I Fucked Up (Aiden)

Aiden's POV

I fucked up. Badly.

My wolf is growling inside me in agreement.

Ever since I uttered the dammed words to reject our true mate, my relationship with my wolf has turned as downhill as it gets. He is constantly trying to overpower my human side, camping himself close to the surface, waiting for the perfect moment to steal the show and make amends with his "little one."

That's what he calls Violet, the tiny red-haired girl that showed up and turned our world upside down.

Yesterday, when we witnessed that disgusting excuse for a wolf, Tyler Dagon, walk towards her, my control over the wolf nearly slipped.

He wanted to murder our enemy for even looking at her. But what made it worse is that I wasn't very far behind him on that idea. I had been one second away from allowing my wolf to come forward and turn his desire into reality, especially after one week of denying our instincts.

The only thing that stopped me was the fiery look that Violet gave me, claiming I had no right to do it. Her baby blue eyes fixed on my face with hurt all over them, forcing me to stop.

I hate that I hurt her. I hate that she was right. I could not claim her in such a public way after altogether rejecting her in private. It was cruel; I was being cruel.

After witnessing her completely fall apart last night, I now understand just how brutal my actions towards her were.

It doesn't matter that I wanted to protect her. All I did was hurt her unforgivingly.

I followed her and her friends last night as they walked to the university's dorm building, waiting to make sure that she got to her room alright. Even with the building being full of beating hearts and loud noises, the mating pull helped me hone in on my little one's breathing.

I stayed outside, waiting until her small breaths turned even and deep, signifying she was finally resting.

Only after an hour of standing there, listening to her sleep, did I feel comfortable enough to allow my wolf to come forward and burn off the massive amount of pent-up energy inside us. If I didn't, the next time I felt angry, I would be unable to stop the change. This can't happen because even though my wolf and I agree on many things, he is still an animal with violent instincts and no rational thoughts stopping him. I'm his human counterpart, and it's my job to keep him under control. As alpha, especially with our strength, we can be extremely dangerous to everyone around us.

There is only one person in the world who should never have to fear us hurting her. Well...at least physically. Because emotionally, I'm the one who has hurt her the most.

So yeah, I fucked up. Badly.

I'm sitting here, waiting for dawn to come, after running for three hours straight, contemplating just how miserably I acted.

The image of her stunning face overflowing with tears as she looked at me, asking who would protect her from me, is haunting my fucking soul. It aches deep within me to see how much pain I caused her.

I really thought I was doing the right thing. I had once witnessed just how far our enemies would go to get what they wanted. When my eyes locked on hers and Violet Knight became my everything, my first feeling was an insane amount of happiness and warmth. But, as soon as the mating pull started to settle in my chest, panic came and overpowered any other thoughts.

She would be my weakness, and I would be her damnation.

But if my rejection is making her suffer even half as much as it's making me, then she's fucking right. I was the one she needed protection from.

The fact that something had never hurt me so profoundly as her rejecting me back should have been my first clue. Fucking asshole.

Shit. I should let her brother beat me bloody. I fucking deserve it. I deserve worse.

With that thought on my mind, I start making my way back, fully intending to ask my neighbor to kick my ass. However, when I approach the clearing where our houses sit, I'm forced to change my path toward my own house instead of Colton's.

Sitting on the house's front steps is Erin, the other victim of my gigantic assholeness.

Her eyes lock on mine as soon as she hears me coming. The white of her brown eyes is almost entirely red, most likely from crying. There is smudged makeup darkening her features and completing the look of a total wreck. And it's my fault.

I completely forgot that I ditched her last night after feeling Violet's panic, not even taking the time to explain my actions.

"Back from the mistress's?" These are the first words she directs at me. I deserve them.

I keep quiet, not answering her, as I sit beside her on the step. She's the one who breaks the silence again. "Why, Aiden? I thought we were happy. Even when I told you I loved you and you said nothing back, I just thought you needed more time. I never believed you were cheating."

