Chapter 38-VERY STRONG Content Warning

A VERY strong content warning for this chapter!

Please DO NOT READ if reading about things such as sexual and physical abuse will trigger you or make you uncomfortable.

If you're going to continue reading, please keep in mind that the things mentioned in this chapter are never, under any circumstances, acceptable.

If you or someone you know are experiencing sexual abuse, please reach out and get help!

Thank you!

-Sakura's POV-

My fingers curled around Sasori's as I sat next to him on the plane. He's asleep with big headphones covering his ears, but just being able to hold his hand like this helps with my first-time-flier anxiety. The redhead's head was resting against the covered window and I can't help but glance over at his relaxed face every so often.

It's no secret that the two of us have been having problems getting along lately, but I still like him a whole lot.

In my opinion, our busy schedules play a large part in our constant miscommunication, but he disagrees. He says it's because I'm making us take things so slow, that it's all my fault. The day he first said that to me, I nearly slapped him but didn't because I know it's not right to resort to physical violence just because we don't agree on something. Instead, I explained very clearly how it makes him look and sound when he openly says things like that, like he's only with me in the hopes of getting lucky.

He swears up and down that he just wants to be closer, both physically and psychologically. Since he's older than me with a million times more experience, he may actually be right and sleeping together could possibly ease the tension between us, but what if he's not? What if he's completely wrong and everything blows up? These questions have been plaguing me since before we even bought our house and moved out of the dorms.

After making out with him so heatedly at that party, I thought we'd end up doing it within the following weeks. That was before Gaara told me what he overheard Hidan saying. If it was anyone but one of my bandmates, Ino, or Tenten who tried to convince me to be cautious, I wouldn't have given them the time of day, but Gaara would never, in a million years, lie about something like that. I can trust him and that's a fact.

I tried to do some good old fashioned girlfriend digging online by checking out Sasori's social media accounts for anything suspicious, but found nothing. When I tried to talk to the man about it, he denied everything, so that left me back at square one not knowing what to do.

I don't want to believe he's guilty of the awful things I've suspected, but if I give in and end up being wrong, it'll be a giant mistake. So, I've been holding out to see if he'll dump me because I won't sleep with him. Our arguing has continued, but he's never even mentioned breaking up one time. Because of this, I finally came to the decision that I was going to lose my virginity on this trip if the opportunity arises.

Only Ino and Hinata know about it. Hinata's hesitantly warned me to be completely sure before doing anything, but Ino's completely stopped talking to me after our argument at lunch the other day. I tried texting her while Sasori was driving us to the airport, but she never responded.

I bit the inside of my cheek and glanced over at my boyfriend's handsome face again, leaning over to rest my head on his shoulder with a sigh. He wouldn't tell me where our destination was until we were going through customs, where I had to be made aware because of the many signs and announcements.

We're going to Yuki No Kuni, the land of snow. It's famous for having beautiful winter scenery all year round and is a very popular tourist destination. I was pleasantly surprised by his choice because it's also a popular vacation spot for couples. The fact that he chose somewhere like that makes me think he actually is quite serious about me.

Since it's the week of Christmas, I thought our flight would be completely booked, but there were only a handful of passengers aboard other than us.

Once the dreadfully long flight, fifteen hours, came to an end, we retrieved our luggage and were picked up by a big security truck with dark windows. When I got a bit uncomfortable by its intimidating appearance, Sasori squeezed my hand and assured me they only use vehicles like that in an effort not to get stuck in the snow anywhere.

While we were in the middle of town, I kept my head low with sunglasses on and my hat covering my easily-recognizable hair despite being in the truck the entire time. The last thing I want is for someone to get a photo of us and it get back to both Kakashi and my fans. I'd be in big trouble.

I fell asleep while our driver took us to a destination Sasori was keeping secret, but when I woke up again, my eyes went wide at my surroundings. It's an honest to goodness winter wonderland. If you picture a calendar dedicated to winter with a photo of a cabin on the edge of a lake, that's almost certainly what this place looks like. Smoke bellowed out of the chimney and the thick forest the wooden house is placed upon was covered with a thick layer of snow that sparkles in the sun.

Sasori and I retrieved our bags from the truck then the driver wordlessly left. If we're not on a mountain, we're still somewhere high in elevation because the air's much thinner than I'm used to. When the two of us stepped inside, my body unconsciously relaxed when the warm air from the fireplace eased my chilled skin.

The cabin is small and warm, perfect for a short get-a-way like the one Sasori and I are on. There's a massive bed right in front of the wood burning fireplace with thick pillows and blankets piled high and welcomingly on top. There's also a stack of chopped wood next to it so we can keep warm for the length of our stay. Against the far wall of the room was a large brown sofa with fluffy pillows. Near it was an open door that led to what looked like a bathroom from here and another doorway on the other side of the fireplace led to a small kitchen. It appeared to be stocked with basic ingredients and snacks.

