Bonus Chapter: Frey's Reh (Heart) Name
As soon as Frey / Freyya begins to recite her own Reh Name aloud, Haalfrin falls into a vision as well.
The first thing he sees is a little girl crouching down and prodding a baby chick that had fallen out of its nest. She and her younger siblings had found the chicks earlier and had been secretly feeding them.
Alas, young Frey is surprised at the chick's corpse on the ground – not because it's dead, but because she's unbothered.
Two of her other siblings are next to each other, and they're bawling their eyes out while she puts in an annoyed face. "What's your problem!?" she hisses at them. "It just died. That's all."
"That's all!? Freyya!?" Her elder brother barks these words out through choking tears. He then pushes her to the ground and runs off. Close behind him is her little sister, who gives one last glare at Freyya before she disappears.
"…What?" Freyya just looks down at the baby bird and kicks it into the forest. She isn't angry at the bird's corpse for causing an argument; rather, she felt that she should give the forest scavengers easier access to the meal, since that's the only value left to a corpse.
Seriously, why do people make fusses about (respecting) dead bodies all the time; they're dead!!
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As Frey grows up a bit more, she slowly becomes convinced that she's crazy. Her way of thinking seems to be so different from everyone she knows that she seems to upset her family members whenever she opens her mouth. She could be insensitive about their feelings, or she could thoughtlessly take a piece of sweet bread without asking. Either way, things aren't going very well with her familial relationships.
And so, the little girl slowly becomes more and more withdrawn into her own mind – rarely speaking up or going to anyone for help.
Since her house is too small to have her own room, she secretly sneaks out many nights and sleeps by herself on the roof.
Since they're a poor family that can't afford to feed a slacker, Frey is busy with chores much of her day. However, she always chooses to pick up sticks in the woods or fetching water, as these are chores which requires her to go off by herself.
After all, the ultimate goal is to minimize contact with others – a hard task indeed when you live with a large family (average sized for the times).
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Some years after Freyya's parents have both died, Haalfrin sees a slightly older her working like a horse on the garden with her elder brother – all while trying to watch her youngest siblings.
At first, Freyya is resentful that she has to take care of these little snots, since she doesn't even like them… (not that she likes anyone). She'd growl herself to sleep many nights, "Curse it all! I HATE being responsible! I just want to curl up in bed all day, read a couple of books, and snack on cake. I'm just a child myself; shouldn't it be the adults' jobs to look after everyone and hold up the world?"
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However, one night, Freyya is curled in a ball and busy thinking about her life, and why she's slowly changing her mind about her siblings.
Logically speaking, there's no reason to love those little snots, since they're all little brats who only want to play and never help, they want to eat more than is available, and they cry hysterically whenever they don't get their way.
Frey really doesn't know how to handle them, so she SHOULD be growing to hate them right now.
But… that's not what happens.
Perhaps it's because, for the first time, she's been required to give so completely of herself that she's become capable of love. As the little children occupy more and more of her mind, she comes to care about them more and more.
Even Freyya herself didn't understand why her feelings changed; it all felt out of character for her, considering how introverted and self-absorbed she'd been most of her life.
Indeed, Freyya learns this piece of wisdom at a young age – that one of the quickest ways to develop love for another is to sacrifice for them without expecting anything in return.
In a way, people don't act selflessly because they're loving people; they become loving people because they act selflessly.
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Sadly, just as Frey is on the verge of fully maturing and accepting her role as the caretaker in this house, tragedy strikes, and her little siblings begin to die off. She and her brother were too weak to provide enough food, and they were too poor to pay for doctors.
For the first time, Frey truly feels the tragedy of death as she buries her younger siblings with her own hands. With each swing of the shovel, her hands become blistered and bruised.
Instead of crying in pain or sadness, she's instead seething with hate. She wipes her eyes and cries out, "I'm only 9. I'm too young to take care of everyone."
She furrows her eyebrows and curses, "F*** Dad! F*** Mom! Dad just went off on his own to who knows where, and Mom got depressed and gave up on everything, even though she still had all of us! Shameless! If I ever meet any of them in the Death Realm, I'll give them a good slap, then pretend both of them don't exist!"
She curls her fingers over the broken shovel and thinks solemnly, "None of the kids ever liked me. They all said I was really bossy and mean all the time. I couldn't let them have fun AND I couldn't take care of them; they probably don't want to see me at all."
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The vision shifts, and Haalfrin sees Freyya working in the Pit as a cleaning servant. As a slave, she has even a lower status than the prisoners; at least the prisoners need to get their fill every day!
