The confession of a son

Time flies by, and by the time I realized it, I was already in the final stages of my theoretical knowledge for magic.

"Very good Max. This magic circle has a mistake, take the time you need to figure it out." Mom said seriously.

"Got it mom."

Mom turned the sheet that was on the table, and I could see the blessed magic circle.

[Fuck, why does there have to be a magic theory?]

When you read those stories where someone reincarnates and there are magic circles, they always avoid going into depth about how they work, or there is a character who knows how they work, and the protagonist has no need to learn more than the basics.

But in my case...?

[They're damn electrical circuits with a few dozen components available, but each one has a basically infinite number of variations...]

I must do it myself!

I vaguely remember the principles of electrical circuits, but even if I had been an expert in my previous life, that wouldn't help me right now.

In this magical circle there is no source of energy, instead the environment is the source of energy, but it requires an initial impulse to put it to work and thus create a feedback loop that keeps it active until the circle breaks, or the time that the magician has "programmed" it for its operation ends.

In principle quite simple... But damn, now I understand why Mom didn't start with the theoretical part.

[Ughh... This is homework, but more complicated...]

And since this is completely new to me, there's no way I can cheat to learn things faster.

Memorizing is not so complicated, but reasoning how it works is.

[The mana feed is not uncalibrated, the circuit has no potential magic leaks, the symbols are well calligraphed. Its function is to eliminate immediate humidity from the environment, so it is not optimized, and it must be for single use in that case]

Normally I always pay attention to my mother's reactions, but for the first time since I was reborn, my mind is so focused that I can't afford to lose focus.

[Damn, I can't find the error...]

I can feel my brain heat up with anger and frustration at not being able to do things so easily, but I decided to breathe to let go of those negative emotions. They are of no use to me to solve this problem.

[I don't see mistakes anywhere... Either they don't have any mistakes, or Mom used all her wit to make the hardest magic exam yet]

I decide to turn the sheet to see the circle from another perspective.

[Sometimes magic circles look so similar to each other and even magicians get confused, could it be one of these cases?]

I try to think what other function this magic circle could have if I have confused its function, and then I seem to see something.

[Wait... That means there's a self about how the magic circle works, but at the same time it is... Was that a feint to force me to make sure I didn't confuse magic circles.]

If that was the case, Mom seriously took great care with this.

If it weren't for that idea, I probably would have assumed it was a trap exam.

"Mom... I think I already understood the mistake."

"Ohh? And what is it?". She asked with an amused face.

"The error is not in the magic circle itself. In fact, it is perfectly realized, but it was also intentionally made to resemble another magic circle whose function works on the same principle, but for different purposes."

"What is the function of the magic circle that Max could be confused with?" He asked with a smile about to show on his face.

"This circle removes moisture from the environment... but it can be confused with its opposite, the one that maintains the humidity of the environment." I said hopefully.

"…". Mom smiled, but remained silent for a few seconds. "Are you sure?"

[Damn, not those kinds of questions please...]

"Yes... I'm sure mom." I said now sounding determined.

It was then that Mom laughed, leaving me perplexed, and wondering if maybe I had made a mistake and didn't see what I should have seen...

"Hahaha! Max! You should see your face son!". Mom said as she took a breath. "Ahhh! I thought I could never see make that expression of uncertainty! I'm glad to see that you still managed to pass the Max test." She said proudly.

"Congratulations son... you are already a full-fledged magician." He now sentenced the series with a mixture of anguish but also pride.

[Really? I thought this was just going to be one more test before I saw if I was ready for the next phase…]

"Is that all...?" I couldn't help but ask.

"It is, Max". She told me sympathetically. "My teacher decided that it was a good idea to make me believe that even more difficult things were coming to learn, and then surprise me that in reality... this is it."

"That's it...." I said with a certain discouragement that surprised me.

"What else were you hoping to learn Max, hmph? I admit that I was also quite shocked... during my education they had hinted that I would be taught how to control even living beings."

"Really...?"

"Technically it's possible, but unlike a tool or a piece of metal, living things have their own inner workings, their own mana, which you can't just control for different reasons..."

"Did they try it before?"

"Yes... but it was never possible to advance in that kind of magic, because every living thing they used died the moment the magicians tried to force their wills on them." Mom looked out the window of our house. "Some say that the gods made us impossible to control and that is why any attempt to interfere with their creation will always end in failure." It came back to her face to give me a motherly smile. "But yes, Max... now you're a magician... How does it feel?"

"Well... I don't really feel any different..." I admitted somewhat bewildered. "I can feel like I have more mana, but I don't feel any different."

"Fufufu... I thought the same my love. I always thought that when they finished they would use some great spell that would somehow make me now be a magician, or at least help me to remain a magician..." Mom sighed in disappointment. "But just like a carpenter or a blacksmith, you're no different than you were before you learned your trade, now you just know how to do something that others don't."

[I guess I had a lot of expectations... But even if I can't use magic like I wanted, it's still great to be a magician]

"You're right mom." I agreed with him. "And I'll definitely make the most of my knowledge as a magician now."

"And what do you have planned Max? What will you use your magic for? She asked very interested. "I decided to be an adventurer... but you can be whatever you want Max."

[My idea was to become adventurous to be stronger, gain experience in real danger, meet girls and have a harem... but...]

Mom noticed my indecision but didn't say anything, instead she let me think.

I may be a bit hypocritical considering what I did in my other life but... I don't need to be the strongest, or the richest, or the most important.

No... My mother loves me the way I want, and that's enough for me, I don't need to take a chance on such banal things if it will ruin our happiness.

