Let's Touch the World

Chapter 8: Dayna Leah Wilson P.O.V-

His very green eyes move constantly between my comparatively plain brown eyes and my newly rouge colored lips. He comes closer and closer, and my blood sings. My skin sizzles with awareness and hair on my arm rises with anticipation.

I feel so warm and so comfortable being pressed onto the warm body behind me. His presence calms me down while simultaneously excites me. His scent of a cool forest keeps me at peace and makes me yearn for something I don't understand the gravity and desperation of. He completely overtakes my mind and my soul, as if it's getting tethered and tied to someone or something.

We fit so- I push the thought immediately out of my mind. It is no time to get comfortable I chide to myself and definitely not the place either.

I know that I can't and I must not let such thoughts invade my mind. I shouldn't ever, but I can't help but picture what it would be like if I were able do something about my emotions entangling me with the man embracing – well let's phrase it as such for the time being since reality, at the moment, is quiet unpleasant and embarrassing - me from behind.

I know that I won't do anything to ruin my 'engagement' with Elijah, even if I know that both of us didn't step into this because we wanted to. Loyalty means so much to me. What kind of person am I if I talk about all the things that I expect from my future partner if I myself is doing the opposite? I refuse to be a hypocrite. And so I refuse to dishonor my promise to Elijah.

Yet here I am, a complete hypocrite, enjoying the simple sensations that follow along every point we touch.

We are not simple standing at that uncrossable line, but twirling and dancing and blurring the lines as each second feels so much longer yet much more shorter than the last.

Our faces slowly near each other's without me noticing until were close eough to breath in each other's air. Everything in me is screaming to just fall onto Alexander and into the comfort his presence around me gives.

He feels like pure temptation and I'm a sinner desperately wanting to fall into him.

We get so so close, our noses almost touch and all I want to do is feel his arms not just on my waist but all over my body. What it would feel like if he brushed it over me erogenous areas, on my most private parts and especially on my lips. How we would move together, and what frictions we would spark.

Curiosity killed the cat, no? But I want to be his kitten so much right now.

I want him with a force I've never wanted anyone before, and that terrifiers me more than I'd care to admit.

With surprisingly great difficulty and restraint I push Alexander's strong arms away from myself. My body wants to do things that my rational mind would not allow.

And as my arms do what my mind desperately wills, Alexander watches me. His eyes clouds with emotion - a mix of confusion, sadness and something that I don't understand for a long second before it becomes invisible, like it was never there.

He grips my wrist suddenly as I leave my touch from his body. I look up at him surprised.

"I'm sorry" I reply to his previous look of sadness. Not being able keep eye contact anymore I look down and continue to speak meekly despite what I intended it to come out as "I can't."

I feel Alexander withdraw from me. He closes himself off and I can only watch as something in my chest caves into itself. Don't understand why it hurts so damn much as it does. I mean, I do following my profession and all, but I don't divulge into the faint map of an idea that I have. Its depths look deep and its waters look uncharted, diverging into it would only confuse me more than it would help me, at least for now. I may drown, but I'm rather fond of being on dry land.

The man of my desires, as absurd as it sounds, turns around away from me and stops.

"Follow me."

His somewhat indifferent tone doesn't surprise me seeing that I caused it, but it unnerves me nonetheless.

He walks forward without a glance back. I try to match his pace by half running, barely keeping up with his long long legs, but upon notice of my struggle he slows down immediately which I appreciate for the sake of my heel wrapped foot.

I don't really wear heels, but I wanted to make an impression, so I thought looking like I'm a bit taller will help, but my foot throbs in answer otherwise. Even object mock me, what has my life come to?

As we go forward my mind is in complete chaos. My head is constantly telling me to just inform him of my situation so that he understands. I desperately want him to understand, and I don't know why. I decide not to question whatever is telling me to trust Alexander. I want to soothe the pain he carries, especially the one I just caused.

When we do reach my bedroom, the tension that seems to be free-flowing behind the echoes of our footsteps on the plush carpeted floor overcoming the space, easily intensifying the room with its silent yet deadly presence.

I can't not tell him I decide, there is not time like the present. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Oh man...

"I am, erm, I am engaged...to be married" I say and immediately look to his face to see his reaction.

