Chapter 44

Yet again I woke with pounding pain in my head, as usual my mind worked all night in a loop on situations related to seeing living room, the chaos created by my friends, especially with Ketty plus Eric's outburst and what I am doing in there is that getting stuck in them plus listening to them over and over again that too without any stop. However ignoring all this I get up from the bed, start performing my daily and in around forty minutes, I leave the house off course not before picking up my hanky which had my poor wasted cookies.

Once I am outside the house, I move in the direction of the park. There I unknotted the hanky, took cookies out then break them in a little bit small pieces for squirrels, though I know they can eat cookies as it as but little bit small pieces may help them to eat easily. A soon as I finished breaking them, I take two back steps then one squirrel come and start eating cookies. Seeing them eating, a thought come to my mind,

"Sometimes she flaunts...

sometimes she hops...

sometimes she is bubbly...

sometimes she is truculent...

no matter how many words I use for her, everything will be meaningless because she has been created by god which such a patience that whenever I look at her, I just keep on admiring her."

And with these thoughts I call the cab, while the cab is coming I look at two squirrel who are sitting near the cookies and eating the food patiently so, I click their photos from my phone. After sometime cab come and I leave for the school. I reach school around eight fifteen, though practice is happening but I skip it today because I am not in mood to attend it as all I need is to sleep that too a peaceful one. However I am a bit contended as well as peaceful too because of seeing those squirrels eating cookies, nature and animals make me feel relax.

Soon I reach to the park because today I just want to relax and study, if I go to canteen, class or the library then it would definitely make me feel more awkward and stressful because any of the place I am definitely going to find any of my friends or Erik. So, this park is my only escape right now and except Vicz I guess no one is aware of my this place. After getting relax and comfortable, I take out the book which I am going to read for my exam and start reading it. However, it may have passed an hour or so, I heard Erik voice calling my name,

Erik: (Faint voice) Siya!

After listening to him, I turn towards the direction of the voice to look at him more clearly, I have to crane my neck up and here when I look at him I got surprised because his looks are like, disheveled hair, panting heavily and the emotions which his face and eyes are showing mix of worry, anger, tiredness plus something else to, which I am unable to name. However, suddenly he crouch down to at my front, this sudden reaction from his side force me to move back a little in the sitting position only and I found my self getting stiff as well as alerted at the same time only.

While doing so, I see into his eyes for a second or so and they held the emotions of hurt as well as surprised. Though I couldn't focus on his eyes because I start focusing on my mind which is telling me "bro!! run away what if he hurt or slap you, shit too much closeness making me feel suffocated." However, soon my inner battle get a stop when he initiated the conversation,

Erik: (Sitting in front of of me but maintaining a safe distance. Yelling) where the hell were you? I was searching you in the whole school but you just go missing, I tried to call you too but you didn't even picket it up. What are you mad of something how could you do this, you are so selfish.

Siya: (Flinch after listening to his voice and his one word selfish it reminds me of my father saying when he slapped me. So, what I say next come out merely as a whisper with a bit of stammer) Umm I... I j..just wa..nt to study in si..silence so, phone was on vibration. I am sorry.

Erik: (Take a deep breath) I am sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you but I got sick worried because I was unable to find you anywhere and when I saw you here sitting peacefully, it angered me.

Siya: (His voice as well as my father and Aunt voice I keep on hearing them like an echo. Whisper) Okay.

After saying this I look down where my book is lying on the grass so, just to avoid any more talks I pretended to reading it again, though all of these voices keep echoing in my mind. However, I think that my idea works because when I look up my head for a second or so then I see him doing something in his phone. After an hour probably, park started filling in and voices in my head also get muffled a bit too. Soon I heard my name from the entry of the park, when I look in the direction of the voice then there I found Vicz is walking in my direction.

Though, she has genuine smile on her face while looking at me but when she look at Erik direction, she has that tight lip smile. Seeing Vicz there, Erik stand up suddenly try to leave the area but not before bending down to my eye level saying that,

Erik: (Demanding tone and sternly but in low voice so that only I could hear it) I will see you later and do keep your phone on ring so, this time you won't miss my call and do it now.

Siya: (Flinch back again and whispered) Hmmm

With this he left the area and his place is soon taken by Vicz, though she sit just beside me. After getting relax she initiated the conversation,

Vicz: Hey just take some deep breaths and relax yourself, your heart beating like crazy and even I can feel it. First look at me (she use her hand to make me look at her) now take deep breaths with me 1...2...3 and now look up at the sky (she make me look at the school by holding my cheeks).

