Hold it together

When Cami's alarm rings, I shut my eyes harder, willing myself to ignore the sound and fall back asleep. My face feels swollen from crying and I immediately know that the one hour of sleep I managed to get would not be enough to keep me going during the day. I can't go anywhere. It's very rare for wolves to get sick, but possible. Without any other excuse to miss my classes, it would have to do. It's not like I was going to announce to the entire university that my mate decided I wasn't good enough for him.

The only secret werewolves are good at keeping is the one about the existence of our race. With everything else, we are terrible gossipers, worse than an old lady with a tablet and a Facebook account.

"Violet?" Cami calls from her bed. She was a very good friend last night, hearing me lament about my situation for hours and struggling to help me process it. The thing is, neither of us can exactly understand how someone would be able to reject their true mate. There have been other cases in werewolf history where someone finds their mate while already in a relationship, but they always choose their destined partner. It's just inconceivable for a werewolf to reject the most precious gift our goddess can offer us. Aiden is the exception.

Can he really love Erin that much?

The thought threatens to open the floodgates that used to be my eyes, so I quiet my mind and answer my friend.

"Yes, Cami?"

"Are you going to stay in today?"

"Yeah...I am," There is no way I am going to risk seeing Aiden. Or worse, Aiden with Erin.

Hold it together, Violet.

I'm not normally the girl that cries over a boy. Growing up with two older brothers gave me an extensive playboy preparation course, Colton especially. But no amount of awareness can guard you against a boy that happens to be your mate. Playboy, I can handle just fine. True mate? Not exactly.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, go to class. I'll be fine. I need some time alone anyway."

To cry a bit more. Ok, a lot more.

"Fine, but if there is anything you need, text me, honey." She tells me while she gets up and starts to get dressed.

After Cami leaves, I lay quietly and try to go back to sleep. It doesn't work, my body feels tired but too restless to contemplate relaxing into slumber. Which leads me to try to feel my wolf.

At first, the same silence from yesterday greets me. It feels quite unnerving to feel disconnected from my other half, considering she has been a constant presence inside me since the first time I shifted at eleven. Most shifters meet their wolf before they are even ten years old, but I was a late bloomer. For a whole year, I was scared she would never appear. This makes me feel much more appreciative of my wolf than most shifters, who take their animal side for granted. I consider mine a gift even if she is a part of me.

Her silence is worrying and unsettling. So, I push again, and again until I feel her acknowledge me. Werewolves don't communicate with their creature side using words, but I can sense my wolf's emotions like she can sense mine, and we inevitably influence each other's actions and thoughts. The human part of me is mostly in control, but strong emotions like anger, fear, or lust can make us momentarily susceptible to the wolf to take over and act upon more animalistic instincts.

My wolf answers me with a growl, not an angry one, but a rough vocalization of her deep anguish. She's even more confused than me by our mate's rejection. While humans have the option to try and rationalize the situation, the wolf is simply left with the facts. And right now, the facts are that we were completely turned down by the one person who should never want to hurt us.

I shut down my connection with her again, feeling her need to isolate herself while in this much pain. She is most likely trying to protect me. And, even if it troubles me, I let her. I have never felt so fragile in my whole life.

It's only after reassuring myself that my wolf is with me and staring at the wall for one good hour, that my body eventually lets sleep pull me under.

Brrr.Brrr.Brrr

A phone is vibrating from underneath me, startling me awake. I lift myself up to my elbows and look at the screen, noticing two things. It's already past 3 pm and Cami is calling me.

"Hello?" I answer in a groggy voice.

"Vi!" She exclaims rather loudly. "There is a very good-looking guy next to me, asking about you. He says he is your brother. I let him know that, as my new best friend, you would have told me if you had a brother this hot. Especially one that goes to Woodbridge too." She pauses for a second. "So, who is he?"

I chuckle lightly. "That would probably be Colton."

"Is your name Colton?" I hear her ask. He must have nodded because the next thing she says is "We will be having a conversation about this, Violet Knight."

