Thirteen

AVERY

For the first time since I was a little girl, I fell asleep last night the second I closed my eyes. No fear or anxiety weighing me down, no racing mind or straining ears. Listening, waiting, wondering what he is going to do next.

Instead, I fell asleep in the warmth and comfort of Aiden's strong arms. That alone was enough to have lulled me to sleep. I didn't even wake up until the sun hit me in the face, the curtains parted just a bit, enough to let a blinding stream through.

Even when I have tried to sleep-over at friends, before we moved here and I was forbidden to speak with anyone, or be gone for more than a few hours after school, any sound would wake me. Whether it was a loud bang from something tumbling over, or a small creak in the floorboards, I would be wide awake within seconds, my sense on high alert because of him.

Not here, safely encased in Aiden's arms. It's pure bliss, and something I want to say I could get used to.

But I can't have such high hopes. This night, and maybe even one more if I'm lucky, they aren't going to last forever. I'm going to end up back there, no matter what Aiden does to try and stop me.

He is going to get me, he always does.

Daniel.

I don't know what my mother ever saw in him. It's clear now that she is not in love with him, or even remotely attracted, but she has admitted to me that she was head over heels for him at one point, or of course they never would have got together and had me.

I have very few memories from childhood where I remember him being a good father. We didn't go on the usual family trips, or did anything normal families did. Dan has always been a drinker, since before I was born, but it just got worst with time. All our money went to bills, and whatever happened to be left over went to his beer and cigarettes.

My mother has had to work two jobs, just so we have an extra paycheck for food. She is lying to Dan, saying she works at a restaurant, but in the kitchen, so she makes nothing more than minimum wage.

In truth, she is a waitress, and despite her hardships in life, she is still able to have a radiant and friendly personality while working, pulling in tons of tips especially during the rush hours. Whatever she makes extra, she hides from Dan and puts it towards food and other little necessities we might need.

I'm not allowed to get a job. I'm not allowed to do anything, besides go to school, come home and get the shit beat out of me. The whole reason we moved, was so we could start over in a place where hopefully not a lot of people know who Dan or our family is.

Thankfully, no one really does, at least none of the younger kids or families that occupy the town, which is a large majority for such a small town, compared to the neighboring ones at least.

Dan didn't want me making friends at school or a place of work, inviting them over to witness what goes on and the crap-hole we live in, or have me blab my mouth about what goes on behind closed doors. Therefore, I'm not able to work or have any source of income, in case I get the crazy idea of running away, and I'm not allowed to make friends at school.

But Aiden had somehow made it work, claiming we have a project to work on, which isn't exactly a lie. Dan knows that my grades can't fall in school, or the teachers might suspect something is wrong, especially since he also knows I have to take several days off most of the time, to recover from one of his overbearing beatings.

He's a drunk, but unfortunately, he isn't a stupid drunk.

Aiden stirs under me, dragging me out of my depressing thoughts and filling my chest with heavy emotions, a reminder of what happened last night.

Here I am, mulling over terrifying thoughts of my father, when I should have been thinking about last night, and the mind-blowing sex I had. When we moved here, I never thought I would be able to meet a guy until I went away for college, let alone have Earth shattering sex with someone like Aiden.

I know I've been attracted to him since we first met. Who wouldn't be? He's the poster boy for American Eagle, but has that bad boy edge to his personality that makes all the girls swoon.

Including me.

I never imagined myself with someone like Aiden, or anyone even remotely attractive as him being interested in me. When I first got the idea, he might like me, and wasn't just interested in me because I'm the only girl who shot him down, it was hard to accept it.

How could this incredibly sexy man like me? What is there that he is interested in so much? What about me draws him to me?

"Hey, morning," Aiden mutters, his voice groggy from sleep.

I tilt my head up and smile at him. "Good morning."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," I shrug.

I wait for the awkwardness to settle, and for Aiden to realize he made a mistake. Now that he's slept with me, the chase is over. He said what he needed to say to get me in bed, and it worked.

Now, it's over.

I wait for it to happen.

Sensing something is wrong, Aiden looks down at me, his blue eyes clouded over with worry. "What are you thinking about?" he asks, the hand still resting around my arm starts drawing small circles on my skin.