Once when I finally got relaxed, with a grateful smile I look at her but I am curious to know how does she come to know what I am feeling. And like always she understood about my curiosity because she not only smiled brightly looking at me but also she has that knowing look in her eyes which I guess, she know what I am thinking.

Vicz: (Looking at the direction where few great egrets roaming here and there) Umm I have seen how it looks like when panic arises because I have seen someone close to me suffering from it, I am absolutely sure you were unable to recognize the signs as you were the part of it but what I see is, your heart is beating quite fast, unknowingly flicking pen rapidly may be for some escape plus you were sweating profusely and lastly you look pale, scared as shit and sweating too.

Siya: (I followed her direction of the eyes and looking those beautiful creature, it created automatic smile on my face) Ohhh Thank you, this really mean a lot to me. You know its rare to have someone who take care of you without any personal gain or without in any condition.

Vicz: (Looking at me with mischievous look in her eyes) Who said I won't be having some personal gain or any conditions I too have it. Umm (Taking time in thinking something) I would be needing your time as well as your friendship for lifetime.

Siya: (Looking at her and chuckling) Deal you have my words.

Vicz: Cool. Now I am going to say or rather I want to ask something serious as well as personal.

Siya: Okay.

Vicz: Look I know usually person panics because of fear which can be caused because of past incidence or something related traumatic event. I don't know what's going on in your life plus I am not going to ask you about that, but about one thing I am definitely sure which is, something is not right happening in your life. If its okay with you, please share it with me because sharing problems sometimes make us feel relax.

Siya: (Thinking for sometime) Umm the guy you see sitting here sometime before is Erik, when I first saw him, I saw some kind of pain in his eyes so, at that time I decided to make him smile or laugh more. Though initially things were quite good but soon things start to change, I mean from the start I wasn't comfortable with his touch plus his dominated nature is tiring too. Soon I start feeling suffocated.

Vicz: (Nodding her head in understanding) See, I am not going to judge you but I would say just be careful okay? Being so good, kind hearted, or humble never means that we should sacrifice ourselves for others okay?

Siya: Okay.

Vicz: Lets leave all this aside, we shall study now because in less then two week our exams would be happening.

With we both started studying but not before turning my into ring mode so, that I don't have to face Erik's outburst again. However, we got busy in studying, sometimes we do it combine and sometimes we do it separately, we may have studied for two hours as we both started feeling hungry so, we go to the nearby shake shop where we usually drink our favorite shakes. As usual we ordered our favorite banana shakes, while drinking it we talked about her family plus how boring exams really.

After twenty minutes or so, we come back to park but before we could sit there, Vicz got call from one of her friend so she go inside the school and I found another free spot under a tree so, I got my self settled there. In a minute or so my phone started ringing so I pick up the call,

Erik: Hey, where are you?

Siya: (rolling my eyes, can't he just get lost) Still in the park and... (some of his habits will never change)

Erik: I am coming in three minutes.

Siya: Okay.

He come here in exactly three minute and just standing in front of me panting hard, I raised eyebrows to ask what happened but he just raised his right hand palm at me and this action told me told to wait. In less then five minutes I guess, when he got normal he settled himself in front of me maintaining the safe distance and I am glad for this. However, soon he initiated the conversation,

Erik: Hey, I came running to you because I want to share something with you.

Siya: (His this sentence actually fill curiosity in me because he talk rarely and that to when it comes to especially in share something. But I just keep my face neutral outside) Ohh yeah say.

Erik: (Suddenly become excited and smirking) Yesterday, I had sex with my neighbor plus we smoke joint together too after that. And the sex was just.....

Siya: (He is such a mood spoiler, except this topic he don't have anything to talk or share. I tried to smile genuinely and show some extra excitement) Wow that's nice but let just be private, I mean no need to discuss it publically.

Erik: (Laughed out loud) How can you get so much shy, I mean its something related to pleasure only. If you are not able to hear it out then how would you do it no future, sometimes I really think to arrange a boy for you.

Siya: (Got angry after listening but controlled it and smiled extra sweetly) No need to find any boy for me because, I want to save it for once I have my soul mate and marriage is done.

