Eight

Ava is frozen in spot as Emily runs up and grasps onto her leg, giving her a wide, toothy grin. I look behind her, and see a young man trailing down the street after her, a panicked look on his face. He relaxes when he sees Emily with Ava, then turns his eyes to me.

Who the hell is this guy?

For some reason, jealousy flares in my stomach, but I try and remain calm. What is he doing with Emily? Why is he even allowed near her?

"I'm so sorry, Ava, but I got an emergency call. I have to return home, and Emily was the only one left at the daycare. I was coming by to hopefully drop her off," he says, and flashes her a smile that doesn't sit well with me.

"That's alright, Brian, I understand. I was just closing up anyway, I can take her from here. Thanks for your help, I hope everything is alright at home," Ava says and gives him a smile back. I want her to wipe that smile off her face, it should be for me.

For me only.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you were free this weekend. Maybe we can have a playdate with Emily and Andrew, and we can grab some coffee?" Brian asks.

Rage bubbles in my chest. Is this prick really asking her out right in front of me? It takes everything in my not to pound my fist into his face until we both see red. I'm already seeing red, tinting the edge of my vision, as I continue to watch their exchange in silent rage.

Ava shifts her eyes over to me nervously, and no doubt sees the murderous look on my face, before she quickly averts them back to a hopefully awaiting Brian.

"Uhm, maybe another time, I have a lot going on this weekend, Ava has her first dentist appointment and I need to make sure everything is set up for that." I'm not sure if she is lying to be polite, or if she really is going to consider his offer later.

I do a small victory dance inside when Brian's face falls, but he quickly recovers with a smile that I so badly want to punch clean off his smug face.

"Well, you have my number," he says, and shots me a look, before flashing another smile at her. "See you later, Ava. Bye, Emily!" He walks up and gives her a hug, making my chest hurt again.

I want to hug her like that. So, bad it physically hurts.

When he is out of sight, I let out a breath I didn't realize I sucked in when he arrived. Ava turns to me after he is gone and her smile drops. It was so easy for her to smile in front of him. What the hell is so special about him? I want her to smile like that at me every time she sees me. She used to.

What I wouldn't give to have those days back, to reverse the last three years, and do it over again. This time better, where instead of spending the last three years trying to find her, I spend it trying to find new ways to keep her.

I feel a hand on my leg, tearing me away from Ava's pained eyes. I look down to see Emily grabbing a hold of my pants, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

"Who you?" she asks, still at the age where she can't form proper sentences, and has a slight baby lisp to her voice. My heart melts at the sound of it, realizing this is the first time I have heard her speak, let alone stand next to her. I want to reach down and pick her up so badly, but I stop myself and look to Ava for confirmation that she is okay with it.

I hate how fragile I have to be around her. Always afraid the slightest thing will scare her off.

She looks hesitant, but nods her head. I don't waste another second, and scoop the little girl up in my arms, lifting her in the air slightly, and adoring the shrill giggles that come out of her mouth. Everything about her is perfect; her laugh, her smile, her nose, her eyes, her chubby cheeks.

I have never known love, like the one I have flowing through my veins right now, as I look into the eyes of my entire world.

"Maybe we should talk about this at home, okay honey?" Ava asks Emily, touching her back lightly. I can tell it's a gesture of reassurance. I can only imagine how attached Ava has become to Emily, having raised her for the last three years on her own, hopefully just the two of them.

I don't want to imagine another man like Brian in her life, helping raise our child, when I didn't even know Emily exists. I don't want to think about her sharing her bed with another man, finding comfort in his warmth, and security in his presence.

I want to be that man. I want to make her feel safe when I'm next to her, make her feel beautiful when I praise her, every single day of every year, with every last breath.

***

Ava manages to put off telling Emily who I really am, I can tell she doesn't want to lie to her, but she isn't ready to know just yet, even I agree. I want to tell her, of course I do, but I know it's too sudden, the news might frighten or upset the girl. She has gone her whole three years on this earth, without another male figure, and hasn't reached the age to understand when she sees other kids with two parents, and she only has one.

For that, I'm thankful. I haven't missed too much.

That thought doesn't make the rage and hurt I have, about all the things I have missed; like her birth, first word, first steps – feel any less.

Ava starts to prepare dinner after we've all settled, giving me time alone with Emily for a few minutes. She has already ran to the corner of the living room, where all her toys have overtaken the area. There is even a 5X4 long mat, designed in puzzle pieces, laid out underneath the area, for her to sit on while she plays.

I carefully walk over and sit down next to her, trying not to disturb her as she picks up a couple dolls, and starts waving them around playfully. She eventually stops and looks at me, her blue eyes fixated with so much curiosity, it drives my heart wild. Much like her mother, who has always been one to question things and wonder about everything.

Another thing out of the many, that I love about her.

Emily asks something along the lines of 'what's your name', but it is slightly jumbled and mixed with gibberish. "My name is Ashton," I reply, my heart tearing a little.

