Make Me Forget

It's the annoying man again! I thought he had left me. What is he doing here? What does he want from me? Shit! I want to be alone! I want to be alone. What the fuck did he not understand about it?

"Go away! I said leave me damn alone!" I shouted at him, annoyed. I wiped the tears on my face and tried to stand up. I almost fell again because of the dizziness I felt.

"Careful! Oh, fuck!" I heard him utter.

I looked at him. He is already supporting me in my arms. "Why are you, men, hurting woman's feelings? What did we do to you to make you so cruel to us? Well! You're the one we love, but why are you still hurting us? You're so dense!"

I couldn't help but say those with tears dripping down my cheeks. Damn! I know it is insensitive of me to vent these such ugly feelings to this man, but I cannot stop myself. I am hurting. It's like a poison that slowly creeping into my system.

"Let's go. You need to rest." the man said as he tried to help me stand straight on my feet.

"Rest? Even though I'm tired, Lucian, I will never stop loving you. I still love you even though it hurts."

My vision was blurred because of the tears streaming down my cheeks. I want Lucian. I want always to be with him.

"I have loved you for a very long time. I just kept it to myself because I was afraid to lose you. We've known each other for a long time, but why are you so quick to love that girl? Ten years for the almost five months you've only known her! Why don't you choose me? Why can't I be her? Why can't you love me?"

I cried even more. My chest tightened for the feelings I had kept for so long. It's suffocating. I want these emotions out. I want Lucian to know about these, but am I too late in relaying my message to him?

I never cry for any man, but now I weep for my broken heart.

"He doesn't deserve your tears," the man stated with an emotion I couldn't grasp.

I looked at the man in front of me. I shook my head at him as new tears swelled in my eyes. He will never understand me.

"I love him. I've only loved him for years. I wouldn't give my love if it wasn't for him. He's the only one deserving of me." I voiced back.

I felt his arm wrap around my waist, and another was behind my head for a hug. I never thought I would be comforted by the warmth it gave me.

Oh god! I never thought I needed a hug from someone I don't know. I cried even more because his arms were so comforting that I wanted to pour my heart out. I punched his chest as if doing that relieved the pain I was feeling.

"It hurt. It is hurt. It hurts so much!" I repeatedly cried at him and stopped giving small punches at him. I couldn't help but tell him I was hurting.

Damn! This is my first heartbreak, and I felt so miserable. The scars it left me were so deep that I don't think I'll move on. I know it may sound so lame that I am acting this way, but if you feel that love for someone and he doesn't love you back, you will understand how heartbreaking it hits you.

"Hush, Sweet. It's okay. Everything will be okay." the man soothed me.

For years, I only felt security with Lucian in a hug, but while I am now trapped in the embrace of a stranger, I feel safe and sympathetic. This is my first feeling this way.

I hope that everything will be alright. I hope this man is correct and everything will be okay for me again.

"Is it really going to be okay? I hurt the man I loved. I inflicted pain on the girl he adored by telling lies. It's so not me. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean what I had done. I was just hurt and jealous. No, I shouldn't have done that so I wouldn't hurt Lucian like this."

I sobbed into his chest. I felt the tightening of his embrace and the gentle caress on my back.

I don't know, but for the first time, I was able to cry to a man stranger to me. I could tell the problem to someone I didn't know. I am cautious with people I am interacting with. I never trust people easily, but tonight I just did.

I don't know why, but there is something to this man that you can quickly tell him everything. Like you were a book ready to be open to others. To describe how you feel, and he will never judge you.

"I want to forget. I want to die. It's hurt. It is hurt so much."

I heard him softly mumble unintellectual words. He let go of the hug, but one of his arms remained around my waist, and the other held my cheek. He stared into my eyes as if sympathetic to my misery and the pain I was feeling. His thumb gently wiped away my tears.

"It's not because you're hurting; you're going to end your life. He wouldn't like not what you are planning to do tonight."

"But he's my life. My life revolves around him. How can I live without him?"

Lucian is my life. My life revolved around him since I fell in love with him. What should I do now? I feel like I will lose him forever, especially when he finds out what I did to the woman he loves. I know that he will hate me. He will choose her over me. I cried even more at the thought of losing Lucian.

"He's not your life. You control your life. Don't let anyone have it." the man said with gentleness. I looked at him. His eyes are a mystery to me, but it gives comfort.

"Make me forget. Make me forget. Please."

I can see that he was surprised by what I said. I stopped thinking and kissed him. I don't know what came to my mind when I did that. I just want to forget everything tonight. Maybe this man can help me, huh?

"Make love to me..." I said between my kisses to him.

Tell me I'm insane! Tell me I'm whore, but damn it! I want to forget Lucian. I want to forget him!

"Make me forget, please. Make love to me." I repeated while crying.

It's as if I have nothing to do and this the only thing I can think of for me to begin to forget him.

For the past years, I took care of myself because I only wanted to give it to Lucian when we got married. But knowing that he loves someone else, I want to rebel against myself to break my promise.

The hope that one day Lucian and I will be together. Damn it!

"Stop. You'll regret it..." he said as he moved me slightly away from him.

He tried to move away, but I put my hand on his neck to pretend him by doing it. "No. I know I won't." I said boldly. I know it is because of the influence of the alcohol that is why I have the courage to be this bold.

I kissed him again. He swears as he move away. "Please..." I almost begged him.

As long as I continue to hope that Lucian and I will be together, I will never move on from my feelings to him.

While I was holding something... I couldn't let go. My tears fell again.

"Hush, sweet," he said kindly.

My world seemed to stop, and my eyes widened when he kissed me. I was stunned. I know I initiated the kiss, but I wasn't prepared that he will respond to it. What will I do?

Shit!

I almost couldn't breathe because I don't know what to do.

Nice, Lucila! You dare to act; you don't even know how to kiss! Great!

Lucian is my first kiss, and those kisses are just simple kiss.

And this guy is the second man who kissed me!

"We will forget, honey. We will," he said and hugged his arms around my waist, and intoxicating kisses attacked my lips.

I get drunk with every kiss I can't keep up with. His kisses mess up my system a lot. His kisses that makes me dizzy.

I am not a good kisser. I don't know how to kiss. But damn! I need this! I kissed him back the way I know how.

I don't know how we end up in a room. I just felt the soft bed behind me and his weight on top of me.

I was too drank on the kisses he gave me. I don't know if I'm answering his kisses correctly, but I still kiss him back.

His kiss falls on my neck, and his hand crawls inside my dress.

"You really sure about this?"

He attacked my lips again with his kisses.

"Lucian..." I uttered.

I felt him stop, but he made the kisses even better after a while, making me dizzy.

I don't know, but I just accept his kisses without thinking what will happen next.

I hope I don't regret this thing in the morning when I get sober.

"Lucian..."