(Inside of my mind, who the hell is he to comment on such private topic and whatever I do its not his business. And what is this, who the think is he to get me boy, O common having sex or getting physical with someone it not just something for pleasure rather it is for soul connection, the definition of love. Lastly, its the private and most intimate moment that should remain between those who do that only. Such a jerk he is!!)

Erik: (Getting angry and with gritted teeth) O please! marriage and soul partner is for looser and family is also waste of time.

Siya: (Mentally face palming) Umm I am sorry I forgot what those things meant to you but leave all this, we should study for exam.

I just said that line looking at my lap but not getting reply from his side, I look up to look into his eyes to know what's the matter but I got confused because his is not looking me rather he is looking at my back with frown settled on his face. Hence, I tuned to see who is behind me and here I see Ketty and Zoe walking in my direction. I can see Ketty is not looking up at me but Zoe looking at me with a smile on her face so, in return I smiled at her. Though seeing Ketty anger start building inside me because of her stupid mouth I have to face humiliation more often, soon they both are standing in front of us and seeing this Erik body goes stiff plus his frown got more deep.

A silly thought come to my mind "My life has become daily soap type, such types of friends plus weird family members make me feel like I am working in any kind of Indian show" and a light chuckle left from me on this thought of mine. However, I guess chuckling at this time gain me some curious attention by these three people and I just sit straight and with sincere face I asked both of them to sit.

Siya: So, tell me now what happen Zoe?

Ketty: (Looking at her lap only, whispered) Umm I seriously no hand in yesterday scene and I don't know how they come to know. Though I did wrong before that time to wrongly label your friendship with him in the filed, please give me another chance Siya.

Siya: (Calmly) Remember I told you one day that, I can get angry, frustrated or irritated from you but I won't hate you? You just hurt me deeply, I just need time to heal my self okay?

Ketty: (Finally look at me and relaxed a bit) Okay sure, I am going to wait for you.

Siya: Cool

Zoe: (Smiling) Thank God you guys talked it down because I am getting worried as I want you two back to be friends like before.

And listening to this we both smiled looking at Zoe, however, soon we start with our group study but least focused among us is Erik only because rather than studying he kept playing game on his phone that too with a deep frown on his face. I choose to ignore him because this is not new from his side as whenever my friend are nearby he is just like that only, soon I receive a message from Erik which broke my train of thoughts,

Message Conversation (....)

Erik: How can you be so innocent, fool and stupid?

Siya: Now what I have done?

Erik: Your friend made a sad face, ask you to forgive her and you forgive her. She just emotionally black mailed you and you fall in her trap so easily.

Siya: I think you didn't listen my words carefully because I just told her that, I will be taking some time.

Erik: Yeah whatever.

Message Conversation Ended (....)

I keep the phone back in my mind and start thinking "What is his actual problem, I mean they are my friends so whatever I do with them is completely my decision and even if I am forgiving Ketty this doesn't mean that I am going to trust her again but I will try to keep a safe friendship from her." However soon I star focusing on my study, after all I have to pass the exam and thinking about these things won't going to help in that.

After 1 month....

Finally exams get over, I am feeling free because after all I won't I have to study so much for six months and just have to do home works or assignments. These exams are so much exhausting so, today after reaching I am going to sleep like baby and keeping these thoughts in my mind I start moving towards gate. As I reach to the gate I come face to face with Ketty and Zoe, in this whole month we just studied together and not even for once we talked about past incidence. However, Ketty just hug me tight first and whisper something in my ear,

Ketty: I hope now you have forgave me?

In response to this sentence I just hug her back and nod my head, seeing this Zoe hug both of us with a bright smile and later we share group hug properly. After some minutes we broke the hug, leave for our home, I choose to walk for some distance where I can have a cup of hot chocolate before leaving for the home. Once I got inside the coffee house, which is near to our school, I ordered my hot chocolate then I took a near by window seat and start drinking it. While doing this I thought about how surprisingly this whole month passed peacefully.

I realized that in this whole month, not even a small scene is created, though we all (Erik, Ketty and Zoe) share some cold war moments but eventually we get pass through it and even at home to when I told the family about the exam then, they also not created any chaos scene. However. this type of peacefulness giving me a feeling like as if "its the peace which occurs before the storm." Though, I just shake my head to stop my self from thinking so much negative, soon my drink got finished so, I book my cab leave for my home.

I reached home in nearly two because of evening traffic, once I get in my room I got fresh and go to have my dinner early and after having my dinner I relaxed sometime by listening to music. Lately, I called it a night because of all the exhaustion.