I sigh, lifting my hand to her chin and turning her face, so she faces me completely. "Erin, I have to tell you something that will make you hate me even more. And before I do, let me say this. We were happy. You did nothing wrong. You're amazing and funny and beautiful. And I hope that what I'm about to tell you doesn't ever make you doubt that."

She looks at me, confused and a little scared. "Aiden..."

I lower my hand from her face and finally release the truth. "Violet is my true mate."

Erin's eyes widen, her mouth slightly open from shock. "W-what?"

"I have known for a week. I should have told you straight away. You deserved to know. I was so focused on myself and not wanting this mating pull that I completely disregarded everything else. There is no excuse for my actions."

She gets up and turns around so she can keep looking at me. "Violet Knight is your mate??"

I nod.

Tears start swelling in her eyes again. "That's worse." She whispers. "That's so much worse."

I stand up as well, moving closer. My arms envelop her for one last time, letting her cry on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for only telling you now."

She stays inside my embrace for a few minutes, crying silently. When she steps away, her tears are dry, but the evidence of her pain is written all over her face. "I was going to forgive you. Eventually. I would make you suffer a little first, but then...I was going to accept you back, Aiden. I love you."

Fuck. How could I have been such a fucking monster? Using Erin to keep Violet away?

I don't love Erin. I was too focused on helping my father deal with the legion pack to give too much of myself to a relationship. But she had charmed me our first year with her laid-back attitude and quick wit. She was a good girlfriend, a good person. I liked her. And I used her to "protect" my true mate in a disturbingly twisted way. What does that say about me?

"Erin, I never deserved you," I tell her with a sad smile. "You deserve someone who is all in."

"But what if it's you I want?" She argues. "You said you were fighting the mating pull. Why?"

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter."

Erin puts her hands on each side of my face. "Yes, it does. Because if you don't want her, you can stay with me. I'll help you fight the mating pull. We're good together, good enough to survive this."

I gently grab her wrists and push her hands away. "You're not thinking straight right now, or you wouldn't say that. Besides, I'm done fighting the mating pull. It was always the wrong choice."

"Not, it wasn't." She insists. "And you can keep fighting it. We can fight it."

"Erin, no." My voice is a little harsher now. "I'm very sorry for hurting you. But we can't be together anymore."

The sun is starting to rise, its gentle colors gifting the early morning with soft amber tones. Erin's face is becoming even more visible, allowing me to see the panic in her expression.

As much as her reaction is bothering me, I did this. So I can't be angry with her right now.

"Aiden, we belong together." Her tone gains seems a little hysteric.

"You need to go rest, Erin. This isn't you."

She starts crying again, shaking her head. "Don't do this to me, Aiden. Please."

A voice coming from the front door of the house interrupts us. My best friend and future beta, Liam, has his head stuck out with a frown marring his face. "Do you want me to take her home?"

I give him a thankful nod.

"No!" Erin shouts. "We're not done talking."

Sensing how out of it she is, I try to appease her with my words. "You need to sleep, Erin. And so do I. Then we'll talk."

She seems to want to argue, but Liam walks down the steps and puts his arm around her shoulder. "Let's go, Erin. Let's get you home."

He leads her away, forcing her to walk forward and not letting her trip while she keeps her head turned back, looking for me.

I go inside the house, my heart heavy with guilt. My room is the biggest one, with my bathroom right next to it. One of the perks of my father being who he is.

The bed is ice cold as I lay down, but it doesn't matter. I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway. My thoughts are too troubled. My wolf is too restless. Both of us find it hard to stay here, away from her. From our little wolf.

After two hours of staring at the wall, lost inside my head, my head is pounding with a headache. I get up, going to the kitchen to find some coffee to drink.

As I pass the living room, on the way there, I see my other best friend, Zander, sitting on the couch and smirking at me.

"So..." he says while lifting a finger to his temple and drawing a circle. "Your ex has gone coo-coo."

I glare at him. "Shut up."

He follows me to the kitchen, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed while I make my coffee. "Your mate is hot as fuck."

This time, I growl. "Shut the fuck up."

Zander lifts his hand in surrender. "You're in a mood this morning. Wonder why." He smirks again.

I am going to throttle him.

