Current moments

By the time I came to my senses, I was already sitting on a bench outside the orphanage home and was trying to make sense of the situation I was in, as I had no idea what happened and how it happened, there was no chance given to me to clarify or justify my words. No one was ready to listen, all of them were convinced by Rita and it was too late to even explain myself, I was made guilty of a fault that I had no idea about and labeled as a wh**e, and as a punishment suggested by the so-called senior Rita, an indecent, unethical and wanton girl like me who is not even of a proper age to commit such an act I was immediately kicked out of the orphanage without any proper luggage and only cloth on my back. Stating that a girl like me should just freeze to death for the crime I did and that nobody would even bother if I dropped dead. I couldn't explain anything and even after pleading for hours outside in the cold breeze on that freezing winter night, no one came out to talk and listen to what I had to say.

Soon reality came crushing on me and I for the first time realized that nobody ever trusted or trusted me in the first place and that they too easily got manipulated by others' words and didn't even give me any chance to explain myself properly and even if they did have any idea of the torture and bullying I was going through I don't think it would have made any differences.

"Was I worth so little to them, that they didn't even try to hear me out once and tossed me aside like a piece of garbage, was I so insincere, unfaithful, and so untrustworthy that they believed in the words of a girl who just made thinks up sounding so unnatural".

Tears started to blur my sight as I thought about these things. "I will never in my life, believe in anyone anymore, I will never suffer or endure abuse and injustice" I promised myself and finally after much thought with a heavy heart, on that cold evening with the start of the first snow I stood up from the bench, shook off the snow peeled on my head and shoulders and started working away from the orphanage and didn't look back until it disappears from my sight.

After walking for how long I don't know, I saw a bus stop in the distance and stood there for how long I do not remember, my body freezing from the cold and due to barely having any clothing except my shirt and a worn-out skirt with torn long socks and no shoes in my feet which were already numb from the cold.

I was starting to lose consciousness, the evening breeze was cold enough to freeze one's bones if you are not properly clothed. As time went by I was starting to get dizzy from cold and hunger, my eyesight started to get blurry, my whole body trembled, I was starting to lose consciousness, and the moment I felt I was going to fall to the ground a hand reached out and grabbed me from falling and I fainted in those warm arms.

"She drugged Even to sleep with him, what a bi**h"

"What an unethical girl, she should just die"

"What crime has our orphanage committed to raising such an unsculptured child"

Rita in her mind *... she deserves this, she thought she could outrun me with her pretty face, I should have scratched your face when I got the chance, you bloody b**ch, why don't you just die, you wh**e, I will kill you one of these days ...*

"Kick her out don't even give her food or clothes or shoes, she should just go to where no one could see her and quietly die there for all we care", one of the teachers said.

"I never knew you were this kind of characterless girl and at this age, lord knows what will happen if other children learn from her"

"no no I didn't do it, I am innocent, I didn't do anything, I uh I ... I don't remember what happened and .... **in shock, exhale** why am I naked?"

"Are you going to act now? Now that you have successfully drugged him and fulfilled what you have done?", said Rita in a sharp tone, *anger boiling in her eyes*

"I didn't drug him I swear, sob sob sob ..... please believe ... sob please .... believe me.... sob sob sob..... " crying desperately I tried to defend myself requesting sobbing so that someone anyone who could believe me.

"Let's just send her to that place, I think that's better for a girl like her," said a teacher, "Hmm you mean the places for children who commit indecency the detention center?" " Yes, that boarding will be perfect for children like her, as long as she is out of our sight."

Rita exclaimed in a hurry, "That place is too good for someone like her, what can a girl like her learn after doing this kind of thing I don't think she needs any education, just throw her out of here that best punishment for her."

**desperately crying and begging** "Please believe me I didn't do anything I didn't do it, please please, trust me, please where will I go in this cold weather, please don't throw me."

One of the teachers who also didn't like, me much got convinced by Rits and pulled Rose's hand and started dragging her towards the entrance, "no nooooooo please I beg you, please do kick me out"

"hahahahah.... hahahaha....." "hmph"

*Knock Knock*; *Knock Knock*

Startled!! I jumped from my chain.

