Chapter 54 Once Vulnerable, Things Hurt... At Best

Life is all about changes but what if these changes start making your life living hell? Change is constant but are they, always for good? What actually changes in ones' life? - in answer to this question

"I always thought that, except people everything can be changed but what actually changed are the things, which you will experience only when you will have a complete break down. Your lowest point in your life, would be the phase where you will see what actually changed".

Just like these three months passed away, me being getting drown in the morass. Though, I raised my hands, as well as I shout for the help but no one heard it. However in these past three months many things got change for worse and people also changed but what remain permanent, are the things which I always hold dear to me.

As these months goes by, changes go on side by side but I also learned many things. For instance, I learned that people has the tendency to change and it is going to happen when you usually feel upset or sad in your life. I think its like, our vulnerability give other people chances to show their true colors, in front of us. In reference to this I remember the incidents that happened in these past months,

"The way I am getting treated in my home with all of my family members, parents and close relatives, they keep throwing their taunts plus insults at me. Though I tired to ignore it many times but some little of it keep getting store in my mind, this keep on forcing me to doubt myself and keep blaming myself for every thing that ever wrong happened, even though I am not at fault."

Some words like,

failure

irresponsible

weak

trust breaker

selfish

usually play in my mind like a tape recorder, and somewhere I started believing in them.

Another thing which I learned, good people in your life are meant to leave you because god usually has better plans for them and he also wanted to make you suffer because, mean or bad people hurt you at best when you are vulnerable plus all alone in your life without your loved ones.

(Note - Here I am not trying to say anything against the god or trying to provoke/trigger anyone's emotions here. I am just trying to show what a person start thinking when s/he start loosing their hopes for anything positive to happen.)

***********

However, keeping aside the past lets focus on present now so, today I am getting ready in my room as I have to go and attend dinner at Vicz house with my parents. Actually, last week she came to my home with the invitation of her marriage plus other rituals too, though, I told her I won't be able to attend and same goes for my family because of exams which is side by side with these rituals.

As soon as I finish up getting ready, I go towards the house exist where the shoe cabinet is and then I pick up my basic converse shoes because I know how simple, down to earth plus lower middle class family is. Once I got fully dressed including shoes, I sat on the near by bench and wait for my parents.

After five minutes or more my parents come, dressed up like they are going to attend some marriage as they are wearing glittery dresses and seeing them I sighed frustrated as I told them to wear something simple but what they said,

"you are small in age so, stay small. There is no need to teach us, Okay. We will wear what we like and usually in such type of parties we should dress up, with good clothes. Not like you, who doesn't have a basic dressing sense."

Without looking back at them, I start walking outside and they followed me. We all three go and sit inside our car, me at the back and they both at the front, once we got settled down father drive the car towards Vicz's home.

In around an hour we are closed to her house, at this moment both of their eyes got open wide and their faced expressions showing that, they are hell surprised to see the locality and I start smirking because now they would realize why I was saying to dress simple. However, as soon as I see mother turning from her seat to look at me, I tried my best look serious, confused and innocent.

Mother: Does your friend lives in this kind of locality?

Siya: Yeah, why what happened?

Mother: (Looking at my father) No nothing happened.

Father: (Look at the car back mirror and when our eyes met he took a deep sigh, then he start looking at the front again, focusing on the road)

I take out my phone, do a text to Vicz saying "we will be there in five to eight minutes, can you send your brother outside"? Shortly, after two to three minutes I see his brother standing outside their house so, I told father to wait as Vicz's brother will help us in the parking and to this my father stop the car at the side of the road.

After seeing his brother, I open the car gate and wave at him. He look at me, wave back with a wide smile on his face and then he run where I am. As soon as he reached close to me, father roll down the windows of the driver seat and after greetings, he helped the car to get park. Once the car parked both of my parents come out from the car, then Vicz's brother excitedly shake hands with father and say hello to my mother.

We followed him inside, though I know the way but whenever I move fast in front of my parents then they start taunting me saying,

"can't you walk slow more like, girls do with grace, this is not your home. Try to be bit responsible, at least maintain the respect of your family"

but who will tell them that this place plus people are like a family to me not by blood but a relation which I formed with a heart connection. And I am not going to explain them because, I know they won't agree to my words or beliefs plus they won't be accepting this relation.

As we enter inside the house, Vicz come at front to greet us. However, she smile, when she looks at me but when her eyes move behind me then I can see embarrassment in her eyes, though, it was for ten to twenty seconds but she recovered her self from that very quickly. I turned to look at my parents, I can see guilty, surprised expressions on their faces as well as in their eyes and now this is the main reason why I asked them to wear simple clothes because,

"as you can understand Vicz and me don't share same financial background, so, wearing simple dresses like her or her family. Then they won't be feeling insecure or embarrass in our presence."