His eyes, I think to myself, is the most expressive of his face as I watch it dawn on a mix of emotions mingling surprise, hurt, anger and finally settle on passiveness in a very short amount of time.

I am aware that many people outside my general profession can pin point as much of expressionless-expression as much as I can, but I focus on more than what a person's face revels. It's the art of the body and expression of the soul that shows itself in the smallest of its glimpse motions. What my work-life revolves around is looking out at people's emotions and trying decipher to let them know what to feel when and why.

But I don't think that I captured as much as I wanted to even after understanding and accepting the fact that humans are very complex creatures.

We feel a range of emotions that affect us more deeply than we realize, and the last bit only happens after a lot has happened since the first impact.

All emotion seem to have left him completely when he replies with a small but strong "When?"

I'm not sure if the question is when he proposed or when the ceremony is but I decided to go with the latter and hopefully not blow my luck. "Not anytime soon I think."

"With whom?" This time his voice seems to be coated with suppressed anger.

And before I can say something he cuts in with the blade, metaphorically of course. "Do you love him?"

Love, what a strange word.

A term that I am familiar with, of course, but I never really thought about it in the deep way. My parents have it, and deeply still if you look at them even now. My dad can't imagine being without my mom, and it's the same for her.

So yes, I know it exists but I never really thought about loving someone that deeply yet. Of course I knew I had to love myself and my dreams to achieve my goals, which is my essentially already halfway to my endgame.

Again, besides thinking about it as a child, the last time I gave myself to imagine how it would be like was when Danelle started to date but alas, even the younger me knew my priorities and so I wasn't as interested, so it didn't bother me much. Then later I had to focus on my studies so the romantic aspect of my life was pretty much non-existent.

But I knew that ultimately my answer to Alexander's specific question.

And I think he knew it too by the satisfied look in his eyes.

-----

"Hey baby!" my mom's sweet voice came cooing from the other side of the phone.

"Hey mommy." came my reply, with a smile making its way onto my face.

"How are you, my lovely girl?" my mom loved calling us sweet names like that when we haven't seen her for so long, as we haven't been doing so now, especially since I was working away from my usual life and Danelle was studying literature.

She told me it was to make sure that I knew just how much my (and my sister's) presence is being missed, and her sweet names made me yearn for their physical presence.

What crooked people! Really!

I smile at the thought.

"I've been good thank you, but how are the most important people of my life doing now?"

She laughed "We're doing great too, love. Are you at your apartment?"

"No, I am not in the apartment."

"You in the Hospital then?"

"No."

"What?! Why? Then where are you?" her confusion rings over the phone.

"Remember that I told you about a boy who survived and his sister, who passed away in that car accident, and then later he was transferred to EverHill from Melon Hospital for treatment suddenly?"

"Yeah"

"I'm here to treat that boy."

"You're in EverHill?!?"

"Yeah"

"Wow...That's so far from your place, and further from us." She sighs then perks up. "How's the weather there?"

"The weather? Really mom?" I shrill "Is that your new term for how the male species here look?"

"Well..."

"Mom! Have you no absolute shame whats-so-ever? You should know better than anyone that they're all the same! Male Homo sapiens!...but there is this one guy..."

"Oh Dayna!!!" She laughs. At some point I even hear the cooking pans fall from the countertops. I think she probably hit it in her wild goose chase.

I laugh harder. I knew my family was funny, but this is spectacular really.

"I'm just joking mom." Was I really though? "You need to calm down."

"Oh Dayna, you!"

A smile remains on my face for the rest of our call, and it even turns into laughter when my Dad joins us and they start to banter around.

We continue talking for around five minutes more before my father nags the phone out of my mom's hands and then they both argue again until they end up keeping the phone in speaker mode then both of them start to talk.

We talk for what feels like so long before Evelyn comes and snags the conversation in her direction, smartly sticking her tongue out at me causing my jaw to hang open.

Ugh...kids these days, as my sister would put it.

Then after talking about everything and nothing at once, I end the call and put the phone down on the table looking around the 'lunch room' we were currently in.

