Chapter 4: We Need To Talk

"When one runs with the wolves, one must howl with the pack."

~Leon Trotsky

Emerson

How do you know when you are in love with someone?

Is it when you realize your heart beats faster when they are around? Not because you are nervous, but because their very presence excites your soul? When the scent on their clothes gives you a sense of home, and makes you feel wrapped up in a ball of comfort? When you can't imagine life without them? When you begin to ponder how you ever managed to live without them. Could you even consider "before them" living?

Love is certainly a strange thing. Society has constructed this notion of love as merely two people who care for one another, but it surely runs deeper than that, right? Sometimes, even over-construing two people in love as soulmates. Do soulmates really exist? Is it possible to share your soul with someone else? Know what they are feeling every waking moment of every day? Understand them in ways people around you couldn't even begin to interpret. Understand them more than you understand yourself. Is that possible?

Then comes the inevitable and doubt-inducing question—How do you know it's love? There's a phrase people use when newly weds are so captivated with one another and live as if they are in their own little bubble—just the two of them. Puppy love, or the honeymoon phase. It's as if someone hit the rewind button on their lives, and brought them back to the moment when they realized they wanted to spend an eternity with the other. When they thought—This is the only person for me. Forget everyone else. Forget all the responsibilities and the world around us—the only thing I want to do is love you right now. Platonic love. Early love. Love that never lasts.

Just five minutes earlier...

I peek my eyes open slightly to determine why my body feels like it is being tossed around like the ornaments in a snow globe. I immediately find the source to be a hand shaking me awake from my peaceful slumber. I am far from being a morning person. If I had it my way I would sleep for hours without end and never leave the comforts that my bed has to offer. I snuggle deeper into the pillows closing my eyes again once more, burying my head into the sheets, desperately trying to ignore the hand rattling me. The hand is warm and familiar—it is River's.

Finally I decide to wake up and am met with his cloudy grey eyes. The kind of eyes that others may find mundane, but that I find utterly captivating. Because they are his. When you get so lost in their eyes that you could almost drown in them. But it's a good kind of drowning—the kind that makes you want to dive in deeper, and leave the surface behind.

I scan his features like I do every morning, eyes falling to the cute dimple beside his mouth, making me smile. My eyes meet his own again, and they hold a smile of their own. Or is it when you have every part of their body memorized, and the image never gets old? It excites you, making you feel as if you are feasting your eyes on them for the very first time.

"Good morning." I mumble sleepily, before planting a kiss on his cheek. Just when I'm about to pull away, he takes a hold of my chin with his finger, and tilts my head up to capture his lips instead. I smile in to the kiss, loving how eager he is so early in the morning. Usually I am the one to kiss him first, so whenever he takes the lead I am surprised but feel mirthful all over, joy rushing through my veins like it always does when I kiss him. He is the first to pull back.

"We've got to get ready for school." He chuckles at me, wagging a finger in front of my lips in an attempt to tease me. I lean forward and bite the air close to his finger. He quickly pulls his finger back, then rolls his eyes at me.

"Blake is right, you are unbearable." He says, without a hint of disdain in his voice.

"But you love it." I retorted, and I observe his reaction as well, wanting to see how he feels about the word "love." He obviously takes it as a joke when he looks down and shakes his head with a slight blush on his cheeks, before getting off the bed and walking in to the bathroom connected to my bedroom.

Just then he peeks his head out from the doorway with a small smile on his face. "Are you out of bed yet, I'm about to take a shower?"

"Are you up for saving some water? We can take one together..." I say suggestively, knowing how timid he gets about that sort of thing, and finding his reactions to them so amusing.

His cheeks flash red, resembling a ripe tomato. He bites his lip in thought, before a cheeky grin replaces his smile and he nods. I jump out of bed at that response, suddenly eager to wake up now.

Let's just say we did not make it to school on time that morning.

***

Ro

My head is pounding so hard, I feel like my skull may split open. My ears are ringing and my throat feels so raspy I doubt my voice would sound pleasant if I decided to talk. My mouth is dry, and my throat needs liquid nourishment ASAP. Preferably water. With a side of aspirin.

I open my eyes to see red cups scattered across the floor, and a puddle of throw up next to me which is probably mine. Probably. Not feeling confident enough to claim it as mine, I scoot away from the puddle gagging a bit. My hair is tangled and messy, and I wonder who raked their fingers through it the previous night since it is usually well kept. Who had I even come with? My mind is hazy, and I can't formulate any details of the last few hours.

My eyes graze around the room, looking for some sort of explanation as to where I am, and what day of the week it is because I honestly have no clue. My eyes stop at a particular man who is currently passed out on a leather chair. He looks about middle age with a sort of rugged look that is kind of sexy. As my eyes take in his features, fragments of last night start to come back to me.