My trance break down by Vicz voice,

Vicz: (Clearing her throat) Umm He.. Hello Uncle and Aunty.

Father & Mother: Hello Dear

Vicz: Come I will get you introduce with my family.

After saying this, she start moving inside the house and surprisingly for today all the dinner is set at the ground floor. However, she soon reach in the living room where all of her family members are seated wearing casuals and here I am matching with them but I keep stealing glances of my parents, who are feeling quite embarrassed plus uncomfortable. It just not only them who are feeling these emotions as Vicz's family feeling same too I guess.

Once we get settled on seats father excuse himself, saying he has to attend a call. Here, Vicz' mother initiated the conversation with my mother and to be honest hearing my mother replies to it, I want to laugh because how boldly she lied,

Vicz's M: You have such a great and proud daughter, you are blessed I guess to have such a daughter.

Mother: O yeah she is such a wonderful daughter, I am really proud of her.

(Inside Mind: I am like, seriously you are proud of me here? But at home you are the one saying I am liar, disrespectful and I am a disappointment to you... huhh just wow what a wonderful liar she being is now.)

Before, anyone could us do or talk about anything, father comes in and go close to my mother, then he bend down and said something in her ear, which makes her face express disappointment one. As their secret conversation got over, she also stand up and initiated the conversation,

Mother: I am sorry to say but we have to leave as, Siya's father has some important thing to do, which can't be ignored. Common Siya get up we need to go.

Siya: But mother...

Father: (With stern face) Just listen to what your mother is saying.

Siya: (Getting up) Okay

Vicz's M: But dinner is still pending.

Mother: I am sorry but the work is serious we can't ignore it and don't worry about dinner, we will have it at home.

After saying this Vicz and her mother get up from their seat also, together they followed three of us outside. When we react at the gate we bid our good byes to each other, though I wanted to stay here but I know, they won't let me stay. Hence, without saying I got in the car with earphones plugged in, then I closed my eyes because I want to relax my self. Soon my parents also get in the car and we start moving in direction of our house.

We drove for fifteen minutes probably that too in complete silence, but soon both of them start talking so, I stopped my music but keep my eyes close only. Here, as I listen to their conversation which is full of nonsense issues and a bit disgusted one,

Father: What kind of friends she has, I mean look at the locality in which they are living in and who wear casuals for family dinner?

Mother: Yeah it was a different experience for us but I think friendship is done by heart.

Father: O please I was feeling so uncomfortable plus out of the place.

Mother: (After thinking for sometime) And the color of all the family members including her friend is so dusky and see our daughter color is so white, her friend and she are not even same with color combination.

Father: So true

Mother: You don't have any important work to do right?

Father: Yeah. As I was talking on the phone outside, I saw how the food was getting cooked in the open and knowing our immunity level is not so good. This I especially do for my daughter who has the tendency to fall ill easily.

Mother: Ohhh Okay.

Father: Sometimes we parents do many things for our children's benefit but they just have to turn out to be selfish, irresponsible, arrogant, egoistic and trust beakers. But then also we are taking care of them.

Mother: Yeah

After this both of them sit in silence for the whole drive but here me and my mind initiated our own conversation,

Mind: Hey bro what is this I didn't knew that when we have to make friends such types of conditions applied?

Me: Same here bro. In fact I always thought friendship is one of the relation where, we follow our heart and not some rule book.

Mind: Why they were talking about financial condition, locality and body color, I mean these are the things no child can choose and if we talk about family, this is also something a child cannot choose by themselves.

Me: Exactly and when your own coin is fake then why to complain about it to others?

Mind: Yeah right and how many times I have to told you not to use such phrases and stop reading philosophy books. As I don't understand your such words, huhhh.

Me: (Smiling) I love to tease you bro!!

Just like these I reached home in an hour plus thirty minutes more and before I could enter in my room, I heard my mother saying,

Mother: Be back in kitchen for the dinner, after changing your clothes.

Without saying anything I go inside the room, I start changing clothes and getting fresh. Honestly, I don't want to go and eat the dinner because I know it would be tomato soup and bread which I hate to eat but I don't have choice I guess. After ten minutes approximately, I am now at the dinning table with my parents and I am first drinking this stupid soup and then I will eat bread with lots of butter on it because that is actually eatable for me.

Once the dinner got over, that too in silence which is quite surprising. However, I pick the water bottle and leave for my room, as I enter in the room I lock the door then look at the time in my phone which is, ten in the night. Hence, I pick my psychology book and start reading it for exams, around twelve in the night I called it a night.