Being constantly hungry and overlooked, Frey certainly has many reasons to be angry. What's more than that is that she only speaks Crow right now; given the language barrier, she can't even make any friends.
With a pointless life like this, it doesn't take long for a brand new feeling to swell up in the little girl's heart – one dark and foul.
With nobody to care about in her life, and being constantly put down and treated as an object, Freyya soon comes to feel that nothing in her life matters.
What's really dangerous about viewing everything as "worthless" is that it erodes every reason to do good or be good.
Why share your food with people if people have no value?
Why control your anger and hold back the urge to stab another child in their sleep if no life has value?
Why do your job correctly if your work has no value?
Why even do the bare minimum to avoid punishment if YOU have no value?
Why go through the trouble of developing a likable personality if you think you'll forever be unlikable?
Why plan for your future and save money if you don't even care about the years to come?
In order to be a decent person, you have to care about SOMETHING.
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Slowly, Haalfrin sees Freyya devolve into some feral beast barely keeping herself alive. She bites at anyone trying to talk to her, and she only does her work after severe punishment.
With such an attitude, even after learning the Brancotte tongue, she has no friends.
One day, Haalfrin sees Frey curled on her bed and staring blankly at the wall. "What happened to me?" she thinks to herself, "Why do I suddenly care about feeling lonely? I was itching to get away from the house back when my family was alive. I thought I wanted to be alone. But… why does it hurt so much now?"
She spends all night unable to fall asleep as she thinks on this.
Why?
WHY?!
In the end, she makes up her mind. "Back with my family, I wanted to spend time by myself… but I always knew deep down that they were there – always there. So… I wanted to be by myself – not alone. Now? Now, I'm alone."
Upon realizing this, she doesn't even cry; she just lays there in a thoughtless stupor without actually falling asleep.
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Several years later, Haalfrin sees Freyya laying on the barren stone floor of the Pit – this time with an infant form, as she had grown smaller after just becoming a mage.
In the sweltering heat, she thinks she's about to die, but she manages to reach out to the strange monsters down below. As they help her out, she hears strange voices cooing at her and promising to keep her alive. She doesn't know what kind of spirits lurk below her, but they make her feel at peace.
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It doesn't take long for Freyya to become incredibly complacent with her situation down in the Pit; she's well fed by the visiting Death Reapers, and "Sir Demon's" lackies keep the essential enchantments active in her new home. Plus, she has nothing required of her; she gets to lounge around all day!
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One day, Freyya realizes that she doesn't actually mind the plethora of voices down below, despite hating interacting with people. "I mean, doesn't talking to people suck?"
Because Spiritual communication happens through her powers and no one else's, she can cut off the conversation any time with the spirits and people below her. Knowing that she's in control of the situation puts her at ease and makes talking to them less taxing on her soul.
This is a blessing for her introverted nature, since she hates the feeling of having people talk to her when she doesn't want to talk back; it's as if people think you're obligated to give them attention once they've given it to you.
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As the years go on, Freyya starts to forget what the sun looks like… though she has no desire to refresh her memory; she's perfectly fine here, in the dark.
"In the dark, no one can see me. In the dark, I'm by myself. In the dark. I'm safe." Only in the completely blackness of Floor B32 is the girl able to sleep peacefully.
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More years go on, and Haalfrin sees the girl running away squealing like a lost pig in the night. Just before she rounds the corner, a spectral black hand grabs her ankle and scolds, "Girl! Get back to your lessons!"
As she's dragged back to her learning materials, she's not even angry; in fact, she's happy. She's not sure why, but having Sir Demon in her life makes her feel safe.
He's a strange being who doesn't judge her, can speak in her native tongue, and is a constant character in her life.
After all, Freyya didn't have anyone constant in her life for such a long time; they had either been family members dying off, fellow slaves who never talked to her, or Pit employees who seemed more of a painting on the wall of her life rather than a feature.
Sir Demon, however, seems like he's here to stay. Every day, the girl spends her time in leisure and security just knowing that there's someone in her life that she doesn't have to worry about.
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Frey hears over and over through the years from Sir Demon that he plans on escaping the Pit one day; she never takes his "threat" seriously, since he doesn't seem to be making any progress.
However, she begins to feel more and more guilty as the years go by, and as she comes to care about Haalfrin more. "I can travel through Death Aura at will, so I could possibly use it to escape and perhaps help Haalfrin and his friends out…, but… if I do that, he'll leave…!"