It was huge, to say it plainly, like I was expecting any less from the royal-like family. With a large area of space dedicated to spending a good lunch time, it had everything from a buffet of the most delicious looking spread of food from chicken, beef and so much more, to a snack bar, a small (but a quiet big) drinks section, and a fresh drinking water fountain.

The space was enough to even put in a good number of tables and chairs for the people having their meals, and even a pretty big and edgy hand-wash room. I didn't even know wash rooms could be edgy until now.

This place looked like a dream, and like a spectacle so grand that it seems wonderful. It helps me to realize how much a rich place this is with its culture and lavishness. A place of many mysteries certainly, and even a place of greater comfort.

No one who has ever been here could say it was just a place they visited; they would certainly say it's a testimony to experience! A place so grand with a feel-good atmosphere.

Here, they have their own hospital that is multi-specialized, with a large team of doctors who are all incredible people and even better medial practitioners. I had the opportunity to meet a few of them every day since my arrival two days ago.

I am now officially (and temporarily) part of the team of psychologists, which is one of the smallest team here. And when I asked why, they told me that the 'people' are said to be mentally strong and that the support system is one of the finest within the community itself, and that being part of a close-knit family as they are is one of the greatest gifts any person is blessed to have, which I can totally agree with.

The people seem to be involved with each other in such a deep level, somewhat like they're interconnected. Everyone can feel it if someone's especially low, and sometimes outsiders feel like there is no sense of personal life and privacy boundaries, but that isn't the case since people know what lines to cross and to not cross. Everyone knows everyone and they love each other no matter the differences. This is one of the many reasons that the community thrives and moves forward as one.

However having a psychiatric team wouldn't hurt anyone anyway. People do regular checkups and even ask for therapy if they feel like it. People here feel open and valued so they know that they know how to get help if they require it.

I hope the world can become such a place where people no matter who they are can receive any form of help if they need it. It would help everyone for sure!

The psychology team consisted of me and two other doctors. One being a not so famous guest at my show called life. Do you know who? You guessed it...Dr William Hayle.

It's not that I don't like working with him. On the contrary, I like it too much. He is the best teacher a person like me, a student who just finished my specialization course a few months prior, can have.

He looks at what you do, gives tips and corrects me if I could do something better. On a professional level, I think that he's really good. But it's just the awkward tension that rolls off the air in waves. Sooner or later I need to clean this up, that I know.

Evelyn joined the research and treatment department, and I don't think she could be any happier. I'm happy for her since she finally finally was able to so join a group that she really was most intrigued by. She does come around to visit Noah and I as much as she can, and having her around helps Noah explore the possibilities of the outside since she does ramble around on how everything is going for her, which in it's simplicity is 'great'.

After that conversation, if you can call it that, with Alexander two days ago, I haven't seen him much. From the next day I got here, I was too busy adjusting to the new system to simply sit down and talk to him, and I heard that he was too busy doing some 'pack matters' even if I don't really understand what that means.

Sometimes I feel him looking at me when I go outside to walk around pushing Noah in his wheelchair, and for some reason I feel glad that he looks out for me.

Noah on the other hand is starting to open up. He's doing it in a snail's pace, but at least he's trying.

Going outside just to look at the sky is sometimes what calms people down. It provides a sense of freedom and peace especially when you hear the birds chirp and sing in a tune so melodic.

Nature is the cure to feeling alone as it prevents the feeling of a sense of complete confinement especially when they're in a room for too long – it's said that that's one way people can become claustrophobic and finally maniac when another being is in close proximity of them physically or mentally. It's a harsh way of becoming mad.

Going outside is part of his treatment and so far so good.

Evelyn dragged me outside the second it was time for lunch to try out that donut-like thing, which indeed tasted as good as it was hyped up to. Now we're sitting in the table having a small drink.

A sense of serenity settles on us as I recall the possibilities of what I can do in the next stage of CBT while I sip on my water. Evelyn tries to figure out how the coffee maker works.

A few other people mill around as they take their break, and a few come up to us to introduce themselves. As I said before, everyone is really nice here and the atmosphere is really composed, and I enjoy my setting as I try to absorb my new norm.

When my lunch break is over, I go back to Noah's room with a mind full of new sets of possibilities. And this very plan starts with going out for a walk down several memory lanes.

This maybe a tough path but certainly a necessary one.