Colorblind

I'm on hour three playing with the grand piano in the small amphitheater Saturday night. As much as I love being able to play my own piano in my own home, there's just something about the acoustics of a grand piano with the top open in a large room like this one. Even more so when you're the only person in the room. It's haunting in all the best ways.

Last night I was able to clear my stash well before Kaden stepped foot into the party with his bandmates, which is exactly what I was hoping for. The moment he stepped foot into the large open living area of the frat house, it was all eyes on him. The low vibration of excitement rolling through the room ticked up immediately as people flocked to his side excitedly. If I didn't know any better I would think the Beatles had just entered, but no. Just Kaden and crew. I rolled my eyes at the idea.

I was irritated when I realized he was carrying a sharpie to sign autographs. At first, I was only annoyed that he was self-important enough to make the effort to make sure he was prepared for autographs. Imagine, then, how vexed I was when I realized that he actually needed the sharpie.

It only took about five minutes for them to be completely surrounded by enthusiastic back slaps from the frat guys before the women came clamoring around them for autographs. I even watched him sign one girl's tits. Classy.

He met my eyes across the room, no doubt reading my annoyance correctly because his grin morphed into something more obnoxious immediately. I took the opportunity to slip out before I gave anything more away. He already knew he had my attention. I didn't even want to entertain how cock-sure he would be if he knew the way that the moisture grew between my thighs at the sight of him.

I had slipped out the side, taking a Lyft home before it got too late. I scheduled the stage for tonight and had no intention of reliving my awful hangover from last weekend, so I tucked myself into bed at a semi-reasonable hour.

I let my fingers caress the ivory lovingly while my mind and fingers found their way through the swarms of songs that were competing for purchase in my mind. I took time with some while moving through others until one song or another would take hold and demand more attention than I had given to the previous songs.

A familiar favorite takes root, and I allow myself to take some extra special time with her, letting the words leave my lips without inhibition, relishing the sound of my voice and the keys as they echoed through the empty theater.

"We only said goodbye with words,

I died a hundred times,

You go back to her

And I go back to…"

This song speaks to me on another level. I know the meaning of the song, but it reminds me of my father's struggles with alcohol so it's always resonated with me on a personal level. I round through the end of the piece and start transitioning into a bridge toward something new when clapping rings through the room, drawing my attention away from the keys for the first time in hours.

I draw my vision toward the back of the amphitheater, letting my eyes settle over Kaden as he strolls down an aisle toward me as though he has every right to be part of my personal moment.

"I had no idea you had pipes like those, Val."

I snap my fingers away from the keys allowing my immediate feeling of ambush to fade. "No, you wouldn't, would you?"

He doesn't acknowledge the melancholy present in my tone, though I'm sure he doesn't miss it, either. Aside from the fact that he often creates a sense of being off-balance within me, he's also caught me at an uncharacteristically vulnerable moment, and for some reason, it doesn't bother me as much as it normally would.

I let my hands drift back toward the keys, choosing to continue their gentle caress until Kaden comes up beside me, sitting on the vacant space to the left of me on the worn piano bench, taking the opportunity to take the lower portion of the keyboard, letting a tune of his own intertwine with mine as though it was meant to be there, flowing effortlessly into something cohesive. It doesn't feel like a piece shoved into a space it doesn't fit, but rather like something that should have always been there.

"Why did you leave the party last night? I didn't even get a chance to talk to you."

I shrug in answer. In truth, I just didn't want a repeat of the situation at Dave's party, but I'm not in the mood to fling poorly veiled threats back and forth.

"What are you doing here, Kaden? I have the space reserved."

He doesn't bristle at the tone. "I'm actually just here to pick up my acoustic guitar. I accidentally left it here yesterday and I need it for a set tonight. I heard the music and was interested to see who was in here. Imagine my surprise when I found you."

I feel my brows draw together in concentration. "Did you not know I was in the music program?"

"Of course, I knew you were in the music program, Vale. I just didn't know that you would be sitting here by yourself playing sad songs on a Saturday evening."

I scoff. "They're not sad, really."

"Hm." The sound is neither an agreement nor a disagreement. Rather it's just an acknowledgment of my statement. I start playing the melody for Colorblind and he effortlessly takes the accompanying lower notes of the song.

"I am color blind,

Coffe black and egg white

Pull me out from inside…"

He joins me, harmonizing the next portion perfectly.

"I am ready, I am ready, I am…"

And so it went, with each of us taking opposing verses and harmonizing where appropriate, effortlessly, as though we had played this song together a million times.

I feel it creeping in, unbidden and unwelcome. A feeling I've fought every other time I've begun to feel it with another individual and I can feel old habits immediately forcing themselves forward in my mind. They tell me to pull back. Not to trust it, this feeling. Not to trust myself, and certainly not to trust Kaden, but right now, just for this one song, I let the warmth creep in.

The comfort of feeling someone so completely on a level that can only be discovered by sharing a song with someone. Music is real, it's honest. It doesn't hide, but rather lays itself bare. And at this moment, I want that. I want to be bare, I want to be bare to him.

But as quickly as it comes, it fades away. The song, as all songs do, slows to a close. He brings his right hand to rest on top of my left, circling his fingers gently around mine and bringing my palm to his chest.

I chance a glance in his direction and find his eyes holding me in a soft embrace of their own, seeing me. The parts of me I show to everyone else and the parts of me that I only keep for myself. When he leans in, I don't pull away.

His bottom lip brushes mine in a tentative caress, before he moves forward with more confidence, letting his lips sing to mine in a song all their own. Soft at first, before becoming more insistent and I let myself go then, giving into it. Giving into him.

He brings a hand up to cup the back of my head and I tilt my head to the side allowing him the entrance I know he wants. His tongue caressing mine in a beat we're making together. A beat all our own. I feel myself climbing to an inevitable crescendo of emotion I'm not prepared to feel, so I pull back before it's too late. Before I've gone too far to pull back.

I keep my eyes cast down, trying my best to keep whatever secrets I still have to myself. He pulls his hand to the side of my face, running his callused thumb over my cheek a couple of times gently, pulling chills across my skin.

"Come to my set tonight. It's acoustic. It'll be fun."

I scrunch my nose. Not in distaste, though I worry that's how it read. Rather in uncertainty. I know this is a bad idea, but God how I want to see where this symphony can go between us.

I clear my throat before looking up at him. "Where is it?"

He lifts the side of his mouth in a tentative smile. "Baked Alaska."

Baked Alaska is a fun little bar just off-campus. It's a favorite for students, especially with all the marijuana-themed drinks and baked goods. No, none of them actually contain marijuana, but I think the bar is just biding their time in hopes that eventually it'll be legal. They'll be waiting a while so I hope they're not holding their breath.

"Yeah, I'll see if I can make it."

He stands from the bench and leaves without saying anything further, and I watch him go without diverting my eyes the entire way. I'm thankful he didn't look back to catch me staring while I warred internally with all the competing emotions he brought out in me. They certainly run the gamut.

I let my fingers wander to tentatively brush them across my kiss-swollen lips and have to admit to myself that I'm already in far deeper than I ever meant to be.