I roll my eyes at her threatening tone.

A few seconds later, I hear Colton's voice. "Sis?"

"Yeah?" I reply.

"Your friend told me you are sick. You haven't been sick a day in your life since getting your wolf. What is going on?"

Shit. I can't tell Colton about Aiden; he would kill him.

"How did you even notice I didn't go today?" I try and change the subject. "We have zero classes together, Colt."

"Please," My brother snorts "I have my connections here. No way would I leave my baby sis unprotected at her new school. River, too."

Both?? Stupid over-protective brothers. River doesn't even attend Woodbridge anymore.

Think fast. Think fast.

"Well, congratulations. You caught me...skipping."

Colton laughs in disbelief. "You? Skipping? Straight A's student Violet?"

I scoff. "There is a first time for everything, big brother. I'm in college now and decided that merited some new experiences."

Being rejected by my mate was not on the list, in case anyone is wondering. Actually, neither was skipping.

"Consider me surprised," he tells me, sounding amused. "And what exactly are you doing, then?"

"Honestly, nothing at all. It seems "skipping" is not that fun."

"That would be because you don't have a good enough reason for skipping. Trust me, little sis, skipping class can be very rewarding." I can imagine him wagging his eyebrows while he says it.

I shudder. "Ew, Colton. Ew."

He laughs again before taking on a more serious tone. " Are you sure you're okay, V?

"Yes, big brother." I force my voice to sound even.

I've never been this far from okay.

Thankfully, he believes my lie.

"Okay. I'm going to give your friend her phone back, then. I left mine at my place. Love you, little sis," Colton may be a hard head, but he is very dedicated to the people he loves.

I smile. "Love you too, big brother."

I hear him thank Cami before she picks up the phone again. "Your brother is stupidly hot." She tells me matter-of-factly.

"He is also the biggest player you will ever meet," I inform her.

Her comeback is quick.

"Consider me game,"

I laugh at that, although I'm a little disgusted. "That's my brother, Camila!"

"Exactly, you would give me a way in. Or better yet, you would give him a way in."

"Aghh, I will hang up this phone right now if you don't stop talking about my brother like that!"

She chuckles at my revulsion "Fine, fine...I'll stop," she concedes. "But you need to tell me how you're feeling. How you're really feeling, Violet."

I sigh. "Terrible."

I hear nothing but silence before she hesitantly says "I saw him today..."

My heart starts racing. "You did?"

"Yeah, honey..."

I take a deep breath. "Do I want to know?"

A second goes by. An eternity.

"He was with Erin,"

There it is again. The freaking knife in my chest, right where the mating pull rests. Going even deeper this time, if possible. Soon, I was sure it would either come out the other side or kill me completely.

"But Vi," she continues "He looked like absolute shit. Maybe even worse than you,"

I ignore that. "But he was with her? You saw them kiss?"

It's the only question on my mind.

She hesitates again and I have my answer.

Tears start welling in my eyes.

Fuck him. Fuck him for turning me into this crying mess.

"Vi, I'm so very sorry..." Cami whispers sadly through the phone, probably hearing my sniffles.

I want to tell her it's fine, but it's not. "I know."

I hang up the phone and keep crying. Fuck you, Aiden Hayes.

It's not that I don't think Erin is a great girl, because she probably is. Cami and I met her on the first week of school when we were still feeling a little lost in such a big campus. She helped us find our way toward one of the mandatory first-year classes, "History of the wolves".

We had been standing in the middle of a large green field, where most of the students choose to hang out during their free time, holding the labyrinth of a map we were given, when she parted from her group and joined us.

"Do you guys need help?" a voice interrupts our fruitless attempts to make sense of the directions on the map.

"Yes, please! We are so freaking lost right now" Cami pleads, facing our savior. She is very tall; with pixie brown hair and the coolest outfit, I have ever seen. As she gets closer, her features don't appear traditionally pretty, with a big wide gaze and a strong nose. Butt all of her put together, with the edgy haircut, amazing sense of style, and exotic type of face...there is no denying she is beautiful. The epitome of cool.