He had paid me to accompany him to his friend's launch party for some random app. I look down to see myself in a tight red dress that hugs all the right places, and showcases my curvy figure. The dress has a plunge neckline that is embellished with lace. By the beautiful looks of it, the man—whose name I can't recall—had bought the dress for me because there is no way in hell I could ever afford this. There is also no way I am going to give it back.

A devilish smirk works its way on to my face as I run my hands down the soft fabric, loving the way it cools my fingers, and feels so luscious against my skin. I walk over to Mr. No Name and pull his wallet out from his suit jacket. He was going to pay me once we had reached the hotel, but it was clear that never happened. I pull out two hundred dollar bills, tempted to grab some more because God knows I need it, but I know in my heart that is wrong. Sighing, I put the wallet back where it belongs. At least I get to keep the dress.

After fifteen minutes of making wrong turns and peeking through long, dark corridors, I finally find the door that leads outside. Damn rich people, with their unnecessarily ostentatious houses. Why have so many rooms that are never going be used? To boast in the faces of poor people like me who could use one? I bet they have an indoor movie theatre. I look back at the house tempted to go and confirm my suspicions, before I shake my head, coming back to my senses.

I go out to the man's car—a black Mustang—and open up the trunk. Inside is a change of clothes, that I usually bring on trips like this and a bottle of aspirin. I take two out of the bottle and swallow them with water. Then I look around for somewhere to change before settling on a pair of green bushes, that look well taken care of. I jog to the bushes, and started to quickly undress and change into my school clothes. I am wearing over the knees black boots (with a heel of course) with a black and red shirtdress that I add a cute black belt to. I take out a brush and started running it through my chestnut locks, trying to make myself look presentable. To finish off the look I add my signature red lipstick with some other makeup as well. I then take out my phone from the bag. I usually carry it with me in case of emergencies but I forgot it this time. I check the time and I have twenty minutes before school starts. Oh my God, twenty minutes?! I am half way across town right now, I'll never get there in time. Plus the house is secluded around woods, there is a trail, but a taxi wouldn't come near here.

I sigh digging into my bag for the pair of sneakers I always carry around. I'm a pretty prepared person. I switch out my boots for a pair of sneakers. I'll miss you, I whisper to them as I stuff them into the bag. I'm a little bit crazy. At least that is what my friends tell me. But you could never be crazy for fashion—that's simply impossible. Also, bitches hate me because I'm fabulous.

I can already feel my headache start to clear, and the ground becoming still again. I look up at the trees all around me. I'm going to have to run if I even want to make it there before first period ends, and even then I will still be late. Ugh, I'm totally going to get detention. I take one last look at the grand mansion, before making my way to the trail through the woods. It is a dirt path that is kind of twisty. It has huge rows of trees bordering either side of it, with fallen leaves littering the ground. Red, brown, orange, and yellow. The perfect autumn atmosphere. The sun peaks through the trees, and the sounds of birds chirping echo throughout the air. It is a sunny day, and I smile to myself loving the scenery around me. I take a second to breathe it all in, before bouncing on my toes, and leaning forward into a run.

My pace is quite slow at first as I try to avoid stepping on the scattered twigs or tripping on the broken branches that fell from the trees. After a couple of minutes, I start to pick up my speed. Then I go a little faster. I feel the wind rush through my hair, and through my dress blowing it all around. I felt the sun beat down on me as I run, fueling a new energy inside of me. I listen to the murmurs of the forest as various animals start to pop out of their silent nooks wondering what force is rustling the calm leaves all of a sudden.

It is me. I am moving as fast as a bullet train, sometimes not even feeling my feet hit the ground with each stride. It is almost as if I am walking through air. The wind breezes through me, almost sweeping me off my feet. I hear the whooshing of the wind in my ear, and a part of me believes the forest is telling me secrets that only I can hear. As I pass through each part of the trees and keep on the same path, I look around at the wildlife and the insects, and the fauna. They are out of my vision in a split second since I keep moving so quickly, but seeing them is peculiar because I am viewing them in a different light. With a newfound curiosity.

Soon enough I reach the edge of the woods. I look back at all the trees and the plants with a sort of awe. My heart is pounding against my chest, and my hands are shaking. That was exhilarating! I calm myself down enough to look at my watch. I have fifteen minutes left. Wait, that's not possible. I did not just run through an entire forest in five minutes without a scratch. I look around me, left and right, trying to see if anyone caught what I just did and had some form of an explanation. But there is no one in sight. What the hell is going on?

***

Emerson

I sigh as I park my car in the student parking lot of the school. I take the keys out of the ignition, and put them in the pocket of my varsity tennis jacket. I am the captain of our school's team and our team is well on its way to making the all nationals competition this season. All thanks to me. I don't like to boast, but I feel immense pride when thinking about the success our team has had over the past years, and I'm glad I've played such a huge role in that.

