staring at her. I feel the heat creep onto the back of my neck and I quickly look away, turning my face upwards.

"Nothing, just thinking," I mutter.

Just tell her already!

I'm such a chicken. I've told a girl many times that I liked her. But it was never genuine, it was just to get them to stop talking while we made out. This is different, but I still shouldn't be this much of a chicken-shit because of it. I'm more courageous than this.

It's Avery. She makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, with just one smile. A smile I want to see every day. A smile that I want to be the only one to put on her face. I don't want someone else to make her smile like that, I don't ever want her to show anyone else her smile, that makes my pulse race and mind putty.

How in the hell do I tell her all that, without looking like a complete idiot? Most girls like that sappy crap, but Avery isn't most girls. She isn't like any girl I have ever met, and that's one of the many things I love about her.

Love about her? Am I really thinking that?

I close my eyes and try to clear my mind, feeling myself getting worked up like always. I have a habit of letting my emotions get the best of me, and allowing them to takeover my thoughts and actions.

Which as I have demonstrated a few times before, isn't always a good thing. Hopefully, they don't ruin anything tonight. I don't ruin anything tonight.

I feel Avery shuffle next to me and turn to her. She is now facing me a little, sitting cross-legged and fidgeting with her fingers in her lap.

"I'm sorry for what I did the other day, it was more my parents than it was my decision, but I was afraid of disobeying them. I know they can be pretty strict sometimes, but they are my parents," she starts off saying.

I instantly want to tell her that she has nothing to apologize for, but at the same time I don't want her to think I don't care what she has to say. This might be her small way of trusting me, letting me know things in small doses.

I'll take whatever I can get.

"When I saw how much I hurt you, and how much it hurt me when you left, I instantly regret it, but I was afraid that you didn't want to speak to me again, and I wouldn't have really blamed you."

That's what my mother was talking about. Avery is used to people seeing her as weird or crazy, and when they get a small taste of it, they run in the opposite direction.

She doesn't know just how much I care about her, and how I'm not giving up on her so easily.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," I say and smile softly. A smile tugs at the corner of her lips, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I shouldn't have reacted like that, and I've actually spent the last couple days thinking of a way to make it up to you, but I was also afraid you didn't want anything to do with me. I thought I did something to hurt you."

She bites her lip and looks down at her hands. "You could never do anything wrong, Aiden. I don't think you're capable of it."

Guilt creeps into my chest, tugging at my heart when she says that. She wouldn't be saying that if she had moved her a year earlier, and saw the pictures they had released of the man I almost beat to death. The media did a great job of twisting the story in his favor, like I had expected.

When I read that, I was thankful that they hadn't put my name anywhere. I wouldn't have been able to come back to Ohio, probably the US in general. People only know that I went to juvie, and I doubt many anyone has pieced it together.

"So, we're okay?" I ask, cursing my desperate tone. She looks up at me at smiles, the dimples appearing in her cheeks.

"We've never not been okay," she whispers. I freeze when she reaches over and squeezes my hand, her palm warm and soft, making my pulse spike.

I want to tell her, right now, how I feel about her. But I can't move, no words forming in my mouth. I'm frozen by her touch, mesmerized by her eyes.

My gaze flickers down to her lips, wanting to know how they feel or what they taste like beneath mine. The urge to kiss her is overwhelming, banging on my chest to just lean in a little, find out for myself.

Instead, I tug her towards me, until she falls against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her hair to drive the urge away. Her scent just makes it worst, but it's at least enough having her against me.

I've wanted this again since the first time it happened on my couch, dreaming of the feeling of her in my arms. It is the most calming feeling I have ever experienced. Nothing can get to me.

Except the nerves pushing at the back of my head, trying to force me to tell her how I feel. The whole point of tonight.

But I can't. My mouth won't let me.

Instead, we stay like that and stare at the sky, enjoying each other's company in silence. I feel her shiver a little, and I reach over for the extra blanket I brought, lifting us a little so I can snuggly wrap it around both our shoulders.

We bundle ourselves together, Avery scooting closer so the blanket can wrap around both of us enough. It also gives me the perfect excuse to be as close to her as possible. My eyes go back up to the sky, but I'm unable to concentrate on the view.

How can I, when I already have an amazing sight, cuddled in my arms?

I have never been a person who is down to cuddle, I've never liked that type of interaction; I even find hugging awkward. But having Avery in my arms just feels right. Like we've been doing it for years.

I can't help but stare, watching her striking hazel eyes dart around in awe to the beauty above her, having no idea how it can't ever compare to her own.

Fuck, I'm in too deep.

***

I end up completely chickening out on telling Avery how I feel, the feeling of possible rejection too overwhelming to work up the courage. Come Monday morning, everything is back to normal, and it's like nothing ever happened between Avery and I in the first place.

