The World is Our Oyster

Chapter 29: The World is Our Oyster

Madara rolled down my arm, coming up with it over her shoulders and my hand in hers, my second hand coming up to take the other completing the shadow position. We took a few steps forward, Madara releasing the full potency of her chakra a little more with each, and executed a twirl that ended with her eyes reddening with the Sharingan, then the Mangekyo Sharingan, and finally rippling purple with the full release of her colossal power. 

"Finally someone who knows how to dance." her husky voice tented my pants with a quickness. 

I saw Tsunade's despair turn to raging frustration at the sight of my raised cock. Ease up bitch, it's not my fault crazy women get my dick hard. I was born this way.

"Welcome back, Lady Third." I greeted my honored predecessor. 

"It's so good to be back, Lord Fifth." Madara gazed on me with an expression of loving affection. 

I'm not a fan of completely mind whammying a guy to turn him into a slavish waifu. I didn't fight to get the No Binding Intensity taken out of my contract. I'm also not an idiot who'd trust someone so rightfully pissed off at the species he thinks plugging everyone into the moon matrix is the only thing humanity deserves (while I can understand the misanthropic position, I'm team people, bitch, hundi), and has filled cemeteries with everyone capable of throwing a wrench in his plans, and or mildly annoying him. Even from beyond the grave. 

Inculcation Talent allows me to use social pressuring tactics to mold someone's mind. It takes a long time to work, hours even if the target is completely at my mercy and the sole beneficiary of my full focus. This time drops via esoteric means of infiltrating and influencing the mind. With my mastery of genjutsu I can achieve full mental plasticity in minutes and form the victim into fitting my own personal desire. With Sage Mode that time dropped to seconds, and thus this version of Madara doesn't give a fuck about the Eye of the Moon Plan. I turned Madara into a Waifu and I'm not apologizing to anyone. His fan boys can come suck the wrinkles off my scrotum. 

"This can't be happening!" Hiruzen collapsed to his knees in shock, clutching his chest as his eyes bulged, "I wish this was all just the delusions of an old man having a heart attack!" 

"Oh, I am quite real little monkey. Back and better than ever." Madara mocked the downed geezer. 

"I love you, Zabuza." Orochimaru declared and nothing happened causing him to frown while Jiraiya and the toads looked on him with absolute loathing, "What did I do wrong?" 

"Well… first you have to honestly pledge fealty to Kirigakure." I explained, "Then you have to make a sincere love confession to me." 

Orochimaru made Saiki K's annoyed face and replied, "That's unfair to both the emotionally disabled and the impishly treacherous." 

"Who said dark gods play fair?" I grinned at the man left in the cold, secretly praying that The Company doesn't suddenly send this guy a sponsorship. 

They have enough Orochimaru's working for them already. I'm a high performing Zabuza. That's rare-ish… I hope. 

"Explain how the hell you turned Madara then!" Tsunade exploded clenching her fists like she was about to do something. 

Bitch, please. All that super strength means nothing to the Great Leader of the Weave Nation. 

"Oh, that's easy. Madara was the Third Mizukage." I illuminated the grand mystery of the past for all to see and understand. 

"What?" she barked back at me, my suspicions about her raw intelligence reinforced once again. 

"Hashirama, how you must lament the simple mind of your heir even in such a pathetic state as we find you in today." Madara mocked the woman with the full deprecative smirk well distilled in her lineage on her face, "To see you like this, the chief sin of a cowardly serpent. This is a crime against the word Shinobi." 

"Hey, I wouldn't be too mean to the guy." I stepped in for the wordless First Hokage, "He was just carrying at least half the weight of a team that you were on."

"Zabuza, please." Madara scoffed, turning her Rinnegan gaze on me, "Consider yourself lucky that the snake is so bad at that jutsu he couldn't compel me to take the fight seriously. Sans skill issue, the three of us would have torn you apart like a pack of stray dogs feasting on an orphan." 

Not all burns come from jutsu. 

"Let's blow this popsicle stand and put that mouth of yours to better use." I growled at the mean girl. 

Even when I waifu a bitch, they still seek to slaughter me with their cutting remarks. Am I really so uncool that even my slaves crack jokes at my expense? I thought we were over that with the whole, Sage Art: World of Shadow Clone Shuriken attack. I killed a lot of people to finally get some respect. I eyed Madara with my best, 'Try me, bitch' face. 

She snorted with laughter. 

