Arc 2, Chapter 33: Dust and Memories

The air was stale, the windows shut. However, "At least your room is clean," Jotou entered. She scraped her sparking finger across dust on the shelf right beside her, "Or rather, arranged," the dust fizzled off.

The room was pink and white all over—from the bed in the corner till the vanity that sat to the side. Her nose twitched as she stepped in, kicking up the dust.

"Maybe you'd have a photo of your mom; it'd be black and white, but it'd be something."

To search here would be to unravel closed drawers and closets. Only some things laid out in the open; clothes and some stuffed animals that needed a wash.

Something caught the corner of her eye in the small room, reflecting her spark. She leaned over to the glass container on the desk—a knob to turn.

"If this blows up… I swear…" Jotou was overtaken by curiosity. She turned the knob and a pink light fizzled within the middle of the container before it alit.

"A lamp?" Jotou looked around the room, now brighter to view, "You really loved pink huh? Or you just grew up and never moved out…" She picked up the magical lantern to aid her search.

The drawers slid open; clothes laid within from undergarments to Ordinate uniforms. The bed was soft to the touch, the blanket pulled aside still.

Next to her pillow was a plush blonde puppy that had an eye torn out. She picked it up, keeping it away from her face as she dusted it off.

'Just one eye… I used to have a teddy bear with a missing eye…' Jotou held the toy, eyes drooping as a soft smile appeared. "It's not like he needs this…" she put it down, planning to pocket it later.

The sigh that came after, could release the tension in her body all at once, "You remind me of me…" she then recalled how Kor looked at her, "And yet you're nothing like me. Or were you?"

The mystery of who Ana was, lied in this room for Jotou to find. Holding up the light, she searched the room layered with grey.

The closet above the drawers had some dresses hung; nothing too eye-catching nor anything classy. These were all casual clothes and the handbags and purses under the hangers were no different in condition.

"Special clothes need special occasions. But you could've just dressed for yourself Ana," Jotou glanced to the mirror. Beside it, her desk was stacked with folders and books.

Jotou opened some of them, "Studies, studies, studies…" she flipped through, "Like a zombie with no life," she frowned. The leather-bound folders held no documents.

However, the symbol of the Ordinate was under dust on each folder. 'The Ordinate must've retrieved any work files she had.' Jotou faced up to the shelves on the wall.

A few books and some knickknacks sat across; one was pink and with a lock… Catching her attention, Jotou grabbed that one in particular.

"Only one thing this could be," Jotou tried to look for a key. Her eyes were already reddening from the dust. "Screw it; spark," she lit up her one hand.

She wedged a pinkie into the metal bit of the cheap plastic lock. "Chf." She flicked down as the plastic lock departed from the thin metal shackle.

She opened the strap and there written was 'Diary of Anastasia Princely, Keep Out!' each letter with a different colour. Jotou flipped the page- 'Seriously! Keep Out!' -the second page read.

Jotou shook her head; there were scribbles of colours on the same page, random words. "You probably liked talking to yourself too huh? Who else was there to talk to…"

The next page began in tiny letters. The slight variations in alphabet in this world were hard to read as it was. Finding the pink glow unsuitable as a reading light, Jotou walked over to the window.

She put a finger underneath the locked latch and forced it open, almost poking herself in the eye in the process. Pulling the drapes aside, she let in the afternoon Sun.

Dirt and moss cornered the hazy glass; the room gave off a faded yellow glow to see all the dust Jotou had given flight to. With the latch gone, she twisted the handle and opened the windows.

"Tweet! Tweet!" Two birds scurried from the sill below, leaving a nest there. The sunlight now brightened up part of the room.

Jotou peered out, the rooftops went along the street and she could see the edge of Old-Town. Was that the Maleficos Ordinate tower in the distance?

"Quite the view for a place like this," she admired for a second. The Sun was perfect, not too bright and the cool autumn winds were setting in.

She sat lightly on the sill, spared from the dust thanks to the curtains the blocked it. The first page, "This is gonna take me a bit to read through…

-9th of July, 967.

"Dear diary, my name is Anastasia, but you can call me Ana! Okay, so mom said I can tell you what happened today and tomorrow and the day after that…

Today was mom's birthday and she bought me you! I'm not allowed to have friends, people are dangerous. But you can be my friend diary!"

-10th of July, 967.

"I ate lunch alone today and this girl sat next to me. She asked if we could exchange lunches and I said yes! We talked about the teachers and shh… don't tell anyone; we made fun of them!