"You might not like it," I whisper. I wouldn't like hearing he expects me to jump ship after one night. I don't know how I would feel exactly.

Aiden leans down and runs his lips over my cheek, trailing lightly up to my ear.

"Try me."

I have to mentally shake my head to gather my thoughts back. "I was waiting for this all to end, like it usually does. I always have the fear that once someone realizes they have me, they don't want me anymore."

My chest tightens as I wait for his response, the room suddenly becoming much smaller around me.

Aiden sits up against the head board, then pulls me on top of his lap in one swift lift. He pushes me down his hips, until I feel his very erect dick against me, causing me to yelp in surprise and a deep blush to follow.

"Does that feel like I don't want you anymore?" he asks, his voice his husky and eyes dark with desire.

"I-w-well there is such a thing as morning wood."

He lets out a deep chuckle, causing his hips to move.

"Not a real thing, honey, a common myth."

Aiden pulls me up closer, his hands encircling my waist. "I've wanted you the moment I saw you, and as fun as the chase was, it was never about that. I finally got what I wanted, and I'm going to continue to get what I want; you."

He grasps my chin and forces me to look at him. My breath hitches in my throat when I see the raw truth in his eyes up close. He wants me to see he truly means every word.

"I meant it when I said I'm in love with you, Avery. I didn't just say it to get what I want, though in some way that is true. All I have ever wanted is you, and there have been many times where I felt like I was going to lose you, which may have helped me realize how much I love you. I don't ever want to lose you."

I can't stop the tears from welling in my eyes, his heart wrenching words breaking past my barriers and crashing into my soul, nestling deep where they will forever be remembered.

Aiden reaches up and wipes a stray tear away. "I hope these are happy tears," he says with a teasing smile.

I manage a laugh and nod my head, leaning into the palm of his hand. His touch always has a way of calming me, and I've come to realize I adore it.

I never want to lose him either.

"I love you too." The words come out in a nervous blubber, instead of the graceful way I always imagined I would say it.

Aiden's eyes widen, his mouth falling open slightly.

"I'm not pressuring you to say it back, you can take all the time you need," he says, biting his lip and fear glossing over his eyes.

I smile softly and place a hand on his cheek. "It took me a long time to admit it to myself, but I don't think I would have been able to go through with last night, if my feelings for you didn't run deep. I'm not just saying it because I'm afraid you'll leave or I'm hurting you by not returning the feelings right away, I promise."

I place a chaste kiss, so he knows without a doubt, I mean it.

His lips still brushing against mine, he whispers, "if there is anything, I've learned through all of this, it's that the best things take time, and the end result is as amazing as imagined."

I don't need to ask what he is referring to; I know right away he means the many weeks spent pining for my attention. Now it's my turn to bite my lip, out of guilt for the way I treated him sometimes when I felt he was getting too close to knowing the truth.

My very life depended on him never finding out, at least at that time, so whenever I did feel like he was digging too much, or breaking down too many walls, I pushed him away in the only way I knew how.

By literally pushing him out of my life, by acting rude and distant, so he wouldn't want anything to do with me. At first, I thought he would think I'm just some moody girl, with a possible bi-polar disorder. I assumed a guy like him wouldn't deal with a girl like that.

But over the weeks, we formed an odd game of cat and mouse. I would push him away or scare him off one day, and the next day he would be right back on the chase, as if whatever I did or said never touched him.

Or maybe, he always knew what I was trying to do. Maybe he saw right through my façade, and refused to give up until he found out why I kept trying to push him away.

A part of me is glad he didn't stop, or else tonight and right now would've never happened. The other part is terrified what is going to happen next.

Dan is going to come looking for me, and if he can't find me, he's going to turn his anger towards my mother.

The only reason I have put up with his abuse, is so he won't lay a finger on her. It's an agreement we made when he first turned violent, and he took turns beating me and my mother. Since I was still just a child, I couldn't fight back.

But when I hit my early teen years, I finally grew a back bone, and stood up to him. It is the biggest regret of my life to this day, but if I had to do it again, I would. Dan had beat me so hard, I blacked out and had to be taken to the hospital for internal bleeding, a broken rib and possible concussion.