My boyfriend wordlessly crossed the room to place his suitcase on one of the sofa cushions before beginning to take off his many layers of winter gear. He met my gaze as he unwrapped his scarf from around his neck, "Do you like it?"

I looked around the room again before meeting his eye once more, "Thank you for doing this, Sasori. It means a lot."

Once we were no longer bundled up, I took my phone out with the intention of sending a text in Prestige's group chat that I'd safely made it because Hinata and Gaara both asked me to. Sasuke likely wants me to as well, but would never say so because that'd mean he'll have to admit to having actual human emotions. I pulled up the chatbox, but found that I didn't have a single bar of signal. There isn't any internet this far away from the town either, so there isn't a way to contact the outside world.

Sasori probably did that on purpose so the two of us won't get distracted or bothered by anything and can simply enjoy one another's company and relax while we have the chance. At least I have a few books downloaded on my phone and the cabin has outlets so I can charge it otherwise I'd have nothing to do to spend my freetime.

If I'm being honest, the rest of that first day was almost awkward between us. Apart from a few dates or hanging out at his condo, Sasori and I don't spend much time alone. This will be the first time we're together for twenty four hours. I read some of one of my books before taking a hot bath and then scrounging up a light snack as a makeshift dinner. Then, I joined Sasori under the covers of the large bed.

The light of the fire made shadows dance dimly about the room and I stared at them in a daze as I lay on my side with my back turned to the redheaded man. I only realized I'd fallen asleep when I was woken by his lips pressing against mine.

My eyes crept open and a small happy sound fluttered up my throat from my chest when I realized he was gradually making his way on top of me. Making out with Sasori has never once proven boring. He's quite skilled and always seems to find ways of flustering me.

The scent of his cologne enveloped my senses when he maneuvered himself between my legs and finally came down to press his chest against mine, deepening our kiss by slipping his tongue past my teeth. Outside of the heavy blankets, the air was quite cold, but under them was beginning to warm up. Calloused fingers danced under the hem of my shirt to brush against my cold skin and I felt goosebumps run up my sides and stomach in response.

My fingers grasped onto his shoulders and a shiver ran down my spine when a heavy wave of arousal sank from my stomach into my lower regions. Sasori's lips tugged into a small grin against mine and I made an embarrassed sound without parting our kiss.

Over the course of maybe ten minutes, our kisses became more hungry and our touches became more frantic. Both of us were in only our undergarments when I was torn from the thick haze of heat by an odd sensation against my underwear. My brow furrowed, but I kept my eyes closed and waited to see if it'd happen again. It did and I realized it was Sasori's fingers.

As though he realized I was getting nervous, he pulled his lips from mine and dipped down to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin on my neck. His hot breath tickled as he spoke in an unbelievably thick and low voice, obviously affected by our actions, "What's wrong, babe?" His fingers were still lightly pressed in between my legs, but he'd ceased their movements when he noticed my unease.

I was a bit breathless and my voice sounded airy in a sexual way that I've never heard before, making my face warm, "Can we slow down a bit? We don't have to stop yet, but please be patient with me. I've never…done this type of thing before."

A hitch tugged at my breath when his tongue ran over my skin before he brought himself up a bit to meet my eye, "You have nothing to be afraid of. I'll make sure you feel good. Okay?"

My blush heightened substantially at how unfiltered his way of speaking had become. He always has been more talkative when we're alone.

After waiting a moment to see if I was going to stop him and realizing I wasn't, at least for now, he dipped back down to attack my mouth with the same vigor as before, quickly warming me back up. A minute or so passed before the fingers against my underwear moved ever so slightly, putting just a bit of pressure against me as he searched for my clitoris.

When he found it, a jolt of pleasure ran up my spine and my body jumped ever so slightly against his. So this is what experience gives someone: the ability to quickly figure out what someone likes. I'm no nun, so I've done my fair share of masturbating, but it was just so different when someone else was doing it to you.

At first I really liked it and bashfully moved against his hand a bit to aid him in finding what made me feel the best, but I was surprised and a bit unnerved when he slid my underwear to the side to remove the barrier between us and everything suddenly felt totally and completely wrong. The moment his fingers touched me in my most private place, my eyes shot open and my hands were pressing against his chest to make him back up.

He obeyed and pulled back with a confused expression, "What just happened?"

I shook my head, somehow tears having welled up in my eyes. What the hell is wrong with me? What was that awful feeling just now? "I-I'm sorry, it just…it just stopped feeling good. I don't like it…" The last thing I wanted was for him to touch me like that again, at least for now. Something put me on edge just then and I feel a bit shaky and jumpy as a result.

"I'll stop, then. It's alright."

