Introspection

There is no Spiritual voice this time to answer Haalfrin's thought, so he lay on his bed for a few moments in silence.

'The Spiritual Aura in that sword was so strong that I thought I'd reignite by kinship with the Kareen,' Haalfrin wonders.

'Instead, it's just become glaringly obvious... I've lived too long, and I've changed too much.'

Now, Haalfrin finally realizes the cruel truth.

'I'm not one of them anymore.'

He turns over on his bed and carefully uses his magic to lift it up and set it down respectfully on the table across the room.

'Still… I'm not one of them, but I do love them….

'ARG!' Haalfrin cries in frustration. His feelings are complicated right now, and he can't make sense of it all. 'I'm going to bed!'

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The time when imagination's monsters are the most active is during the quiet hours of the night. After only, the only people talking at this time are the voices in your head.

With Haalfrin's mind ablaze with thoughts, he lies on his bed for hours – unable to sleep at all as his imagination's monsters attack him and prod at his conscience.

'How do I really feel about the Kareen?'

'Do I have anything waiting for me in the Death Realm?'

'What about those Death Reapers? Das and Freyya seem to want me really bad, so am I really going to do nothing about that?'

'What's the point of interfering with the Reapers' plans for me? What do even I want from the future, anyway?'

Haalfrin wonders about things like this for hours. Even as he starts nodding off to sleep, the thoughts are passively sinking in and working themselves out subconsciously.

---------------------

Maybe it's because Haalfrin was even dreaming about his complex thoughts, but he's suddenly jolted awake when an epiphany hits him.

'There have been only three times I've ever been truly happy in life. The first when I had my Clan Brothers. The second was when I was Master Kalastros's student. The third was when I was married to Tanya.'

In all three of these situations, those 2 Death gods messed everything up somehow.

When the Kareen died, the old Haalfrin had only wanted to die alongside them and follow them to the Death Realm.

However, Das stepped in and denied his soul from Freyya's lantern by resurrecting him.

…

When Kalastros was alive, Haalfrin contented himself with being a child again. In a way, Kalastros became a better father figure than his actual father.

However, all of that was ruined when Freyya sent that Dragon to hunt him down. This led to Haalfrin being exiled from central Alasta and being separated from his Master for the rest of his Master's life.

On top of that, Das swooped in and arranged for Haalfrin to be imprisoned for the next 1,000 years or so – robbing any chances of Haalfrin finding the death he craved and reuniting with his loved ones.

…

Haalfrin found happiness for the third time when he married Tanya. Life was simple back then, and everything he did for her felt meaningful.

Alas, just after Tanya passed away, Freyya swooped in and tried tugging on his heartstrings – completely disrespecting the love he had for his former wife.

…

'Clearly, these 2 gods want to possess me. I hate feeling like an object to be won in a game,' he thinks.

'…However, I've realized… There's one thing in common between all of my happy memories.'

'I was happy as a Raider because I had a Clan to serve. I was happy as the Archmage's apprentice because I had a Master to please. I was happy as Tanya's husband because I had a wife to provide for.'

Haalfrin frowns at his next thought.

'In a sense, I have to be a servant to SOMETHING in order to be happy. When put another way, I have to have a master in order to be happy.'

He curls his fist.

'I can't just flounder around without a purpose like this anymore.'

In his mind flashes memories of himself plotting to escape from prison, fighting in an arena, and drinking himself into oblivion.

'Living JUST for myself doesn't work. I need a master – at least, I need some cause outside of myself to devote myself to…'

'Yes. A man needs some kind of responsibility in order to have a place in this world. No wonder I've been so depressed…'

'But… What kind of responsibility should I look for?'

Haalfrin immediately thinks of Freyya and Das.

Both of them clearly want to claim him for themselves, and both of them are offering him a role to play in the Death Realm.

'Das wants me to be the next Reaper of Time…'

'…but he's been awfully forceful about his approach. I don't like being cajoled into servitude.'

'On the other hand, Freyya wants me to be at her side for eternity as her Contractor…'

'…but she's been callously manipulating my emotions. She claims to have feelings for me, knowing how loyal I was as a husband before.'

'Of course, her feelings for me may be genuine, but I can't help but doubt it when she has so many real benefits in earning my devotion and taking my soul.

'Still…' he thinks, 'if a god takes me and makes me their Contractor, it's true that I'll be very useful to them.'

'Sure, I'd live out my afterlife on behalf of someone else, but isn't that what I want? I'll be miserable in the Death Realm if I only live for myself…'

Suddenly, Haalfrin realizes something uncomfortable.

…

'I can't "live as a free man" and still be happy. I need rules to confine me and a master to serve, or a cause to lead me.'

'…However, having your master chosen for you is SLAVERY.'

'Choosing your own master is called being RESPONSIBLE and making use of yourself.'

'…I'm so tired of flopping around through life, whining about not having a purpose! I'm tired of lying around with no interest in doing anything! I want to choose my own master!' Haalfrin declares confidently.

'I'm destined to die one day, and I'm a god-candidate with Death Affinity. I should choose a Death god to follow, or at least, I should choose the manner in which I serve the Death Realm in the future!

Haalfrin thinks of the future he's seen in his visions; he remembers how he's supposed to lead the Death King's armies against the god's foes – even perishing in the end.

'In order to become that man,' Haalfrin thinks, 'being taken by Freyya is the best bet. She WANTS me to become that General of the Dead armies. Her - the collector of soldier's souls, and I - the general of dead soldiers.'

Haalfrin briefly thinks of how Freyya confessed her feelings to him.

'I don't know if she's being sincere with her confession or not though...'

Haalfrin knows that the moment he gives his Reh Name to her, his Heart will forever be chained to her, and he'll lose his freedom.

'I don't care if she's trying to trap me with my feelings, so long as I'M the one who gets to choose to be trapped! I'll be her slave – not because she wants me to, but because I want to!'

Just thinking about it, Haalfrin can't wait to give his Reh Name to her.

He's so tired of his relations and feelings withering away with time. He wants his heart to finally be chained down to something that'll never go away!

Haalfrin's face hardens, and he curls his fist.

'That's it. I'm going to the Threshold. The next time I return to the Death Realm will be with Freyya.'

After making up his mind, it's as if a great weight is taken off his chest, and his breathing feels easier.

This entire time, Haalfrin feels his Syl Name burning. He's felt this before; it's the same feeling he gets when he's about to get another Name.

Alas, when Haalfrin tries concentrating on the feeling, the burning sensation goes away, and his Syl Name calms down.

'Aw. I missed the chance to open up my 6th Gate,' Haalfrin curses. 'Oh well. I've gotten a hint on what my Syl Name is going to be like. It'll be easier to open it up next time.'

The Dra Name is the part of your soul where your body and talents lie, the Reh Name is the part of you soul where your relationships and feelings lie..., and the Syl Name... The Syl Name is the part of your soul where your ideals and principles are stored.

'Well, I was thinking a lot on my ideals and life philosophy,' Haalfrin thinks with a smile. 'The fact that my Syl Name was burning by the end means that I got pretty close to finding what is written there.'

'Well. Maybe next time.'

With his mind at ease and his mind made up, he turns over on his side and drifts peacefully off to sleep.