Dan and my mother had lied and said I got into a fight on the street, and some passerby had taken my cellphone and I told them to call my parents before I blacked out. The police had never been contacted, but apparently Dan already had a whole story to go with why that was. I had been so out of it, I barely remember what happened after I had blacked out.

When I was in the hospital, he did the same damage to my mother, giving her two black eyes, a broken arm and a few fractured fingers, a few burns on her hands and arms from Dan holding her skin to the burners of the stove.

After I saw what he had done to her, how broken she was, I made him promise to never touch her again, and offered to be his punching bag. We made a mutual agreement; when he got into a rage, I would be there to take the beating willing, and not fight him. In return, my mother had permission to run in the other room, but of course, if she contacted any authority or outside person, he would turn his attention to her.

My mother loves me, but she is frightened as much as I am. She doesn't want to get hurt, and as much as I want to hate her for being okay with me getting hurt, I'm not because I just want her to be safe. My mother has done so much in return, by getting her job and risking everything by hiding her tips.

We both know if Dan finds out about it, he will probably kill one or both of us, and chances are if it's one, it will be my mother. Whenever he does ask where we get the money for things outside of food, his beer and smokes, he is usually already drunk or half-way there, so it's easy to make up a silly lie and have him forget it.

It's worked so far.

"We should probably get up," Aiden says and stretches over to grab his phone off the night stand. "It's 11 o'clock in the morning, it's almost lunch." His tone is teasing, but the thought that it's been more than 12 hours since I've been home is terrifying me.

Too much could have happened in that span. How is my mother? Has he finally enraged himself enough to turn on her?

I thought running out the door and escaping was the right thing to do. Now, I'm really starting to regret it. I can only imagine what Dan is doing to my mother, since he has no idea where I ran off too. I doubt he is able to remember Aiden; he was half-drunk when he stumbled out into the yard and saw him standing there.

But there is still a small chance, that he does remember. If so, it's only a matter of time until he tracks Aiden down. If Dan goes to the school, it won't be hard.

Aiden shakes my arm lightly and I snap my eyes up to him, seeing the crease form between his brows as he frowns at me.

"Is everything alright?" he asks.

I forgot I'm still sitting on top of him; completely naked. I slide off him and onto the floor, wrapping my arms around my waist out of instinct, and look around for my clothes.

Aiden gets up from the bed and wanders over to the closet. He doesn't turn the light on, making it impossible to see what he's doing as he disappears inside. I busy myself with tiptoeing across the cold floor, pointing out my scattered articles of clothes silently.

Before I can pick any of them up, I feel Aiden behind me, then he is lifting my arms over my head.

"What are you–" I'm cut off by an over-sized sweater slipping over me, the material so long it runs down to my knees. "What kind of sweater is this?"

"It belonged to my father, it's his college sweater but he doesn't fit into it anymore, he gained too much weight from all the after-work beers." I hear him winking, though I'm still facing away.

He runs his hands up my arms and rests them on my shoulders, squeezing lightly. I know he wants to say something, I feel him struggling to find the right words, or maybe decide if it's the right thing to say.

The elephant in the room needs to be addressed eventually. Now, that we're both awake and clothed, at least I can feel what I think is shorts of some kind on his legs, it can't be avoided any longer.

"Do you want to finally tell me what happened last night, and maybe what has been happening?" he asks, his voice quiet but firm.

I can't lie anymore and say everything is fine, I crossed that bridge by coming here, and I already knew it the moment I stepped on the bus, my destination and consequences clear.

I want to ask if we can just enjoy the weekend, but I don't even know how today is going to go, and if I'm going to be here for another night. In the back of my head, I'm counting down the minutes until Dan hunts me down.

"Avery, I don't know what you're afraid of, but it's painfully obvious that there is something wrong in your home, and I can't help if you don't tell me what is going on," he says quietly, as if talking to an injured child.

I know he doesn't mean to talk down to me, it's the first response most people have when trying to deal with this kind of situation. They're afraid of breaking you, saying one wrong thing and tearing you down.

"What if I don't want anyone to help?" I ask.