I gave him a grateful smile, relieved he was being so understanding. He kissed me again, bringing the hand that was in between my legs to grasp my thigh as he pulled my leg up around his hip. My brow furrowed in surprise when a few moments later, he deepened the kiss like he had earlier, but I didn't shove him away. I thought he would want to stop everything since I made it clear that I didn't want him to touch me like that tonight, but I guess I was wrong. Kissing him is always nice, though, so I don't see any harm in it.

That's what I thought until I felt an unmistakable hardness press against me. If what'd just occurred hadn't happened, I'd probably think it felt good, but since I'm already a bit scared, it made me tear my lips from his, "Sasori…" I can't find the words to say, but don't need to because he knows exactly why I was giving him such a pleading tone.

His lips danced down to my neck like earlier, "Sorry, I can't help it. You're too beautiful."

My heart rose up into my throat when he grabbed my hand, "Can you…?"

He wants me to touch it?

Before I could protest, he pulled my arm between us and guided my hand beneath his boxers to wrap around the base of his sex. My breathing picked up and I tried to pull away, but his grip around my hand tightened and made me freeze, "S-Sasori, I don't-"

"I'll teach you how."

He pulled back to meet my eye again and my teeth grit at the dark and lusty look on his face. I'm sure my cheeks are bright red, but he didn't say anything about it. Then he began moving my hand with his. Light brown eyes locked onto mine with a firm expression that stunned me to the point that I couldn't fathom arguing or resisting.

The next morning, I woke up in bed alone and in nothing except my panties, but heard Sasori in the kitchen. Last night gave me mixed feelings. It's the furthest we've ever gone, that's for sure, but I don't know that I liked the way things played out.

We didn't have sex and he didn't touch me in any place I didn't want him to, just like he promised, but I touched him. The issue is that I don't know where the line between coercion and forcing lies. The word "no" didn't leave my lips and I didn't resist all that much, but I still didn't want to do those things. Something about the look on his face scared me into complying.

In my mind, I told myself that at least it was only my hand and not my mouth or somewhere even more terrifying. On the other side of things, I'm happy the awkward bridge of seeing and touching a man like that has finally been crossed. The next time I'm in a situation like that, I'll undoubtedly be much less nervous.

"Good morning, babe. Coffee?" I rolled over to see Sasori coming down to squat at the edge of the bed, a mug in each hand.

Yawning, I sat up and accepted the one he offered me with a small smile, "Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head when he got back to his feet to return to the kitchen, "Do you want breakfast? I'm not the best cook, but I can probably manage not to burn anything."

"Yes, please!"

A warm feeling rose in my chest as Sasori took care of me without even having to be asked. I leaned over to sit my coffee on the brick ledge of the fireplace, only for my appearance to catch my eye when I sat back up.

A cold and slimy feeling crawled up my stomach into my throat when I realized a certain substance was all over my bare chest and dried. Did he do that as he finished using my hand? I don't remember if I had my bra on or not at that point.

Heat rose to my face as I stared at my own skin. I do remember falling asleep almost immediately once he let go of my wrist, mentally exhausted from panicking and jet-lagged from the long flight. It had to be from that because he'd never do something like this to me while I'm sleeping. Sasori wouldn't dare.

Embarrassed that the man in question had seen it when he came to hand me the coffee, I climbed out of bed and excused myself to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When I came back out, the two of us ate breakfast together as though what happened last night never did. He didn't mention it and acted completely normal, if not a bit more doting than usual, so I was too nervous to say anything.

To my relief, things didn't feel all that awkward. So at least there's that.

His casual behavior throughout the day convinced me that I was overreacting about what happened last night. If I would've said "no" or "stop", he definitely would've gotten off of me in a heartbeat. I mean, the moment I began panicking when he touched me, he offered to quit what he was doing and didn't even try to convince me to let him try again.

That night, it happened again, but I surprised myself by not stopping when he released my hand.

Sasori spent the entire day making me feel comfortable and catering to my every want and need, so I felt a sort of obligation to show my appreciation. Unlike last night, when he realized I'm more comfortable than before, he rose from hovering above me to sitting on his knees with the thick blanket falling around his hips. My face warmed as he stared down at me and I tried to continue my actions as though being forced to actually look at his dick the entire time isn't affecting me.

It took a moment, but I eventually got over the nerves, but then he leaned forward slightly so he could cup my breast and rub his thumb over my nipple, "Cold?"

A shiver ran down my spine at his gentle touches and I nodded, not trusting my voice at a time like this.

"Don't panic, I'm gonna move."

Before I could react, he came up further so his knees were on either side of my ribcage and his sex came in between my small breasts. He pulled the blanket with him to cover the rest of my body. His eyes locked onto mine with the same expression as last night and I returned to massaging him with a nervous frown.