"Rose? Are you in there?", Mrs. Joo called

"Yes!" I opened the door to find Mrs. Joo with a huge bucket.

"See I prepared it this morning, let's go on a picnic, you haven't stepped out of your house for 2 months, you will get sick at this rate dear" she added, "Get dressed we are going to see cherry blossoms in an area popular for its view and picnic spot!, your Grandpa has already parked the car and waiting downstairs, I will get Bloom ready, hurry up! go ahead!!"

If not for Mrs. Joo and her husband rescuing me that evening 1 year ago maybe I would have died without knowing that my unborn daughter who was growing in my tummy, and was yet to be conceived in this world.

I still feel grateful to her for coming to a 14-year-old teenage girl with an unknown background and pregnant to boot. As she couldn't choose her parents, at least I wanted to be a good mother to her, even though I was not prepared for all this. **I will try my best for you sweetheart", I thought looking at the child. 

Giving her to Mrs. Joo, "Hmm", I replied and went to dress up.

Being a teenage mother was very difficult and so was living in society, getting questionable looks every day as to who was the father and why I hadn't had an abortion and went through with this sham. But why would it be a sham, why is it the child's fault, it has done nothing wrong, but how was I able to kill the fruit of the love of my life with my own hands? After all, I got this precious gift on the night I was kicked out. That nightmare that I want to forget got me this treasure so I am thankful to be alive and see our daughter, though he doesn't know of her existence, I still think of him now and then. What is he doing? How is he? does he remember me? maybe he is ashamed of me, blames me for that day, and despises me just like others. Even though I know it very well, a part of me thinks what if he knows of 'Blooms' existence? How would it feel like to have our own little family? Will he love us and want to be with us? In my mind, these through circles around, but can that if those don't happen, but whatever it is I still love him and will always do.

Maybe he is with Rita, maybe they are in love, maybe they all told him lies and whatnot about me. I shook my head desperately, 'Don't think of the past Rose, think of the present, of the future, think of your daughter, she is the only one for you and you have to grow here in this love, in happiness, you have to love her enough for both him and you", I thought to myself.

"What's the matter dear?", asked Mrs. Joo, "You have been restless since this morning, are you sick, oh no maybe we should have gone another day"

"What! Rose is sick then let us go to the hospital", loudly exclaiming Mr. Joo, entered the room.

I laughed and said, "Oh no no I am totally fine just tired"

"Did you have nightmares again deary", suspiciously Mr. Joo asked, Mrs. Joo looking at me with a worried face.

"I said we shouldn't have let her stay in the flower house, we should have forced her to stay in our home", said Mr. Joo. "Honey, you should come to stay with us, how long are you going to stay here, are you still treating us as strangers."

"hahaha what do I do with you two being so caring, I am so happy that I don't even have time to get nightmares", I said, "I already applied for school and had to take care of Bloom so I was late to sleep last night organizing my planner, and please I never thought of both of you as strangers, if I say you are much more than that to me, I see you as a family then the people at my orphanage, trust me just... I never had many people caring about me also I will think about living with you, don't worry".

"There is no need to worry sweetheart we will take care of Bloom on your behalf and you can concentrate on your studies", "What we worry about is your health and nothing else, you take care of us and your child and even work at the shop and part-times above all so we worry you will fall sick sweety, and also we await whenever you are ready to move in with us", they both said.

All you need to do is be our adorable grandchild and to Bloom our great-grandchild stay healthy and be happy dear, that is what we want and when we will be delighted", said Mrs. Joo

Tears started falling as I heard them, how can they trust a total stranger and name them as their grandchild even though I am nothing but a burden to them, just how did I receive so many blessings in a year?