Aiden stiffens, then turns me slowly, his face hard with intense emotions; confusion, frustration, and a little bit of anger. Is it directed at me? Or at the fact that he can't control this?

He has always struck me as the kind of person who needs to be in control of everything he does, and is involved in. As much as he isn't really involved in my terrible home life, he feels in a way he is, since he cares about me and sees the pain it's causing me.

I can't be mad at him for that. But how can I make him understand, this isn't his fight? There is no good or bad way to do it.

I just have to come out with the truth, and face my demons once more.

Turning back around, I wander over to the bed and sit on the edge of it. Aiden joins me without any prompt, taking my hand in the moment he sits.

"Please bear with me, it's a long and complicated story, and I have suppressed quite a few of the memories," I say, my hand already shaking.

He squeezes it lightly and nods his head, telling me he is going to stay quiet and listen. This is going to be my first time telling anyone of what goes on inside, in 2 years.

"My family and I, my mother and father, moved here about 2 years ago, but it wasn't randomly or because we like the area. I actually hate Athens, and how close knit everyone seems to be, all the happy families. Because my family, for as long as I can remember, has never been happy."

I pause and take a deep breath, trying to clamp down the swell of emotions crashing into my chest, as my mind races ahead in the story, recalling everything.

Another squeeze of my hand brings me back, calming me enough to continue on.

"My father has always been a drinker, but when I was first born, he had a job and only drank after work. He worked in an auto shop as a master mechanic, he studied for three years and had to pass many tests and examinations before he earned his license. One day, he was given an assistant trainee, who seemed to be a bit more advanced than my father, Dan. It had frustrated Dan, made him feel inferior to some kid, so he started drinking more and it caused a few complications in my parent's marriage. They started fighting all the time, and my mother would stay at my aunt's place a few nights out of the week.

"It wasn't until a month after, that Dan had learned my mother was really sneaking away to see another man. My mother wanted a divorce, but Dan refused, his pride too big to take a blow like that to his name. He demanded she cut off the affair, and quit her job, she was banned from going out anywhere. The drinking got worst, until eventually it led to him missing work and losing his job. After that, it was a huge downward spiral into depression, topped with more drinking. He went from a lazy drunk, to an angry one."

Aiden stiffens again next to me, his hand clasping mine tightly now. I know he is trying to keep it together, but it's hard. I feel the waves of anger rolling off him, but I'm already too deep into my story to try and back out now.

He can take it.

Taking a deep breath, I gather myself again and continue.

"He had started beating my mother for a little bit, until one day she started waking up puking, could barely keep anything down but was gaining weight. While Dan was out trying to get another job, her and I had gone to the pharmacy and at the time I didn't really know what was going on, until she had pulled the stick out of the box in our bathroom. My mother was pregnant, with the man she had an affair with. It had been many months since her and Dan had slept together, it was what turned her to another man, as selfish as that sounds."

Aiden lets out a deep breath. "Jesus, Avery. I didn't think it was this bad," he says, sounding like he is gulping for air.

I manage a small smile and pat his hand with my free one. It feels weird, consoling him as I tell my story of terrors growing up, but right now he seems to need it more than me.

Though I'm still shaking, his touch and presence has calmed me enough to for once, tell this story with a smidge of confidence, though I'm still living the nightmares. I realize as well, that I have become stronger as a person, despite Dan's efforts to keep me down and caged.

"She knew she couldn't hide it from Dan. She optioned out telling him and hoping he would divorce her, run away, or tell him and hopes he kills her. But of course, she couldn't do that to the unborn life that didn't ask to start growing. It was her mistake, and she wanted to see it through. Dan found out and was furious, I knew he was going to kill her, so I took the blow–"

"Avery, are you fucking serious? Why the hell did you do that?" Aiden jumps, as if I slapped him.

"Why do you think? My mother was pregnant with my future brother or sister, and she is my mother. I couldn't let him hurt her anymore. So, we all made a heartbreaking deal. Dan agreed to let my mother keep the child, but refused to have anything to do with him or her after they were born, so she had to agree to give them up, or he would divorce her, and sure her for adultery. Her pregnancy and one DNA test is all it would take.