I thought he'd be fine with just this, but was surprised, yet again, when he spoke, "Can I put it in your mouth?"

I shook my head quickly, "N-No, I don't want to!"

He immediately raised his hands in defense, "Okay, I was just asking. I'm not gonna force you."

A massive wave of relief came over me and I realized a small part of me had still been worrying about his intentions after last night, but just now he relented in an instant when I told him no. If he'd realized how uncomfortable I'd been last night, he probably would've stopped. It's on me for not saying or doing anything to make it clear.

The next morning was Christmas day and we exchanged gifts first thing in the morning after breakfast.

I managed to capture the contact info for Hiruko, a famous woodworker. Sasori's very interested in that type of thing and talks about how much he admires the legendary man's work. It was hard to convince him to come out of retirement to teach him a few things, but I somehow managed. Since I can't physically put an old man in a gift box, I had Hiruko write a letter inviting him to come to his personal home so he can show him a few techniques.

"Holy shit…Thank you, babe!" Sasori threw his arms around me, kissing me firmly before pulling away to reread the letter in his hands with a small, excited grin.

A giddy feeling fluttered around in my chest. I did good! He loves it!

The man put the letter back into its envelope before handing me a big box, expertly wrapped with pretty red and gold paper. I gave him a smile of thanks before carefully opening it. When I realized it held three different bottles of very high end alcohol, my happy mood threatened to sour, but I forced myself not to be rude, "Thanks, babe. You'll have to help me drink some of this."

He snickered, rolling his eyes, "There's another box in there. I'd never just get you liquor." A small wave of relief came over me and my face warmed as he gave me a knowing look.

After taking out the tall glass bottles, I saw that there was, indeed, a box from Kirakira, the most renowned jewelry store in Konoha. My mouth fell open in shock when I opened it and saw a diamond encrusted pendant on its white gold chain.

Tears rose in my eyes and I shook my head, "This is way too expensive, Sasori, you have to take it back!" The most affordable things at Kirakira still cost roughly the same as a cheap car.

Rather than heed my argument, the man took the box from my hand so he could pull the beautiful necklace out and turn me around so he could place it around my neck and click the latch firmly. My hand rose to press the gorgeous pendant against my chest as I turned to meet his eye before kissing him so hard it made me dizzy.

I'm so unbelievably happy. How could I have possibly thought he'd hurt me? He's treated me like a princess this entire trip!

After dinner, we broke open one of the fancy bottles of liquor he'd gotten me. A few glasses later and I'm feeling giggly and hot as he rolled on top of me on the mattress, lips attacking mine with a vigor I haven't felt since the party I had at the dorms. Alcohol must make him horny, I realized as I felt an increasingly familiar hardness press against me between my legs.

He pulled my shirt off over my head and tossed it away then I did the same to him. His skin feels hot under my fingertips.

I'm so unbelievably attracted to him, the way his tan skin pulls over his humble muscles, his handsome face, and not to mention his confidence. People become a million times hotter when they at least pretend to be sure of themselves. Ask anyone, they'll tell you.

Long fingers fumbled to unbutton my jeans and then the pants were sliding down and off my body to be abandoned on the floor nearby. My eyes crept open when he pulled his lips from mine for a few moments so he could remove the remainder of his clothing.

He's as hard as a rock. Sasori is the only man I've seen naked in person in my entire life, but I've watched porn here and there over the past few years so I can confidently say he's got nothing to be ashamed of. If the rest of his actions are anything to hint at his skill, I'm sure any and all of his past partners have been left satisfied.

When he came back down to slide his tongue into my mouth again, his arm wrapped around me to pull me against his chest so he could unhook my bra. When the cold air met my breasts, a soft sound got lost between our lips.

Fingers danced down my bare skin until they pressed against my underwear like they had two nights ago. Sasori found my most sensitive spot much quicker than before and my legs raised slightly around his hips when a small wave of pleasure flowed up from his touch into my body.

His voice was a bit heavier than usual due to the alcohol, but it still drove me wild with attraction, "You're so wet." My mouth opened as I intended to drunkenly tell him not to tease me, only for him to press against me at just the right moment that a moan came out instead.

The man adjusted his weight so he could free his other hand and used it to explore my humble curves as he continued to expertly tease me, light brown eyes dancing over my body and face eagerly as though I'm the most interesting thing in the world.

"Condom?" He said as my back arched up off the bed. The way he asked wasn't in a way that made it seem like he's assuming he's about to get lucky, but that he wants to know just in case.

I shook my head, voice high and raspy as I tried not to rock my hips into his touch, "Not unless you want to. I'm on birth control." Believe it or not, birth control is good for more than just preventing pregnancy. It can help balance out hormones, get rid of overly painful period cramps, and even help your skin get healthy.