[Mom is crazy about me... Once you put aside your doubts about being with me, I will have what I really want. A mother I can always be with, a partner I can fully trust, a woman to have amazing sex with, and who is just as lustful as I am deep down]

I may have seen Gwendolyn, my mother, as a woman to conquer and eventually fuck with, but now... ironically, it's only now that I'm starting to really see her as my mother...

[Damn, in my other life I would have criticized Gwendolyn for the way she raises her son... But if that son is me..?]

Not only is she the perfect mother for me, but she is also what I would have liked to have had with my mother, the one I left in the other world without being able to tell her what I really felt about her.

Even if all my manipulations, and all my plans had failed, I would not have regretted trying at all.

[After all, even with that, she would still love me]

That thought filled me with sadness, because although I had already accepted that I was dead, that fact still hurt.

And now I have a new mom... And no matter what, she will continue to love me, just as she would have done.

Mom quickly noticed my sadness and without saying a word, she hugged me with special affection and love, letting me cry without asking the reason, just accepting it and comforting me, her son, her baby.

Her Max.

I let out a couple of tears, but I didn't cry in full right, I would say that I let sadness take over me, but it couldn't overwhelm me.

After all, I have my mom to avoid it.

"Mommy...". I said in a vulnerable voice. "Do you love me?"

"Of course my love." He replied sweetly.

"How much do you love me?"

"You are the most important thing to me Max. You are the thing I love most in the world. There's nothing I'd do to keep you safe."

"….".

I was silent seriously considering what I was going to say.

[This is my new life, I asked for a world which would let me be happy... Why pretend so much and just take that happiness once and for all?]

I don't want to pretend anymore.

I want to love her.

"Mommy... I just want to be with you." I said no longer with vulnerability, but with conviction and some anger. "I like Maria, I like Sarah... But sometimes I feel like they won't let me spend so much time with you, I wouldn't say I hate them for that, but I can't help but resent being with her when I just want to be with you."

And it was the truth.

[I'm sorry for Sarah, but if I'm serious about my mom, being with her would actually be more of a hassle for me than anything else]

Yes, I do not I could make her my woman, my wife, and perhaps even make her accept my harem.

But... Why? I don't want a harem anymore, I want to be with Gwendolyn, with my mom.

I love her, she loves me, and no matter how gross we are deep down, we'll still love each other regardless.

But Sarah...? She is a child raised by a functional adult by Maria.

I can see, she will gladly agree to give me her marriage, but as soon as she sees that I am a womanizer, she will begin to protest.

Maybe Sarah will calm her down, but that's a problem I don't want to have to begin with.

And I can expect many things... but I doubt Sarah will ever accept that my mother is also my woman.

The only thing I can see from telling him the truth is his broken, betrayed, confused and scared heart.

I no longer want to live to deceive others knowing what I want.

"Max....!?" Mom couldn't help but exclaim in surprise.

"It's enough for me to live with you and only with you, mom." Admitted. "I like them and I don't want to hurt them, but if to be alone with you without anyone bothering us, I prefer not to have them around, Sarah is a good girl and she will be able to live without me, she has her mother and she will comfort her when we leave."

My mother's face was one of complete shock.

"I'm very good at many things mom, but I don't care about being important or rich, it's enough for me to have what I need to live without anyone bothering me. You said it, no matter what I do I'm going to get attention and bad people are going to stop me from being happy. I don't want any hassle to be with you"

Mom seemed to want to talk, but I continued without caring about anything else.

I needed to get it out, and damn I was going to.

"We can leave, be in the middle of the forest, in the middle of nowhere. At first we would sleep with almost no protection, but together we would build a house, in the mornings I would help you cut down the trees and move them, in the afternoons I would go hunting for both of us to eat, and at night we would sleep together, curled up and warm, happy to have no one to prevent us from being happy."

I saw some horror on her face, but I still continued talking.

"We would live like this for a while until we finally finished building our home. Then we could plant a garden so that we no longer have to go hunting to eat every day, we could raise our own animals, and with the help of our magic we can make our lives more comfortable, easier and simpler. With no one to mess with us or to judge us."

I looked into my mother's eyes with the gaze of an adult and not that of a child.

"Mom. Think. Wouldn't you like that? Wouldn't you like to have that life with me?" She couldn't do anything but look at me in complete disbelief. "Please mom, I'm serious. I want an answer. I know what I want for the rest of my life..."

I extended my hand to Mom, who looked at her with fear.

"What do you want... mom?"

I held my gaze with her.

"Why do you look so scared? Didn't you say you'd do anything for me?" I said sadly, fully aware of how manipulative it sounded.

But I didn't care anymore... I just wanted to be with her, without fear, without worries, without always feeling on the verge of revealing the magnitude because of my love for her.

"M-Max... I-I... I... I-I…." Her gaze soon clouded and I saw her confused for a moment...

"MOM!" I caught her alarmed and cursing me for causing this

She fainted!

[Damn! Damn! Mom! ]

"DAMN!"

I did the best I could, but I'm afraid that in addition to first aid... I can do nothing but let her sleep in our bed, and hope for the best.

"Mom... please... Wake up soon...". I said through tears as I held her hand.

[M-Mom.... P-Please come back....]

And for the first time since I died, I felt scared, sincerely scared.

I had no control of the situation, I had no way to help, and I didn't want to leave there for fear of leaving Mom.

"M-Mom! C- Come back soon!". I implored her

[Please... not again...]

At that time, I would have prayed to the gods if they just existed

But I knew the "being" closest to God, and that guy was never going to appear.

"M-Mommy..."