You may think you're slick, Madara, but you're only ever a Sell away from being someone else's problem, likely squeezed like a lemon to make juicy Templates, or used for someone's Possess Origin. There's always people who want to be a Madara. Try me, bitch. I'll Sell you and the Next Great Adventure for you will probably have a shitty title like 'As Madara in MHA World' or something equally awful. 

As if sensing my intention of dooming her to a future as some loser's meat suit who will simp for Yaoyorozu while guilelessly seducing all the other highschool girls by dick riding Madara's coolness until finally settling for loving all his angels equally, Madara looked away, but began rubbing circles on my lower back. Yes, appease me more. 

"This fight isn't over." grit the big titty ho, her remaining teammates looking at her like she lost her damn mind.

Madara laughed, " The only reason you're even alive to be here is because watching you drink and gamble away all your legacy and honor served as a perfect final note on the symphony of suffering I wrought on your wretched house."

"What are you even on about?" the pig tailed blondie spat. 

"You must be suffering some brain damage to have missed the part were I was the real Third Mizukage." Madara smirk came back in full force, "Your grandfather didn't kill me, I lived to a ripe old age and I made sure to pay him and that redheaded bitch of his back for their foolish belief they beat me. After all, didn't the Hidden Mist convince Stone and Cloud to wipe out Whirlpool during my time as the man behind the throne. That's right, Senju. It was me. I wiped out your grandmother's clan." 

Damn. That's cold. Keep being a mean girl, Madara, just not to me. 

"You're a monster, but that's long in the past. The world has moved on." Tsunade grit out, unfazed by the Uchiha matriarch's cruel words. 

"Perhaps something a bit more personal then." Madara chuckled darkly and rolled the fingers of her right hand in front of her gaze as if recalling the feel of something, "I remember gutting that pathetic boyfriend of yours. Even in my old age, it was so easy. That's one thing I did right in Kiri, making them paranoid of each other made it so much harder for someone to get the drop on them with a simple transformation. Once I got in close with the face of a friend, young Dan Kato didn't even have time to realize something was wrong by the time he needed to start holding his innards from becoming his outards." 

"No there's no way! There's no way that was you!" Tsunade screamed, this time riled up. 

"'Hang on Dan, you'll be alright!'" Madara mocked with a perfect imitation of a younger Tsunade causing the woman to visibly choke on her resurgent grief, "Not after I twisted that kunai in his kidney." 

Man, Madara is really making all these seeming tragedies just the fruits of a personal vendetta. Move over Danzo, the real menace is back. Hand over the petty crown you whiny pretender. Oh wait, it'll be really hard for a dead guy to do that right now. Yay me!

"That must have been just too much, especially since you were still grieving that little brother of yours." Madara smirked and I thought 'There's no way' "That's right. It was me. I placed the explosive that killed your brother, right under your dear teammate's nose." 

After that truth bomb Tsunade looked downright catatonic, whatever strength she regained hating on me crumbled in the face of some Curse of Hatred shenanigans. Seriously, this is too much. 

"Why?" the old broad managed to choke out. 

"Because I hate you, Senju. All of you." Madara spat, "I am a curse upon the Senju, upon the Uzumaki, and upon the Uchiha. My legacy of hate brought down clans that survived a millennia of warfare, and now I'm back and better than ever. The pathetic shinobi of the modern world will learn the fear of their forebears, the fear of Madara!" 

I groaned in sympathy pain for the big titty ho, and knew what I had to do.

"Madara my dear, don't resist." I activated her control phrase, putting the world's most deadly and most petty bitch into a fugue state. 

Then I plucked out her Rinnegan Eyes, stored them in a seal on my left arm, activated the full heal of her Body Defense, repeated the Rinnegan plucking then Sold her ass.

"Some people are just too much to handle." I muttered as Madara disappeared. 

I may not be the smartest man alive, but I'm smart enough to know better than to trust my competence as a mind controller versus someone like that, a woman of focus, commitment, and sheer will. I've read enough comics where villains like me bite off more than they can chew, try taking control of someone out of their league, and end up shanked during their monologue making a 'I can't believe this is happening this hurts so deep' face. I have too much to live for. 

I turned to my foes and clapped my hands crisply, "Alright everyone, it's okay to breathe again. That crazy bitch is now someone else's problem." 

I don't even get any Points for the Sale, my contract specifically giving me full Points on Capture. Peace of mind; however, priceless. 