Sasori didn't verbally respond, but came down to press his lips hungrily in between my breasts as I steadily got closer and closer to climaxing. After another moment, he slowly moved my underwear to the side like he had last time before I freaked out. The cautious way he did it told me he isn't so drunk that he isn't aware of his actions and wants to be sure not to scare me.

I cursed myself up and down when a wild wave of panic sent ice down my veins, but tried to mask it so he wouldn't get discouraged. What the hell is going on with me? I'm fine until he touches me directly with no clothing between us and then it's like all the sirens in my body are going off at maximum. Is it anxiety because I'm eighteen and still haven't lost my virginity? It seems awfully extreme to just be that, but what else can it possibly be?

My acting must be better than I thought because Sasori came back up to begin sucking and nibbling in the crook of my neck. My eyes shot open since he wasn't looking at my face anymore and I could only see his bare shoulder in the firelight.

His fingers kept moving in the same way they had before, so why doesn't it feel good anymore? I squeezed my eyes shut again and tried to quell what felt like an oncoming panic attack. A slight shiver began to meet my limbs and there's no way Sasori hasn't noticed, but he didn't stop or say anything so maybe he's assuming I'm just nervous and will speak up if I want him to slow down.

Breathing in my nose and out my mouth, I tightened my legs around his hips as I felt his fingers slide between my lower lips to feel my fluids and a soft groan rumbled through his chest, making my fear suddenly skyrocket because I know he's about to try and slide one of them inside.

"W-W-Wait, stop!"

He paused and spoke in a husky voice against my sweaty skin in between kisses to my neck, "Did I do something wrong?"

The ability to control my unease was quickly slipping and I tried to push him back a bit. He obeyed, to an extent, and met my eye with that same lusty expression I've seen so much during this trip.

"I thought I was, but I don't think I'm ready for this."

His reaction to my news wasn't what I expected. The fire in his eyes didn't dull in the slightest, "Can I try a few more things before we call it quits? If you don't like it, I'll stop."

I searched his face with what feels like an incredibly vulnerable expression, "...Do you promise to stop?"

He nodded, lips turning up into a small and reassuring smile, "Of course I do."

I hesitantly nodded, but still aren't sure if it's the right choice to make. Without further warning, Sasori made quick work of getting rid of my underwear before moving down to bury his face between my legs.

My hands came up to cover my face in an instant, humiliated that he was seeing every single part of me for the first time. Strong hands gripped either of my thighs as his tongue met my most sensitive area. My body gave a slight jerk at the foreign sensation and I felt him struggle not to smile in response. He seemed to think it was a sign that I like it because he gradually stopped holding back, making my heart beat faster and faster.

If I'm being honest, I can see how this could feel absolutely incredible, but right now I'm just too uncomfortable and too wrecked with embarrassment to enjoy it. I'm too unsure about letting him do it at all.

My body's trembling was still steadily increasing, but it isn't because I'm overcome by pleasure. It's because I'm getting cold with no blanket or clothes on my bare skin and I'm becoming terrified at the electric negative feelings screaming endlessly for me to kick this man away with all my might. One of Sasori's hands left my thigh and I felt his fingers touch me once more as he parted my lips down below and slid his tongue inside.

A ragged gasp passed my lips and I shook my head as I placed a foot on his shoulder and tapped his head with one hand, "S-S-Stop! Please stop, I don't like it."

Tears blurred my vision when he came back on top of me a moment later to return to kissing my skin and massaging my breasts and feeling my curves with firm and steady, but not rough hands, "It's okay if you don't like something, babe. Is it alright if I try the next one or do you want to wait a minute?"

I struggled to steady my anxiety enough to speak and he pulled back to lock his eyes onto mine. For a long moment, neither of us said or did anything, but then he steadily reached down to adjust my legs' position around his body without even looking away from my face. Then I felt him press against my bare entrance.

The shaking of my limbs got worse and I pressed my hands against his chest in protest because I know what he's about to do, "I don't want to, Sasori. I'm scared!"

My boyfriend didn't move away, but pressed his forehead gently against mine and spoke in the same loving and adoring voice he has the entire time we've been in this cabin, "You said you'd let me try as long as you like it, remember? You don't know if you like it or not yet."

My tears overflowed, but I didn't dare remove my palms from his chest because it felt like doing so would give him the go ahead to continue, "I-I-"

Sasori moved back a bit so we could look at one another's face again, "Come on, babe. Please? I've waited for months already." The pressure came against me again, but not hard enough that he would break past my body's natural barrier.

That firm stare he gave me that first night, the one that stunned me into obedience, appeared and I felt my will to fight begin to exhaust, "Sasori, I'm really scared. You have to stop if I say so, okay? Do you promise?" He pressed his lips to mine before making a sound in his chest that communicated his agreement with my request.