"It's not a good morning to pester me, Z. I may not be able to stop my wolf from ripping your head from your body."

My friend laughs. "Fine. I'll ease up. But only because I know that you need your control on point when knight tries to kill you later today."

I drink my coffee black, as I like it, ignoring the burn on my tongue for not waiting until the cup cooled down. "I don't care what Knight does. I deserve it."

"You do."

We both turn to the front door, where Liam voiced his opinion, having just returned.

"Is Erin resting?" I ask him.

"Yeah, it took an hour, but she finally succumbed to exhaustion. She kept saying your name." He tells me, shaking his head. "You fucked up, brother."

"Yeah..."

Silence fills the room.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Zander questions, brows raised.

"If I told you, you wouldn't have let me keep her away," I answer honestly.

"Of course, we wouldn't. Why would you even want that? A fucking true mate. Who the hell would throw that away??" Liam interrogates me angrily.

"She's in danger." I snarl. "We're about to go to war. What if something happens? What if they user her to get to me?!"

"Then you fucking protect her. We protect her." Liam replies.

My head hangs. "My father couldn't protect my mom. I couldn't protect her."

Liam sighs. "A...it wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault. And you got her back."

She came back. But she came back different.

"I'm scared," I admit. "This bond...I have never felt anything like this before. It's even more intense than they tell us. And I don't even really know her yet. What happens when I do? What happens if I lose her?"

"Shit, dude. You're the future alpha of the Shadow Pack. If anyone can protect her, it's you. Stop being a little pussy and fucking start working on earning her forgiveness." Liam urges.

"Yeah, you lucky bastard. If I get a mate like that, I won't waste one second on marking her as mine." Zander adds, running away before I get my hands on him.

As much as I want to beat them both up, they're right.

My father didn't raise me to be a coward.

Violet is mine. And that means no one touches her, or I make sure they die a miserable fucking death.

Now I just have to make sure she forgives me.

With that in mind, I take a quick shower and get dressed. I'm out of the front door in five minutes, anxious to go.

I run in my human form, not wanting to lose my clothes. I still reach the dorms in five minutes, immediately using my wolf senses and mating pull to look for her.

She's awake.

I follow the sound of her heartbeat to figure out which one is her dorm. When I find it, I knock softly on the door.

Her blonde friend opens the door, looking at me with distrust. She steps outside, leaving the door slightly open behind her. "You better make this right."

I nod, unable to fully focus on the girl in front of me. My eyes keep shifting to the dorm, where I can feel my mate. It takes a lot of control not to push Violet's friend away and go inside.

She seems to notice my predicament, thankfully choosing to step aside. "Go, I'll take my wolf for a run."

"Thank you," I say, rushing toward the room.

She's already looking in my direction when I open the door. Her long red hair framing her beautiful freckled face, baby blue eyes staring at me as I close the door behind me.

"Little Knight." I greet my mate, her beauty making my heart double the speed it beats in my chest. Fuck. This girl makes me feel like a fifteen-year-old loser with a crush.

She nods. "Aiden."

"I hope you're feeling better," I tell her, awkwardly standing in front of the bed, where she is sitting. 

"I am, thank you...." Her voice is soft and somewhat uncertain.

I'm not too fond of this uneasiness between us.

"Little knight." I start. "I know it's a lot to ask, but before we talk about how much I fucked everything up, I need something from you."

"What?" She asks, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

I smile sheepishly. "My wolf needs me to hug you right now."

Her eyes widen and her body posture seems reluctant, but I notice the left corner of her lip slightly lifting in what could be a half-smile.

"Your wolf?" She teases.

"Yes, my wolf." I insist. "He's just another one of my victims. And could really use a hug from you."

Violet snorts, making the most adorable sound I have ever heard.

"Fine."

I give her a huge smile and open my arms as she stands up and steps between them. I hold her tight, one arm resting on her lower back and the other closer to her shoulders. She's small and delicate against me, making my protective instincts flare-up.

I would never let anyone hurt her again.

Not even me.

For the first time since I first found out about her, I allow myself to feel the joy of having my true mate.

And fuck me, it feels glorious.