"My first week here I couldn't even find a bathroom," The girl offers us a smile "I'm Erin Brown, by the way."

"I'm Camila Evans," My friend introduces herself. "It's so nice to meet you, Erin,"

"Violet Knight" I offer as well, returning her smile. "Thanks for the help,"

"No problem, girls. So, which classroom do you need to find?"

"Classroom B2 for HOW" Cami tells her.

"History of the wolves? Ugh, I hated that class," Erin confesses "Anything history puts me right to sleep."

"Same," Camila agrees "Only Vi could ever be excited about that class," she teases me.

I blush. "I like history..."

"You do you, girl," Erin defends me right away, giving me a wink.

She offers to take us to our classroom after realizing that even with her directions, we were both clueless about which way to go after the first turns. Giving a wave to her group of friends, we start making our way. Erin points toward a lot of the school's main locations, giving us an idea of where everything is as we walk.

"Over there is where the future alphas normally meet to resolve problems or tension between packs," she says, pointing to what looked like an outdoor auditorium where a couple of guys were conversing. "By the way, which packs are you from?"

For some reason, I find it hard to tear my gaze away from the group of guys and give Erin my attention.

"Violet is from Blue Moon," Cami tells her. "I'm from the Crescents. Vi and I are pretty close to each other."

Around an hour of distance, if we are being specific. My pack is much larger than hers, but the Crescents are very well known as well among other packs, considering they have existed for centuries.

"I'm from a small pack too," she confides in Cami, turning to me next. "Blue moon is in the big leagues. Your alpha is known for being very intelligent in pack politics, especially with the tensions that have been rising lately," Erin comments.

"Tensions?" I question her, not bothering to tell her that the alpha of Blue Moon is my father.

"Yes, between the Shadow pack and the Legion pack. Things are getting ugly. You'll probably hear about it in your wolf politics class."

The shadow pack is the most powerful pack in all of America, maybe the world, situated further South in the U.S than mine and Cami's. Legion is European, located just outside Russia. There have always been tensions between those two, but never an actual war. Shifter wars mostly ended when the council was created, fifty years ago. All the alphas meet at least once a year to debate and vote over many subjects, while smaller meetings are held throughout the year for packs close to each other to govern territorial issues, among other things.

"Don't the two future alphas for those packs go to Woodbridge right now?" Cami questions.

Erin nods. "Yeah, I think that's part of the reason why things are so tense. They absolutely hate each other, and Aiden won't even tell me why."

"Aiden?" I ask, not recognizing the name.

"Aiden Hayes, future alpha of the Shadow Pack and, most importantly...my boyfriend." Her eyes shine when she speaks his name and it's clear she is completely infatuated with him. "We met our first year. He's actually over there. " She points towards the guys I noticed earlier.

"Hey, babe!!" Erin screams over to them.

A guy with dirty blond hair, almost brown, turns in our direction. I can't see his face very clearly from this distance. Maybe if I was in my wolf form I could have. But I don't need to see the details to know he is drop-dead gorgeous.

"Erin," He greets with a smile "New friends?"

He doesn't even yell, trusting our werewolf hearing to catch his words.

"Yes," Erin nods. "This is Violet and Camila" she points us out in order.

"Nice to meet you guys," He seems to be looking straight at me. I'm looking straight at him too. I can't seem to stop myself. "I'm sorry but I can't go over there, right now. Pack business." Aiden sounds apologetic.

"It's fine babe, we understand," Erin speaks for us, before starting to lead us away. "He's ridiculously hot, right?"

I don't answer, focusing on moving my legs. They don't seem to want to move away. Weird.

Cami, clearly not sharing my problem, answers right away. "Obviously, you lucky bitch."

Our new friend swoons. "I know."

When we finally reach mine and Cami's class, the bell rings, and Erin quickly excuses herself to get to her class in time as well.

The next few times I saw Erin and Aiden, it was always from a distance.

But each time, I felt a strange urge to get closer.

Now I know why.