Then he began to gradually apply more and more pressure against me. My eyes squeezed shut and he returned to pressing his lips into my neck and shoulder. At first nothing happened, but then it felt like a knife was shoved right up into my insides as he forced his entire length into me in one fell swoop.

A cry of pain bursted from my chest and tears fell heavily down the sides of my face, "S-Slowly!"

His tone was as calm as always, "It's better to get it over with quickly. Trust me, babe. It'll only hurt for a little bit. Just bear with it for me."

My vision glazed over as I stared, wide-eyed, at the wooden ceiling. Sasori didn't move for a few long moments so my insides could adjust to the very sudden intrusion.

I can tell I'm bleeding, which is normal for a virgin, but that knowledge is doing little to reassure me. Is it supposed to hurt this much? I feel like if he moves an inch, I'm going to be ripped in half! Just taking a breath caused the pain to flare up and it wasn't dulling like I heard it's supposed to from Ino and the sex ed classes I took in school.

Suddenly, the man began to move his hips. He started slow, but didn't really hesitate to pick up the pace just a bit. It hurts. It really fucking hurts. Each thrust of his hips hurt just as much as the last and I could feel his breath hitch every so often against my shoulder. Small sounds of pain slipped out of me left and right and I ended up covering my mouth with one hand in an effort to muffle them. If Sasori says something about it and humiliates me even further, I don't know what it'll do to my state of mind.

Gradually, I became accustomed to the stinging pain his body was causing mine and was able to quiet my whining. The hurting didn't cease even a little, but it was constant so I had no choice but to get used to it.

He must've taken it as a sign that I've recovered because he pulled back to sit on his knees as he lifted my lower body by my waist and began pushing himself into me with more than twice the force and speed as before. A jolt of electricity shot up my spine and a loud cry left my lips, but his fingers just dug into my hips instead of him slowing since I was clearly suffering. This pain is different from before. It's much worse.

My head fell back as I tried to manage it and I reached up to clasp my hands atop his, "Stop! Stop it! It hurts!"

He didn't stop.

No, he kept moving, making me realize what a fool I was to let him talk me into this. I can't blame him for taking my virginity because I could've said no before he put it in the first time, but it's completely his fault for treating me with so little care!

Through sobs, I tore his hands from my hips and sat up so I could pull my body away from him, slapping him hard on the chest, "I said stop, Sasori!"

When I looked down, I saw that blood was heavily coating the insides of my thighs and still slowly leaked from my womanhood. There's not supposed to be that much of it. He definitely did some damage being rough like that. His hand wrapped around my ankle, the closest part of my body to him, and I looked back up in time to see him pull me carelessly toward him, but not in time to prevent it from happening and escape.

My back hit the bed heavily and I tried to kick him away, "What are you doing? Let me go!"

Those light brown eyes peered down into mine as calmly as they had when he woke me up and sweetly brought me coffee and made me breakfast, only this time he's wrestling my arms down to the bed as I sobbed and struggled against him, "You'll like it. Relax."

Somehow, I yelled at him through my hyperventilating, "Your promises don't mean shit! You said you'd stop if I told you to!"

I managed to land a hit to his face and felt a bit of pride, only for it to disappear when a look of rage came to his features and he roughly wrestled me over onto my stomach so I couldn't hit him anymore. He put his knees on either side of my hips so I wouldn't be able to kick him either.

Strong hands pulled my arms behind my back so one of them could hold them firmly against my lower back. I wiggled and squirmed and tried to buck him off of me, but nothing made him even budge. Once I realized how big of a mistake I've made, letting him bring me to an isolated place like this with no phone service or internet and no neighbors to report my screams to the authorities, complete terror iced my blood and I broke into heavier sobs.

Did he plan this? Was his intention to have sex with me whether it ended up being consensual or not? Ino was right! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Please don't do this, Sasori! Listen to me, if you stop now we can pretend none of it happened!"

He didn't say anything. Instead, I felt him adjust his legs on either side of my body to line himself up so he could slide his manhood in between my legs and back into me. Once inside, he pressed his entire weight down onto the hand that was holding my wrists down against my lower back. I winced as his nails dug into my skin and couldn't hold back the sickening sounds of pain that climbed my throat as he began to move.

It hurts, just like it has since the very beginning, but at least it doesn't hurt as much as that last position. If he tries that again, I'm likely to pass out from the sheer amount of pain.

It felt like hours that he did what he wanted, even though it was likely less than half an hour. I considered myself lucky that he wasn't willing to risk switching positions again, but refused to just lay there and take it. No, I fought every second of it until, finally, I felt him twitch and pulse within me and froze.

He won't do it inside, right? I'm on birth control, but still.

