WHAT'S LOST

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I watched over Aunt-Drea that night, sitting two spaces from her bed on the chair, flinching at every stir she did while she slept, at every soft whimper she made. I had called to the Schadeux to ask what news they had for me, hoping for something good, but there was nothing new in the inbetween, only the same whispers of the sacrifices as before.

I didn't remember drifting asleep, but I remembered the dreams like I always did; It was hard to forget something that had been implanting itself into your memories for years.

I dreamt of the same carnage; of the same throne of bones, and I dreamt of my mother and Raegan, and everyone else dead before me. Then I felt weightless, and the feel of arms holding me against a firm chest, then I dreamt of nothing.

I had woken up in Sairen's bed, his spot still warm from where he laid moments before. He had stood a few feet away, staring through the open window at the night, lost somewhere in thought. I wanted to get up and ask if everything was okay, but sleep pulled me back under and when I woke again the sun was up and he was gone.

The candles burnt in a circle around me as I read the foreign words off the paper. My hand hovered above the two beetles, one was dying, the other perfectly fine, and I focused on transferring their essence. The flames surged as a thin mist exited the healthy insect's body and seeped into the dying one's and I watched in a guilty fascination as it started twitching, it's wings scraping the floor as it went in circles, then it stood as if nothing happened, crawling over to the other beetle that was now dead in its place.

The spell was close, but it wasn't the one that we were looking for.

I buried my head in my hands, rubbing circles around my temples to ease the pain that had permanently buried itself there, and took a few deep breaths to calm my growing anger before blowing out the candles and tossing the remaining scripts on my dresser.

I took measured steps to my bathroom, careful not to fall and split my skull open, and splashed my face with the cold tap water. The water ran silver as blood from my nose and ears washed away and I took in my wary reflection, trying to ignore the other face in the mirror.

I didn't expect anything other than him just hovering, taunting me with his presence, so when a deep voice came out of his dispersing shadow my blood ran cold and every bone in my body forgot that it was supposed to be a solid.

"I know you see me sweetheart," The shadow-man said, his voice leaking honey, "you always tense up anytime I'm around."

I made out flame yellow eyes under the shadow that watched my horror with unconcealed amusement through the mirror. "What's the matter, little light? I told you I was getting stronger , it only makes sense that my apparitions will as well. "

"What. Do. You. Want." I enunciated every word, more as a way to keep my voice steady than as a show of strength, but he didn't need to know that.

"It. Is. The. Thirtieth. Solaure. " I heard the mockery in his voice and if I could have seen his face clearly I knew there would be a sickening smirk there.

I swallowed my fear with a handful of water and closed the tap. "I don't know what gives you the idea that I'm going to change my mind."

His semi-shadowy form shifted until he leaned on the doorframe. The act seemed harmless but the message was clear; I couldn't leave without passing by him, without being so gut wrenchingly close. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that he was just an apparition, that he could do no real harm, I couldn't believe it because like Caspian said, apparitions didn't touch. But he did and I didn't want him touching me again; I still felt that coldness when I closed my eyes.

"Maybe because I have your mother and your friend, and the life of everyone you love depends on my mercy? I promise no harm will come to them if you come to me. I'm merciful when I get what I want Solaure. "

"It's a personal rule of mine to not trust evil people."

He laughed but there was no joy in it, only darkness. "Am I evil? "

"Do you honestly think that you're not? "

The man tilted his head to the side in thought, pretending to actually think about it. "You're right. I may be 'evil', certainly to some— most, " He corrected himself. " But little light, I'm never cruel to the ones I care about."

"Really? Because you've been nothing but cruel to us when you claim to care about my mother and I . We've been running from your 'love' for years." I took a deep breath and clenched my eyes, blocking out the familiar burn that threatened to incinerate everything. "I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. "

The yellow of his eyes blazed beneath the dark mist. "Really, little light, you're an adult. Act like one and listen to reason. "

"The audacity you have to think you have the right to tell me how to act. All I've ever done is act like an adult! You made sure of that when you took away my chance of being a child!"

"Soli?" Kali's soft voice called from my bedroom and he turned to me with an intensity that made me shudder.

"Thirteen days. I want a 'yes' before then or they go one by one." His tone lightened drastically as his entire demeanor shifted. "I enjoyed our little talk. We should do this father-daughter bonding thing more often."

He disappeared into thin air without so much as a hint that he was ever there, faster than I could have corrected him.

My hands were clenched tightly at my sides, shaking with anger, and frustration, and fear. And as some tension left my body I realized how scared I had been. How scared I still was.

I was scared.

I stepped out of the bathroom after a few short moments of composing myself and almost crashed into Kali with her fist outstretched to knock on the door. She pulled back with a smile.

"I came up to tell you that lunch is ready."

