CHAPTER 12

My eyelids flicker gently to get used to the exacerbated brightness of the end of the day. I breathe peacefully, slightly reassured by my saving rest when I notice the mass slumped on the armchair to my right. Almost tangled blond hair and an angelic face immediately fill my heart with hope. I stare for a split second at the relaxed features of my brother's face, dozing next to me, one leg swinging casually across the armrest and arms dangling.

- Enzo!

My little cry wakes him up with a start. He quickly turns his head towards me, rubbing his eyes.

- You're boring, I slept well, he mutters between his teeth.

-Come here quickly you brat!

A slight smile lifts the corners of his mouth, but he doesn't need to be asked to come and lie down full length next to me. I run a hand through his tousled hair, which instantly makes him roll his eyes.

-Damn, don't mess my hair up!

-Ah because you think you looked like something?

- Already more than you, yeah!

I suddenly become aware of the visual disaster I have to offer her: thick bushy brown hair, a pale complexion, gray dark circles and a shapeless white cotton t-shirt. I suppress a grimace that my brother surprises right away.

-You're not really pretty but I'm happy to see you again anyway, he resumes, shrugging his shoulders.

I hug him tightly, burying the tip of my nose in his sun-lightened hair. His beautiful green eyes narrow playfully and I know before he even opens his mouth that he's going to snub me.

- Yeah, yeah, it's good, the sentimental quarter of an hour is over.

-The sentimental quarter of an hour, as you say, only lasted three seconds, you stingy!

Enzo starts laughing heartily as he digs into my already messy hair with his fist.

-Stop bothering me and tell me how you knew I was there.

My question stops his gesture. His carefree face cracks slightly to let a thread of angst seep through his casualness.

-It was Milan who found me. He told me he had been looking for me for a few days to tell me that you were in the hospital. I understood nothing of what he told me. Shit, what happened Ema?

-I don't know, I whispered. I woke up here three days ago and the doctors told me I had an accident. I don't know anything more.

-When I told you that I wanted to go back to France for... for the funeral of papa and mamma, you refused to come with me. You made your head of mule and you just told me that it was too hard for you. So finding you here and in the hospital, you can imagine that shocked me.

W-what? How so ?

- Enzo, listen to me.

I swallow hard, my throat tight.

- I... I don't remember anything. This doctor bullshit says I have partial amnesia and all my memories of the past seven years have escaped me. When I woke up, I thought I was sixteen. So please Enzo, give me the missing pieces of my puzzle.

My brother sits up slightly so that he can silently question me with his gaze. Tiny wrinkles adorn the corners of his eyelids but he remains as handsome as ever. His fair skin seems to me hardly more marked, less youthful. The maturity he has acquired gives him even more charm and I wonder for a moment where my little brother with the childish smile has gone.

-Serious ? Like I can tell you anything I want and you gonna believe me?

- Enzo!

-Ok, ok... so we've been living together in Italy for seven years and you do a lot of odd jobs without worrying. Recently, you were a cook in a school canteen. You always go on with your camera and your pens but you never let me see what you do with them.

- But why did we leave here? How is it that at sixteen, we left everything?

My brother is lost in thought for a moment before speaking again.

-It was weird. Our parents enrolled us in a boarding house in Italy and they decided when we got back from summer vacation that we had to go "to do our own experiments", he mimes with his fingers. You yelled at them. You didn't want to leave and you spent the whole evening yelling, but in the morning, everything had changed. You were mute and you got into that car that took us away from our childhood home. I never found out what happened that night for you to finally agree to leave.

"And..." I resume, my voice hoarse with emotion. And how is Italy?

-It's cool, he replies immediately, his mischievous little smile already glued to his lips. You do your bullshit with the guys and me, you leave me alone. What more ?

I smile sadly hearing my brother tell me about a life I have no memory of. I let him still evoke a multitude of anecdotes for a moment that sometimes make me laugh, sometimes frown. When he finishes his monologue, two observations are offered to me: first, my brother has not changed. He remained this mocking and sometimes irresponsible little kid. Second, I haven't changed either. I always chain men, parties and cocktails.

Enzo gets up from my bed to stretch his legs. I watch him move his limbs with such longing that I'm pretty sure I'm drooling over him. Certainly seeing that I am staring at him eagerly, he stops in mid-motion, his left knee pulled up to his chest.

-Why are you staring at me like I'm a Stadium God? Anyway, I know I'm a hell of a hottie, but you're my sister! Stop looking at me like that!

I chuckle hearing his nonsense. Damn, how I love my brother! He's always had this inexplicable gift of pushing the clouds away whenever he's with me.

-You're stupid Enz! It's just that I too would like to do the same...

-How so ? he asks me in a somewhat jaded tone, his knee still in the air.

- Lower your leg moron, you look like an idiot!

He runs silently while waiting for my explanations. My eyes linger on the white sheet that hides my inert legs and I sigh.

-Since the accident, I... I can't walk anymore. I don't feel anything from my hips.

Enzo's foot suddenly falls to the ground as my brother brutally expels all the air from his lungs.

-What ? You... you mean you're gonna stay...

The words he doesn't want to say die in silence. My heart crumbles deep in my chest when I hear them.

-I don't know. Doctors say we have to wait to know the final sequelae.

- Damn... that's the shit...

I burst out laughing.

- Yeah, as you say. This is shit...

My brother begins to pace the room, continuing to talk. He tells me about our parents who he misses and his questions about what happened to them. He tells me that the police told him about an accident similar to mine and the worry lodges in the hollow of my bowels. Who is so angry with us that they want to kill us? I pull myself together quickly and so as not to alarm my brother, I skilfully divert the conversation to him. He explains to me that he set up a small music group in Italy with his high school friends and when he mentions the singer, his cheeks blush shyly. I have to bite my tongue not to tease him about his obvious crush.

Enzo ends up leaving when the caregivers kick him out. Despite the weight weighing down my legs, I have never felt so light. My brother is certainly the most boring and carefree boy I know, he is still the one I will love and protect forever.

The next day, an army of white coats requisitions me once again to make me pass other exams. They begin to explain to me what they intend to do to me, but since I understand absolutely nothing of their medical gibberish, I don't really listen to them. The flashes of the devices they put me in make me want to vomit. They wake up that fucking migraine that's been lurking in the recesses of my mind, and even the strongest painkiller doesn't relieve that vile feeling. When I finally get back to my room, I feel like I'm a morning after, minus the alcohol and the party.