"I don't want to go in." I say, sighing dramatically. Unlike me, River actually enjoys school. He loves soaking up new information, and being challenged on a daily basis with rigorous courses and topics. Blake and River are top of the class. But Blake is just naturally smart. While River studies a lot for his good grades, Blake can waltz into an exam and get an A no problem, without studying. River and I despise her for it. She doesn't even have to try, it's so unfair.

River rolls his eyes, it's the same routine every morning. I complain that I don't want to go into the school, and he somehow convinces me to go inside. "We have to, Emerson. Think about all the new stuff we'll learn today!" He says with a cheerful grin and an elaborative hand gesture.

I raise an eyebrow. "Was that supposed to make me want to go in? Because if so, that was terrible."

"Why did fate set me up with a literal child?" He says, without a hint of disdain in his voice.

"Fate, huh? You think we were made to be with each other?"

River's cheeks quickly flush red. "Stop making me blush!" He mumbles.

"But you love it." I say with a playful wink, while also observing how he reacts to the word "love." He obviously takes it as a joke when he shakes his head in amusement and tries to stifle in a laugh, but fails.

"How about if you come inside, I'll give you a kiss..." He says teasingly, trying to gain the upper hand once more.

"But you kiss me anyways." I say, in a tone that implies that what he's saying is already obvious.

He slumps his shoulders and feigns a sad expression. "You're right."

I lean in forwards to kiss him, and at the last second he backs away and opens the car door, jumping out of it. "You've got to come inside or no kisses for you!"

I deadpan. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, yes I am." And with that, he starts walking towards the double doers of the entrance without me. He can't be serious, can he? Not wanting to risk it, I quickly get out of my car and run to catch up with him.

"Tiger!" I call out after him, but he pretends not to hear me as he struts towards the doors. As the double doors of the main entrance come in to sight, I let go of River's hand to open them. I open the door like the gentlemen I am, and allow him to step through first. He shoots me a small smile as he walks through the doors to hell, with me following closely behind.

It isn't that I hate school per se. I just hate that the entire institution bases your self worth on how well you perform on exams. Someone's intelligence shouldn't be determined by how high their test scores are. But that's what school makes us kids believe. I wouldn't be passing any of my classes if it weren't for River and Blake. They are two of the smartest people I know, but they are humble about it which I really appreciate. They don't rub it in my face when I don't understand a question, or complain when I ask for help. They are the two best people in my life.

My eyes scan the hallways taking in the rustling atmosphere of students moving around everywhere. Most of the eyes in the hallway turn to me, eyes darting between River and I. There have been rumors floating around that him and I are a couple but I have yet to confirm them. One look into all of their judgmental eyes, and my fears only grow. My hand suddenly feels cold, and I want so badly to grab River's hand as he whispers to me that everything will be all right. But I can't.

River's ready for us to come out as a couple. In fact, he's already outed himself as gay to the entire school. He is proud of who he is. He may not be the flashiest person, or the most confident, but he told me he had to stay true to himself. If only I had the courage to do the same. He doesn't want to live in constant fear, with a weight on his chest. Yet, he hasn't pressured me to come out. On the contrary, he keeps reassuring me that it's okay to take my time—given the situation with my parents and all. But I can't help but wonder if that's why he hasn't said the "L word" yet. Because he doesn't think I'm committed to the relationship. Even worse, he doesn't think I am committed to him. He deserves someone much better than me.

He tilts his head to look at me and graces me with that cute smile of his, the one which brings out his dimple that I love so much. He tugs on my shirt to urge me to keep moving, but my feet are momentarily frozen to the ground and my mind is racing with thoughts about River leaving me if I don't come out soon. But I don't know if I can. A few seconds later, my feet start to move and I'm following River down the hall once more. Our hands swing side by side, brushing each other occasionally so I can feel that familiar spark, but never holding each other fully.

Suddenly my name being shouted from across the hall breaks me out of my consumptive thoughts. It is Kyle, captain of our school's swim team. The tennis team and the swim team are the two teams in the school that receive the most funding, since we are the most successful. Other sports teams despise us because they have to reuse old uniforms year after year, while ours are continuously replaced. They also have to use old and broken equipment, while ours are the most updated models. I do feel bad sometimes, but I won't lie and say I don't appreciate the extra support we get from the school. He is with his girlfriend Zoey. She has a pink flower in her blonde hair, which happens to match the rest of her cute pink outfit. She's always campaigning about saving the environment around the school. She got recycling bins put in the cafeteria after her outburst about students throwing water bottles and soda cans in the garbage. She's also done a lot of other stuff to try and encourage others to be eco-friendly.

"Hey man, I heard about your game tonight. If you win this one, the team goes to all nationals right?" He asked, his eyes looking River up and down before meeting mine once more.