" Thanks, Kals, but I'm really not hungry. "

"I would think you're just avoiding my cooking but Matty made breakfast and you didn't eat that either. You need to get something in your stomach." Her smile dimmed as she took a better look at my face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm.." I contemplated lying but frankly, I was tired of it. It was exhausting trying to keep up with them all, trying to not stumble over my words and get caught in a lie all the time. "I'm not. I'm—"

She pulled me in, her arms tight around me and I cried into her shoulders, the tears flowing out as I allowed myself to show someone other than my reflection how weak and powerless, how vulnerable I really felt. She tightened her hold on me as I sobbed, rubbing calming circles on my back. " It's okay, it's okay... "

Her arms stilled and a sharp pain that wasn't mine pierced through my stomach, shooting through my womb, and the metallic scent of blood tore through the room. I drew back, clutching my abdomen and saw Kali doing the same, but she was looking down, no pigment left on her face. I followed her gaze downwards, to the blood that was running down her legs.

"Kali?"

She didn't look up when she spoke, she barely spoke at all. It was just a whisper I strained hear. " ...my baby. "

'...or they go one by one. '

"No." I caught her before she fell, and with strength I didn't know I had left, I lifted her unconscious body and carried her to my bed. I clutched her hands tightly, searching for that hint of the other life inside her and something faint pulled at my mind. It was still there, fading, but still there.

I focused on her womb and the baby inside her, whispering healing incantations, but the infant's essence was still fading, struggling desperately.

"Pir ila De'assami et Eles Setaeri! " The words came out in a strangled cry as I felt its spirit dim and I held on tighter, willing the fetus to do the same. Words that I had been practicing the entire evening echoed in my mind and I prayed that it worked.

I kept one hand on her belly, holding onto the little life while the other came alight with white flames that formed orbs around her sleeping form and an alternative to the spell I did with the beetles flowed from my lips in a desperate plea:

"Prīdenere qucette ut ofret. Un parsì de meais esāra.

Un piciim de meais aure. Prīdenere èquo ut Ile votuà.

Ut Ile votuà śakirvus, ut Ile votuà dvitka.

Aciya zer èquo est irvik èquo aciya Ile votu.

Êtro natous nueviterum."

I felt it's grasp tighten and I repeated the spell:

"Take this as offering. A piece of my essence.

A bit of my aure. Take it as yours.

As your strength, as your life.

Feed from it and let it feed you.

Be born again."

I felt its heart beat, and its spirit become stronger as I weakened, and I smiled. I waited for its heartbeat to steady, then waited some more, then I finally allowed myself to let go. Her eyes fluttered open as I finished cleaning her up and they grew wide with fear, the hazel the darkest I'd ever seen them.

"Its okay, Kali. " I pushed her back carefully onto the bed. "The baby is okay."

" N-no. I saw the blood. There's always blood when— "

"I did a spell. You're okay. " I kept my hand on her stomach, feeling for the little life that had started to beat steadily. "You're okay."

She pulled me in again but this time I was the one comforting her. "Thank you."

"Kali," I started slowly, "I really think you should tell Matty. I did my best to help the baby but you should share this with him. You know?"

She nodded slowly against my shoulder. "I know. I will. I'll tell him."

She rose carefully from the bed, her shaking hand cradling her stomach, her eyes swimming with tears as she looked at me. "I can't thank you enough Soli, but thank you. Really. This means everything to me."

"You don't have to."

"No, I do. And you're bleeding... "

"Oh." I pinched my nose and tilted my head back to stop the blood from running down. " Its fine. I might've over exerted myself today. You can head down, I'll just get cleaned up. "

"I can wait for you."

" No. No, it's fine. "

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Well, okay." She sent me a soft smile. "I'll have your lunch waiting for you downstairs." She pulled me in again briefly before she left, whispering 'thank you's' into my ear.

I kept myself up long enough for her to close the door and for her steps to fade down the hall, then my body gave up and I fell.

My head hit the floor with agonizing force and my vision blurred, but I knew it wasn't my imagination playing with me, conjuring up the man standing in the corner, watching me with flaming eyes. He walked towards me with slow deliberate steps, crouching down to where I lay when he came close. His mask was almost all gone now, and I saw his face for the first in a very long time.

Stern, strong features, straight nose, piercing yellow eyes, a taught mouth set in a thin line; and as he watched me lying on the floor, the memory of our last encounter came rushing back.

"I, Solaure Kellan-Jade Kaltain give you, Sairen Vernon Arçenault, the piece... " I looked up at uncle Tommy who stood between us, watching the whole thing with amusement on his face.