The grip on my wrists suddenly released and I pressed my palms to the floor with the intention of rising up from under him, only to freeze when he pulled out of me and I felt a hot liquid slosh onto my entire back, from my shoulders to my hips. Some of it had to get into my hair, too.

A breath was stuck in my throat as my mind reeled with disbelief. He did it. He really did it.

Sasori, he…

A choked sound left my throat and I realized I was about to puke, so he climbed off me and didn't say a word as I fled into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and locked it before collapsing in front of the toilet to rid my body of all the food I've eaten in the past day. With the sobbing, the throwing up, and the panic attack, it felt like my lungs were about to collapse.

When I was finally finished and didn't have anything left in me to lose, I weakly got to my feet and started the bath. My eyes locked onto the bathroom door and didn't leave it for the next two hours as I scrubbed every single inch of my body and mourned my lost innocence. I used so much soap and scrubbed so hard at my back, especially the lower part where my wrists were held, but nothing got rid of the disgusting feeling of his touch, his fluids on my skin. I had to keep trying though.

By the time I got out of the bath, the steamy water was ice cold. It's the only reason I got out to begin with. Then, I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my damaged body.

Hand shaped bruises circled my hips and a massive, much darker, bruise covered the lower half of my back from my struggling and his weight. My wrists were black, too. Small, half-moon shaped cuts littered the skin on my waist, hips, arms, and wrists.

The thing that made me break into sobs again wasn't any of that, though. No, it was the hickies on my neck, chest, and shoulders. Love marks. I fucking let him leave his mark on me, so he thought it okay to leave many more and did: both inside and out.

Blood was still coming from my abused sex, but it was rapidly slowing so hopefully I'll be okay at least until I get home. In the short moment that I'd managed to realize how heavily I was bleeding, I noticed how much of it had gotten onto the sheets. To an outsider, it probably looked like someone was stabbed. That's what it felt like to me, too.

For a moment I was scared he wasn't going to let me go home, but then remembered who I am and who he is. There's no way in hell he'll keep me captive. Hinata alone would have an army hunting him down, not to mention the rest of my friends and family.

I stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the night and most of the next day with nothing but a big towel because I was naked when I escaped his grasp and definitely didn't stop to grab some clothes from my suitcase. Not only was I too terrified that Sasori would attack me again if I stepped one toe out of this room, but he didn't even try to talk to or check on me one time.

In the late evening of the day after being assaulted, I weakly looked at the bathroom door and frowned as I realized I didn't have a choice but to go out there. It's been over twenty four hours since I've eaten anything and we're supposed to leave first thing in the morning to board the plane and go home so I have to pack.

When I stood up, a hot wave of dizziness rose to my face and I placed a hand on the wall to steady myself. Tightening my grip on the towel around my body, I unlocked the door and tiptoed out.

Sasori wasn't asleep, to my dismay. Instead, he was sitting on the sofa reading a book in the fire light. He looked up and gave me what I used to consider a comforting smile, "Feeling better?"

I tried to hide the fact that I was actively terrified and trembling with rage as I crossed the room to grab some clothes from my suitcase, choosing to ignore him as I returned to the bathroom to dress. Like hell I'm about to let him see me naked ever again. He'll be lucky if I don't cut his dick off before the night ends.

My thoughts are vengeful, but in reality I know better. The second that man lifts a finger in my direction, I'll be unable to move a muscle.

After dressing, I ate something small, not wanting to overeat and make myself sick after not having a meal in a full day. Then, I returned to the main room, grabbed one of the many blankets from the bed, and sat in the furthest corner of the sofa with my knees to my chest and arms around my body so no part of me would be vulnerable should Sasori try and approach me while I'm asleep.

To my dismay, the man in question put his book down and rose to stand before me. I looked up at him with a thick mixture of hatred and fear, but he just kept his same, calm exterior, "The first time always sucks, babe. It gets so much better after. I was doing you a favor, getting it over with like that."

My face wanted to both pale and blush at the casual way he was referring to how he assaulted me. I shakily rose to my feet, pushing him away with both hands, which he let me do and even took a couple steps back to give me some space, "You were doing me a favor?! I told you to stop and you didn't. You fucking raped me, Sasori!"

That always calm, always collected expression on his face contorted for just a millisecond before returning, "You came on this trip to sleep with me, Sakura. I saw the texts between you and Ino, so don't try to turn around and pull the rape card because you suddenly regret it."

My mouth fell open in shock. He went through my phone? I mean, I looked into his social media to see if he was cheating, but it's not like I used his phone or hacked him. That's my personal property, my personal information. I clamped my lips shut and felt my chin quiver as tears of hurt slowly began to slip down my cheeks.

Averting my gaze away from his confident face, I reached up to wipe at them, only for his arms to pull me against him into a hug, "Sakura, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was uncalled for, but I promise you all of this is normal. Everyone goes through it during their first time, even me."