Just thinking about Sir Demon and his friends leaving her to go visit the disgusting surface again makes her feel sick to her stomach. "Sure, I'm by myself most of the time, but I don't want to be alone!"
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Keeping her true usefulness a secret from Haalfrin and potentially prolonging his imprisonment eats the girl up so badly that she can barely talk around him, despite really believing in him.
Soon enough, Freyya learns the terrible news from Haalfrin that the "enemy" up above has found a way to cut off Haalfrin's supply of Death Aura; no more Death Aura means no more Death Reapers, and no more Death Reapers means no more food.
Now that there's no other option, the girl is forced into action… And being forced by Fate to help him escape is almost a relief to her. It's like she finally gets to make the decision she always knew she should've done, but didn't have the courage to do.
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Next, Haalfrin sees little Frey curled in a ball surrounded by darkness. For some reason, the darkness doesn't feel comfortable anymore. It's because the darkness has nothing in it – nothing but her.
It doesn't even take her very long (a few hours) before she finally gives up and scrambles to her feet. "I can't do it! My Floor in the Pit doesn't feel like home anymore! What's the point of an empty home?"
She looks up and snarls, "Stupid sun. You're too bright, and everybody who walks under you are also stupid." Down here, in the belly of the earth, she at least gets to pretend they don't exist. Now?
"Huh…" she sighs, "Haalfrin's up there, though. I can't ask him to come down and live with me. That would be too cruel and selfish of me, after I had lied to him for all those years."
And so, with her mind made up, she sneaks up top by slipping through the Death Aura…
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The vision blurs again, and Haalfrin sees Freyya, except this time, she's bobbing up and down inside a bottle at Haalfrin's waist.
From here, she witnesses Haalfrin go about his daily life; truth be told, she'd been a little hesitant about this man all this time, despite knowing him for so long; after all, she'd never actually seen his face until after Dakka was slain.
Now, after seeing the man live his everyday life, she starts to feel satisfied for some reason…
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The vision goes blurry again, and what Haalfrin sees next is Freyya… observing him help out around camp with Jay, Resburn, Myra, and Faylin. She watches how he cooperates with others and seems to know his way around.
Fray's not sure why, but seeing him act in these normal situations makes her feel excited… but why?
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Later, she sees Haalfrin leading that one Felkin girl through the army of carts, so that he could stash her away on Lord Tala's cart – as per the plan.
However, she sees the man hesitate in front of his own cart, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. "Is he planning on putting the girl here instead, so that Lord Fheldin would find him and kill him like he wanted?"
Frey wasn't really surprised at this; it WAS remarkably in character for him, after all.
…But… what he did next surprised her; he tore his eyes away from his own cart and put the Felkin girl in Tala's carriage… just the way he was supposed to do.
Only now does she finally realize – or rather, fully accept - the depth of her feelings.
You see, even ever since their time in the Pit, Frey knew she always loved Haalfrin; however, some rational corner of her mind was cautious of him.
However, only after seeing him be self-sufficient, helpful around camp, and be reliable in a dangerous mission does her heart start to soften. Then, when she sees him put his mission over his own desires… she finally has her answer.
"If I ever become a mother, he HAS to be the father," she realized. "If it's him, the children will be safe, well fed, and they'll have a reliable father."
Just thinking about the tragedy of her own childhood – the way she grew up every day in starvation, fearing for her life, and feeling helpless despair at being unable to look after her siblings… Frey deeply, DEEPLY wishes for her and her children to have no worries.
"Haalfrin won't disappear like my father. He's also very strong…, but more importantly, he's willing to set aside his own desires to fulfill his obligations."
"Yes," she realizes then, "I always liked him, but the only thing I was missing this whole time was trust. Without trust, true love can't exist."
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Haalfrin gives a startled gasp as the vision ends abruptly. He had fainted too, just like Frey had… except Frey was too small framed to actually catch him, since Rehkin can't use body reinforcement magic.
So, he wakes up on the ground with an aching neck and the sight of Frey's apologetic face.
"W-what did you see, Haalfrin?" Frey asks anxiously – no doubt wanting to make sure he didn't see anything embarrassing in her Name.
Instead of answering directly, he just holds one hand out to the sky thoughtfully as he lay on his back. "Enough."
Indeed, he doesn't want to tell her that he knows she lied to him in the Pit by keeping her powers concealed.
However, the thing about sharing Names (especially the Reh Name) is that you experience their emotions too.
Having understood little Frey so well, he can't bring himself to be angry at her. Being completely at peace with her decisions in the Pit, he feels it's completely pointless to tell her what he saw.