CHAPTER 07

Something is bothering him and I have confirmation of it when I take a closer look at his face.

Usually, Milan is a mixture of strength and softness. He can be as crazy as he is thoughtful and I must admit that if I always manage to come out unscathed from our bullshit, it's only thanks to him. Me, I rush into the heap and I yell before thinking. Him, he delicately places his hand on my arm and always pronounces the words that will get us out of trouble. But today, he seems totally lost. I had never seen doubt tarnish his confidence and I do not understand what could have led us to where we are. And to think that my only recent memory is that fucking high school dance! I concentrate on trying to find any clue that might explain why my alter ego is acting like a stranger today but I can't find anything. During this evening, we laughed, we made fun of the silly couples around us and we ended up squatting in the small park, our hands full of alcohol and shit to smoke. A classic evening, in short. So what happened to us that made my best friend reject me today?

Suddenly, Milan raises his head and his lagoon blue gaze warms me instantly. It only lasts a second but I know I didn't dream it. Immediately, he scowled and just rolled up the paper he was holding in his hands and tossed it into the bin at the other end of the room. When the ink-stained sheet lands in the trash can, a small smile of satisfaction rises as quickly as it dies on his lips.

I want to talk to her, tell her something, anything but the words loosen, the letters separate and the sounds die in an uncomfortable silence. A nasty cough wakes up all the pain that had disappeared in recent hours. A terrible tearing sensation crosses my chest, as if I were being cut open. A deep pain lacerates my left arm. Intolerable burns explode in my back. Violently. Deeply. Intensely. My skull is still hammered by this damn migraine and I feel like my brain under pressure is about to burst. But the most painful remains the irremediable feeling of emptiness that inhabits my lower limbs. I feel absolutely nothing from my hips to my feet and damn I will give anything to endure the worst pain in my legs.

I laboriously try to manage the evil that puts me down but I am forced to see that I fail miserably. I briefly close my eyelids to curb the unbearable pain. Milan's hand lands on my arm and I quickly open them again. As usual, her inquisitive irises scan my emerald pupils to find all the answers to her silent questions. I never knew how to hide anything from him. I never wanted it. What's the point of pretending when he's the only one who can read me? But today everything is different. I've been parachuted into a dimension I don't understand at all so I won't let him do what he wants with me. Not until I actually found my best friend.

-How are you? Are you hurt somewhere? he asks me in a worried voice

-No, everything is fine, I managed to answer him in a voice from beyond the grave.

-You're sure ? You don't look well...

I almost want to laugh in his face at the ridiculousness of his question but I hold back. I just offer him a small smile that he guesses is fake but he says nothing. I'm about to ask him a multitude of questions to try to understand what happened to us when the appearance of the doctor and his army of dogs in white coats pulls the rug out from under me.

- Good morning Mrs. Pazzi. How do you feel today?

I roll my eyes, somewhat annoyed by this stupid question. Having certainly understood that I was going to repack it just as dryly, the grizzled fiftieth-year-old goes on quickly by asking his students a few questions. As a little redhead with glasses is about to recite my glorious medical file, the doctor cuts him off to speak to Milan.

-Excuse me, sir, are you from Mrs. Pazzi's family?

Surprised by this question, Milan is content to stammer a chilling answer.

- Uh, no... I'm... a... an old friend.

"An old friend"?? I suddenly turn my head towards him but he doesn't look at me. My migraine doubled in intensity. He stares at the doctor, dancing from one foot to the other, uncomfortably. I sure hope he's uncomfortable! No, but what is this shitty answer? I don't have time to let the flames of my anger flare up until Doctor I-don't-remember-his-name-and-I-don't-have-a-fuck asks him to leave the room. .

-Only the family is authorized to stay at the bedside of the patient.

A few minutes ago, I would have fought for him to stay by my side. But I do nothing. I've always hated attracting pity and I just realized that's what he did to him staying by my side that night. So I remain silent and turn my head towards the window so as not to watch him leave my room. The doctor speaks again when Milan closes the door behind him, but I don't give a damn about anything he might tell me. I'm way too sad and angry.

- Mrs. Pazzi, can you tell us everything you remember about your life?

-Euhh.... Well... my name is Ema, I'm 16, I'm a high school student and to make some pocket money, I used to baby-sit but I had to stop when the parents complained that I was just teaching their kids bullshit. I have always lived with my parents and my brother Enzo in a big house hidden in the maquis, behind the big dune.

The doctor mechanically nods at every word I say while his little assistants studiously take notes. When I finish, he briefly turns to them to mumble something inaudible.

- Mrs. Pazzi, as I explained to you yesterday, it seems that part of your memories have been erased. You are 23 years old and the reality you describe is no longer true today. It is essential that you realize that part of your life has been amputated from your memory. This is essential for your healing.

Yeah, it's good my man, I understood that something creepy is happening! On the other hand, instead of spouting the same bullshit since yesterday, wouldn't you like to help me understand?

-We are going to give you a battery of exams. I'm not hiding from you that the day ahead of you is going to be rather... tough, but we'll do our best to ease your pain. All the results that we will collect will allow us to make a more precise diagnosis concerning your condition.