"He threatened to sue her for everything she had, which was basically nothing except the clothes on our backs, therefore giving her no choice but to agree, or risk losing the child completely."

Aiden still isn't relaxing, his body tense and emotions hard.

"What did you agree to?" he asks quietly.

"What do you mean?" I try and feign innocence, but I know I messed up.

I said we all made a heartbreaking decision. Although it meant I would never have a sibling, it wasn't that heartbreaking for me, all I had wanted was for the child to be okay.

For my sister to live.

But that isn't the agreement Dan and I had made that day.

"You don't fool me, Avery. It's written all over your face, I can see you thinking about it now. What did you and Dan agree to?"

I gulp harshly, knowing there's no way to squirm out of this. "I was tired of watching helplessly as my mother took all his beatings, and I knew it wasn't going to stop as she carried the baby. So, I agreed to take the beatings, I made Dan promise that if he wanted his agreement with my mother to stay, without me saying anything to anyone, then he couldn't beat her anymore."

Aiden let out a frustrated breath and turned away. "So, he beats you instead." He closes his eyes, trying to regain his control.

"What happened to the baby, and after that? Why does he still beat you?"

Here comes the emotional part. "Then my mother gave birth, 8 months and 2 weeks later, and Dan kept his word. He didn't touch her, and only took his rage out on me, and I stayed quiet. When the baby, my sister, was born, my mother and I had all of 5 minutes to see and hold her, before she was taken away. Dan had already filed her adoption papers and a couple who wasn't able to have kids immediately signed up to take her."

"You haven't seen her since?" he asks and I shake my head, keeping it down to hide the tears glazing my eyes.

"My mother and Dan signed the form forbidding any contact between them and my sister, so she would be raised to always think the couple who took her, are her true family. Afterwards, Dan just became angrier, the pain of my mother cheating and having a kid with another man still fresh. Though my agreement was seen through, it didn't stop him from beating me, except there was also nothing stopping him from beating my mother. He beat her into submission, and now she is too afraid to leave."

"Then why don't you leave?" he asks. I hear the anger creeping in his voice, he is slowly losing his self-control. Story time needs to end.

"I think that's enough for today," I say quietly and try to squeeze his hand, but he instantly pulls away and gets up from the bed, pacing in front of me.

"No, you can't tell me all that, and then not tell me why you haven't left. Like, I get it, you don't want to leave your mom with that monster, but you have a right to a life yourself, Avery. It isn't your fault you were given a shit dad, but it is your fault that you keep putting up with it."

His words go right through my chest, straight to my heart, piercing like a dagger. I know he didn't mean for them to come out the way they did, but it doesn't stop the hurt and anger fueling in me.

The frustrated tears gather in my eyes and I feel my face scrunch up, my cheeks getting hot as I try and control my emotions.

But I can't. I'm finally breaking.

I can take hearing shit from anyone.

Anyone but Aiden.

I set my blurry eyes on him. "Got to hell, Aiden."

I'm grabbing my pants and my phone before either of us can process what I just said, and running out the door. I try and seek the hallway bathroom to lock myself inside before Aiden has the chance to recover.

He is banging on the door the moment I turn the lock.

"Avery, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he pleads through the wood.

I shove my pants on angrily, remembering my shoes are still at the front door, and I curse inwardly. I just want to get out of here, be alone for a few minutes to get my thoughts in order.

But, I'm afraid of going out there alone, where Dan might be looking for me. I can't out run him, especially if I have no shoes. There has to be some where I can go, where he wouldn't think to ever look for me, at least not yet.

I pull my phone out and go to the internet, using the little bit of precious data I have on my bare minimum plan, something Dan pays for so he always has a way of contacting me, and another thing he has to hold over and control me with.

I type in Tammy's full name into Google, hoping a Facebook or Instagram profile might show up, and give me something to contact her with. I'm forbidden to have either or any social media accounts, anything I can use to secretly talk to people and possibly tell them everything.

Thankfully, the first thing that pops up under the usual ad, is Tammy's Facebook profile. Though I have no account, I can still try and see come of her information, if it's public.

Lucky for me, most of it is, and even luckier; her phone number is posted.

I quickly copy the number.