…Is that true? Why haven't I ever heard about how awful it is before then? Ino told me about how she lost her virginity and she admitted that it hurt and that the blood freaked her out a little, but she also said that it felt amazing by the end of it.

I gingerly loosened my crossed arms and accepted his embrace as I cried into his shirt and let out a humiliating question, "Why do I feel so disgusting?"

Strong arms tightened slightly around me and his chest rumbled against my face as he spoke in a calming voice, kissing the top of my head, "It'll pass, babe, don't worry. I'll be here for you through it all, okay?"

For the rest of the night and the next day while we traveled back to Konoha, I acted as normal as possible so Sasori wouldn't think I'm as afraid of him as I actually am. I held his hand, smiled when we met eyes, and even wore the necklace he gifted me for Christmas. To my relief, he didn't try to go another round or bring it up.

Finally, late at night on December the twenty-seventh, Sasori pulled into the driveway of my house so I could get out. He reached over to gently hold my face still as he kissed me and I felt bile rise in my throat, but refused to let him sense my disgust, "I had a great time, Sakura."

I smiled as sincerely as possible, which likely wasn't much, "I'll see you soon."

After I grabbed my suitcase from his trunk, I wasted no time getting behind the thick gate of our fence and locking it and hurrying inside before I could lose my composure. It was slipping away fast.

I feel disgusting, like I'm some used up woman who no one's ever going to want. I feel used and taken advantage of, too. More than anything, I'm so goddamn humiliated and confused. Barely even the smallest part of me believes Sasori's explanation and reasoning behind his actions, that he was trying to help me despite my adversity. It's hard to believe he had good intentions for anyone but himself, getting me alone and helpless like that.

Since it's the middle of the night, no one was out of their rooms when I trekked through the family room and into my bedroom to finally break down into a million little pieces as I crouched with my back to my closed door.

Even if what Sasori said somehow miraculously ends up being the truth and it's normal to feel so traumatized and gross and ashamed after losing your virginity, I can't possibly look at him the same way as before. I'm dumping him, that's for sure, and I hope I never have to see his face again after that.

Just thinking about him began to make my skin crawl and the spot on my lower back, where the biggest bruise was, started to tingle and itch as though his touch was still there. My eyes shot open, full of tears, and I rushed into the bathroom to start the shower and undress as loud and panicked gasps of breath passed my lips.

When I caught a glimpse of my frazzled appearance in the mirror, I realized the necklace he bought me was still around my neck. An odd sound of distress left my mouth and I tugged desperately at it to get it away from touching my skin, but the well-made chain didn't snap easily and a loud sob broke my barely-there composure and I felt it dig into my skin for a painful moment before finally snapping. With the force I was using to remove it, when it broke it flew somewhere across the room, but I don't care. If I'm lucky, I'll never have to lay eyes on the damned thing again.

After scrubbing my body thoroughly, I came down into a trembling ball under the running water with my hands on either side of my head. It won't go away: the gut-wrenching sensation of pressure against my back and the throbbing ache between my legs.

The sound of the front door opening met my ears and then the door to Gaara's bedroom, meaning he just arrived home from visiting his family. I put a block on my hysterical sobs, choking down on them with eyes squeezed tightly shut so my friend wouldn't catch on to my mental breakdown in here.

I'm so fucking ashamed.

When I was locked in that bathroom, naked, bleeding, and scared out of my mind, I was dead set on turning Sasori into the police for what he did, but now that I'm home and can hear Gaara, of all fucking people, I don't want anyone to know. No one can find out that I'm this broken and disgusting or they'll never be able to look at me the same again. I'm much too embarrassed to even tell Ino or Hinata.

My nails dug into my scalp as the lingering sensation on my back flared up with my distressed train of thought and I buried my face into my bent knees.

Sasori won't tell anyone, right? I don't want anyone to know we slept together at all, but he's going to probably parade the news around to his friends that he snagged my virginity. I'm going to have to come clean about at least that. If they ask for details, I'll just tell them I'm too shy so I don't have to lie right to their faces and tell them it was romantic and wonderful.

A wave of nausea washed over me at the thought of it and I drummed my toes against the wet shower floor in an attempt to distract myself from it.

After this awful experience, I'm worried that Sasori's ruined sex for me completely. I can't even imagine doing it with anyone willingly, not even Gaara, who I've had a massive crush on for months now. I don't think I want anyone to touch me again, ever. Just the feeling of foreign hands or fingers on my skin will probably send me right over the edge.

Exhaustion began to seep into my body and I nearly fell asleep under the running water, so I had to get out and trudge into my room. Luckily, Gaara didn't try to greet me because I'm likely to fall apart all over again the moment he asks me what's wrong.

If he sees me right now, he'll know something's up in a heartbeat. He knows me too well.