She tries to pronounce my name, but fails sweetly.

"You can call me Ash, for short, if you want," I say and she nods, repeating my name. My heart swells at the sound. It's not 'dad', but it's close enough for now. I continue to watch her play with her dolls, as she hands me different toys to try and join in. I'm not sure what to do with them, so I just hold them up for her, until she wants them back to give me another toy.

I'm so engrossed in this oh so special time with Emily, I barely notice Ava is standing behind us, two cups of what looks like tea in her hands, leaning against the doorframe to the living room. She has a sweet smile on her face, as she watches the scene unfold in front of her. I can't tell what she is thinking, but I can see the adoration clear on her face and in her sparkling green eyes.

I whisper to Emily that I'll be right back, and walk over to Ava. She silently hands me a cup, her eyes never leaving mine. I put my cup down and stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her delicate waist, and nuzzled my face into her hair, taking small whiffs of her sweet scent.

Her body relaxes into mine, allowing me to hold her up against my chest, leaning her head back. I plant a sweet kiss on her cheek, then her shoulder, before resting my chin comfortably in the crook of her neck, loving the feeling of her soft skin.

We stand there for a few more minutes, enjoying the bliss silence in each other's arms, before Emily turns towards us, and complains she is hungry.

"Dinner is almost ready, why don't you show Ashton that you can strap yourself into the highchair," she says and pushes her towards the chair. "Ask him nicely to help you."

Emily prances over the rest of the way, and turns to me to lift her hands above her head.

"Can you help?" she asks in her adorable baby voice. I could never say no to her. I lift her up into the chair, and she takes over from there. She lifts the table over the seat and slaps down on it to push it in, then takes the straps underneath her and buckles them, before giving me a proud grin.

Though to me it is a simple task, for a child her age it is an accomplishment. I'm amazed at how well she has been raised, never having doubted Ava's parenting skills, but also never knowing how well she could do, and how smart this beautiful little girl is becoming.

Ava comes out soon after with plates of steaming vegetables, rice and chicken. My mouth is already watering at the sight of it all. Living and being on my own, I never took the time to cook or try and put in an effort. I just ordered take out, or actually went out. I didn't care about being seen dining alone, it was much more preferred to be honest.

We eat in a comfortable silence, Emily behaving a lot better than most children I have seen her age when eating a big meal. Though she is still messy, she doesn't complain about her food, or try and throw it around and play with it. She eats quietly, sometimes using her fork, other times using her hands, therefore the mess.

After dinner, I help Ava clear the table, so she can set Emily up with her cartoons. She is supposedly allowed to watch one cartoon episode, then she has to get ready for bed. While she is doing that, I start readying the sink to wash the dishes, noticing that the dishwasher looks untouched. I assume also since it's just the two of them, they don't create many dishes, and never need the dishwasher.

She comes back into the kitchen and starts protesting me doing the dishes, claiming I'm a guest in her home. Though I'm sure that comment wasn't meant to come off as bad, it tore at my heart a little. I tell her I consider myself more than a guest, and force her to go back into the living room, and watch television with Emily.

Ava pouts, but she leaves none the less. I quickly finish the little pile of dishes, and set them neatly in the dish rack before walking out to join them. I'm surprised, however, to find both of them fast asleep on the couch, Emily's head resting in Ava's lap, while her head rests back against the couch. I take a few minutes to memorize the moment, and snap a small picture of them, before picking up Emily first.

I walk with her until I find her bedroom down the hall, and place her gently in bed, tucking the covers under her chin and sides. I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and whisper good-night, before I tip toe back out of the room. Ava is still sound asleep when I return to the living room, and doesn't budge when I gingerly pick her up.

I'm debating what my next move is as I bring her into her bedroom and place her down gently. I want to stay, sneak in bed next to her, and face the wrath when we wake up. As terrible as it might be, it might be worth it to wake up next to her for one night.

But I don't want to scare or push her too much. With much reluctance, I pull the covers over her, and kiss her cheek, my lips lingering on her skin for a few seconds, before I tear away.

"Good-night, my love," I whisper to her, patting her hair softly, before quietly leaving the room.

Before I leave, I grab my coat and make a call to the service desk downstairs, and ask if they have a staff member available to come lock an apartment door. I quickly explain the scenario that I'm a boyfriend leaving after everyone has gone to sleep, and I don't have a key to the apartment, to lock up when I leave. Though it sucked admitting that I'm the 'boyfriend' and I don't have a key, but it is the closest thing to the truth.

The woman at the front says there is a doorman who has a skeleton key to the apartment, and once I give her the apartment number, she sends him up. We briefly meet on the way down, assuring everything is fine, and I quickly leave before they suspect anything else, and I land myself in trouble I didn't ask for.

I climb into my car and lock it, before I let out a deep breath. I rest my head against the seat, and replay all the beautiful memories from tonight, taking a minute to dwell on each one of them, to make sure I never forget.

I go home, with a permanent grin on my face, not caring about the car tailgating me, since I had left Ava's store.