Other than the odd stares and whispers we still get. I can tell it makes Avery uncomfortable, so I do my best to glare at anyone I see staring or hear whispering, making them quickly avert their gaze and drop their conversation all together.

It doesn't do much, though, for the classes I don't have with Avery. Tammy thankfully has every class with her this semester, so I ask her to keep an eye on her, and tell off anyone who tries to taunt her.

Tammy is always sweet, but she can be a bitch when she needs to be. I can see also, she has grown fond of Avery over time, and cares for her like she does Scott and I, like the family we got to choose. That is how I view us all, since none of us really come from stable, wholesome families, the three of us have always found solace in each other.

Now, it seems Avery needs that stability more than us.

I still haven't told either of them what I really suspect is going on, other than what I mentioned to Scott, so he would help me break into the office.

"Do you mind if I come over tonight after school?" Avery asks, taking a seat next to me at the lunch table. I drop my french fry and stare at her in disbelief.

Did I really just hear that?

"Uh, y-yeah, for sure," I say, fumbling over my words and trying not to sound too excited, but even I can hear it leak through my tone. I see Tammy raise her eyebrows at us, her eyes darting back and forth.

Don't read into this. Don't read into this.

I repeat the mantra, hoping her hawk-eyes don't see through the calm façade I'm trying to keep. But I can see it behind her bright blue eyes; she sees right through me.

I'm going to be hearing about this after lunch.

But that concern is in the back of my mind. The only thing I can focus on, is having Avery all to myself again. For the rest of lunch, I think up something we can do together, that requires us to stay in-doors, and is something other than watching a movie – or making out, like my mind keeps wandering too.

Avery lifts her tray and mutters something about having to head to gym early, before scurrying away, practically throwing her garbage away.

Both Scott and I look surprised, but Tammy doesn't bat an eye. We give her confused looks and she rolls her eyes.

"Don't ask, you don't want to know, alright?" she says, waving her hand dramatically. "Besides, that isn't what we're focusing on right now," she adds, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh? What are we focusing on right now?" I ask, already knowing the answer, but wanting to delay the time until lunch is over.

"How long have you liked Avery?" she asks bluntly, making Scott choke on his soda. He turns his wide eyes to me, mouth still dripping with Pepsi.

"What? You have a thing for Avery?" he cries and my hands fly to cover his mouth, thankful she left when she did and is hopefully nowhere near the cafeteria.

Tammy slaps the table and laughs. "I knew it, you do like her!"

"Will the two of you shut the hell up?"

Tammy rolls her eyes. I'm surprised her eyes haven't rolled into the back of her head by now.

She waves her hand at me. "Oh, please. I had a feeling you liked her since the moment you started obsessing over her. That was kind of a dead giveaway."

I glare at her. "I'm not obsessed with her, okay? I just..." I trail off, unable to think of anything to explain my fascination with her.

Maybe I really am obsessed.

"Just nothing. It's fine, Aiden, you can be obsessed with someone and it doesn't have to be a weird thing," Tammy says, then pauses, "that isn't to say there aren't weird ways someone can be obsessed with someone."

"Can we just drop this conversation?" I groan and bang my head against the table. "It doesn't matter how much I like her; she doesn't feel the same way."

"You already told her?" Tammy asks shocked.

I lift my head and glare at her. "Obviously not, or things would be pretty awkward between us."

"Ugh, Aiden. Then how do you know she doesn't feel the same way?"

I shake my head and stand up. There's no use explaining to them how I know the feelings aren't returned; or else she would've given me some hope or sign that she can trust me, even a little.

"I don't want to talk about it, I'll see you guys later," I mutter.

Tammy frowns and goes to speak, but I turn on my heel and walk away. I walk to gym, feeling like I've been punched in the gut. I quickly change into the gym uniform and slouch against the wall, my eyes glued to my feet.

I feel something warm touch my arm, and my heart flutters before I even turn to gaze into her somber hazel eyes. Just her touch gives me goosebumps.

"Is everything alright?" she asks, a small frown touching her face. I suddenly want to do anything I can to remove it. So, I plaster on a goofy grin and lightly touch her hand on my arm, completely aware that everyone is staring at us.

"It's great, now," I whisper and it's true. One look at her, and my chest feels lighter. She is giving me a smile, pulling her hand away, and I instantly miss her warmth. I want to reach out and grasp her hand, but I see her eyes darting around us, suddenly aware we aren't alone.

I resist the urge and shuffle away from her, putting some distance between us. Thankfully, the class is called to attention and the teacher explains today's activity, then sends us on a warm up run around the gym.

I try to avoid being close to Avery, taking glances at her when she is distracted. Even red-faced and sweaty, she is still gorgeous. Looking at all the other girls in the room – some of them I've already slept with – they no longer entice me.

Her beauty has overcome my mind.

Hanging out tonight is going to be hell.