I came back home and mom checked my lunchbox. I kept the plastic wrapper in and mom found out… Mom and dad scolded me. They told me to tell Pepper we can't be friends… I hate them so much! Meanies!"

Drawings of two stickmen named 'Dad' and 'Mom' were labelled with scribbled hair. They were drawn with buckteeth and crossed eyes.

-11th of July, 967.

"I told Pepper we can't be friends and she cried… I didn't like doing that! Why can't I have friends? I liked talking to her a lot…

All the teachers say I'm cute and pretty, but they ask why I'm all alone… Mom and Dad talked to them after school."

A drop of some liquid was smudged onto the paper and had dried out long ago.

-13th of July, 967.

"No one is talking to me anymore… Is it because of Mom and Dad?" Jotou was beginning to understand, but going page by page summarizing the most important details, was tedious.

She flipped forward, just giving a passing glance to any words. The dates were inconsistent as it went by—days Ana did not write.

-27th of March, 968.

"We moved to a new house and I get my own room! Dad said I can pick any colour so I'm choosing pink! The house is smaller, but it's soooo tall!"

-5th of April, 968.

"Mom got me a jacket that has a hood. She wears one too, but dad doesn't. Mom says it's special and will protect us from strangers. I trust her."

Jotou sighed, going through several pages. How long would it take to get to the end? "This is just her childhood… A few years forward- No, if I skip it, I might miss something… Nothing else to do I guess," she continued.

Down the pages were more things about school and food. Some pages showed off her grades, which matched with Kor's description of above average.

-18th of December, 968.

"I wonder what that tower in the distance is… What do people do there? Mom said it was office work, bleh; but dad said people there do magic! Maybe I can do magic!"

-12th of January 969.

"It's my birthday today! At least until midnight, but now I'm eleven. The Moon was glowing so bright and I had an amazing cake! Though… I wish more people knew.

I've seen other kids at school when it's their birthdays. They give sweets and sing a song. They even give them to me. I'm not allowed to tell anyone mine though."

Jotou kept going as the light shifted between cloud and Sun. Her getting new toys, feeling sick and drinking soup, experiences with puberty.

The words became more refined, the pages became less of a mess. The gaps between dates only jumped further with each page.

-15th of May, 971.

"I can't make friends. I said screw it all and I just wanted to talk, but the words didn't come out… I had no clue how to talk to them anymore.

I'm going to be a freak… Just that lonely girl in school who goes home with a hood… So, I asked mom properly again. Why the hell can't I have friends?

And I got my answer. Apparently, I'm a noble and my mom ran away from home… She thinks we'll be caught and sold like livestock because of her siren-like beauty and mine.

And she thinks that her family is going to retaliate someday. But I don't even know a single aunt or uncle; not even a cousin. I'm my only family… and I can't take off the hood…"

-31st of August, 972.

"Hey, I know I haven't written in a long time. I'm just as friendless as ever. And now I know one less person. My mom died of a heart attack today.

I don't feel like seeing dad in that state. I'll need to take care of him. Where else am I gonna go? Who else am I going to see? He's the only one I have…

Dammit mom… I don't think we even got robbed once… You thought your family name would mean danger, but it didn't. You died a paranoiac and left me and dad alone.

He's gonna die alone and so am I… Thanks mom; your fears kept us all safe from nothing. I took off that hood, you know what happened?

I got called names and strangers tried to grab me. And I just froze… You left me a life with this stupid hood… Nobody came to see you except me and dad.

I'm not going to let you haunt me. I'm going to live my life better and happier. I don't care who knows my name. Hell, I don't think I can even make a friend now…

But the Ordinate; that's where all the magic happens, right? I'll go there. I can write it all down here, but the words are so hard to say aloud…

I need to try and I want to see the world. So, rest in peace mom; I love you. I'm going to find my own path now. Maybe I can make you proud…"

-25th of September, 974.

"Dear diary, I have no one else to say this to. I tried to make friends, but I couldn't. Everyone already has their groups, I'm just an outsider.

But dad's losing his mind; literally… I found him in the top floor, hugging mom's clothes and drinking. He asked me when she was coming back from work.

That was a few days ago before taking him to the doctor. He's losing memories. He's become way less strict and scolding, that's nice, but I'm not sure if I like loving dad.

I know he's trying his best… I'll need to take care of him soon if he's like this now. I'm not going to let him stop me from having a life.

I've already been trained by mom on how to be noble and proper. And let them control my decisions; now's not any different. See you soon diary…"

The next page was blank as Jotou furrowed her brows. How many hours had it been as she faced out to the sunset? All the pages after were blank, no more entries till the end.