"Avery, please talk to me. I really didn't mean what I said, I was just angry and lost control of my emotions." Aiden continues to speak, but the anger boiling in me blocks him out.

I send a quick text to Tammy, telling her who it is and asking if she is at home. She responds right away, surprisingly happy it seems to hear from me, and says she is at home. I tell her I need advice on something and ask if I can come over, though it's a little bit of a white lie.

I don't intend to tell her what Aiden and I fought about, if you can really call this a fight, but I do want to ask her about the relationship between Aiden and I.

That, and right now I need somewhere else to hideout for another day.

My luck sees me through once more, Tammy welcomes me over whenever. I quickly text back that I can come over now and she sends me the address. I don't bother waiting around any longer, and tuck my phone into my pants pocket.

I realize that Aiden has stopped the banging, and I somehow don't feel a presence on the other side. I creep over to the door and quietly listen for anything, even breathing, but there is nothing.

Unlocking the door slowly, so it doesn't make too much noise, I peek out to see the hall empty, but his bedroom door still open. This is my only chance.

I gather my courage, though the guilt of running out slips through a bit, tickling the back of my mind as I gently walk down the stairs. When I see the last step, I practically jump over it and run to my shoes. The thud of my feet is loud enough to hear upstairs, and I immediately hear Aiden's heavy footsteps.

I slip my shoes on, not bothering to tie them, and swing open the front door. I'm out in the yard before I even hear Aiden coming down the stairs. I run all the way to the bus stop, keeping my phone firmly 'locked' in my pocket, though I feel it going off.

When I'm on the bus, then I take my phone out and quickly swipe away Aiden's consistent messages and find Tammy's thread. I pull up the address in Google maps and try to navigate my way using the bus option.

It's a bit of a walk to her house from the bus stop, or I could take another bus from the last bus stop I get off at, but the walk isn't that bad. I could use the time to think and gather myself before I get there, so she doesn't see that there is more to me arriving then just my supposed relationship drama with Aiden.

The night air is crisp, but there is a slight warm breeze that passes through, making the walk quite pleasant, and I'm thankful for the sweater I managed to run away with. I feel bad that I stole his father's sweater, and when everything in me has settled and I'm ready to face him again, I have full intent of giving it back.

Right now, I don't think I can see Aiden without feeling some sort of misplaced rage. I forgave him the moment the words slipped out, but I'm still angry that he said them.

Maybe, I'm angry because part of what he is saying is true. I can leave, and so can my mother, and none of this is my fault. But it's the shitty card life dealt me, and I have to deal with it in the way I feel is best for me, and for my mother.

The other part of me, the part where the anger comes from, is Aiden doesn't understand my life, and as much as he wants too, he never will. I can tell him every detail from the first day in my childhood memory that I can recall, but he still won't know exactly what it feels to live this life.

He was raised with what seems like a caring and supporting father, and though he has lacked a mother figure in his life, and gone through the pain of losing one, that proves further that he will never understand my situation.

He lost a parent, and it was devastating.

I want to lose a parent, and at this point in my life, I don't care how he goes. Some days, I wish Dan would get sick, and be told he has kidney or liver failure due to all the drinking and smoking he does. I know he would never be able to afford a transplant, and he would probably be on a very long waiting list.

I know I should feel guilt for even thinking that, but I don't. I think about all the pain he has caused me, his own daughter, and my mother, the woman he married and claims to love.

He doesn't deserve to live.

Tammy's house comes into view, the number 249 standing out in thick, black wood shapes underneath the porch light, perfectly illuminated by the oil lamp fashioned light.

I try and clear my thoughts at the end of the driveway and take a few deep breaths, then trudge up the pavement. I feel like my legs are moving through molasses as I make the trek to the front door, trying to pull me back and tell my mind this was a mistake, I shouldn't be here; I'm going to end up spilling everything, like I did with Aiden.

For years, I had kept quiet, and I had become really good at shutting people out and not feeling anything towards it. But with Aiden, for the first time in a long time, I felt something, and instead of walking away like everyone else which would have been ideal, he stayed and fought to break down every single one of my carefully constructed walls.

Now, they've been knocked down.

What is stopping me now from spilling my guts to everyone?