"Yeah I'm super psyched about it. The boys planning on coming?" Since our two teams are pretty esteemed by the student body, we often go to each other's games to support one another. Our teams are pretty much close friends.

"We wouldn't miss it." He said, before turning towards his girlfriend and snaking his arm around her waist. "Let's go babe." He looks down at her lovingly with a hint of something else that I can't quite figure out.

She smiles a friendly smile at both River and I before saying, "Good luck tonight, I know you'll do great!" Her voice is sweet and genuine and I can't help but smile along with River. She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder and that's when I feel another shock. It isn't as strong as the one between Blake and I, but it is enough to send an entire jolt of electricity through my body. By the solemn change in her expression, I can tell she felt it too. Before either of us get the chance to say anything, Kyle pulls her away by the waist down the hall.

What the fuck is happening to me?

******

I think I might be going crazy. Yeah, that's it. But the twist is everyone around me is too. Or they are somehow playing along. Because this cannot be real life.

It is six o'clock and I have just finished the tennis match. We won, we are going to nationals in a couple of weeks. While I should be ecstatic about that, I'm not. Because today's game was weird. Too weird to ignore. My reflexes were lightening quick. I hit every ball tonight, which I usually do, but the twist is every person I played tonight didn't—unless they were serving. I hit every ball with such force that my opponents didn't see them coming until it was too late, and they missed.

I've never played that good in my life. It was like I had superhero powers, I don't even know. There were even scouts there, that came to talk to me afterwards, but I was too stunned to have proper conversations with them. Most just left me with their cards, and a pat on the back. As everyone is swarming around me and congratulating me I don't even bat an eye. How can I when something huge is happening and I don't know what it is?

I look around the courts for River, but I don't see him. I usually look out for him during the game but I was otherwise preoccupied. I didn't see him in the stands either, he must not have come. My shoulders slump down and my heart becomes heavy. Is this because of what happened earlier?

I walk across the courts to my tennis bag before shoving my hand inside trying to look for my phone. I have to talk to him. When I finally find it, I dial his number, and he picks up after two rings. "Em, I was just going to call you. I'm so sorry I missed your game, something with my grandparents came up." He said frantically, as if scared I wouldn't believe him.

Suddenly feeling very stupid, I release a sigh happy he isn't mad at me. "It's fine, I'm glad you got to see your grandparents. Are they alright?" To be honest I've never met them before so I don't know why he would go there, perhaps they have some medical issues or something. As a matter of fact I've also never met his parents, I realize. I have always just assumed they weren't okay with him being gay and that's why they didn't talk. He's never mentioned them. But family can be complicated, and I should know. We don't get to choose our family, we just get stuck with them from the start—they are a part of you, even if you wish they weren't.

"Yeah, just a minor health scare. They are both okay now." Ah, so I was right. "How did your game go though? Did you win?" He asked excitedly, wanting to know the answer immediately.

"Yes Tiger, we won." I smile into the phone, imagining his face lighting up with happiness for me.

"I'm so proud of you! I can't say I am surprised though, because I knew you'd win. You always do. When I get home we have to celebrate okay?"

"Okay. Be safe I'll see you later." I say, before hanging up. I wish he had been here, but I understand why he wasn't. He did go to all of my games though, so it feels weird not celebrating with him now. I look back towards the courts, thinking about the matches I just played. I need to figure this out, and quick.

***

I close the door of my house before stepping into my room, and tossing my tennis bag somewhere across the room. I hear my parents' TV a couple of rooms away. They never come to any of my games. They used to all the time when I had started playing in middle school. In fact, my dad was the one that got me into the sport in the first place. But that is all over now. They avoid me if they can. And when they can't they try and make civilized conversation with me. All of this stemming from my preference in guys.

I sigh running a hand through my dark brown locks, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. I look across the room to my window to see that the sun has already gone down, being replaced by the moon at its fullest. I can't take my eyes away from it. I stare at it for a few minutes, before the doorbell rings. Is River back so soon?

I walk out of my room, across the living room, before opening the front door. It isn't River, it is Blake. Her black hair is unusually disheveled. Instead of falling against the sides of her face in waves, it is sticking out in every direction. Her silvery eyes are frantic and wide and her usually clear, dark skin has spots of acne everywhere. She looks like a mess.

My natural instinct is to usher her in, and ask her what is wrong then take care of her. But she has ignored me for two days straight now. That is the longest we have ever gone without talking and she owes me an explanation. I wait patiently for her to speak first. Instead, she takes my arm and drags me outside with her before closing the door behind me. "We need to talk."

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What do you think of Emerson and River's relationship? Where do you think "Tiger" comes from? Do you think Emerson loves him? Also, how will the talk with Blake and Emerson go? Thanks for reading this chapter! Please like and comment <3

Stay golden :)

~Fallen Rose🥀