"What the hell was that?" Jiraiya held onto his mouth and jaw as if holding down the rising sickness with that gesture. 

"That was me passing the Wisdom check." I answered and shouldered Kubikirbocho, "Super fuckable Uchiha megalomaniac temptation dangled, evil eyed child bearing hips disaster courted, no pussy like crazy pussy destruction denied, flawless victory for Zabuza." 

"I can't even right now." Jiraiya finally managed to swallow back down his lunch and turned his gaze away from me. 

"Listen guys, I know you all think I'm so cool and hip, with how I defended your village from invasion and defeated the greatest traitor you've ever had, and you all want to spend more time with me and prepare some awards and build some statues. It's human, it's natural, I'm not offended by your clinginess, who can blame you." I sympathize with them, I really do, meeting your heroes is a big deal, "But I want to go home now." 

"What?" Hiruzen rose up on shaky legs, "After all this, you just want to go home?" 

"Yeah." I nodded. 

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" the man screamed and collapsed onto his back. 

Jiraiya looked down at his mentor then at the catatonic Tsunade, then back at his mentor, his eyes bulging, "He's having a stroke!" 

Rather than leap into action, Tsunade continued staring at the area where Madara used to be. 

"Ooouuuu… I'mma go now." I commented then blitzed across the village using Sage Art: Run Away!

With only Konoha and Kiri forces left in the village, my shinobi only needed the tree huggers to back down for a clean extract of the clients. Oto and Suna gutted, Konoha left with enough egg on their face to feed a homeless shelter, and Kirigakure's application as strongest Hidden Village thoroughly submitted. Not how I expected everything to go down, but I can't complain about the outcome. I'm literally walking away with two pairs of Rinnegan. Madara Rinnegan. If Limbo clone math holds, that means I can have sixty four clones going ham on people from another dimension only perceivable through Six Paths powers. All I need is a 5 Point purchase Added Potential to smooth over compatibility issues and a Sukuna skull surgery from Haku. 

You're god is almost here, shinobi world. Pray. 

It's a shame only Sages can sense the chakra of Sages, because if I'm swinging a California redwood amount of big dick energy right now, and no one else can feel it, does it even swing? Pondering that, I appeared behind Kakashi Hatake, the front man of the hundreds of Konoha shinobi facing off with my slowly evacuating forces. I put a hand across his back, resting it on his shoulder like an old friend. 

"Ho, Konoha." I greeted the man for the first time in many months. 

To his credit, Kakashi didn't jump at all, slowly turning his head to reveal his Sharingan eye to me. 

"You'll want to send a medic for the old man." I politely informed my manga rival, "He had a stroke, and the Slug Princess doesn't appear to be in the right headspace to treat him right now. Get to it quickly now. The longer he goes untreated the more damage accrues. Wouldn't want your geriatric Kage dying on you."

"That's awfully considerate of you." Kakashi stated, cool as a cucumber, not even trying to shrug off my grip. 

"Just because the old man was a bad host, doesn't mean I have to be a bad neighbor." I nodded kindly to the man then lazily cast my gaze at the shinobi standing alongside him, "Mercy is the domain of the strong. I held all your lives in my hands today, and it was rightful for me to take them. I'm giving them back to you. Live your best lives in appreciation of my gift. Now fuck off. We're leaving." 

My arrival and reveal of their fallen Kage and the unknown state of their Senju princess dropped morale like a stone among the Konoha shinobi, many of these 'trained killers and thieves' showed their mood right on their faces, and they did it because Konoha Shinobi aren't 'trained killers and thieves', neither are the people from Sand, Cloud, or Stone. The only village of actual 'trained killers and thieves' belongs to me. The rest of the big Hidden Village are privatized militaries at the high level, and bodyguard services at the low level (when not hazing the new recruits). Places like this talk a good talk about Shinobi, but I already had them shaking in their boots after I butchered their enemies as easily as 'a pack of stray dogs tearing apart an orphan'. 

I let go of Kakashi and mozied on over to my side of the face off, and the Kiri crowd parted for me as I walked to Hirohito, slinging an arm around the man and smiling. 

"Best Chunin Exam ever." I laughed and the scared Daimyo rallied in my embrace, knowing he is now completely safe. 

Because I am here.

"Stay wildin, Konoha!" I called back over my shoulder. 