"...the piece of me that I've been keeping for you." He whispered the rest of the vow to me and flicked my nose. I remembered laughing and turning back to Sai, who stood next to me in an ivory suit, and continued:

" The piece of me that I've been keeping for you. Take it back, for it is rightfully, and truly yours and let us be one. "

I had spent the entire the day before remembering the Dècalthian marriage oath. I thought I had gotten it down perfectly, but my nerves made me forgetful.

Tommy ruffled Sai's unruly black hair."Siya this is the part where you say 'I accept,' and you return the promise."

"Oh." Sai cleared his throat. " I accept your gift and promise to cherish it for as long as our souls walk this plain, and when we enter Ourie and find each other again ... " He repeated my vow, and I repeated his, ignoring the chorus of 'awws' from our little audience.

Uncle Tommy wrapped the golden chord around our wrist and took the wreaths made of wildflowers from Mr. Bearingtonn, placing it on both of our heads. "This commences your union!"

A series of applause erupted as Sai took my hand and kissed it. I felt my cheeks burn and I focused on the little pink flowers embroidered on my dress.

I remembered dancing, a lot of it, and smiling too. I remembered Matty in his pretty pink dress that I forced him to wear swinging me around on the gazebo which we had turned into a dancefloor. I remembered this:

Sai pulled me away from our little party and into our meadow, the flowers in full bloom around us. He took out a little box from his pocket and opened it. Inside laid a beautiful ring, a few sizes too big, hanging from a gold necklace. The band was golden, covered in small, black, iridescent jewels that extended up to the beautiful set of diamonds in the center. The sun hit the diamonds, shattering the light.

"Sai,"' I gasped, "it's so pretty."

"It was my mom's. I found it when I went back home last fall and thought you might like it."

He unclasped the chain and placed it around my neck and I stared down at the ring in awe. " I'll marry you for real and put the ring on your finger when we're older."

I recalled being confused at that moment. "But we're already married. "

He laughed. ''Not really. It wasn't a real wedding, Sol. We're children; we can't actually get married."

"But," My eyes were already brimming with tears. "I planned everything. I even got Matty into a dress and Aunt-Drea made a cake and I spent days teaching the twins how to throw the flowers properly..."

Sai took my hand in his. " How about this; I promise that when we're both adults I'll marry you for real? Okay? Pir Ila De'assami. "

I wiped my eyes as stared up at him. "You swore by the Goddess. You can't take it back."

He nodded and smiled." I wont. "

"Okay. Oh! I have something for you too. Mama told me I can have it when I'm older but you already gave me yours."

"What is it?"

" You'll see! " I turned to run back to the house, then I paused, placed a quick peck on his lips and sprinted back inside as quickly as possible. I covered my flaming cheeks all the way back.

My small feet pattered through the empty halls as I made my way to my mother's room, taking the stairs two at a time and running with wide strides. I skidded to a halt, as to not bump into the unfamiliar man that stood in the way.

He was a giant of a man in front of me, towering over my little frame. His fiery red hair fell into his beautiful face as he looked down at me with curious and cruel yellow eyes that lit up the dim hall like lamps.

"Hello, little light. You've grown." The man's deep voice was low, silvery.

"Who are you?"

The man tilted his head to the side. To a ten year old girl the gesture seemed harmless, simple curiosity, but looking back it was nothing but predatory. ''Didn't your mother tell you who I am?"

" No? " I took a few steps back, aiming for the stairs behind me. " I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. "

"I'm not a stranger. "

"I don't know you, so you're a stranger to me. I can call my mommy and you can speak to her..."

"No need." He walked forward. " I just wanted to talk to you for a bit."

" I'm not-"

"You're not supposed to talk to strangers, I know. I'll do all the talking so you aren't breaking any rules. I just want to spend some time with my daughter. "

" You're not my papa. "

He smiled and his appearance changed. His hair was bleached of all its colour, turning a pale, snowy white. His eyes were now a cool lilac yet it wasn't as cold as the former yellow. The differences disappeared, leaving a shockingly familiar face.

"Daddy?"

The man smiled down at me with my father's face, crouching down to my height. He opened his arms for a hug but I hesitated.

My father was gone. That's what mommy said when the year passed without his return. Gone.

Now he was only a few spaces in front of me and I was hesitating to jump into his arms. The one thing I wish I could have done for all those months.

"What? Don't I get a hug, little light?"

"You left me."

"You know why, sweetheart."

"But you didn't come back. You said you'd be back, but you weren't."

"I'm here now."

That was it; he wasn't. He had my father's face but he didn't have his smile, he had his voice but he didn't have his words... He had my father's body, but he wasn't him.

I took a step back. That was my first mistake.

The man rolled his eyes and before I knew it his large hand encircled my wrist and I flinched under the pressure. " Not so fast, little light. You're smart, I'll give you that. You've got the Kaltain brains but your body betrayed you; your eyes have been shifting all over the place and your pulse is racing."