Mrs. Joo hugged me from the side and said, "Oh oh don't cry, your sad days have gone, and now you just need to be happy and live a happy and healthy life with your daughter and of course with us. As we grow old we also miss the children's touch and now that both of you are here and have filled that space, what more us old bones need? "So please consider us as grandpa and grandma and become our family okay, dear,". Mr. Joo said interrupting us, **clearing his throat** "So we were discussing that we want to register you Rose and Bloom, and officially welcome you into our family, know that it is not out of sympathy but love, I know you have suffered a lot and may not trust in love my please trust in yourself, your decision to stay with us and one day maybe we can build that broken trust of yours dear, it pains us to see you suffer my child, we will be very much happy to welcome you in our family".

I could no longer stay calm and burst into tears and said, "Am I worthy enough to be your grandchild, will I be able to stay this happy and be confident in myself, and also ... and I ... I trusted you both from the first day you held my hands and that's never gonna change, so if you are OK with me then I would love to a part of it, please accept me in your family, Grandma... Grandpa..."

Hearing me say those words, a smile stretched on their face and tear-filled their eyes, "We love you dear, please stay with us forever". After all the sadness and happiness, Mrs. Joo said shall we go and enjoy the picnic then as it is a happy occasion and I do believe we need to celebrate this moment. 

The car came to a stop as we reached the picnic spot. I got out of the car with the picnic bucket and Mrs. Joo with Bloom in her arms. Putting a hand on my shoulder Mr. Joo took the picnic basket and said, "Let grandpa do the rest sweety", compared to the other elderly couples Mr. and Mrs. Joo were very strong, energetic, and healthy for their age which was a good thing, they said they also had their daughter in their early 20s, and that their parent had them even earlier.

I spread a cloth on the grass and started opening the basket and organizing the plates and foods we got, it was pleasant weather, the wind was mild the sky was clear, and a basket full of food was prepared by Mrs. Joo.

Even in the afternoon sun, the wind was cool, and as I closed my eyes I felt calm as if I had no worries in life. We sat for a few hours, talked about different things, and had lunch, the basket was full of different kinds of snacks and drinks that no one ever made me, and I have never had, and I gulf those delicious food down like a hungry kid, seeing me eating made Mr. and Mrs. smile.

When they first found me on that winter night, I might have looked like a pitiful malnutrition child with only skin and bones, and I barely had any food as my every lunch and dinner used to get stole while I was in the orphanage, so either I had to steal or was left hungry all day, hence I grew a habit of starving, and even after staying with them it took a lot of time for me to get used to living normally and having a decent amount of food into my stomach. They knew about my situation, so after a long time seeing me behaving like a normal teenager, they felt happy and they stopped eating to watch me eat, when I realized they were staring at me, I was red in embarrassment and said, "I never really got to eat things like this, mostly curry and rice and maybe fruits once every month but the older kids use to take all of it" I started running my mouth and confessed to them, as I was explaining myself a bitter smile appeared in their face and Mrs. Joo said, "I will make sure you get to eat everything you like from now on, sweety". I felt sad telling them about my past and to avoid being awkward I said, "I am stuffed with all this delicious food, may I go for a walk?". "Of course, dear, come soon and don't wander too far, we will play with Bloom". As if knowing what I thought they gave me space.

The picnic spot was neither crowded nor empty, there were few groups of students, family, and maybe friends gathering. I was curiously browsing through the places to find empty spots, and if I could sketch some scenarios out here. I had a liking for drawing but due to constant bullying, beating, child labor, malnutrition, and an uncomfortable lifestyle I used to fall sick frequently and thus lost my hobby, but only stayed in one place silently to avoid those things, and as a result, my psychological trauma worsened by the years and I stopped drawing which was the only happiness for me due to depression and anxiety I felt there I couldn't draw anything at the orphanage, but here I found new inspiration to draw my mind was telling me to work on it and thus I decided to again pursue my dreams so I started blogging and painting in social media and websites, created channel arts, posts, to encourage myself and thought if I could land a job through it maybe I could reply Mr. and Mrs. Joo someday.

As I was thinking about those, I heard a voice calling Rose but when I turned around to look I found no one...... and I went back to Mr. and Mrs. Joo and my Bloom.