I need you all to hold on against Stone and Cloud while I take over Wind. Just because I can stomp the other Kage into the dirt doesn't mean I have the manpower to hold down Water, Wind, and Fire. Not yet at least. I'm sure there are lots of undesirables to re-educate into proper Branded shinobi in the Land of Wind. Hell, I hear there's an entire village just full of them. 

"Hirohito, my friend." I grinned at our bright future, "Looks like our colonial intent turns west after all." 

The Daimyo faked a smile as we walked under the gates of Konohagakure - big enough to fit a three story building through - together. Like a regular human, he feared the consequences of war. Before today, I did too, but after fighting the who's who of Konoha's illustrious history, I get it now. When you aren't some desk jockey loser - when you are a great warrior, when you've trained for it, when you have the talent - fighting with your life on the line is awesome. It's exhilarating like nothing I've ever felt before. It's primal and base, like sex, cutting through the bullshit and speaking right to your heart. 

So is crushing your enemies. Before I felt like my Company mandated commitment to the Fourth Shinobi World War was a drag, now I want to see how it drags out with the Villages sparking off without a strong kumbaya faction forming the majority of the leadership and Akatsuki still at strength with their plans on ice until two bijuu reform. Oh man am I excited! I wish Madara hadn't run her mouth so hard I had to Sell her, but what else can be expected of the guy. He talks mad shit. Too bad he was good enough to pull off all that bullshit right under everyone's noses. I'd have fired off a whole new Uchiha Clan into that brand new pussy. At least I have options, one look at Ringo and I knew she was pent up and bent out of shape with how the day went for her. My perfect strike zone. 

"Friends, clients, subordinates… my fellow countrymen." I began a speech as we marched out of Konoha, "One might find the day's events disturbing. History is so much more stressful when you're living through it, but bury all that weak ass bitch shit deep down where no one will ever find it again. Today was fucking awesome. A shit hurricane formed on our location, and we walked the eye of the storm, un-shitified. Everyone else is covered in shit or ate shit, but not us, we are the ones who feed them the shit! We took up our shovels and shoveled all the shit onto and into everyone else! And they were crying! Oh yes they were! 'Oh, please! No more! We don't want to eat any more shit!' but we kept shoveling! Because we are number one! The greatest country on the face of this earth! The future is ours and our time is now! I promised to drag you all to greatness, kicking and screaming if I had to, and we are at the precipice! The shiniest gold, the softest silk, the smoothest sake! It's ours for the taking! So stay hard, and stay strong! The world is our oyster, and now is the time of the buffet! They can all eat shit, this oyster is ours!" 

Everyone cheered. It was awesome. They love me. 

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And there we have it sports fans part one of Zabuza's Waifu Adventure complete. Clocking in at 75,000 words to complete the plot, we have put all the pace doubters to rest. We built up to a big climax and got it delivered in the span of a single novel. Professional! And I only really stumbled once in the entire work! If I go back and clean up that first Ringo sex scene this work is pretty much exactly as I intended start to finish, and accomplished using my original unplanned style of plotting. That's pretty fucking sweet. 

If you missed the theme of this story, ZWA explored masculinity. Zabuza starts off as an insecure poser, imitating characters he admired rather than being his own vulnerable self. Through out the work we see different types of masculine characters in the form of Jin, Rock Lee, Naruto, and finally Ebisu, with dramatic irony coming from Jin in the form of him being the exact kind of masculine character Zabuza admires, but his life is basically a footnote to Zabuza as he's just an 'Extra', a beautiful moment of life imitating art as many readers also felt like they were wasting their time paying attention to an OC character, unable to appreciate him because of his origin. Ultimately, Zabuza persists in chasing after his ideal despite all the criticism and wrong turns, and through dedication and hard work, becomes the kind of man he wanted to be, and we can see that in him becoming cooler in the back half of the story where the conflicts start happening because of his personality rather than his flawed decision making, peaking at the climax which is the creation of his Sage Art: World of Shadow Clone Shuriken, a technique that has its root in his Template, the reason he feels like a poser, and finishes its execution in the skills he gained through his own cleverness and hard work, creating a technique that embodies his character arc. 

I hope all that came through clearly in the subtext of the work, as I try to convey the themes without bashing the audience over the head with them. 

Anyways, thanks for reading. I might comeback to this for part two soon, but I feel like I need to return to my roots and do a second draft of my magnum opus, Ultimate Krogan. I'll get to work on that soon, so keep your eyes open for it. 

You can support me and my family at

ko-fi.com/jmanm