"Let go! You're hurting me. "

"I really am not. It's in your head." He took the hand that wasn't clasped to my wrist and poked it through my chest. His hand came out clean on the other side, no blood, no pain. " I'm just an apparition. Still asleep. Still healing. I just came to say hello. "

The skin where he held me burned suddenly and I screamed, trying to pull my arm away but his grip held. "That, however, was not."

I remember a calling somewhere inside me for the first time, telling me to give up control and for a few seconds I listened. I felt my body heat up and my hair stood on end, and I let go. I brought up my free hand into a fist and punched him in the chest and a wall of white flames pushed him onto his back.

I clutched the hand he had held to my chest and cried in pain, cringing at the seared skin. He rose to his feet, laughing.

"Yes! This is incredible." He walked towards me again and I scampered back. " Do you know what you are, Solaure? A miracle. "

My feet hit the edge of the stairs as he kept advancing. "Let me train you, little light, and when the portal opens you can come with me. I'll make you great! "

I shook my head frantically, terrified out of my mind. " Leave me alone! "

He came closer still. " Solau—"

"I said leave me ALONE!" The voice told me to hand over control and I did, and he slammed into the wall as black whips pierced his body and teared him apart. His screams were maniacal, laced with laughter as blood pooled from his mouth and eyes.

" This is amazing! You're wounding an apparition. I feel pain! "

I set another volley of flames on him, not waiting to see him burn as I ran down the stairs and out the door.

I was met with chaos.

There was a wet cloth on my forehead when I came to and I reached to take it off, but a strong hand held the bothersome thing in place.

"Leave it."

" It's cold. "

"It's supposed to be." Sairen readjusted the cloth on my head, pulling it over my eyes.

" What happened? "

"You fainted. Kali found you passed out on your bedroom floor an hour ago."

I patted the wet cloth on my face, preparing myself to tell another half truth. " I must've exhausted myself with all the spells I've been doing."

"You've been doing that a lot lately."

" Well I've only got a few days left do do so much spells... "

"I meant fainting."

" Oh. " I sat up and reached for the water on the table, washing down the lump in my throat. Sairen was still staring at me hardly when I peeked over the rim of the glass. "What?"

"Are you okay Sol?"

" You know I've always been sickly. It's nothing new."

Sai's eyebrow rose as he watched me for a few seconds, then he stood.

"Where are you going? "

"Kali asked me to tell her as soon as you woke up. She's been worried."

I nodded, taking Mr. Bearingtonn from my pillow and busying myself with his tie.

Sairen sighed and took back his seat at my side. "Talk to me."

"Sai I saw him. Clearly, as if he was really there and then I guess I passed out. And he spoke to me. " I sank back down into the pillows as if they could have protected me from the memories.

Sairen's face hardened. "What did he say?"

"The same threats disguised as good intentions—" I whimpered as the burn on my wrist flared up again, clutching the phantom wound with my other hand.

"What is it?"

"The scar, it's burning." Sairen took my hand, watching the skin, perfectly normal except for the raised scar. He took the cool glass and rubbed it gently on the area, and the burning faded slightly but my wrist still throbbed.

"Thanks... Anything new from Caspian's side? "

He kept the the cold water on my wrist as he spoke. "They're getting closer but they haven't located the source as yet. The spots they raided were all empty; old warehouses or abandoned farmland, places like that. Like I said; decoys."

He must have caught the slight drop of my head because he took my chin and tilted my face up to meet his eyes. "Caspian is a capable man. He'll get the job done. "

"I believe you. "

His hand dropped again, but not before his thumb brushed against my cheek lightly.

"I like Caspian, he's cool."

"Yeah, well he's taken a liking to you too. He said you reminded him of his little sister."

I smiled softly, "Well she must be a really awesome person then. How did you meet?"

" On assignment." Sairen chuckled as he recalled the memory. "There was a large ring of Vampire traffickers that were kidnapping girls and selling their blood and organs. I crashed into Cas while going after the leader. He had been in another form then, changed his appearance to disguise himself from the don who they were after too. We clashed, almost killed each other and we bought beers after."

"Well, wow," I laughed, " That's a lot."

"It was," He took the basin and the rag from the table and went into the bathroom, emerging a minute later with free hands. He shifted Mr. Barringtonn to the side and settled in right next to to me, pulling me close and I used his lap as a pillow. "You were talking in your sleep again."

"I was?"

"You even laughed," he paused, "Cried too."

"I was dreaming about the wedding."

He clicked his tongue. "That day got dark fast, didn't it?"

I nodded, watching our entwined hands on his lap, at the scars that completed each other.

"You know what was the worse part?"

"Besides almost dying?" I asked.

"Besides almost dying."

I shrugged, at a complete lost. "No?"

"I didn't get a picture with Matthias in that dress."